Request for advice

jacktenofhearts · 2015-05-11T11:08:57+00:00

Yep, it's crap. Your normal philosophy is working great. Just keep doing that.

Dude, this isn't how it works. If you did the reading you wouldn't be asking these questions. Or you wouldn't be asking them this way.

Everything you just posted is framed about your wife. I read your post history when you posted earlier today. Your wife literally hates you. You realize that, right? She treats you so fucking poorly and what do you do? You provide her a home, you cook all her meals, you clean all her clothes. And what are you getting out of this marriage, man? Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE?

There is a very fundamental problem here, in that your wife hates you, and you keep supplicating to her anyway, in some delusional desperate hope she'll come to her senses and appreciate you. But she will never appreciate or respect you, because you don't appreciate or respect yourself. If you did, you wouldn't put up with a tenth of this bullshit. If this sounds like the "opposite of your philosophy," then I don't know what to tell you. You are literally letting yourself be abused by this terrible excuse for a human being that is your wife, and WE'RE the ones with a fucked up world viewpoint?

Look buddy. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna talk to a lawyer, and figure out how you can end this trash fire of a marriage and get custody of your son. Given how fucking neglectful your wife is, I bet you have some chance of getting more than split custody. I would imagine she's as shitty of a parent as she is a wife.

Then you're gonna make an appointment with a psych, because goddamn you have some HUGE codependency issues. You're so dependent on her validation. You are literally like a crack fiend, on all fours, locking the cracks in between your floor boards just in case a few molecules of crack fell in there. Your behavior, if it's as accurate as you described here, is basically pathological. I have no idea what kind of fucked up mental model you have to end up in this situation, but you need to FIX IT, now, otherwise you won't be able to do this.

You've mentioned in other posts in /r/DeadBedrooms about seeing a counselor because your wife is a lot like your mother. Ask yourself whether your counselor is really helping you stand up for yourself, or just providing you an outlet to vent but not actually solve anything.

Because dude, you need to start living your life like a normal person. I don't cook meals and do laundry of people that treat me like shit. No one does. That's NORMAL. It's kind of a simple concept. Forget about the physical relationship with your wife. Your wife literally can't even treat you like a pleasant roommate. She has such a deep-seated resentment of you, and you? just take it up. The. Ass. Every. Single. Day.

You obviously spent a lot of time in DeadBedrooms. 90% of the posts there start with, "my marriage is great, my wife is my best friend, it's just that..." YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT. You just have a roommate who hates you.

So stop cooking her food and stop doing her laundry. Just take care of your shit and you son. She's an adult, right? She can feed and clean herself. Now, I can already tell you're dreading the idea of doing this. She'll unleash a torrent of verbal abuse on you for daring not to let her sit around with unbrushed teeth (and seriously - ew) with no consequences. And this is why you need to see a psych first, because you are clearly not mentally equipped to hold your ground. Your wife will be angry and hysterical and you will be so, so, tempted to give in at such overt displays of disapproval. Just realize if you do this, you're dead. Not figuratively. You will be dead, because you will have agreed to live out the rest of your existence in this pathetic state, providing every need to a frigid shrew of a woman who contributes nothing to you or your soon. We are all destined to be worm food in the end, but the way you live your life now will ensure nobody will remotely give a shit about your existence or lack thereof.

Once you've reached some semblance of self-respect, and you've done the reading and maybe realized Red Pill isn't nearly the radical extreme movement everyone on Reddit is terrified by - then post here again. Until then, none of us are going to be inclined to give a flying fuck about helping you with your life, since you're so clearly unwilling to help yourself.

whinemoreplease · 2015-05-11T13:06:58+00:00

You're full of excuses and really lazy. If you can't see that as a root cause, then I don't know what to say. Until you start owning your own shit and taking responsibility for your own happiness instead of trying to justify your own bullshit to yourself, you're not going to make any progress here.

All these guys who are answering your questions are wasting their time because they're addressing the sympton instead of cause.

