I know women are always looking for safe spaces, but the reality is that unless these spaces are run and moderated by like minded women, they will continue to be trash.

On FB, I was in a "High Value" group that I joined years ago because I liked the woman that owned the group. I liked her emails, posts and paid content. Im not really active on FB (deactivated) but I recently returned and that group reminded me how you can also find High Value in Walmart too. I watched an exchange that was so secondhand embarrassing and I feel sorry for any woman in that group looking to seek answers and coming out feeling like they're the asshole.

So, the post went like this:... She has been with a man for x-years, he doesnt want marriage but wants them to buy property with his and her cash (his dream!!!) and she told him she would not without marriage. She told him she wants marriage and he says hes doesnt want it. Is it wrong that she has changed her mind and want marriage now.. She is unsettled and this is what she wants.

I think they have a child. I didnt see a mention from her and it was confusing, but others did. Fine. Here is how the comments went from women: "It is ok to be a common law wife" "It is unfair that you changed your mind after all this time" "You already settled, you need to just get over marriage and be happy" "Dont throw out the baby with the bath water" "You two have already built a life, do you want to throw that all away?" "That's a lot of time to be with someone and just throw it away for nothing"

Yall get the point. It was depressing. The very few voices of reason were attacked because again, she is throwing all her time away. Some even mentioned that at 42, she wont get another chance. Mind you, this is a "High Value" group. To add a cherry on the cake, a MoDeRaToR who is a whole MAN came out stating that "WoMeN iNiTiAtE dIvOrCeS" and "MeN LeAvE ReLaTiOnShIpS tOo", cosigning this woman shouldnt ask for marriage and showing how this man will run with her money to Chase.

This group on FB was not a safe space and is another careful reminder that when it comes good spaces for women, you have to find one that matches you and your qualities; "High Value" more often than not are empty words. Once you see male moderators, its time for you to go like that Viola Davis HTGAWM gif. Once you see Pickmeisha and her gang gang running rampant and not being banned or silenced, you're being put on warning and again, need to be prepared to unjoin.

FDS is successful because it plain works. Even in everyday life. Ive been back on FB for a couple months and I didnt pay attention to the group posts (most of what I saw was memes), but this one really popped out (I guess for good cause). When I began seeing the group for what it really is, I noped my way out. Always step away from unsafe spaces the minute you feel uncertainty.