"But he's harmless…"

When my guy friend said that phrase, my world shifted under me. My heart sank and all at once I wondered how someone who had known me for so long, stated that they had cared for me, openly discussed everything with me -- could say something so horrible.

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In that one phrase he masked what he actually meant which was: "I don't believe YOU"

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The 'Harmless' man in question was an ex-boyfriend. A mutual friend between us and someone we knew for approximately the same amount of time who I will refer to as 'Mark'

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Long story short: Mark had dated me when I was a young teenager and he was 20. The relationship lasted all of a few months before I decided that his constant presence was annoying (He had once 'randomly' ran into my friend and I at a book store and despite me asking him to leave - decided to follow us around and 'wait' for us while we hid in the bathroom) and did my best to ghost him.

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Years later this 'harmless man' found my contact information and sent me a message. He put up a rouse about how regretful he was about our past, how much he had changed, how much he wished we could repair our 'friendship'.

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I am not a teenager anymore and his fawning came off as creepy but despite my better sense I carried on a very spiritic casual conversation… He started testing the water with some 'light hearted stories of our relationship' after awhile he began to get suggestive with our past… Which of course promptly disgusted me because I was in my own mind, still a child at that time.

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After sending me a picture of Virgo and saying it was funny because he 'switched my sign from virgin to etc' I had it. I told him it was gross that he would send me that, awkward that he kept referring to me as his soul mate that got away- untactful that he kept asking me to hang out with him after I had told him I didn't ever want to be alone with him again.

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He flipped a switch and said I was being emotionally abusive- that he would kill himself if we couldn't repair our friendship- if I didn't give him a chance. He told me he would find out my address and come to me if I wouldn't come to him - that all I needed to do was look at him and I would know his intentions were pure….

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I blocked him.

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I had thought that would be the end of it, til my guy friend approached me via text and asked me if I would speak to Mark. I told my friend what Mark had done and he replied that he was harmless… It hurt me. but I pressed 'what about that is Harmless?!'

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I got the typical rant about how he had never seen Mark do anything physically harmful, that Mark was 'awkward' but that wasn't a deal breaker. He told me- I must have misunderstood what Mark was trying to say…

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This encounter was an eye opening moment for me. That my guy friend and I lived in two different worlds and despite how much he claimed to care about me, and empathized with my station- he'd never really know, and when the cards are down, he'd always turn a blind eye in my direction if it involved men he was close to…

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The moral here ladies is always protect yourself - that the well meaning men we think we know all have one man they know that they are willing to 'look' the other way for . Be careful and be safe.