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Spiritualgirl3
[–]7102aFDS Newbie188 points189 points190 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
My life changed forever when I realized I can simply just walk away from toxic, disrespectful behavior rather than tolerating/trying to change it. I've never been so at peace.😌
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie63 points64 points65 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Do you get scared that you’ll never meet new, better people? That’s my big fear.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice131 points132 points133 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Do you get scared that you’ll never meet new, better people?
This is exactly what toxic people wants you to believe, that you'll never meet anybody better than them so they successfully chain you down. But you need to realize, the world is extremely big so the probability of not meeting new, better people is like 0.001%.
But you how that probability will become 100%? By chaining yourself down to toxic people. That is how you will never meet anybody better for real. Plus, as times goes on, the longer you stay with toxic people, the more toxic you yourself will become because toxicity is infectious. As the years pass you will become more jaded, more angry, more bitter and people will want to be as far away from you as possible. Your big fear will become a self-fulfilling prophecy when you don't walk away from the toxic people.
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh my god that’s so true. Thank you!! How do I stop attracting toxic people though? By trusting my gut and not settling/not being a pickmeisha?
By going for being who reciprocate my friendship? Who treat me well? When I got sick, everyone except for 2-3 people threw me out like garbage. That’s how bad my picker antennae is for good people. And I always end up with people who don’t interact like me. I’m an immigrant, touchy feely, rambunctious and show love and laughs lot and I get stuck with people who are cold and distant and like the way that people from Connecticut are generally described.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!! How do I stop attracting toxic people though? By trusting my gut and not settling/not being a pickmeisha?
Definitely, but the best way to do this is first by leveling up yourself and master your own self confidence because there's two reason why toxic people keep attracting to you:
You will attract toxic people anyway in every phase of your life, because they are everywhere but they tend to not stick around for long if they realize you know your own self worth and their mind games don't affect you at all.
So the best way to do this is stop focusing on finding a new guy/focusing on others, instead put all your energy in getting yourself to a better place physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Basically put all your time and effort on working and learning to be better as a whole. Eventually you'll notice that the type of men surrounding you will be better. Focus on yourself.
Pursuing is the men's role, let them do their job and prove they worth to you. All you need to do is to be the best version of yourself. High Value Men is attracted to high value qualities, and tend to avoid negative and toxic characteristics - that's why you won't see them until you get rid of your own negative/toxic baggage.
[–]hyacinthgirl95FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One word: boundaries Setting boundaries in your friendships and relationships.
[–]sexybeast5251 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The people who make you feel comfortable and improve you are the good ones. The people who tire you are toxic ones.
[–]desertwildfireFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not OP, but never. There are plenty of good people out there ready and capable of having positive relationships.
[–]7102aFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No. I'd rather be alone than with assholes. I've spent enough time in my life being treated like shit and I'm not planning on spending any more.
[–]cherrypepsilvrFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good on you! People like that absolutely want you to stay and "explain" yourself forever, so you're always there begging for their approval and they can pretend to be perplexed at why you're always unhappy.
[–]niquil11 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This ^
However there is a difference between a toxic person, abs a disrespectful one. Also, not all people like to be treated the same. A good way to figure out their intent, or 'worth' is if you and your SO read a few books together. The 5 love languages is one. Of your SO doesn't change the way they love on you after reading this book, then it's doubtful they ever will. Another is a combination of books. For men only (for the guys, obviously) and for women only. These books talk to the opposite Sex about what the other Sex sees, how they feel appreciation, etc.
These books aren't hard, or extensive reading, and if your guy isn't interested in at least entertaining the idea of reading these, then he won't be interested in actually getting to know you, etc.
[–]NerdyPugGirlFDS Newbie[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A second the advice for "For Men Only" and "For Women Only". My husband and I read them aloud to each other years ago so we could discuss them. Best thing we ever did for our relationship. The five love languages is also excellent! They have a quiz online if you aren't sure what your languages are.
[–]Katie-MRFDS Apprentice95 points96 points97 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I think I struggle with this because I feel like no one will ever naturally treat me the way I want/need.