You haven't done jack shit and you're already complaining. It's enough to repulse me from wanting to put any effort in. Because I can guarantee that you're focused completely on value leeching instead of value giving.

psyflux · 2015-05-11T11:40:11+00:00

I'll bite...

"Whoa, nice breath yuckmouth"
Let me guess, she eats your pizza and the leftovers for lunch the next day. Stop somewhere to have dinner alone. Eating dinner without her is like having a coupon for 50% off.
Exactly. Laundry day should include both yours and the child's, nothing more.
Assuming she brushed her teeth?
Find and point out another ass "Damn, I bet she'd like it."
She acts like a child, treat her accordingly.
Silent treatment = Permission for another meal out alone.

Bonus: Your new child is not an excuse or complication. You have someone new upon which to divert all your love and affection, wake up.

Assignment: 100 pushups no matter how long it takes.

rediscover03 · 2015-05-11T11:10:02+00:00

You give way more than you should in this marriage and get very little in return. Your approaches only make things worse and you've noticed it as well. Start by reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

You are a classic case based on what you describe and it will be interesting to see if you come to see the light and change your life around. Welcome.

Sepean · 2015-05-11T11:35:31+00:00

There is really no individual fix to the situations you describe. You need to read and implement, improve yourself, and that will fix it.

If you want the TL;DR version of red pill, then being nice to her and providing for her will make her want you around as nice beta husband, but she will not want to fuck you and she will not respect you. Don't expect that. You can't negotiate attraction, you can't buy it with gift. She will give you the minimum amount of starfish sex to keep you around, and otherwise treat you as shit.

What she wants is a strong man. She wants to be fucked by a man with good genes, someone who is physically fit and socially dominant. An alpha. So you lift and you groom, that's the physical part. The social part, women do what we call shit tests to test your mettle - she'll order you around and criticize you to see if you can stand up to her or if you will display weakness: flake and comply or get butthurt.

But read and improve before you go out and try to act dominant. Women will not accept dominant behavior from men they perceive as weak. It's a process, and skip ahead at your own peril.

theultmatecad · 2015-05-11T12:35:09+00:00

You have a huge ammt of work to do. Stop doing shit your wife can do for herself. Start the process of improving yourself for a new woman. It may not come to that but the process of your improvement is important.

Right now you cant improve for yourself alone as you are validation seeking. Big time mommy's boy. So get in gear with weights and our books and posts. Stop enabling your lazy pig wife

Chuckit_ · 2015-05-11T13:05:18+00:00

Here's the thing. You accept that your marriage is at rock bottom, right? And your wife straight up hates you? Good. You have nothing to lose.

"Jesus Christ, you smell like an arsehole lives in your mouth. Brush your teeth or fucking go somewhere else." Then ignore everything she says after that. Or gag when she breathes on you.
Cook something she doesn't eat. Or dont cook enough for her, just you and Junior. When she complains, tell her that "the kitchen is that way" then ignore her shit.
Wash yours and Junior's. Her clothes can't possibly smell any worse than her mouth.
Why the fuck are you kissing this woman? STOP GIVING HER YOUR AFFECTION. Your attention is a reward for good behaviour.
You're giving her attention in public? After the way she treats you? Not anymore.
See 4 and 5.
Go do something else. I'd frankly be pleased not to hear her again.

Daddit, this advice may contribute to ending your "marriage". It is probably too late. But it's never too late for you to reclaim your balls.

Or keep telling everyone that all that redpill stuff is bullshit. But I guarantee that when Mrs Daddit ends up leaving and fucking someone else, it won't be because he's a better cook or laundry bitch. And she'll brush her teeth for him.

Seriously, she doesn't brush her teeth? I'd have left already, but anyway.

Edit: If you think it's worth saving. Gotta say, I'd be gone - but then, I've never been in your situation. But if you want to avoid this in your next relationships, you'll swallow the pill.

Edit 2: "this red pill stuff is crap" - My wife is the happiest and most confident I can remember. You know what real female empowerment in a relationship looks like? It's when she knows that no matter what happens, her man is worthy of being in her corner. He's an oak -unwavering, unaffected, infinitely strong and dependable, and strangely arousing (yeah, I find oak trees arousing, fuck off). What exactly do you see is wrong with this situation?

