Off-topic discussion: Dudes who are always busting other dude’s chops.

dbfkf · 2021-02-12T16:43:08+00:00

Usually its deep rooted in insecurity...I would cut off the relationship permanently.

RunawayGrain · 2021-02-12T16:55:25+00:00

Really depends on the friend dynamic. I worked in a place where everyone bagged on everyone else. I built up a really thick skin now to where I just don't dgaf.

frenchlouve · 2021-02-12T16:57:43+00:00

Start doing to them and see how they react. If they react poorly, then they were doing it to be a dick.

If they react positively, then that might be their way of humor. In that case, you still have the choice to lighten up or cut them off. Don't feel bad if you choose the latter.

Dead_Art · 2021-02-12T16:56:08+00:00

The correct response when someone busts your chops is to bust theirs even harder. Then next time you see them do it first until they no longer initiate or it just becomes a thing you two do. It's a form of hazing that is supposed to ingratiate you into a group

If you don't want to be in that group whenever they insult you just agree with them and start getting fake emotional about it. Not like for real but just like "oh man yeah my dick is sooo small. Yesterday I went to pee and it just got all over my hands. Here let me show you some pictures of micro-penis's. Why are you walking away I'm trying to show you these cocks"

Superphysiological · 2021-02-12T16:39:00+00:00

I have an uncle like this. It has completely eroded our relationship.

BobbingForBunions · 2021-02-12T17:43:59+00:00

My relationships are based on their net benefit to me.

Sounds harsh, but hear me out.

I have a handful of friends (I define "friend" narrowly). I've known most of them for 30+ years. Over that time, they've proven to be reliable, trustworthy, principled, funny, and great conversationalists.

Do they have annoying quirks? Sure. All of us do.

But there's a net benefit to me: ultimately, they make my life more enjoyable.

You have to decide whether your friend's behavior is causing him to become a net liability in your life.

If his behavior bothers you, confront him and ask him to stop. If he refuses to stop, avoid having serious conversations with him. If his behavior grates on your nerves every time you're around him, and you have no hope that he'll change, the relationship may have run its course.

That's fine. The less time you spend with people who make you miserable, the more time you have to pursue better relationships and your own interests.

YouSaidChicken · 2021-02-12T16:34:40+00:00

A lot of guys bind and establish hierarchies using humor and fucking with one another. Jokes, sarcasm, etc. is on the table.

It’s either that or go back to actual sparring instead of verbal sparring.

If something is don’t with humor that’s what it is. A jerk is not doing it with humor, it’s with malice. And it appears much more serious.

Some people just don’t communicate how everyone else does. Humor is how they get points across. Kind of like how people use sarcasm, it comes down to situational contexts.

ArizonaTucker · 2021-02-12T16:47:03+00:00

1) They don't know who they are (playing a role).

2) They can't comprehend having a serious conversation about your topic of choice because they can't relate. So they project that your topic is a joke by making one.

3) Men were taught that by other men. Outdated bullshit. But they'll get offended if you slapped them. My bad, how dare I say that because there no such thing as being provoked.

Nah, don't lighten up. Treat them like they treat you or cut them off. Men who communicate that way have a deep rooted issue and usually self centered (hidden or overt).

DoctorMars81 · 2021-02-12T17:11:53+00:00

These are guys who want to insult you, but they say "just kidding" afterward as a way of getting away with it. Don't let them get away with that.

redditloginfail · 2021-02-12T17:26:40+00:00

If it's CONSTANT then they are probably just a toxic personality and they think they're funny but aren't.

ChainsawJones1984 · 2021-02-12T17:40:37+00:00

Just speculating, but it might be sparring, not unlike how goats slam heads in a show. Men like to show dominance when they think or know they have some, especially infront of others to remain king of the mountain.

They know they can't haul and hit you, and even if they could, they know it could end badly for them. So a way to show dominance, without actually pushing you down.

Digitaldreamer7 · 2021-02-12T17:26:21+00:00

This can be a few things

A form of man to man communication
A coping mechanism for social anxiety or social awkwardness
he's just a dick

3 is rare I feel as men are socialized to be assholes sometimes. Definitely not socialized to show any sort of emotion for sure.

RockyNada · 2021-02-12T17:13:26+00:00

Best way to deal w those type of people is not react at all to their bs.. don’t laugh, and don’t let them know you are annoyed.. at some point they will stop..

