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[–]ashw1226 240 points241 points242 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yet we are “insecure” when we feel this way. Along with the many women who don’t see it as an issue who make us look “crazy” and the many men who tell us that our s/o is lying if he says he doesn’t watch it. I’ve been very fixated on this issue lately and don’t see how to find a man who truly does not watch.
[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
we're 'insecure' because they want us to think 'oh well the guy is just appreciating her beauty, its not really about sex. you'd get bored if you had the same girl for 30 years'. and in a way okay i guess, but men dont need access to millions of hours of porn with women from around the world doing all sorts of acts and fetishes. it should be considered cheating because whether hes in the room where its being filmed or watching behind a computer screen, hes still complicit. it should be considered cheating but we've been gaslit for decades and told we're 'emotional'
[–]wahwahthrowaway123 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even Pamela Anderson is against hyper sexual/porn culture now. She’s spoken publicly about her partners having ED. You know society is screwed when even Pam won’t do it for these men anymore.
[–]ashw1226 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is currently a post on the women sub where someone asked if they care if their partner watches porn. The responses are nauseating. One woman stated that while she too is uncomfortable with it, that women will be hard pressed to find a man who doesn’t, and even if he says he doesn’t, he’s likely lying and going to hide it. Why are some women so toxic with things like this? There is zero need to put it in someone’s head that their partner is lying to them. I’m baffled.
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist 196 points197 points198 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not even about the women ultimately, it's about male entitlement. Women aren't excused for refusing their partners sex so they can go masturbate to super hot beefy 6 foot men with monster cocks, or "smooth-skinned teen boy loves eating 40 year old domme's pussy". We are never excused for making our boyfriend feel less than or insecure in anyway. In fact if he attacked us for it he would get off and we would be told we deserved it.
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 463 points464 points465 points 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Yeah well
"it's fantasy" except "I'm going to actively seek out these women and physically bring them into my monogamous agreement by jerking off to them, at the detriment off our relationship."
"it's acting" (when the women are in visible pain) except "the women in porn like anal/being slapped/choked unconscious/eating out of dog bowls/having their teeth pulled out so so should you!!!!"
"it's normal and natural" except "the women in the videos I jerk off to are disgusting, vile, unworthy of any human respect."
"I don't know them" except "I have all their names memorised, all their videos favourited, I follow them and comment on their social media, and chat about them with my bros."
"It doesn't mean anything" except "I dedicate hours of my life, money and braincells to these women and would chose them over you."
"Men (by consequence, humans) are naturally polygamous" except that "if my girlfriend had an OnlyFans, sought out emotional support elsewhere, or heaven forbid got raped, I'd lose my shit"
"I HATE them/have no respect them" but "they're hot, hotter than you, and I fucking hate you for that. Also, I have no respect for your boundaries because porn told me so."
[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
absolutely love these points. this love/hate relationship men have with porn stars and ordinary women is vile
[–]The_Cat_EmpressFDS Newbie 109 points110 points111 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Holy sh*t this is on point, however I didn't know women had their teeth pulled out before during porn.
As if it can't get any more degenerate....sickening....
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 86 points87 points88 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I saw an interview earlier with the most popular "actress" on a porn site, she said men pissing INSIDE women's vaginas and anuses and down their throats is now the norm. That the anal they're subjected to is ruining women's bodies for life. She said one man had choked her until she threw up in a bowl, then pissed in the bowl, and forced her to drink it. She was too young and naive and obviously vulnerable (naked surrounded by grown men on a porn set) to know how to say no.
A mainstream site also exists that specialises in extreme violence snuff porn. Women are physically violently assaulted, beaten up, kicked, etc, and in some of the videos the women die. It's a popular site.
All men are totally desensitised to anything "vanilla" at this point, this is what they're watching, and I'm sick and tired of people telling us it's harmless, sex positive fun. Bullshit.
[–]MrAndMrsCremgroblinPickmeisha™️ 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Do you have the link to this interview?
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'll pm you
[–]JinxhourglassFDS Apprentice 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can you PM me too
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Siiiiiiiissssss 👏👏👏👏👏
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice 254 points255 points256 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
If it wasn't cheating then men would have no issues with their wives/gfs posting nudes publicly online. I mean is it a fantasy or not? If she is cheating by putting nudes online then who is she cheating with? The men who looked at the picture? So then you're admitting men who look at nudes online are cheating with those women.
Men and logic are two words that will never go together.
[+][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
'well my wife/sister/daughter/mum/aunt etc would never star in a porn video or join onlyfans anyway. the women in my family care about their dignity and they have self respect. if a woman posts sexual material online she cant just expect men to respect her! she doesnt even respect herself!'
i guarantee you this would be the most popular male response to that
[–]yeahhh22FDS Apprentice 248 points249 points250 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I'd like to meet these men who would consider watching a woman he knows having sex cheating.
