Stay alert on what’s compromise or not

Boiling_Rock · 2020-10-20T01:59:04+00:00

Compromise can only exist when there is equal power on both sides and where there is a system of coercion and consequences in place. The US and the USSR compromised because if they did not, total annihilation would ensue.

However, when there is a disbalance of powers, the stronger side will never wish to compromise. The King of France decided to compromise when the Revolutionary army had already crushed all of his soldiers, had taken all of his fortifications. Did the people compromise? No, they cut his crown (and the head bearing the crown) off!

Did the imperialistic forces of this world ever compromise with the natives of the countries they enslaved? No, they put chains on their hands and feet, sold their daughters, ruined their sons.

Only when a woman is fully and totally independent of a man can she hope to compromise. She has to have somewhere to retreat to if the armistice we call relationship is broken (her OWN apartment, her OWN bank account, her OWN career, her OWN education). She has to know what her weapons are, if ever the situation deteriorates (indifference, strong friendships to keep her back, her family always close by to support her and swell her ranks, her hobbies fully divorced from his to reinforce the dignity-saving indifference). Only then can we consider compromise. But show me the fully independent woman who would ever wish to compromise?! Men (as a group - we are not speaking of individuals here), who have historically always had the upper-hand, never wished to compromise. So ... why should we?!

-badmadAM · 2020-10-20T09:14:39+00:00

"You have to compromise" or "relationships are about compromise" etc are some of the most frequent relationship advises given to women I see out there, especially if she has to deal with some problems in the relationship. Then it's always on her to "communicate more" and "compromise". Interesting.

Platipus6 · 2020-10-20T08:21:08+00:00

Men don't compromise.

"Give me a little bit more of what I want" is how they "compromise"

"There, that wasn't so hard, give me a little bit more of what I want:)"

"We're both losing here" says the man pushing to gain more. and more. and more.

Men don't compromise. Why should we.

Get 100% of what you want, then maybe think about giving him what he wants. Fuck compromise.

MixWide · 2020-10-20T11:14:58+00:00

Example: Naming conventions when it comes to children.

Patriarchal naming is tradition, therefore the "starting point" for negotiations is that the man--who does literally 0% of the work in physically building and birthing the child--will get 100% name rights.

When I assert my belief that the party who makes a child with her body is entitled to sign her work, everyone expects me to be willing to compromise. Perhaps a hyphen? Or a combined name? Or pick a third name altogether perhaps!

But...why? Is the man going to compromise by doing half of the being-pregnant and birthing? Is he going to lactate half the breast milk? Is his body going to carry half the life-long scars afterwords?

For that matter, is he even going to do half the parenting? Statistically speaking, the odds of even that much are vanishingly small.

Giving children the woman's surname, while allowing the man a vote when it comes to the first/middle names, is the compromise in this unequal state of affairs. Since she is signing on to do more than half the work, she is the one who gets more of the credit.

wonderwomanforthewin · 2020-10-20T03:56:36+00:00

I know a man who clearly does not understand the word compromise. He thinks that compromise is when you capitulate and he just gets what he wants. He’s like a toddler. Always demanding his way.

justme8000 · 2020-10-20T12:15:28+00:00

This triggered me this morning. For months I was made to feel like I was the most uncompromising woman ever, even though I kept trying.

warinmymind94 · 2020-10-20T17:23:40+00:00

Thank you this was a good reminder. My grandma used to tell me when I had relationship problems in my first long term relationship to "compromise" and told me I was the problem and being unfair because I didn't want to be compromising.

It always seems that its the woman doing the compromising and notice how this post mentions how when you start giving to a man they want more and more and more. Its the same for when you do them a favor, loan them something, cook for them once they'll start testing the boundaries and then be expecting you to cook a dessert along with the meal and clean up, they'll then not only want a ride but to borrow your car and ask you to pay them gas money, the one favor will turn into constant favors requiring you to spend more money and effort.

A compromise in a high value relationship could be something like this. You have a work party where everyone is bringing their SO. you really didnt want to go, but you're also trying to keep up a good impression on the boss who has military background and loves fishing. Your HVM also was military and likes fishing. You ask the HVM to come to your work party and schmooze with your boss, you both know its gonna be boring and he agrees and goes anyways. He shouldn't be complaining or using the work party against you as ammo, he shouldn't be negging "well I went to your dumb work party so give me head / come to my boring event" Compromise looks like him sucking it up and not complaining. Maybe he has a military event coming up he needs to attend and its expected that he brings a guest. You may not actually want to sit through it or even feel up to it, but you'll agree anyways. You know it's important to him. You shouldn't be keeping score or begging a man and you really shouldn't even feel like you owe something in return. You should just both do it willingly because it means something to you. Healthy high value relationships match energy and effort.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-10-20T14:03:51+00:00

My ex and his family didn’t even pretend they wanted compromise. They just demanded what they wanted and pushed until I “compromised”

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-10-20T10:01:26+00:00

Wow. This hit the nail on the head for me today. Big time.

lskfjd743 · 2020-10-20T15:11:27+00:00

And, in a nutshell, you have just pointed out the problems with libfem philosophy!!!!

starry_eyes222 · 2020-10-20T08:14:27+00:00

I have never heard a guy say this. He usually just gives short answers & uses social media & pics to convey his passive-aggressive emotions hoping you'll go along with his games. ✌

Sassy_Praline · 2020-10-20T05:41:27+00:00

Excellent! Saving your comment.

Title	Stay alert on what’s compromise or not
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2626
Comments	31
Date	October 19, 2020 10:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jecqz4/stay_alert_on_whats_compromise_or_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/stay-alert-on-whats-compromise-or-not.1194236 https://theredarchive.com/post/1194236

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