Countpudyoola · 2015-05-11T14:08:30+00:00

You've gotten boatloads of the advice you need. But really: stop doing shit-all for your womanslob. Yes, pretend you're a single father and her ass isn't even there. She want to eat or clean clothes? Then she'll need to get her food and wash. I'd you have joint accounts shift your paycheck to a new account and give her a cash allowance. She go behind your back and get access? You move the money again. Up your smv in all the usual ways. It'll feel like you're working on your exit plan. While you'll be in a better position should you need one...its actually the only fucking way to turn such a bottom of the apathy barrel around.

By the time she realizes "oh shit, this is permenant and real. My meal tickets about to leave me." Her morning breath stale PJ wearing ass is going to have to sprint towards you like an Olympian to catch up or you'll be at a good point to set sail for greener pastures. Never underestimate the willpower they can muster if they realize the meal ticket easy life is about to be over. Think of all the work you've been doing and compare that to the minimal effort she'd have to expend to fucking shower, brush her teeth and fuck you as if she enjoys it and it would pale in comparison to the effort she'd have to put into getting a life without you and snaring another sap.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-11T14:37:39+00:00

First, Red Pill is reality. If reality is 'crap' (and it is) then Red Pill is also crap (and in many ways it is the ultimate Shit Sandwich). You don't have to accept that all women are solipsistic screechtards intent on fucking over her Beta and cuckolding him with Alpha pups to be "Alpha" and certainly not to be "Red Pill." You just have to accept reality, open your eyes, and realize...wait: Women and men are actually different? Who knew?

Second, as /u/Jacktenofhearts wrote: You give a tiny bit of lip service to the entire Married Red Pill program and then proceed to frame EVERYTHING in terms of...WHAT CAN I MAKE MY WIFE DO. ANSWER? Nothing! All you can control is YOUR behavior and modify how she reacts to you.

Third, dabblilng in red pill is not going to work. It is all in or all out. It is like lifting weights. You can go to the gym and lift like most girls- half assed, never work up a sweat, light weights, not sore the next day- OR you can be the guy who crushes it, lifts to exhaustion, and builds noticeable muscles in a few months. So the first guy whines: "Why won't she notice all the work I am doing" while the second guy says nothing, builds, learns seduction and kino, and sits back while his wife comes up behind him and starts rubbing her hands over his shoulders- tingling like crazy. Which approach do you think works best?

Finally, let me provide the Red Pill answers to your questions: YMMV and use your own logic in evaluating these suggestions:

Yuck! I would COMPLETELY IGNORE my wife if she greeted me with dragons breath and PJ's after I cam home from work all day. Don't get mad. Set the boundary- no greeting me like a filthy slob when I get home from work and then enforce it. You enforce it by REMOVING ALL THE REINFORCERS to her behavior- usually by ignoring her, going to the gym and leaving her alone.
What's wrong with pizza? Have a couple pieces along with a salad and some nuts and that meal is plenty healthy.
You work, support the family AND do the laundry? Read No More Mr. Nice Guy when you get home from the gym today. You are a supplicating pussy! Do you think women want to fuck supplicating pussy's?
Kissing- I would go for the 10 second kiss every day. Tell your wife you are going to do something to improve your marriage. Tell her you are going to kiss her for 10 seconds every day but you have 2 conditions- first she has to brush her teeth, and second, she has to pretend to like it. Do it every day. Don't turn it into a sexual escalation (usually) but hold your wife in your arms and stick your tongue in her mouth for 10 seconds every single day for the rest of your lives.
PDA's should NOT be offered if she is in denial mode. The PDA is a reward for HER, NOT FOR YOU. Are you her husband or her little boy, pining for a hug and kiss from mommy? She can be your lover or your mother- pick one.
BIG mistake. Mommy won't give you a kiss? Better go to your room and pout then.
Silent Treatment: Now we get to the hub of her control technique. SHE CONTROLS YOU BY EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATING YOU. She can only do this IF YOU LET HER. STOP REACTING TO HER EMOTIONAL MANIPUALTION AND GAMES!

