My wife has always enjoyed spending time with her friends from college (she is a recent graduate). The past two months she has been going and doing things with them a little more often, right about the time she told me she thought it would be good for us to get a divorce. This in itself doesn't concern me terribly, but what I do not like is that she has been staying out all night, ususally 2-3 times a week. She goes out and either stays late or drinks and decides to stay at a friends place. These friends are usually, but not always other women. At first it seemed like coincidence, but as it went on she has made the decision to stay out all night prior to going out. This concerns me for two reasons:

  1. We have a daughter who notices my wife not being home in the morning. IMO this is not something a married woman or mother should be doing.

  2. The obvious. She might be cheating. However, it seems unlikely that she would tell me that she spent the night at a guy's apartment when that would obviously lead me to be suspicious. Why would she lie about cheating, but not about staying the night at another guy's place? As a side note the place I'm talking about has 3 guys living together (one of them I know is pretty flagrantly gay).

I am looking into getting a voice recorder for her car/living room and talking to my lawyer about getting her texting history from our phone company. This should either confirm my suspicions or put them to rest. Of course if she is cheating I can move forward with a divorce. We do not live in a "No Fault" state so this should give me some leverage in the proceedings.

Regardless of what she is doing with this time I want to make it clear that I do not believe this is an appropriate thing for her to do. I have thus far not shown any resistance to this behavior. My hang up is that I want to bring it up without seeming as if I am jealous or needy. I also want to wait until after I am convinced one way or the other on the cheating issue. If she changes her behavior now I may not get the information I need.

The best thing I can think to say is that her behavior is inappropriate and she should be coming home at the end of the night (not getting drunk). I could just state this and let her shit fly. If it gets to be too much I can get out and go radio silent for a while.

Edit: Thanks for the replies. I thoulght I'd been doing well, but the past couple of days just had me thinking about all her shit too much. Seeing it from other's perspectives has me seeing how pathetic I've been through this. I'll focus on my own shit and follow what my lawyer thinks is best for moving forward with a divorce. I've been steadily working on myself and my other relationships, developing a frame, lifting, etc. I'm not afraid of a divorce. I just didn't want it to happen if it didn't need to.