Educated black women are having problems finding successful men to marry. Are men actually intimidated by women who earn more than them, or do women just have a hard time dating down?

thereslcjg2000 · 2020-01-07T22:51:29+00:00

I'm sure this can sometimes be the case with certain men. Particularly traditionalist men who largely subscribe to old fashioned gender roles. Having said that, I think it's ludicrous to pretend it's all the man's fault and that the ever-so-traditionalist men are always such a threat to the infinitely more enlightened women.

plitox_is_a_bitch · 2020-01-08T06:32:09+00:00

The "Why are men INTIMIDATED by strong women?" question is the classic feminist loaded question: it presupposes that men are intimidated by strong women.

mtcapri · 2020-01-08T05:39:51+00:00

I'm white, and while I work with a lot of Black people, I wouldn't say I have any special insight into this. However, from what I've seen, it wouldn't surprise me at all if poor, uneducated Black men were intimidated by educated, well-to-do Black women, in part because I kind of think that's true everywhere, not just in Black society.

Part of the problem here though is that Black men get the worse of the racism directed at African-Americans these days. By and large, it's Black men who are constantly portrayed poorly in the media, Black men who experience discrimination in employment, and Black men who are the most exposed to gang culture and violence. As such, it wouldn't surprise me if Black women had far fewer hurdles to overcome in life compared to Black men, thus resulting in particularly poor dating pool for Black women who are looking for a Black man to be with.

But that's just an outsider's perspective. I'm sure the reality is more complicated.

That being said, I'm not surprised the article places the blame on Black men without acknowledging any of what I mentioned above. That's what's vogue these days, due to feminist influence: focus on women's problems and blame men for them whenever possible. Never look at both sides of the issue and appreciate how there are forces working on both sides to create the situation. Men are responsible for overcoming their own circumstances, no matter how harsh, and any inconvenience their failures cause women are men's fault.

Funny how feminists talk about how we need to address "toxic masculinity" and then go right ahead and reinforce it with this sort of bullshit.

Aaod · 2020-01-07T23:41:18+00:00

Women refuse to date down, mass incarceration of African American males (caused by a lot of issues some of which is MRA related), and African American women are not liked looks wise in dating similar to how Asian men struggle.

azazelcrowley · 2020-01-08T03:07:58+00:00

They have to keep up the "Intimidated" line of argument because otherwise they'd be too obviously inconsistent in how they describe white women behaving the same way.

cromulent_weasel · 2020-01-07T23:28:48+00:00

Replying to the title, I think it's both, but mainly the second one.

I mean, in the Victorian era it was super common for upper class women to remain spinsters simply because there weren't any eligible men of the right class for them.

joeclark5 · 2020-01-08T03:23:57+00:00

I've never heard a man say that he was intimidated by a woman who is smart and makes a lot of money.

Regs2 · 2020-01-07T23:51:04+00:00

The intimidation thing mostly BS, it has more to do with hypergamy. I see this among my female family members where it's this whole competition of what their man provides them. Some have found the janitor or warehouse worker is actually a great guy who will not abandon them and be a great partner, while other are consistently disgruntled by men because they date shitheads with big wallets.

orbitaldecayed · 2020-01-07T22:55:02+00:00

Intimidated by? Nope. Intelligent, educated, successful women are a lot more fun to talk to, usually.

romulusnr · 2020-01-08T02:12:37+00:00

smh. Just smh.

Men are intimidated by successful women because the women make them feel inferior for not being more successful than them.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2020-01-08T02:34:51+00:00

I think there was a survey that found that people rated black women and Asian men the least desirable on dating websites. Black women do have some legitimate struggles with dating. Traditional beauty standards tend to focus more on white women, and it wasn't that long ago it was rare to see a black model in a beauty ad. There's even problems with companies making foundation and lipstick colors that match/go with black skin tones. Next time you're in a beauty aisle look at how many foundation shades there are for women of color compared to all the shades of white.

Black men are disproportionately incarcerated compared to other groups, and there's a large education gap between black men and women. But the most discussed issue is that black men are very likely to date white women. There's a lot of black male/white female interracial couples and not as many in the reverse. A lot of black women also hold onto the standard that they want to date other black men and then feel like they get consistently snubbed for white women.

There's also negative stereotypes about black women. They're frequently perceived to be loud or fit into the "angry black woman" stereotype. In comparison other racial groups don't have that same level of stereotype. Kinky/submissive Asian girl stereotypes lead to fetishization, fiesty Latina stereotypes also exist. But black women are the only ones that get stuck with the "undesirables" stereotype.