How? By getting a busy active life that does not depend on approval from your mommy/wife. The proper response to the silent treatment is a look of disapproval followed by leaving the house- for days at a time if necessary.

TLDR: Read my post on Dread and start at level 1 responding to her Shit Tests appropriately and level 2, getting your action plan together and getting in shape.

[deleted] · 2015-05-11T14:59:28+00:00

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MgFeSi · 2015-05-11T11:53:08+00:00

I found my way here from DB. Your marriage sounds terrible, and too much of it sounds familiar. My marriage of today doesn't resemble yours in any way whatsoever.

There is some hope for you. But in our experience it takes work, sacrifice, determination and humility.

Work - lifting and reading. Hard physical work. Hard mental work.

Sacrifice - Putting aside the habits of your life and adopting new ways to occupy your time. Going without the comforts you've adopted to grow. This includes the "raspberry".

Determination - Changing yourself and your marriage takes time. Too many men on here read a little bit, lift a little bit, and start claiming RP identity and dreading their wives. It's lazy, and it's just another side of the same coin. This takes a long walk in the same direction.

Humility - Here it is I'm a nutshell. The marriage and wife you have is if your own making. This is all your fault. You let this happen. You're also the possible solution. It's not guaranteed because we can't fix others. She may not appreciate or accept change. Your marriage still might end.

The result you will get regardless is self respect. If you lift, you can add on to that list a strong body. If you read and study, you can onto that greater intelligence. A smarter, stronger, self respecting man.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-05-11T12:00:29+00:00

TRP answers the questions.
1) Why does your wife treat you the way she does?
TRP answer: she doesn't respect you.
2) How can you get her to respect you?
TRP answer: raise your sexual market value.
3) I've been lifting, and there's no change in her behavior. What now?
TRP answer: If you are seeing results from your lifting, then it's time for you to right the ship of your marriage and run it like you own it. Since you're so far away from this step, it doesn't make sense to tell you about it because it doesn't mean anything.

Step 1: Lift.

Svantearach · 2015-05-11T13:32:11+00:00

I come home from work and my wife is in her PJ'S with unbrushed teeth. Not a situation I like. I have tried asking her to brush them. I have tried getting angry. Both have zero effect. What should I do?

Why do you care if she brushes her teeth? You should be withdrawing all physical affection (see further answers...)

2) my wife is a SAHM. I work outside the home. I do all the cooking. I actually like to cook so most times it is not a problem. Occasionally work makes it so I get home late. She refuses to fix dinner on those nights. Often this ends in pizza. Not healthy. Assuming that telling her to get off her ass and fix some food is not an option.

Pick yourself up something healthy on your way home. She can go hungry.

3) laundry. If I don't do it there are no clean clothes. Just do it? Don't make a deal of it? Just wash mine and leave hers?

Do your own only. Better yet, get a better wardrobe and start dry cleaning.

4) kissing. In general I get one split second kiss each day as we go to bed. If I try for more I get pushed away. I want more than this? How do I fix it?

Withdraw all physical affection. Lift. Dread. She's still in control if you're begging for gay shit like a kiss.

5) PDA. If I grab her ass or go for a kiss in public it tends to result in anger/rejection. What is the correct response?

Agree and amplify. Laugh at her anger.

6) I feel like I have to ask permission for a kiss. She essentially has all the control. If she wants a kiss I give it. If I want one I get it maybe 50% of the time. She will occasionally blow a raspberry, for lack of a better term, when I try to kiss her. I told her thus is annoying, from what I am reading this was a mistake, and she got pissed. She just wanted to play and I got mad.

Withdraw all physical affection. Don't be so needy, she uses it to control you.

7) silent treatment. Hate this. Obviously badgering her to talk or apologizing are not the correct option. What is?