[–]gursky0FDS Apprentice101 points102 points103 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It starts with treating yourself the way you want to be treated. Then refuse to engage with anyone who doesn’t show you at least as much respect and care you show towards yourself.
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 88 points89 points90 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You have to set standards and stick to them in order for someone to treat you well. It’s that simple; sometimes we’re just afraid of losing people which is why we sometimes let others overstep our boundaries.
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have this happening with a close friend and her wife - they are both afraid of real emotional discussion and live in denial and I just can’t do it anymore. They’re also a couple that got married, works from home together, are on roller derby together, and are together 99% of the time.
My friend’s personality has become swallowed by her wife’s and it’s so sad. Because I want to talk to her about this and yet I know she won’t be ready for this talk and will throw me out as a friend. She lives in a house with her wife, sister and BFF, and her sister’s partner. They’re a cult basically.
How do you tell someone - “hey, how come there’s a pandemic and you still won’t make time to FaceTime me?” It’s too scary to see how much she actually values me. Which isn’t much at all.
[–]luckpai1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Huh, while that sounds like a weird set up, why would you use the world cult specifically? Curious about how wacky it is
[–]throwawayathrowaway0FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I saved this comment so I can remind myself later why I set boundaries/standards in the first place.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice41 points42 points43 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I feel like no one will ever naturally treat me the way I want/need.
There's one. YOU. You can't expect other people to do that job for you, you have to do it yourself first and let others follow by example.
[–]andashort2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I do feel this. For days I’ve been wondering if there’s any point in telling g this dude that I want him to do something differently for me. I need a little romance from him. Probably not. If he was going to tell me I’m pretty he would have done it already lol.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can't control somebody's feelings and actions towards you - sure you can tell them, but what actions they'll take after that are entirely up to them. Which is why it is useless to tell a guy how you want them to treat you - if he wants to treat you right, he will do it already.
I am on the team that if he is not 100% into you, it is time to move on.
[–]lucidshred1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re so right!
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice324 points325 points326 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
So true. Stop yourself before you go full paragraph.
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist75 points76 points77 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh this is so embarrassing. I cringe whenever I remember all the past relationships where my mindset was basically "this relationship is 99% pErFeCt, except for this one tiny flaw where he doesn't see me as an actual human deserving of basic respect and dignity"
Like, I actually thought I could coach these guys into not being selfish misogynists. 🤦♀️
[–]RadarFemefFDS Newbie81 points82 points83 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Put this on a pillow
[–]greenbeanbirdFDS Newbie272 points273 points274 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I love the inherent power here; just throw the whole man away, ladies, you're worth it!
I know the tweet promises 'a new man' but, tbh, taking time for yourself after is honestly more satisfying!
[–]ResponsibleCharacterPickmeisha™️114 points115 points116 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
not just satisfying, necessary. I have never understood HOW someone can jump from relationship straight into relationship. There has to be some level of deep emotional dysfunction and denial going on there. You need to actually feel the emotions and work through the end of a relationship, not just bury that shit and jump on someone else's dick to distract yourself with fake ass "new relationship energy."
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I’ve never been able to have real friendships (with true emotional connection and healthy attachment) with people who jump from person to person bc they are unable to process emotions and they don’t attach to people well. They see people as disposable and are incapable of dealing with and feeling the huge emotions that come after a breakup, like grief and self-doubt and sadness.
Usually they self-numb, take it out on others and I just can’t ever have real conversations or connection with them.
They’re not capable of deep feelings because they’re terrified of their feelings and it’s impossible to be in a real (platonic or otherwise) relationship with someone who denies very real and true emotions and instead they lash out or blame me.
Their MO is almost always emotional bypassing. And spiritual bypassing. Life is too damn short to be around people who are surface level and refuse to grow and have healthy relationships out of fear. I understand being afraid and trying, but these people don’t even try to process their emotions. There’s no reason for someone like that in my life.
UPDATE: Thank you to the kind anonymous womyn who gave me my first reward sticker :) You made my day!! Sending you a hug.
[–]greenbeanbirdFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My first ex fit the bill for emotional and spiritual bypassing to a T. After we broke up, he'd move on to grabbing the interest of another girl after he was rejected by the first, etc. The kicker? He was rude AF after getting rejected by multiple intelligent, gorgeous women I later got to know and befriend. It's pitiful, gross, and everyone could see right through him and his trash behavior.