UnearthlyDinosaur · 2021-02-12T17:39:12+00:00

Sounds toxic.

anon_enuf · 2021-02-12T18:05:14+00:00

I needed this. Thought it was just me "being a snowflake". Glad I'm not the only one that sees it as it is. Insecure assholes doing what they do best. & then claiming to be the victim because you "over reacted" like a bitch & cut them off. Ironically, reminds me if several ex's.

stoic_ronin · 2021-02-12T18:45:22+00:00

So actually I have the opposite story: my friend is pretty much sensitive. I would crack jokes but they were never to cut deep or insult him in any way just stupid sometimes deadpan or ironic jokes. Nonetheless he always took it as negative. Something was always an issue for him and at one point I started to feel like this guy always nip picked everything I said or do and I started thinking that “ I guess it’s just me because this will keep happening til I change something”. But rather than cutting him off completely I figured to talk things out. Long story short: I apologize despite my jokes being tamed and harmless. I apologize because I figured his sensitivity was due to his insecurity (which was really bad like I’m talking fragile ego and all that) we are still cool but I don’t joke with him as much as I used to and that’s fine because I learn different friends serve different needs. Some people are dicks with insecurity and some people who can’t take jokes because of either insecurity or they just perhaps heard the joke too many and agitated or maybe simply they’re just not the type to take chops and jokes.

Everyone’s not for everyone.

Roto2esdios · 2021-02-12T19:37:21+00:00

People who do this are just and plain dicks. Believe me, just try to make some comebacks and I guarantee they will get mad at you. This will confirm my suspicions.

I had a roommate no long time ago who always make fun of and tease others. When they "return the favor", he just comes back home very disturbed and gaslight about whoever just make the comeback. I am very happy we part away. Now he asks me if I will fly where he is living now (work). No way bro.

I had a childhood friend who was also like this. I got pretty mad sometimes but Ill tolerate that because he had a house for partying and meet ladies at weekends. He teased everyone except his fucking big brother.

They are just like wolves trying to be the alpha male. And they usually have problems with people, nobody can stand them. They respect tougher rivals only. Toxic by nature but at the same time very charming. Be aware.

RatingsOutOfTen · 2021-02-12T20:03:53+00:00

It's a natural way for men to defend the group, but it gets hijacked.

A healthy way for it to work is if there is a difficult job like... killing a mammoth, or getting ready to run naked into a field to beat other naked men to death. There is no room in groups like this for men who can't handle a bit of insulting and whatnot. So it's a defense mechanism for the entirety of the group. If someone cries over the rock being too rough on their soft hands or something, they will and should be shamed out of the group.

We don't live like that anymore, however, so the times in which men insulting each other or testing each other is the right thing to do is kind of limited. A lot of men take this "testing" thing and kind of run with it because they are insecure. They know that they are actually the weakest one in the group, and often nobody cares half as much as they think people care. So these men will single out a new guy, or a guy who is rather quiet, or a guy who does things a bit differently and they will make fun of them "as a joke" but they will take it far past the point to where it gets just a bit annoying. It's difficult to deal with situations like this. Usually, I have found that shunning that person and genuinely believing that the person isn't worth the time is what works. By that I don't mean "just ignore them and they will go away" because that often makes them think they are getting to you, which just causes more. In past jobs that I have had, often women would be insecure and test the new men. It was a law enforcement job. The women would make fun of you, insult you, insinuate that they could kick your ass,.. but then later they would try to talk plainly to you. I often would just plainly state that I didn't want to talk to them unless it had to do with work. That always worked, except for the one time the girl didn't like it and she told HR on me, which didn't go anywhere (typical cry bully tactic)... so I guess that worked too. These people that make fun of you to be dicks are often, from my experience, trying to knock you down so that you feel like you are beneath them, so that they can reign over you as the leader of the pseudo tribe.

There are other reasons for men to be dicks to each other, though. I'm just stating my experiences, and from what I've seen, women do this a lot more than men. I've also found that another way for me personally to avoid a lot of the hastle is to not talk about my past with anyone. People often see that as a challenge, but I was prior military, so that could be why.

