This is precisely why I need only to date men who don’t (yet!) have kids. Sincere shoutout to all of the stepmoms out there dealing with.........whatever this is. Heaven forgive me, but I would rather mop the ocean 😩

destineygray · 2021-01-09T13:32:08+00:00

Does no one else think there’s an obvious compromise here? Couldn’t Dad take daughter by himself on a day out or something? Even where Covid is bad such as the UK you’re allowed to go to garden centres/on walks/to see stuff outdoors with your household

Dad takes daughter on day out = alone time achieved without having to throw out fiancee

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-01-09T13:28:21+00:00

Why would he kick his own fiance out of her house???

Dumb.

v0ta_p0r_m0ta · 2021-01-09T14:25:58+00:00

If you date a man with children, you will never be first in their life (understandably so). You will probably about 3rd or 4th..Even if you get married.

2021-01-09T14:43:39+00:00

This is one reason why dating 30 and over is harder.....more men have kids. Realistically you will never be his #1 priority, and personally I don’t want extra responsibility and my time and money going towards someone else’s kid. Children are innocent but fuck being a stepmom 🤷🏻‍♀️

howdoilogoutt · 2021-01-09T13:01:16+00:00

For clarity, I think these are the relevant acronyms:

BM = biological mother; SD = stepdaughter; MIL = mother-in-law; SF = stepfather

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-01-09T16:25:56+00:00

I was reading this thinking wow this is reasonable that the daughter wants some one-on-one time with her dad... then I got to the part where MIL and dude agree to kick her out of her own home for the whole weekend. I'd probably get so pissed I'd just not come back. Bye boy.

DariaXena · 2021-01-09T15:32:15+00:00

It sounds like the SD doesn’t feel like she gets to spend quality time with her dad. I wonder what the dad does to really connect with his daughter?

It seems like the SD thinks that the father doesn’t spend as much time with her because of OP. OP should leave. The dad is letting the SD run things instead of having proper boundaries. Their should have been a negotiation where OP doesn’t have to leave the home.

sugaredberry · 2021-01-09T18:50:07+00:00

I would never be with a man who made a woman a single mother. And why the fuck is future MIL deciding or suggesting anything? This smells like narcissistic abuse and it’s a fucking trainwreck.

Papaverinum · 2021-01-09T13:08:34+00:00

Michaela Pink said on her channel she would never date a man who has a daughter. Cause you'll never be his queen. The position's already taken by his daughter.

misszazie · 2021-01-09T15:08:36+00:00

Right, this is why we shouldn't date men with kids. The daughter would never say that to a bio mom.

The huge huge red flag to me is asking her o leave her place. Fuck that. You want alone time with her, you go somewhere. I'm quite furious about imagining that situation.

In general, it's good for a dad and daughter to spend time together. But not a whole damn weekend. Go spend half the day together and come home to family time. Final offer.

But really, he should have been the one to say that.

RabidWench · 2021-01-09T20:41:27+00:00

In addition to all the excellent points made about basically forcing this woman out of her home for the whole weekend (like dad and daughter are going to spend 48 whole hours up each other's butts..... yeah, right) she mentions they've been together 3 1/2 years (back in Dec since she mentions it being Christmas) and they would have been married if not for COVID.

Ahem. First of all, COVID didn't stop him from marrying her, HE did.

Second, even after 2 1/2-3 years, she is well on her way to being a forever girlfriend.

Third, after seeing how the bf ganged up with his mother to roust her from her home, I'd say she needs to find a new one (home, not bf - fuck that noise).

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2021-01-09T13:08:15+00:00

Father and daughter do deserve alone time. This doesn't sound like he thought it through at all let alone address OP with his thoughts/ask for feedback, which is...typical.

Summerisle7 · 2021-01-09T16:15:32+00:00

Haha I LOVE when stepparents posts get brought here

4E4ME · 2021-01-09T19:30:15+00:00

Look, the fact of the matter is natural parents living together do (and in fact, more often than not) put their kids needs above those of their partner. Men and women alike. It's just that it's far less common to occur to either partner to kick the other partner out of the house for a period of time (though obvs it does happen, a quick browse of the divorce sub proves that). It's far for more common when natural parents are living together for one to take the kid out somewhere with them.

On those divorce subs we see that the disrespect of being kicked out of your own home is intolerable, hence the divorce. So why is it any less disrespectful when there is shared custody involved? Because it isn't, of course.

She knows what's up here. If he can't come up with a solution that satisfies his daughter while still respecting his fiancee, no amount of communicating is going to solve this problem.

nonchalance77 · 2021-01-09T23:34:00+00:00

Reconsider this relationship. Find a man without kids if possible.

Gourmay · 2021-01-09T19:21:36+00:00

I’m constantly amazed by how kids in the US are raised to make decisions for their parents. When I moved here my first bf had kids and we had to bargain with the kid: “eat your veggies and you get a trip to McDonald’s after dinner”, the kid also refused to eat most things, I had to tell him kindly to put his own dishes in the dishwasher. I’m all for loving and empathetic parenting, we should do better than our parents’ generation’s tough love, but kids shouldn’t be making decisions on basic stuff like this.

Half_Halt · 2021-01-10T18:34:23+00:00

I don't think the child is wrong for asking, bless her heart. Too many men rush into a new relationship in order to have someone to babysit the kids & pay no mind to the fact that kids will need extra one-on-one with each parent after a divorce.

I went out on a 1st date with a guy whose kids apparently lived halfway across the country. The ONE WEEK he had them, he insisted that his new, non-live-in bang maid had to be around 24/7. Way to parent there, bucko! Make your kids compete against T & A the one week out of 52 that your have them. 🤢

VeronaMoreau · 2021-01-10T12:32:38+00:00

S like this are why I turned down this one guy on OLD. He definitely did have some good things going for him, but I have a rule against dating people with kids. He did indicate in his profile that he had children and does have one picture, taken from behind for privacy, with his daughter. Everything else matched my standards, but I refuse to compromise on that because I want to be put first by the person I'm in a relationship with. And I can't ask a parent do that.

The bar isn't high, considering how many people lie about whether or not they have children or what they want out of a relationship, but I'm glad when people are honest because it lets me avoid what I know I don't want.

shortywannarock · 2021-01-09T15:04:12+00:00

Damn I feel for that poor girl.. though he could have done it with more tact, and organized a day trip with the two of them while she went out for the evening, giving them the day to themselves, but obviously COVID makes it hard.

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