Should you ever pay on a first date?

FrenchHeel · 2021-08-20T15:26:35+00:00

I would say you should only pay on a first date if you feel you need to drop money and get the f out of there. If you think the guy is going to be a problem then you have to put your well-being first.

If you just don’t like him and don’t want to see him again, then it doesn’t really matter except that you’re losing money to meet men you don’t want. First in getting ready for the date and then for the date itself.

mexchick17 · 2021-08-20T13:57:31+00:00

I've had men tell me the same thing.. Because it's an ego boost for them I guess ?

fireforestfairy · 2021-08-20T14:27:26+00:00

No. Don't split the bill. It'll give them the message that you're ok with them being frugal so they'll keep on doing this.

starfighter07 · 2021-08-20T14:29:46+00:00

Okay but "no i am not interested in you" is enough. You don't have to do others stuff for men to understand you're not interested in dating them anymore. Especially paying for something they ask you over.

Men understand signs and words just like we do. They know what no means. It's THEIR strategy to not take any responsability.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-08-20T14:15:47+00:00

Women who split or pay on a first date because they don’t want to feel obligated for XYZ have been conditioned to think female energy, intimacy, and affection can be paid for by the patriarchy. They have a lot of self examination and reprogramming of their boundaries to do.

Check the handbook, there’s several posts on why 50/50 is a huge disadvantage to women.

arnezuara · 2021-08-20T14:06:49+00:00

OP, read the Handbook, please.

These men are talking shit, trying to use women to subsidize their lifestyle, get “cheap” sex, as well as other benefits of the emotional, physical, and mental labor that women partake in during the talking/dating stages.

A man paying for your meal on a date that he asked you out to should be your standard (mind you, no coffee, alcohol, or other “cheap” dates are acceptable either). It is common courtesy that every man should follow, otherwise he shouldn’t date.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-08-20T16:04:24+00:00

Absolutely not. He still took up your time. He still invited you out. It's not your fault he failed to attract you.

zorra666 · 2021-08-20T17:41:13+00:00

I always expect it.

I was asked about once by a friend of a friend whom I didn't know well. We went to a delightful little restaurant with fresh oysters and champagne. Weirdly, he didn't order much and the date was really awkward. He was visibly very nervous.

I found out later (from the friend) that there was no way, on his income, he could afford to buy dinner for us both but he felt I deserved a beautiful dinner. He wanted to buy me dinner even though it meant that he would go without.

Though it didn't work out for us romantically, we remain friends. He is a HVM in the most important ways even if he is not high income. He is a refugee, highly educated, and making his way in the world (and has a lovely new wife).

If a man wants to, he will.

throwawayaway388 · 2021-08-20T14:50:16+00:00

If you're out with a guy you don't like, do you split?

Why are you on a date with a guy you don't like? How much vetting did you do before meeting?

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-08-20T15:28:59+00:00

The handbook goes into depth about this. It can answer this question and many more you may have.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-20T16:49:40+00:00

Naw I don’t pay unless he demands it. After that, I just block and delete. 🤷🏻‍♀️

bombas- · 2021-08-20T18:49:36+00:00

Nope! Unless it’s for your safety.

Story time! When I was 19, I naively went to dinner with this guy (who was a gross playboy but very smooth— I never really entertained him because l he was so much older than me that I literally didn’t think it would be a date and laughed at him.) He paid the bill while I was in the ladies room so there was zero awkwardness and we could just head out when I got back.

This stuck in my memory as being quite slick, so when I was all grown up and had my own money I thought, let me try that cool move 🤡 So on our first date with a guy I was excited about, I secretly paid the whole bill when he got up for a minute. Reader, he was SHOOK. He was so excited.

He responded so positively to that and got so excited that I…took him somewhere nice and paid for our next date too 🤡🤡

He was very quickly my boyfriend and he started hounding me about getting engaged at 3 months. And he was SO supportive of my career! I felt so respected!

Except that my career and money were the #1 thing he liked about me. He was a male gold digger.

And he was also lame, broke, boring, inconsiderate, and once— the very last time I saw him because fuck you dude— physically abusive.

I never so much as twitched towards my wallet around a man again.

My fiancé and I have been together for about 3 years now, he knows about my money, and he still gets the bill every time we go out. He enjoys treating me.

miwamus · 2021-08-20T16:18:45+00:00

I used to. I'm from a 50/50 culture so I'd insist on 50/50.

I also used to make a point if a guy was truly awful by throwing money down and then:

1) if I felt safe, escort them to their car and tell them "good luck."

2) if I felt unsafe, tell them "I'm done" and leave.

It was waste of my time.

By applying FDS principles, I end up on dates with higher quality men. They pay for dinner and if I say I'm not interested they say "cool."

That's it.

chinchaslyth · 2021-08-20T17:37:54+00:00

I only pay for something by the third date…and it’s usually ice cream down the street for dessert as a thank you. And it’s a way for us to walk and talk some more if I like him and the vibe.

Very few men have gotten this far. Most men don’t last past 2 1/2 weeks with me. I can’t stand most men after that point.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-08-20T17:47:56+00:00

I remember on two occasions, I wasn't into the guy on the first date. He paid and at the end of the date, I insisted on paying my half because I felt bad.

Title	Should you ever pay on a first date?
Author	pancakeCEO
Upvotes	47
Comments	20
Date	August 20, 2021 1:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p85ohj/should_you_ever_pay_on_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/should-you-ever-pay-on-a-first-date.1059243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059243

Comments