Are men inherently and more often promiscuous than women? My friend(who says she isn't a feminist but tends to say some pretty feminist shit) said that men have biologically evolved to want sex more than women. Something about how men want to have many kids but women want healthy kids or something. So men have a need, an itch, to spread their seed far and wide and are biologically wired AGAINST being faithful.

We were talking about a friend of ours who recently was cheated on by her boyfriend of 5 years. He was talking to other girls online in a very explicit manner on Insta and Snapchat.

So we were just talking about how horrible it was(and its even weirder because he's also a part of our friend group but now we all want to cut him off, so we've all just been weird lately), then she hit me with the "well he can't help it, I guess. He's a guy. He's biologically wired to want sex and to want it all the time."

Now, i'm a woman, but I'm sure all men and women have grown up hearing this shit.

"Men always want sex"

"Men are dogs"

"Most men will sleep with most women" or "Most men find most women attractive"

Blah, blah, blah, blah....

I made a joke asking her if she thinks her boyfriend would cheat on her, since men want sex all the time and she told me she's pretty much asexual. She just shrugged and said "Maybe."

Then she went on this whole rant about how gay men are more promiscuous than lesbians, and that lesbians have deeper, more connected relationships. About how men cheat more, have lower standards(find most women atrractive), and see sex as recreational. As just an "act", instead of a way to bond with your partner. She talked about some study where researchers had a woman go around and ask random men if they would sleep with her and 75% said yes, but when they reversed it and had a guy go around and ask random women if they would sleep with him, 0% said yes. Showing that men are more open to casual sex and have spontaneous sex drives, compared to women who have responsive sex drives and are less open to casual sex because of pregnancy and possible sexual violence. She said the proof was in gay men who do not stay in monogamous LTRs. They either open up their relationships or cheat, because men need variety and because their sex drives are so high. She said the only reason men stay in monogamous relationships is because of women.

She said something else about testosterone and some study that gave testosterone to a woman and she was just as horny as a man.

Idk...I let her talk for like an hour while I sat fuming because everything she said sounded like bullshit. I'm pretty sure she said some other shit that I can't remember right now, but she essentially ended up channeling me into an echo chamber of arguments on why men suck as romantic and sexual partners. And why we should never trust one to stay faithful.

Its the same thing we always hear. That men will sleep with anyone or are always in the mood for sex. That gay men are proof of it. And that it can't be helped. They're just "wired" that way. So we just have to keep living with this idea that men are like...sex-hungry fiends and that they only get into relationships for sex, not for companionship and love. They don't have sex to "bond". They have sex to scratch an itch.

And once the sex dries up, the man focuses his attention elsewhere. As is proven in male gay relationships where, according to my friend, they always open up their relationships or cheat.

I just need someone to help me dismantle this shit(if its possible, I don't know how much of it is actually true). I would love to hit her with a "well actually..." the next time we talk about it. And there will be a next time since its been practically all we've been talking about for the last 3 days since our friend's bf cheated on her. Or since she found out, rather.

I did my own research but it was fruitless for the most part. Even other subreddits, including gay ones, reiterated her points. That everything she said was true. That men are just horny sluts who would fuck a light pole if it looked enough like a person. So now I feel like I'm crazy. Is it true and I'm in denial because I don't want to see men that way, or is it all lies and bullshit stereotypes?

Or maybe...its complicated?

I mean....I did come across some studies that found that men do have higher sex drives(though I found one that debated that) and that gay men tend to have more sexual partners than other groups/pairings.

Idk...but please help 😭

I just hate that men get reduced down to puppets of their sexuality and sexual desire. That they don't have complex inner worlds and complex feelings that could sway or change their sexual feelings. I also hate that women are spoken of as being more sexually superior. Having more descretion and wanting sex ONLY if it follows an emotional connection first. I just hate it.

I also hate that they make it sound biologically immutable. Changeless. Because if we find that male sexual behavior is caused by certain social narratives, we would have to admit it can change.