[+][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 127 points128 points129 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, they're already jerking off to your friends' faecesbook/instagram photos as it is
[–]yeahhh22FDS Apprentice 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And their "friends"
[–]rengokusmother 96 points97 points98 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly this. You'd have to not consider these women as women at all and just some objects to ogle and use for self pleasure, hence why you believe it's not cheating. People try acting like visiting strip clubs and getting lap dances isn't cheating just to appease depraved men in their lives. If I saw any naked woman on top of my partner I'm dumping him, doesn't matter if that woman is a friend, neighbour, coworker, ex, or a stripper/hooker. It should be considered cheating even more seriously considering these men PAY for those lap dances or personal sessions, especially during bachelor parties. Have some self respect, good lord.
[–]Old_Carob_93171 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
This reminds of the scene in FRIENDS, Monica hired some stripper for her husband on his bachelor party. In retrospect, I feel like there are so many misleading scenes in FRIENDS, such as normalizing stripper parties, watching porn and etc.
[–]ifhewantedtohewould 188 points189 points190 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s like, if a guy peered through a strangers window looking at them having sex, it’s fine because they’re not real people, right?? He doesn’t actually know that woman, right?? Jerking off to her is fine because men are just visual creatures… right?? Almost all people would find this illegal and creepy. But on a screen it’s fine?? Oh wait, remember, we shouldn’t kink shame. 🙄 Porn normalises everything that shouldn’t exist in this world.
[–]Appolozia 83 points84 points85 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is also the idea that all women are consumable objects thanks to porn. That we can be bought for the right price. We don’t prioritize deep intimacy with a partner we view as an equal. What is deemed as sexy is inequality. Much of this is due to porn being normalized.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 100 points101 points102 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Porn normalizes everything that shouldnt exist in this world." 👏
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
In my opinion, porn IS cheating because while you are not pshycially intimate with someone that way (depends if someone uses camgirls as well or only watch porn), the one that watches porn uses a lot of time, resources and energy on porn alone. then addiction comes, and porn becomes priority number one. the partner experience more manipulative behaviour, less intimate relationship (not just sexual), less trust, gets taken for granted, and dont experience the same amount of love, time and affection as before. and showing sexual attention to someone else than your partner is not okay, if you want or even feel that you need to jerk off by watching porn rather than having an intimate sexual moment with your partner, that is CHEATING.
what if the tables were turned, and we women were the ones who were porn sick and acted like the porn sick men, what would men felt about that? would they be okay with it or would it be unfaithful, dishonest and cheating? i read a thread months ago were the case was that a woman had a porn addiction, and the husband was furious, angry and upset with her because she would sneak away to masturbate to porn. the comments screamed «leave her, she is cheating, you deserve better» etc.
EDIT; I think the term «emotional cheating» was the one I was looking for. That I believe its mostly emotional cheating.
[–]fak_beauty_standardsFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A person creeping under some couple's bed to sneak peek their love making would be a weirdo.
But somehow with porn it's ok. Why do we watch other people fucking.
[+]SewudFDS Apprentice -14 points-13 points-12 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
For me there's a problem in the act of watching porn and it's not because it's cheating. Would it really be better if you dated a porn watcher who was "faithful" by not watching it when he's dating you? The hundreds of bodies he's observed naked and performing a show to pretend they enjoy the stuff they do on camera? It's not really cheating in my opinion because he's not with that person (she doesn't know he exists). But porn is a gross objectification and commodification of human women, like seeing people as not people, but jerk off material. It's a media that's out there though, legal for adults to watch, and there are those adults who enjoy it and those who don't. So I say get yourself a man who doesn't jerk off to porn even if he's single.
[–]FI-REfoxFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I could agree with this sentiment about cheating in theory, except that's not how the men themselves see it. Take the example given by another poster: if a woman were to post videos of herself nude and masturbating online, would her partner have a problem with this. I'm sure you realize, like I do, that the vast majority of men would have a problem with this. So then you ask yourself: why?
The trick here is to follow the brilliant investor Charlie Munger's advice to always invert (although I'm sure he'd never have anticipated this use for his wise words XD). Turn it around on itself and see whether men would have an issue with women doing it and WHY. Is it because he believes her body belongs to him only? Because another man is enjoying his partner's body? What does it mean when a third party enjoys your partner's body? We all know what it is when a person in a relationship is sharing their body with a third party: it is cheating. It doesn't matter whether the person who is in the relationship is the one posting the videos or viewing the videos, the sexualizing of a third party's body remains the same.
To make it even more obvious: if it's ok for a person in a relationship to watch porn, is it ok for them to masturbate to pictures or videos of their ex-partners? Would you accept that? would your boyfriend/husband? Your gut reaction to this question is all you need to know.
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure what you think I was saying, but I was saying it's never okay to watch porn, even when single. Is it okay for someone to masturbate to pictures of their ex? Imo having nudes is trashy and I wouldn't date anyone who has ever asked for nudes from their partner.
[–]FI-REfoxFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I do see that you did not approve of watching porn. My response was in reference to the belief that viewing porn is not, in itself, cheating.
But if we get into the analysis of why it is not OK to use porn in a relationship, using other examples to see it from a different perspective, we can see that the underlying reason is because it's unfaithful to the relationship. This makes it de facto cheating.
