Saw this on another thread

liondale

August 28, 2020

3361 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	Saw this on another thread
Author	liondale
Upvotes	3361
Comments	37
Date	August 28, 2020 10:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ii4zkr/saw_this_on_another_thread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/saw-this-on-another-thread.170340 https://theredarchive.com/post/170340

[–][deleted] 133 points134 points135 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with the martial arts, but it would be dangerous for him to physically defend girls that are being bullied with violence. And when I say dangerous, I mean mainly dangerous to his school record, not so much amongst other boys(though he also has to be careful of posible gang members or guys sneaking in weapons).

I mean i guess if the girl is getting bullied by a bunch of guys, and he says “leave her alone” and they start pushing him, etc. I can see that scenario, but only if she’s bullied quite heavily. And only if it’s REALLY super bad, because schools don’t care who is right or wrong a lot of times, and might treat him as yet another “troublemaker” and taint his record.

Now If he defends himself, I think that’s a great idea, whether he gets trouble or not - heck, I’ve been bullied in school and had to fight to defend myself, unfortunately. I’m just saying that defending girls with his martial arts skills might be a battle on his record, no latter how chivalric he might be acting.

It sucks and is really unjust to have to think like this, but families have to be careful, with the way kids get suspended and expelled nowadays. So he has to pick his battles wisely.

[–]DangerousRiver9FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I appreciate that :) I was saying most of my reply from experience. I’m close to 5’9 and was always taller than the other kids. However I was very timid and meek, thus got bullied a lot and had to defend myself. Unfortunately, I spent time in all day detention right along with the bullies, since i was swinging right back at them. Later I realized I was in a sense “lucky,” because the outcome could have been suspension or eventually expulsion. But still, those damned schools...

And oh yeah, I see what you mean about the “leave her alone” situation. I’m just saying that schools, and like you said other authorities, might look at him as an violent contributor as well. One fight I was in was due to a 5’3 girl slamming me in the door. I was able to pin her down with a few scratches, and the vice principal threatened ME with the police! My dad came to the school and verbally ripped him a new a-hole, but I definitely learned what injustice meant that day.

And yep, i am a Mom too :) I have a 10 year old boy, and am working on training his mindset when he starts middle school and might approach these type of situations. It’s hard because the kids can only be innocent for so long, up until a point that we have to start teaching them how to swing 🥺

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[–]sstenaFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

I disagree with you partly, we don't send an abuser's mother to trial as the main culprit of his crime. That is extreme, and to me, it is also extreme to assume mothers have no responsibility over how their sons turn out.

I have seen a few families where the mother doesn't set boundaries for her son(s) who grow up lazy and entitled while his sister grows up cleaning, cooking, caring, studying and working.

Then when these sons get bulky with age and turn on their mothers they throw their hands up in the air. No, mam, you played a role in this.

Women don't do that out of malice but out of unconscious biases and a desire for her children to be safe, healthy and content. It just backfires, and it is very sad to me.

Mothers know their daughters' survival depends on them not being dependant on a man. And their sons' survival depends on them finding a woman who will do all the caring and emotional labor for him.

[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Your second paragraph is my ex & his family to a t so it resonates very much. Grown ups do walk around harmed by their FOOs, myself included. Yet when this harm is knowingly directed onto another person, the only one to be blamed is the abuser. Otherwise we assume people don’t have free will and/or full responsibility for their actions. There’s no doubt my ex’s serial cheating and lying flourished thanks to his mama’s 0 boundaries and loads of admiration, and I’m angry with her too. But as a grown up he needed to heal himself. No matter how people harmed us, that is not a reason to harm another uninvolved person. His mother should take her part of responsibility for his massively flawed character, but he was fully aware of his deeds. Just like I don’t go and cheat on my bfs due to my childhood trauma (which my parents are 100% in charge of). Edit: his father is also a BIG part of the problem but I’ve noticed that I tend to blame his mom, and after much reflection I understood that it happens thanks to internalized misogyny.. Edit2: sorry if I sound angry, I’m trying to direct my anger rightfully and I have a hard time with people in my family who minimize abuse. So if my tone is harsh it’s definitely not upon you.

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