EDIT: I deleted the first point because it was badly worded and I did not realize it was coming across as judgemental! I'm very sorry about it, it wasn't my intention to offend anyone!

We talk a lot about what a LVM looks like and what an asshole he is, but we also need to talk about what YOU do to attract them and keep them around.

I'm not victim blaming, but from personal experience (as a recovering pickmesha) I noticed the things I do that attract LVM and make them the only options I have available. It's always good to take accountability for our mistakes.

• Do NOT talk about your past relationships in a negative way - I don't care if you're still recovering from your ex abusing you or if you just wanna talk about it to be honest with a potential partner. LVM feed off our past bad relationships. By telling them, you're saying "I'm a gullible girl who was manipulated for months/years and I identify with that". Say you broke up amicably with all your exes and that you just weren't compatible anymore. If then, you end up with this man and he's HV, you can be honest and say the truth. He won't judge you for keeping it a secret at the beginning stages.

• Do NOT talk about sex or make sex jokes - I don't care if you just wanna break the stigma surrounding sex and want to be open. I realised there's a stigma for a reason. Making sexual jokes is even worse. Never talk about sex unless you're already sleeping with the person and you are talking about your needs. You may have a conversation about sex with a stranger only if it's an intellectual discussion (e.g. the porn industry). HVM won't like you if you are too explicit, and LVM will actually prey on you because of it.

• Do NOT talk about your past traumas - I don't care what you've been through and how hard it was. I don't care if you feel liberated and "empowered" when you talk about it. Go to a therapist. Men don't need to know what you've been through. They'll use your trauma and vulnerability to abuse you.

• Listen to your gut feeling and stop being understanding - If a man does/say something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you have all the rights to end any interaction with them and you don't have to make excuses for them. You don't have to understand where they are coming from, if they have traumas too etc. Your job is to look after yourself, enjoy your life and feel safe. If your gut is telling you someone is crossing boundaries, then walk away from the situation. STOP acting as if you are open minded and empathetic. They don't care.

•Do NOT offer emotional support - Men have not been socialised to talk about their feelings openly. Leave it that way until you're in a committed relationship. They don't appreciate when you try to understand their feelings and show you're caring. They don't understand it, and they don't want to experience it. HVM will open up at the right time, when they feel like doing it. LVM will abuse your compassion, give you a fake sense of intimacy and maybe even blame you because they have been vulnerable.

There's so many other things I could add, but I'll end this now. Feel free to add more in the comments!