[–]Issa_Spooky_Guy1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right, so many people just rush into a whole new relationship for no reason. Like work on yourself be the best version of yourself, then put yourself out there.
[–]jennifer_0501 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🥚xactly
[–]pissed_afFDS Newbie61 points62 points63 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm ashamed of the girl I used to be. I'd listen to the type of advice that comes from the relationships subreddits like "jUst cOmUnIcaTe". And would have hours long arguments with my ex about how he was being such a prick and would end up apologizing for making him feel bad by telling him that he was not being good with me. And he'd tell all of his friends about it but would make up stuff so I'd look like a toxic girlfriend. The relationship lasted FOUR YEARS and I was constantly stressed. When it was all over, like two weeks later a friend of his told me: "you look so fresh, you don't have anxiety all over your face". Ladies, just break up, if you're already considering it, just do it, because you don't wake up one day and decide to fuck a good relationship up, you're not a failure and soulmates don't exist.
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What is FDS stance on soulmates...I can’t find the answer on mobile. But I believe in non-romantic soulmates, so...
[–]msbilliejeanFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, this entire comment is such an inspiration.
[–]GypsymarzFDS Newbie113 points114 points115 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s not even worth the trouble anymore. #nolongparagraphs2020
[–][deleted] 105 points106 points107 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
lol I can imagine the screams and flames in response to this tweet.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YES, hardcore yes to this. I wish there was a lesbian or women-relationships sub in this sub or that as a flair. Every group on Reddit that has tried that has ends up being shut down by men calling women slurs and they demand to be included. It’s sad how groups like “Actual Lesbians” are not even run by women.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice76 points77 points78 points 6 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
And remember ladies. being the "crazy cat lady" is 100% better because:
Compare that to taking care of a deadbeat, lazy, ungrateful, messy, child-in-an-adult body who manages to create mess just by existing, demanding, mentally, emotionally and worse, physically abusive husband...
Dammit I'll the queen , the king, the matriarch, the emperor of crazy cat lady. I rather be happy alone that suffering with a partner.
Edit: Well damn, thanks for the gold!!
[–]geologykittyFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Matriarch of Cats. I love it.
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yaaaaaaasss I would rather be a crazy cat mama (which I am, btw). My babies are the sweetest and if my sweet girls don't like a person that I bring around I immediately side eye them.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree, cats and animal in general can really read people. Cats can be wary of new people but most of the times they'll just run away if you get close. But if those cats intensely hate a person, I'll get suspicious. Also when cats tend to like a person, even when that person isn't a self-proclaimed animal lover, he/she is usually a genuinely kind person deep down.
[–]sappfirestarFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sold, where can we trade men in for cats? I estimate mine might be worth three cats.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I estimate mine might be worth three cats
Sorry ma'am, best I can do is 1/3 of a cat with what you got here, haha.
[–]Rujevit1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for choosing cats over breeding offspring. It will help all of us for s better future.
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh boy, both of those sound like my worst nightmare. Deadbeat relationship vs. multiple animals to fill the hole of lack of genuine human connection. That’s a lose lose to me. But I don’t feel a connection to cats or dogs. If I could have a Koala, I feel like it could work, but at the end of the day, nothing replaces a healthy human being for me.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You do you girl - just don't settle for anything less that what makes you happy. I like cats so it is cats for me.
[–]cherrypepsilvrFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've always found that if you need to tell someone you want to be respected, you've already lost the battle. They already don't respect you. Just get outta there.
[–]PaciencaYFeFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I tried to retweet
[–]casual-nihlistFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh god. That just feels good to read. Even better to do.
[–]swiggityswirlsFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
AMEN
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"boys just come and go like seasons" Listen
[–]jojosbabymomsFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t waste your breathe on that paragraph baby go get you someone better
[–]saymyname100FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A whole mood!
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What OP said is true but I was just wondering what if somebody who can treat you with respect is a person you don’t have feelings for? I need your perspective here ❣️
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t force yourself to be with someone you don’t like simply because they’re treating you well. Your feelings come first.
