You don’t need to have experience to know he will suck in bed

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-10-02T19:59:53+00:00

Also if he’s low effort with dates, he’ll be low effort in the bedroom. One LVM would go down on me when we first started seeing each other, then after he got the bjs he wanted, he stopped. Of course he told everyone how much I sucked at blowjobs while he never gave me an orgasm😂

woadsky · 2021-10-02T23:23:35+00:00

The kiss is important too. Is it sexy, lingering, and turns you on? Or does he smash his lips against yours, grind away, and think that's sexual? I vow to not take the relationship farther if the kiss doesn't work for me.

eviebeewrites · 2021-10-02T21:43:53+00:00

Even before you get physical, is he generous in other ways? Is he generous with his time/affection/other resources? If he is, he's most likely going to be generous in bed. And if he isn't... well, what are the chances he's going to be generous in other ways?

randomgirl34861 · 2021-10-03T04:35:49+00:00

Excellent point about coming during foreplay. If a guy accidentally cums during foreplay, I don’t think it’s the end of the world. It’s all about how he handles it. Toss him if he leaves after he come. But if he keeps making out and puts in the effort for you to finish too, I don’t think it should be held against him. I think that’s only a red flag if it becomes a pattern.

Guys who aren’t porn sick and have a healthy sexuality can get very aroused by normal things, like just making out or feeling someone up. Guys who don’t have community dick may wait a long time between partners, and if you haven’t had sex in a while coming early could happen. When you’re desensitized due to porn, just kissing, touching and other forms of vanilla foreplay will never be enough to get you off.

Dnotchtiebd · 2021-10-03T02:40:37+00:00

The first guy I had any sexual stuff with, did the "let me go down on you" and then made me give him a bj. And then I met him a few times after but I was a virgin so I didn't want to straight up have penetration. The last time I went, I didn't do anything and just wanted to cuddle with him, I slept over and the next day he told me to not contact him again. Also he would order food just for him while I was at his house. Like he sucked from the get go but I was so needy and inexperienced that I tolerated all that shit.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-03T07:06:55+00:00

You also have to be attracted to him. Chemistry is necessary.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-10-03T17:55:26+00:00

I would add, does he see you and does he know you? Does he pickup your favorite [fill in the blank] while he's out, just because? Does he want to integrate you into his life? i.e. does he introduce you to his family and friends in a respectful way (and then doesn't just leave you to your own devices in a room full of people you don't know)? Does he touch you softly on the shoulder/neck/foot/back and it makes you melt? Does he offer to rub your neck and shoulders (not sexual) and does that make you melt?

Generally, he needs to see you and respect you as a human, be generous, and make you feel comfortable. These are the basics that can be shown prior to getting in bed.

Colour_riot · 2021-10-03T11:51:48+00:00

Tbh on this one I really don't think there is a straight answer.

The closest "HVM" I've ever dated who is considered a HVM by most of my community (because the bar is that low), could not accept that he was just... not good in bed. And therefore never really tried to improve. It's not that hard to google how to do cunnilingus properly instead of just trying to slobber all over. In the end I just enforced a sexless relationship.

Most LVM & NVM suck, because they're selfish, unwashed pricks. But 2 of my LVXs were actually really, really good because they were so insecure that they actually put in time to figure out how to make women orgasm and weren't happy if I didn't cum.

dinarvand88 · 2021-10-02T20:34:30+00:00

Can confirm. On all of this. Fellow queens, I personally recommend the 90 day rule or at least the 2 month rule as a bare minimum.

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-10-03T17:29:38+00:00

Also, notice the way he uses his fingers. How does he use them. Does he know how to handle and touch things delicately and softly?

_cnz_ · 2021-10-03T17:49:02+00:00

Also beware about guys who try to go down on you by force. In my experience these were the guys that were trying to escalate and try to make you feel like you owe them a BJ or sex after. Just know that after he gets what he wants he’ll never go down on you again.

omg I never knew about this, puts so many things into perspective

tuberosetears · 2021-10-02T21:56:20+00:00

The last two. And we never even had sex. I did not know these were, like, BAD bad. I wish someone had told me and that I hadn't been led to believe that kind of behavior was acceptable.

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-02T20:07:38+00:00

The biggest red flag to me is if he doesn't ASK what I like and dislike. There needs to be a long, ongoing conversation, ideally over several days (weeks? months? I'm demi, so I move slow and I own it) about what you both like, what you dislike. That's part of what I loved about my late second husband: we talked, all the time, about everything. Consent to both of us was THE major thing, and he was prepared to stop at a moment's notice anytime I was uncomfortable, and he did a couple of times, and immediately asked what was wrong, re-directed, or just held me for a while. Sometimes we started again, sometimes not, but nothing was broken, nothing was wrong, it was just a miscue. The solidity of our relationship was never in question, and that was absolutely reassuring.

sjefsiljuuus · 2021-10-03T22:17:48+00:00

I wished I learned this earlier, but I am going to save this post and look at it often to remind myself that this is very important and solid points!

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Title	You don’t need to have experience to know he will suck in bed
Author	GigaKarenEnergy
Upvotes	704
Comments	25
Date	October 2, 2021 7:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q0220t/you_dont_need_to_have_experience_to_know_he_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-dont-need-to-have-experience-to-know-he-will.1078270 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078270

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