I'm one of those people that is willing to be obsecenely alone. By that I mean.... if it's my first or second day on a job and it's lunch time, I am willing to sit at an empty table away from everyone else if I don't see a reason or interest in talking with them. I get stared at. I do not hang my head. I do not stare back. I allow them to stare. It is as awkward for them as it is to me, or perhaps more, because I have done this so many times that I no longer care. What I absolutely will never do is befriend someone who "Tests" me like you've mentioned. I'll take one or two stupid comments... maybe even push back a bit in a humorous way if I can to assert that I'm not going to crumble or be molded into what the person wants me to be, which is very important. Then, later, when this socially abusive person wants you to be one of their minions, you shun them, or walk away from them awkwardly, or when they wave at you in the lunch room, you wave back overtly, but then sit far away from them if possible. Personally, I like to do this to people. It makes me feel good, but I don't consider it bullying on my part, because I am not going out of my way to make anyone else feel bad. They are doing it to themselves by being assholes, and then expecting me to be their friend. I never have the expectation of making friends at work. Often actions like this are inspiring to other people if it's one of those perpetually toxic work environments, and you can make more legitimate friends. At my last job like this, I started eating alone, but eventually people chose to sit with me after a few quiet conversations.

There is a bit of a dumb power exchange when "you" go to sit at "their" table. But if you assert your own territory, and welcome everyone in, fully willing to leave if need be, you can have the power and immediately diffuse it by being accepting.

So what if the toxic person moves in to your table or work space? Take it as a loss. Move somewhere else next time. If they still try to get into your space, move immediately after they try to get into your space the 3rd time. 4th time should be clear that they are trying to be assholes, but I've never seen this in my life yet. I would just tell them, in front of everyone that I don't like their company and that I've been clearly trying to not sit near them. Very bluntly. They will likely call you butthurt, or rude, but who cares. You shouldn't value their opinion. If they keep doing it, just shun them and don't speak to them unless it has to do with work. Who cares if eveyone else is friends with them. Just let them know that you don't see yourself as beneath them, even if you "are" in terms of rank or position in the company, or seniority or whatever else.

DeepFriedPhone · 2021-02-12T20:16:39+00:00

Amazing to see this topic posted today because I just got a phone call last night, completely out of the blue, from a guy I hadn't spoken to in many years. We weren't close friends, but suffice to say his behavior had not improved in any way since I last heard from him. I was initially quite surprised to hear from him though.

The thing is, his idea of conversation perpetually revolves around negativity and hostile putdowns, insults, and frequent overstepping into racism, anti-semitism, xenophobia, etc. He would of course claim he's outspoken, honest, realistic, et al. as you naturally hear from these types of people. And he would preface many jokes with some flavor of "I'm not (fill in the blank) but..."

After not speaking to him for years, he proceeded to turn the conversation into some kind of pissing match where he felt obligated to promote the fact that everything he has (his cars, his relationships, his work, his accomplishments, even his cat) being superior to anything other people have, including me, despite the fact I was in no way antagonizing him or egging him on. And the thing is I know he is lying about most of those things because he never had nice cars, healthy relationships, or all the other things he brags about. He just has to cut everything and everyone down for some bizarre reason, like a ten year old bully who never grew up.

He is also one of the types who thinks, despite being in his forties, that a constant stream of crude toilet humor and sex jokes typical of teens and twenty-somethings is still not just hilarious, but also completely appropriate regardless of the situation.

The irony is that the reality of his situation has objectively never been positive, and he has failed a lot in life with many false starts, abusive relationships, and lies about essentially everything to the point he cannot even remember his own web of false reality. One time long ago he also shared a fondness for torture porn and other really inappropriate material. I can only guess that was just scratching the surface of his perverse negativity. It came as very little surprise that he had recently been charged with a sexual assault crime as well.

He had also clearly been on something before calling, whether it was alcohol or something else is anyone's guess. If it was not a question of sobriety, then he was suffering early signs of mental illness because it was like talking to someone with memory loss, bipolar disorder, manic depressive, schizophrenia or the like. And the last thing I want is to be involved with anything he is doing, but I indulged this belligerent phone conversation for a little while out of morbid curiosity just to see how many horrible things he could say for the sake of my own entertainment. In summary, I don't intend to have many of these calls with him in the future.

The most unfortunate thing about it is that we basically agree on most things, but having to tolerate that sort of behavior just to be on common ground with someone is a big compromise and you shouldn't have to make it if someone doesn't want to acknowledge their anti-social behavior. It's particularly sad when they are a middle aged adult still doing this.

I mostly just feel very bad for him because his life has always been in some form of turmoil so I wanted to make the conversation civil. There is nothing I'm going to do to change him and I'm certainly not about to willingly re-engage with someone like that on any kind of regular basis just because we hold some beliefs in common. Pretty sad to see someone you used to know to have gone down that road but it's not my problem to deal with.