She's not talking to you? Good, go lift. She knows you will always break and come to her. Change that dynamic and she will be eating out of the palm of your hand, doing your laundry, and wanting kisses. And brushing her teeth...

You should be focusing 100% on yourself and ignoring all of her needs. Needing kisses/affection from her is beta behavior and she does not respect you for it. She's using your neediness to control you. Her refusing to give a kiss is a shit test designed to see if you are a beta bitch and you are failing every time. She should be coming to YOU for kisses and affection, not the other way around. The only way to change the dynamic is withdraw affection 100%. Lift, improve your wardrobe, and do only things you want to do.

Theopaulson · 2015-05-11T16:41:48+00:00

Well fuck.

I am late to the party but you sound somewhat like me.

She has all the control right now. You are in a shit house bad soap opera epic. It's not what you wanted, imagined, or hoped for.

So let me give you the 12 month plan that is somewhat paying off for me now. I say somewhat... as there are just some things about my SO that... welp... are tough.

Begin the process of gaining inner and outer strength. Right now, you have zero control over your wife's behavior. You are also not at the point of rocking some dread game. It takes time. MOST of your issues will go away if you are able to apply red pill and increase your SMV over time. Its like magic.

So become a quieter person. Let your strength, physicality, and successes speak for you.

She no longer matters. Her needs, what she wants, what she does... nada. zero. You just don't give a fuck about her anymore. You begin to live your life in a bubble. Of course, if she is fucking bleeding on the floor you help. I don't mean be an asshole. Just a shift. Her attitude, weight, dress, words, actions, don't matter.

Take control of your schedule. Workout like a madman. It has taken me a solid 12 months to get my body working for me. I am finally getting checked out in public. 12 months from now, I will look fantastic. It matters a lot. Strong lift 5x5, running, crossfit, whatever. Workout a ton. 5 days a week minimum and eat as clean as possible.

Yeah read. Read a ton. Read everything you can.

When it comes to chores- here it is for me. I want a clean house, my kids to have a solid good food, and my laundry to be done. If she doesn't do it, I will. Do I like that I work 60+ hours a week and still have to make dinner? No. Do I like that I do 75-80% of the grocery shopping when she is a SAHM? No. But I do it so I ca eat well and the house can be managed.

What happened after I adopted red pill stuff, worked out more, and stopped giving a fuck? She cooks more. Fancy that. She wants to do something to ease my burden.

A couple of biggies:

If you are in an argument with your wife- you have already lost. Don't argue or join in. If she is fucking with you and calling you shit names- it doesn't matter. Her words have no bearing on you. Yeah, if you are leaving your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor and she's yells "Pick up your underwear" of course. But you DO NOT need to stand up for yourself. Because it doesn't matter what she thinks.

Do some simple things. Spend sunday putting together some freezer meals that you can crock pot. Going to stay late at work tomorrow? Chuck some food in the crockpot, get a rice cooker on a delay timer, and bam food prepared.

Get your ass up early and work out. Put the kid to bed? Go out and work out some more.

You can't control her. At all. You can't. BUT if you start to rock your own life. If you increase your physicality, increase your overall SMV, increase your success in life, she will either put up or shuttup. 12 months from now, if she is still like this and you are starting to resemble a roman gladiator- run full dread game by filing for divorce.

Don't be petty. If it means working harder for 12 months than you ever have before, being the sole provider AND keeping a good house... so what. You will be pissed and angry all the time. I still get that way. This weekend sucked for me. i was angry at my wife for just sucking at some simple things. I had to swallow it and move on.

Learn the art of maintaining frame. DONT let your emotional anger outbursts get out.

AND GIVE IT TIME.

