"you seem really sweet"

YaxtaYeendu · 2020-10-03T08:20:42+00:00

I feel like sweet, naive girls get played the hardest. Which sucks because if you think about it it's like kicking a puppy. Can you imagine being a guy and looking at a sweet innocent girl being like "her, yup. She looks vulnerable."

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-10-03T04:57:17+00:00

Several years ago, "you seem really sweet" was the only complement that a guy I had been dating /for months/ and was crazy about could think to pay me... Just as he was telling me he "wasn't really ready for a relationship" but "was open to keeping things casual and seeing where they went."

It made me physically fucking ill. I almost vomited on the spot.

I am a lot of things these days. I make sure "sweet" isn't one of them.

lhatw · 2020-10-03T05:24:36+00:00

Oh man. I’ve been exposed lol. My ex literally told me “You’re a good person. That’s why I like you.” 😷

Ery_s · 2020-10-03T02:36:33+00:00

you caught my ex red handed. wish i read this years ago

Repulsive_Incident27 · 2020-10-03T02:46:38+00:00

I love the translations. It reenforces that I’m not “reading too much into” whatever LVM word vomit I was graced with

icecream1013 · 2020-10-03T03:25:53+00:00

I heard something similar to this. It was an article that I read some time ago about how certain men can tell if a woman has low self esteem. They basically compliment her and if she doesn’t make eye contact (she looks down) then it means she has low self esteem.

getrippeddiemirin · 2020-10-03T11:22:15+00:00

I feel l Ike this is right up there with being told, “I’ll never do anything to hurt you.” As major red flags

werker115 · 2020-10-03T02:43:33+00:00

My ex said that to me! We were talking about how people think I’m reserved, dry and stand offish before I open up. He said “I think you’re really sweet.” And he sure as hell took advantage of that..

EurasianEmpress · 2020-10-03T03:31:01+00:00

Aaww fuck so many people-although more women-have commented that I’m really sweet when I honestly never even particularly try to.

YaxtaYeendu · 2020-10-03T10:34:33+00:00

[deleted]

kettleodumplins · 2020-10-03T18:53:10+00:00

First: totally agree in case when I say puts that in question. This is a staple of LVM communication.

This is a hard one since it is usually a manipulation tactic, but it is used so often then it becomes commonplace. These kinds of things are ingrained in men's communication with women, and it can trip us up when we hear it from otherwise genuine people. I will usually give them a one pass if they are showing other VERY high value traits consistently and over a period of time, but you have to set the boundaries carefully. Vague compliments can be weaponized later, and "sweet" is an innately condescending term and a huge red flag. This can be a great opportunity for vetting, however:

"You seem sweet"

"Oh, that's interesting! What did I do that made you say that?"

Green flag response:

Him: "I appreciate you listening to me when I was upset about my pet." (Or something)

Me: "I'm glad that you appreciate that; it means a lot to me when you appreciate things I do." (Optional addition in the event that he has been long-term HV otherwise): "The term sweet threw me off a little; some men use that term to be condescending."

This sets the tone for future conversations so that you can have mutually healthy and beneficial communication in displays of appreciation. If he continues with vagueisms or using the term 'sweet' then you can walk away no questions asked.

Red flag responses

"Just the way you smile." "Everything you do." "How nice you are." "LOL it's just a compliment" [Any sign of annoyance]

icecream1013 · 2020-10-03T03:42:13+00:00

I've been told this several times, and never realized it til this post. I think you're right. What's interesting is that I always respond with "I'm polite and not nice." They don't believe it until I cut them off.

AnniaT · 2020-10-03T14:34:24+00:00

I've been told this my whole life and it was LVM who could care less about him or just wanted convenient situationships. I totally agree with the translation or at least a "I don't really care about you but we can keep the situationship whole I don't find something better" lol

ShadowRealmDweller · 2020-10-03T15:36:58+00:00

Both my exes said this when I asked what they loved about me. Needless to say I'm still in rehab for former 🤡🤡🤡

anxious-american · 2020-10-03T05:13:44+00:00

It's definitely possible that this could be a reason for that compliment, but what if a guy genuinely wanted to say a girl was nice...? How would a HVM do it?

Horror_Maize_6546 · 2020-10-03T06:39:30+00:00

My narcissistic/abusive ex would exactly call me sweet before dating. And while in the relationship he would often call me his angel.

The.Cringe.

gothicctemptress · 2020-10-03T20:02:56+00:00

My ex said this to me a few times when he was trying to get back with me. "You're such a good person", "You're really good at that" when I told him I have been treated badly too but I have never verbally abused him bc of it. I told him I don't care and later blocked him. He thought he could still manipulate me and instead I slammed the door in his face.

gothicctemptress · 2020-10-03T05:40:31+00:00

Omg, I am a naive queen trying to level up and have heard this so many times. I need to be more ruthless to these dirty looking dudes. Little do they know that my immigrant ass is thinking, do they even wash their bums? I just keep quiet and smile. I need to rid my pickmesha tendencies asap.

throwsuntothezana · 2020-10-03T11:32:47+00:00

I had one tell me “may you dream of x and y female fictional characters feeding you sundaes as sweet as you are” when my favourite characters were the male ones. -_-

butterfly2406_ · 2020-10-03T15:24:03+00:00

What is the best response to this? Say on the off chance a HVM says this to you and he’s genuinely a good guy?

blair2006 · 2020-10-03T23:42:38+00:00

God this is me :-(

Title	"you seem really sweet"
Author	TheTower_14
Upvotes	369
Comments	60
Date	October 3, 2020 2:32 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j47yvu/you_seem_really_sweet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-seem-really-sweet.327981 https://theredarchive.com/post/327981

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