So no, you don't need to lighten up. It's not unreasonable to expect human beings to have the smallest standard of civility, and they deserve whatever negative response they get if they choose to be trash instead.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2021-02-12T21:10:19+00:00

I deal with these personality types by flipping the script and putting them on blast in front of the crowd and calling our their behavior as a manifestation of insecurity and a sense of weakness that they are attempting to cover up by busting someone else's cock to pretend like they are tough. Works every time and it sends the message that I am not one to be fucked with.

These little shits always pick on those whom they know will not retaliate to their shit. Therefore RETALIATE and hard.

I will also add that when I see this behavior in general even when it is not directed at me but rather, when it's one dude ripping on another, I don't tolerate such weakness and I tend to step in and rip on the one doing the ripping. I have a personal distaste for such pathetic weakness disguised under a little tough guy attitude. But this behavior is even worse because there is no pretense of being tough, this is an insecure little shit who wants to knock other people down to make them as weak and insecure as he is. It is a female tactic and that is why I have zero tolerance for it in men.

It is our duty as men to weed out weakness from the pack.

toasty99 · 2021-02-12T23:00:54+00:00

At some point, bring up (good-naturedly) that you don’t mind the goofing around but there’s a respect line that gets crossed occasionally. Tell him you don’t mind getting your balls busted, but you do mind getting them cut off.

Sophisticated_Sloth · 2021-02-13T01:42:38+00:00

To expand on your post: guys who do it to other guys only when girls or women are around, to seem funny on the account of others. I fucking hate those dudes.

Or guys who will throw other guys under the bus in a joke, so they can seem funny and the unlucky guy can be seen as a fool.

Tomato_Joker · 2021-02-12T20:14:34+00:00

The real question is, can they handle it when an equal insult is dished back to them? If not then they clearly have some issues.

Hypermonkey12 · 2021-02-12T20:27:07+00:00

Sometimes you can’t be afraid to stop the conversation when they do it and look them dead in the fucking eyes and tell them to chill out. If they say “I’m just joking” you have to be willing to make it more awkward and say cut that shit the fuck out , it’s not funny. Ball is in their court from there

worstf69r · 2021-02-12T21:31:56+00:00

This is what I call "Real" toxicity. This dude is either in nature a toxic human or he could be just doing it to you. If it's his nature, just don't give a fuck! But I'd he is doing it to you, that's bullying! And don't give me the crap about bullying prevention and all that. Do this -

Ask yourself 2 questions (The Stocism way)

Is what he saying true?
Is what he saying false?

If the answer to the first is yes, improve yourself, if not, then he is stupid and the best course would be ignoring him.

If the answer to second is yes, again he is stupid, ignore this motherfucker. If not, it could go both ways as you being stupid or him being one.

I implemented this in my class just a month back, shit was never been good enough and now I can be more focused

dyinganimal · 2021-02-12T23:01:24+00:00

This is my workplace in a nutshell, there's always that one dude in every workplace who constantly does this. sometimes multiple people. I'd cut off terms with them immediately and never trust them again.

Zealomon · 2021-02-13T01:15:40+00:00

My dad in a nutshell, then he wonders why we distance ourselves. He’ll even do this bit of “you need to be able to tolerate what others say.” But I wouldn’t dare do that to him or he’d get angry.

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-02-12T17:45:53+00:00

Men engage in rough-and-tumble verbal play with each other to rank them in the dominance hierarchy.

Naus1987 · 2021-02-12T18:10:09+00:00

I purposely make cruel jabs at one of my coworkers because she’s always a bitch to everyone else.

I basically do it so she can get a taste of her own medicine. And on a good day she’ll give me the cold shoulder. And I get that glorious silence.

She’s basically a Karen who refuses to take responsibility for anything she does, and will blame anything and everything on others while being completely ignorant to the fact that she’s that way.

It’s to the point where I gave up trying to passively ignore her, so I get even by throwing it back at her.

I’m by no means like this to anyone else. She just brings out the worst in me.

MGTOW_and_Bitcoin · 2021-02-12T18:33:34+00:00

All I care about is if you can acknowledge a better argument and provide a very direct rebuttal..... and let the better argument when the day, and come back tomorrow if you think you got something new.

Unfortunately we have people in here who call themselves mgtow but only want to complain about men complaining about not having basic human fucking rights... I don't know which one is more worthless a feminazi or a smug mgtow.