I'm sure hypergamy plays a role as well but black women do appear to have a uniquely difficult time with dating. They're at a disadvantage on dating sites, in beauty standards and they tend to have a racial preference for other black men, whereas a lot of black men have the opposite preference.

mensmod · 2020-01-08T17:16:27+00:00

One possibility is that given the stigma on educated women, women who are higher educated tend to have a chip on their shoulder. I am very attracted to educated women, but I have met a fair number who think that their education makes them super special in some way and it is a personality trait that gets very annoying.

It is easy to spin that off as "men are intimidated by educated women", but really it is just that men want someone who has more depth to them than just the education.

Keitau · 2020-01-09T08:36:14+00:00

This is probably going to be fairly controversial so hear me out.

A big part of the problem here is the same problem faced by most successful women aged in the 30-40 range trying to find their first mate/husband/whatever you want to call it. They are still looking for the same qualities as they would if they are looking at ages like 21-23, basically a really successful person that can fill the role of "provider" even if its less necessary and more... instinctive? or maybe it's fairer to say what they grow up expecting a husband to be. So essentially they want someone making the same or more than them. Fairly predictable.

The problem comes in that guys in their 30-40s that are looking for a wife for a family aren't looking for someone like them. These women are spending a good 10-12 years entirely focused on their fields, including putting in like 40-60 hour weeks which is not what a guy who is looking to start a family who is career-focused is really looking for. They are looking for someone more family-focused, who may have a job, but its job they can put second to a family while the guy is keeping their job first. The main reason for that is, a lot of these guys don't NEED the extra money, they need someone who fills in where they are lacking.

So while the women are looking for someone on their same path to start a relationship with, the men are looking for someone on a tangential path where they can both work on a different aspect of what a family needs. It also doesn't help that men tend to be attracted to youth so the pool a man can access is a lot bigger since they aren't valuing the ability to bring in money.

Essentially, I know some men are "intimidated" by success women, but I think the main cause of these career women not finding partners is mainly because they aren't bringing what the men in the same tax bracket are really looking for.

smeltaway · 2020-01-09T03:19:53+00:00

I'd be intimidated by a woman who makes more than me. They already have extremely strong cultural advocacy squarely on their side, if I don't make more I seriously doubt we will end up having an equal relationship

heimdahl81 · 2020-01-08T01:56:12+00:00

I think it is less that black men are intimidated by successful women and more that black culture still has a strong attachment to traditional gender roles. It is no wonder, after generations of being called "boy", that black men especially value asserting their masculinity. An educated black woman is less likely to take a subservient role and indulge traditionalist masculine pride. For the same reason, there is also increased shame for black men who earn less than their partner. They are failing at performing the traditional masculine "role".

I don't mean to whitesplain, so by all means someone call me out if I missed the mark.

ShawshankRetention · 2020-01-08T08:42:09+00:00

Look which couples are portrayed in TV.

Its frequently white girl black dude. If its white on white, the white guy is an evil monster who abuse or dump her. Or at best a moron.

Women tend to date men that seem socially acceptable as partner. Hence, quite a bit of white girl date black guy. Add to that the racist stereotype of the size, the impression of doing something anti racist, and you have got trends.

Now, when you are picturing a black girl, what do you picture in your head ? The brown fox type ? That went away with the 70s.

There are few sexy cultural images of black girl, even less than positive images of white men, and hence, black girls are seen with lower interest.

Yes, it suck for them. Probably as much as for ordinary men.

vanharteopenkaart · 2020-01-07T22:39:58+00:00

I’m a man, Asian, to me success, strength and independence is def. important in a partner. Guys who want submissive women are insecure

genkernels · 2020-01-09T09:26:19+00:00

I mean, the latter causes the former to some degree, doesn't it? Odds of a successful marriage are a big deal.

LeftNatTay · 2020-01-21T04:08:11+00:00

>They mention that Black Men are intimidated by successful women

ugh... Black Men be the first ones to support Black Women in their successes and ambitions. The academic Black Feminist sphere are just unlikeable

pfo_ · 2020-01-09T01:00:56+00:00

a lot of black women are chosing to marry white men because of a lack of options among black men

Is it really still the default to marry within your own race? If so, why?

choctaw1990 · 2024-12-29T19:34:06+00:00

Well why should any women "date down" anyway. Why should we Ivy Leaguers settle for a mate who's basically a bonehead who may not be able to spell the name of the university we went to but for some reason makes more money than we do because they can get a blue-collar job that's physically labourious while we can't even get a data entry job let alone data analyst or database management job. Why should any women have to live like that?! For the sake of reproduction? Why?! That's a stupid assumption, people! Why should we mate with someone who can't keep up with the conversation?!

choctaw1990 · 2025-07-01T08:01:27+00:00

What I'd like to know is why THIS sort of thing comes up when I "google" why it's so hard for educated black women to find a JOB. Where the hell does Google get these things from?!?!

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