Or just say fuck it, divorce her, and start the process on your own.

thegr8b8m8 · 2015-05-11T12:08:55+00:00

Look man I know your catching some heat so I am not going to give you a lot of shit. There is a saying many men say in this area something to the effect of women are like children or a woman is the oldest teenager in the household. This could not be more true for you. Your the only adult in the house. My wife when we first got married had a bad habit of going several days without brushing her teeth. I literally marched her ass into the bathroom and made her brush her teeth just like I would do my own child. She got all emotional and but hurt and I did not care because it's gross and I am not tolerating that shit because asking nicely did not work. Take back control of your house. When you start acting like a man she will treat you like a man. You have to make time to read this material because none of us have time to repost all of it. But just so you understand that if you don't get this right now she will cheat on you for an alpha male. In her eyes you are a beta bucks and she already has what she needs out of you that is just a harsh cold reality.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-11T12:30:30+00:00

OK. I've gone through your post history. YOU need to get a grip on yourself. Between the two posts here and the one on /r/deadbedrooms it sounds like you have much work ahead. This process will probably take a year or more because of the level of vitriol and disrespect your wife is showing you. I don't even know how the fuck did you allow for the situation to get to where it did. First things first:

1) Read course prerequisites AND Red Pill 101 from the sidebar. All six of them but read mindful attraction plan right after MMSLP. The rational male and sixteen commandments of poon are both free online. Also read the book of pook when you're done with those six. 2) In-between reading go to the gym AT LEAST 3 times a week. I know it's tough with the baby but you have no choice. YOU MUST GO. 3) Know that this will take time. Depending on your physique and financial stability this could take a year or more. Mental things you should start implementing immediately.

At the end you might have to be willing to walk away. In fact usually the person more willing to walk away has more power. Since she already told you she is willing to have a baby with another guy if you won't do the deed you know you're behind the 8 ball there.

Now with that out of the way:

1) She's in PJs and unbrushed teeth? Do NOT kiss her. NEVER reward bad behavior. Will cover more in point 7.

2) Assume food is not home. Eat out. Go to a deli that sells hot food, get meat and veggies and eat that. EAT HEALTHY. No sandwiches, pizza, soda or juices if you can help it. DO NOT COOK FOR HER until she starts pulling her own weight. That means keeping herself and the house neat and tidy.

3) Do only your own and baby's laundry. She walks around in pjs anyways. It's her fucking job being a SAHM.

4) She needs to keep hygiene first. But needs to be attracted to you second. Forget the more until you have other things in order. Gym, man up, kissing and more will come with time.

5) Ignore the anger. Outcome independence is important. Also if she disrespects you in public then never take her out again. Let her go herself etc. Treat her like an ex until she apologizes.

6) You seem to be hung up on kissing and shows of affection. This makes you seem needy and clingy. Get a hold of yourself and STOP. You kissing her is her reward and your show of affection to her if she does good. Currently her behavior does not deserve your show of affection.

7) EMBRACE the silent treatment. This gives you a chance to read, go to the gym, do some men's work around the house fixing shit that needs fixing. She is responsible for her emotions so let her be silent and stew in peace. If you ignore her, she will come running to you.

Ps. Some of what she does sounds like postpartum depression. PJs and unbrushed teeth in the afternoon. Make sure she gets checked out for that. Meds for that can temporarily lower her sex drive, but depression can make her suicidal and a danger to your child.

nrthrnwoodsman · 2015-05-13T02:54:22+00:00

Wow - I lived with this shit for five years and then we divorced. Finally - my house was clean again. Damn was the ex a lazy slob. However, I realized that my approach to dealing with marriage had not worked. So , it set me on a mission - to learn ! I read NMMNG , a bunch of PUA books and then I set out to game women - lots of them. Fucked a bunch . Sex with a hot women who was horny for me -felt great. ! Im now remarried and although there are challenges - she at least works her ass off - cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. Quite frankly if a women can't even do that - lay down the law and if she doesn't perform - kick her out!. If you are a Christian there is a great blog written by a guy Cane Caldo who dealt with the same stuff as you. He took the bull by the horns and made her change. According to his posts it worked. But you have to have balls to do it. Without them - good luck - you better cultivate an affinity for squalor.

[deleted] · 2015-05-11T21:12:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Request for advice
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	78
Date	May 11, 2015 10:37 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/35kzw8/request_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/request-for-advice.201961 https://theredarchive.com/post/201961

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