Uncle-Buckwild · 2021-02-12T18:36:24+00:00

The dudes who do this are not at peace with themselves and as mentioned below have underlying deep rooted insecurities, hence their incessant need to ridicule or belittle others.

It is very irritating, a lot of these dudes are the ones who cock block and attempt to humiliate you in front of women. As hard as it is, you cannot let it show that you are bothered by it and have to maintain confidence. Luckily, women see right through guys like this.

burningmuscles · 2021-02-12T19:07:31+00:00

Bantz, innit. Like on Top Gear.

Sometimes people like this can be well and truly insufferable. But sometimes I was guility of being a little stuffy and pretentious.

There is a happy medium.

However, generally I try not to have "serious" conversations with anyone, aside from friends who I definitely know are not idiots.

BMWM5Lover · 2021-02-12T19:07:45+00:00

Take it you’ve never been in the military then.

bakahed · 2021-02-12T19:19:44+00:00

You think they’re actual jerks but they are actual jerks. And yeah I had a coworker like that. No one wanted to hang out with him and other people would say behind his back that he is a jerk when they were sure the word wouldn’t get out about them considering them jerks. I usually don’t even give time of day at all to people like that. It’s so much easier

RaphAttack11 · 2021-02-12T19:32:57+00:00

I play around with my close friends but that’s just how we are together, but we know when to turn it on and off and sometimes we turn it off for each other, then once we good we turn it back on. But we still care, sometimes I have taken it too far and they’ve told me to stop and I apologize so I think it’s all good and if they do hurt your feelings then you should tell them and if they’re really a good friend you’ll see by how they react

PushinNShovin · 2021-02-12T19:51:35+00:00

I was in the Infantry for three years and talking like this to each other is a requirement.

There is some beauty in the unspoken rules that govern this method of communicating. The real jerks are the ones who don't recognize these rules.

PhatPlonker · 2021-02-12T20:17:02+00:00

This is ALWAYS a dominance attempt. It makes them feel better and it's always done to people who are insecure. They can smell your insecurity.

You know it's true and you know it because it's nature.

The solution is nofap

69jakes69 · 2021-02-12T22:47:32+00:00

Probably lighten up , most of my friends are like that! Just razz them back . But I’m older and thats what we do....

kutabare_86 · 2021-02-12T22:56:02+00:00

Use my favorite line “hey bro, here is some tissue so you can wipe all that shit coming out of your mouth”

Learn stuff like that to fire back at him.

“Oh really? Your mom doesn’t seem to mind that about me much”

“Hey man, you really need to paint the ceiling in your master bedroom”

“How are your wife and my kids doing?”

“Damn bro, sick burn, I’d go kill myself but your mom would be sad”

KuttyKool · 2021-02-13T00:04:31+00:00

I have a friemd who's always making fat jokes at my expense... and the crazy thing is he's much fatter than me. It doesn't really bother me because I know he hates himself and it's his way of trying to "connect" with me as another overweight guy. I know there's need for him to really get some therapy as he has some serious issues with body image, women and his career. I'm about six years older than him so I guess I play the part of the "mature" friend in our group of four.

Impossible-asset · 2021-02-12T17:21:20+00:00

It's just a means of communicating man to man. Some people don't handle it well in the soft, gelatinous society where mental and physical toughness have been nearly bred or conditioned out of men.

You can tell malice or seriousness in someone's tone vs a humorous jab.

tdreampo · 2021-02-12T20:18:38+00:00

Yea my entire work environment is constant trash talking each other and it’s a blast. We all have a great time and we are very good friends. I wouldn’t sweat it at all. Isn’t this one of those red pull things, either ignore or agree and amplify.

EffectiveAmbitious · 2021-02-12T22:13:56+00:00

best way if they get to you , is shout at them , insult them loudly and a little manhandle them by being angry .this way either they leave you as thinking to be more dominating or they will tease you more.but next time punch the shit out of them to show who is the boss , thats my way , i dont give a fuck , and i love too fight

GTFonMF · 2021-02-12T19:35:39+00:00

It’s just jokes bro.

But yes. I am also a dick.

ProfessorSicario · 2021-02-12T16:44:53+00:00

Guilty, sometimes we just don’t know our limits, sorry bro

Title	Off-topic discussion: Dudes who are always busting other dude’s chops.
Author	mnomoto
Upvotes	1
Comments	82
Date	February 12, 2021 4:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/liebxj/offtopic_discussion_dudes_who_are_always_busting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/off-topic-discussion-dudes-who-are-always-busting.802298 https://theredarchive.com/post/802298

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