[–]sadcelloFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Leaving and taking no shit from men is your superpower. Use it.
[–]msbilliejeanFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Took me two years to realize I wasn't going to be treated the way I deserved to be and gave up.
Initially I had consistently bad anxiety about if I made the wrong decision, but there's more to life than the boy who won't appreciate my value.
[–]Practical_Gift1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was in a relationship for 1.5 years before realizing this as well. I always thought I was asking for too much. My friends and family helped me see the light. I still do struggle with self esteem issues and think about going back to that toxic place sometimes.
[–]msbilliejeanFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's an ongoing process... like it just clicked with me that dating is kind of like interviewing for a job, both parties have to make sure it's a good fit. If one side has major red flags, the other won't want to continue a relationship out of fear of devaluing their worth.
[–]xHouse_of_HornetsxFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh. I wasted so much breath on a guy who didn't deserve my time and just drained my energy. Currently with a man who treats me like a princess who has life together. It felt amazing not having to beg a guy to treat me right.
[–]TheConfusingWordsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yessss I’m so glad I woke up one day and realized this. Best thing that ever happened to me. I want to show this to one of my friends and show her the light lol
[–]sbrooks0709FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine arguing with a man about how you should be treated when a molded piece of silicone could treat you better AND leave you satisfied
[–]flvctvatnecmergitvr_FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Preach
[–]BornToBeWildType0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish I could upvote this twice god damn.
[–]reeldeal60 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How about long paragraphs of break ups?
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 41 points42 points43 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
So you’d be ok w a man who treats you like shit bc you didn’t specifically ask him not to?
[+]balladwildsFDS Newbie-15 points-14 points-13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
who would be okay with that ? do you have comprehension issues or something. Read the FDS handbook.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I don’t think op is talking about a guy who sends carnations instead of roses.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Most women have bad experiences w men and it’s not our responsibility to parent them and teach them not to abuse us.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I understand that and still get ops point.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]thisismygcaccountFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank God, somebody said it
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is all so true and well put
[–]ResponsibleCharacterPickmeisha™️50 points51 points52 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s less about a single argument and more about the entire way they treat you. There is no use wasting your breath, time, and energy on trying to convince a man to treat you with respect for example. Either he doesn’t have the capability (like if he has mental health issues) or he does not want to, because... he doesn’t respect you. The former is terrifically sad and the latter is enraging, but in both situations the only way forward is to terminate the relationship and yes, replace him.
[–]MaisiebrFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it's more about if you have to argue about one thing multiple times and you still see no change/wanting to change. Or things that are basic human decency and things you shouldn't teach him because he's a grown ass man. Communicating is important, sure, but if you can treat boundaries/needs well and you pay attention the first time someone's communicating it, you don't need to argue endlessly about most things.
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 48 points49 points50 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Countless women have communicated to their low level boyfriends as to how they wanted to be treated, most of the time, her words went in one ear and out the other.
P.s: TONS of guys view women as disposable, why not play these losers at their own game? 💅🏽
[–]saxophonepaxFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
😂 to this whole comment. PLEASE read the FDS Handbook. Men are disposable. Dick is low value and in high in abundance. Period.
[+]margiemmsPickmeisha™️-7 points-6 points-5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I see what your saying but could the behave changed?
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Their behavior could change if they WANT to change, if not, don’t waste your damn time. Time is MONEY
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]7102aFDS Newbie188 points189 points190 points (13 children) | Copy Link
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[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice131 points132 points133 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Practical_Gift1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]msbilliejeanFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]xHouse_of_HornetsxFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheConfusingWordsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sbrooks0709FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flvctvatnecmergitvr_FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BornToBeWildType0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]reeldeal60 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (27 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–][deleted] 41 points42 points43 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[+]balladwildsFDS Newbie-15 points-14 points-13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (13 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]thisismygcaccountFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ResponsibleCharacterPickmeisha™️50 points51 points52 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]MaisiebrFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 48 points49 points50 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]saxophonepaxFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]margiemmsPickmeisha™️-7 points-6 points-5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Spiritualgirl3FDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link