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You're just redefining the meaning of the word cheating and diluting your message. Like you don't have to label every bad thing cheating. It's okay to use other words to describe other things.
[–]FI-REfoxFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree to disagree. Sharing yourself sexually with anyone outside your relationship is cheating, whether it means having physical sexual contact with another person, masturbating in the presence of another person, video/phone/sexting or even masturbating to pre-recorded videos or pictures of another person. It's all on a continuum. The fact that they are masturbating to this material means that they are sexually engaging with another person outside of the relationship. The type of stimulation is immaterial.
It's your choice if you want to allow your partner to pick a spot on the continuum and say "everything on the other side of this line is ok", but every woman has the same right to decide what is cheating and what is not.
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's the whole point. They are not sharing themselves with anyone. No one is receiving them.
I am NOT arguing watching porn is cool and I have no idea why you keep pretending I do. It's just not the word cheating.
[–]FI-REfoxFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fully acknowledge that you do not support porn for the many, many other reasons why porn is bad for individual women and women as a class. I apologize if I'm making it sound like I'm accusing you of supporting porn when you clearly do not. Perhaps I'm not explaining my thinking well enough. I'm going to try again, and I don't intend this to be directed at you. You have the same right as anyone else to have an opinion on what is cheating and what is not.
Perhaps it's the phrasing of "sharing himself” with someone else that is tripping it up. By this I mean "participating in a sexual act where another person other than the partner is involved". Maybe "sharing" elicits an emotional component that I don't intend. I don't mean that there needs to be active reciprocity in sexual attention for it to be cheating. She doesn't need to be aroused by him, or enjoy herself. Because we all know there be boys around here un-arousing alllll the ladies but still be cheating...
Here's a thought experiment: if my partner whipped out his dick and started masturbating to a stripper while he's getting a one-one-one no-contact dance, They aren’t touching, but I would consider him “sharing himself”/participating in a sexual act with her. And we all know she is not doing this for her own sexual satisfaction. But he's including another real, living person in his sexual act, so this is cheating to me.
Now take it step along the continuum. Does she even have to be live in front of him? What if she is a camgirl performing specifically for him? Does it really matter that she's not in the same room with him? He’s still masturbating in her view, responding to her, but he's not touching her just like he wasn't touching the stripper either.
Take another step removed. What if he's watching a recording but she made it specifically for him? Does it need to be live with her reacting to him in the moment to count as participating in a sexual act with her? But how personalized does it need to be? Somewhere in her repertoire is a video that he reacts very strongly to. It wasn't made for him, but she knows by now what they want. What if he wrote to her afterwards, sharing with her exactly what he thought and what he did while he watched it? Does she even need to know what he was doing, when she KNOWS what he was doing? What if she takes his feedback and makes more videos based on his suggestions. Is this not participation with him? What if an entire industry knows what men want and supplies them with what they want?
The point I'm trying to make is that there's a path between cheating and masturbating to porn. It starts with an act that everyone would consider to be obvious cheating and each step removed from that is a step towards porn. There is a point on this continuum where many people decide that it's far enough away to cease to be considered cheating. If we mentally go down this path and decide to draw a line at some point and decide that we don't consider anything past that line to be cheating, then so be it. But some women will travel all the way down the path down to mainstream porn and that's ok because that's their boundary.
[–]vforvendetta87FDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Actually, in his mind, he is very much with the woman on the screen. I think you should read the countless stories on the anti-porn subreddits to get a clearer picture on the women who suffer before you make such an insensitive comment.
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
In that vein, you should think that a man masturbating while thinking about another woman is cheating too. Or a man having sex with you while thinking about someone else. I would agree it's bad thoughts, but it is just not the definition of cheating. I don't know why you keep trying to make cheating something it's not. If words don't mean anything anymore we won't be able to talk about anything. What then would you call someone sleeping with someone else?
[–]NotMyRealName814FDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm just going to jump in here and say that once my boyfriend told me he had been thinking of his ex just a few minutes earlier when we had been having sex. He volunteered this information to me. We had a big fight, I left his apartment and we broke up. He may not have been physically cheating with her while he was with me but, in my mind, he was, for all intents and purposes, cheating. Not all cheating is strictly physical. There is such a thing as emotionally cheating and women who draw the line at that are exactly the type of women that we strive to be as it relates to FDS principles.
[–]vforvendetta87FDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There are many behaviors that constitute as cheating; it’s not just physical. So you’re saying that a man who seeks out digital-women for sexual gratification isn’t cheating?
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[–]ashw1226 240 points241 points242 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]ashw1226 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist 196 points197 points198 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 463 points464 points465 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The_Cat_EmpressFDS Newbie 109 points110 points111 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 86 points87 points88 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrAndMrsCremgroblinPickmeisha™️ 12 points13 points14 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice 44 points45 points46 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrangeyPandaFDS Apprentice 254 points255 points256 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]eatchickpeasFDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yeahhh22FDS Apprentice 248 points249 points250 points (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Old_Carob_93171 point [recovered] | Copy Link
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