Above average looking (but not top tier men) have a harder time with dating

purplish_possum · 2023-01-03T01:09:42+00:00

The story of my life.

xzpw · 2023-01-03T04:30:07+00:00

I think this really varies too much on the individual. I think it depends on how above average they are and how ambitious they are. Overall, I disagree.

I've seen quite a few guys who are above average looking land a gal that is average-ish looking - and they seem happy with that. Good for them. Glad for them. I think part of the reason is that they were able to have opportunities and found a gal with a personality that made them happy. They settled on looks and found a personality that worked for them.

I think average and below average men have to just take what they can get physically and intellectually - which is often whatever is leftover and incredibly damaged. You don't get to sample the field and see what's out there - you just meet someone, they respond positively, and you lock that down ASAP because it's the only chance you're ever going to get. If you're lucky - you manage to get someone who is willing to work on themselves and you work with them to improve themselves. You get them through all their childhood abuse, various traumas, and maybe help them onto a better career track. Downside - she will likely leave you once this is accomplished because *hypergamy*. I think someone who is above average would *not* experience the hypergamy issue. Only step up is chad and *that* is a big step that I think most gals will not jump after a long commitment where you've held up a good deal.

I think because someone who is above average looking gets more opportunities - they will be less upset, be able to actually make a choice on who they date, and be able to retain who they date better. So, I disagree. I think average and below average men still have it worse.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-01-03T05:40:30+00:00

This is besides the point but I think if ur above average in attractiveness as a guy which means ur like not like hot but ur cute, best bet would be to fall into a type. I know girls that just like depressed looking guys. Those guys pull. Idk how to describe it.

AutomaticMeaning3844 · 2023-01-04T01:15:51+00:00

No, the average man can barely get a woman who is simply not fat or trashy but it's a lot easier if you're above average looking.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2023-01-03T01:19:42+00:00

i disagree.

if 8 and above is top tier guys you are mentioning and 5-6 is average (sub5 below average) then that means above average guys are in the 6-8 range and can pull girl 5's and 6's fairly easily with the rare chances to get open minded women in their own league.

I would rate myself a 6 and from my own experience its been pretty easy dating my own level women and occasionally 7s if I get lucky by being at the right place at the right time and she wants it.

obviousredflag · 2023-01-03T11:49:22+00:00

Above average women tend to have their sights set on the top/outlier men or are already in relationships.

Everyone has their sights set on EQUAL MATE VALUE PEOPLE because NOBODY has the need to date down (for committed relationships) for anyone to be able to date up.

medSTUDentsOntario · 2023-01-03T23:26:49+00:00

You’re on drugs. There are plenty of above average non-Chad men that do just fine.

Once you meet a woman’s minimum criteria (tall, in shape, relatively good looking) personality takes over. You’re better off being the guy whose an 8/10 in terms of looks and personality rather than a 10/10 looks and 5/10 personality.

As much people like to objectify women and slut shame them, no woman is going home with a guy whose awkward/untrustworthy

meddit-throwaway · 2023-01-04T14:14:49+00:00

This is all about expectations. An “above average” man will generally expect to be able to attract an above average looking woman, but if you consider hypergamy that absolutely isn’t the case these days. Men have to date down. If you’re a 7, you’ll maybe be able to attract a 5. Not understanding this concept is why so many men are frustrated today. Unattractive men know they’re unattractive so they lower their standards and often don’t have high expectations.

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-03T10:11:40+00:00

I would say passive men have a harder time overall.

THe thing is women don't see you romantically until you push and force them to make a call on whether they want to or not.

It's easier to find a wife that cheats than it is to find a single woman that is proactively asking men to fuck or date. If you understand that. You got half the pill down and it's just refining your job application from there on our. Or knocking on your neighbor's door while her husband is at work, to ask for the vacuum cleaner 3 days / week until she catches on that you're not a clean freak

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FlyV89 · 2023-01-03T23:23:49+00:00

6.3' quite good looking dude here. Can confirm.

Thing is, while I'm quite muscular and ripped, I have a really fast methabolism.

This is a blessing in disguise sometimes. It's great if you put quite a good amount of effort in dieting and excercising, since you gain really small amounts of fat no matter how much you eat, so you can grow some real good amounts of muscle without the downside, this is, getting "blured".

When I'm working out and eating well, I basically look like any superhero from Marvel movies, which is great for dating, but if I don't my weight starts wore down fast, and I mean, really fast. I can lose like 10 pounds in just two months if I eat a normal diet and don't consume proteins.

Well two years ago during the pandemic I got neumony, COVID and an injury on my shoulder which basically put me in a really bad place during a whole year and a half.

I mean I didn CHANGED a lot beyond weight, I was the same guy, with the same beard, the same blue eyes, the same face, attitude, job, personality and hobbies... But, and big BUT, I went from 210 pounds with around 7-8% bodyfat, to some incredibly 170 pounds.

I was still very ripped, with visible apps and everything, but I was skinny, and it took an enormous tool on my dating life.

I actually got ghosted by three "FWB" haha, I mean the sex part didn't bother me at all but they weren't intrested even in the friendship part, not gonna lie that hurts a lot.

Tinder is a mess. As soon as I actualized my pictures, I went from an average of 20-30 matches in a week to 1-2 matches.

Mind you, this happened the very first week I actualized my profile picks, and I did it because I didn't want to catfish anyone, as I went on a few failed first dates with women who ACTUALLY told me I looked "bigger in the picks" and I didn't want the experience to repeat over and over.

But also my overall experience with women changed for worst.

It's kinda funny, but even being nice towards women didn't feel like appropiate during this time, as I could sense it was recieved on a very akward way...

Women in the work place went from being chatty and all giddy to being plain indiferent, and they wouldn't stare at me while passing on the streets or in the buss like they did before.

They were less warm and welcoming of my approaches, even if I was being friendly and not actually sexual at all...

And yeah, I never got approached during this time. Not once in a whole year.

As soon as I was able to work out again, I started a new diet and bum... Female attention all over again.

I actually let my profile with the old pictures while I was on my way to my ol' 210 lbs, and I got to actually 220 lbs, 8-9% bodyfat.

Then one day I took all my old picks and uploaded ONE single pick, shirtless.

I went from 3 matches in a MONTH to 56 matches in that next week.

Yes, this was 10 months ago haha. I was already in PPD and I said "well girls say they don't like shirtless picks, lets see what happens".

And yeah, from my three old FWB, two initiated contact again. I'm still waiting for the one who's missing haha.

But yeah, basically, being just "tall" doesn't help you that much unless you look also good.

If you mannage to get ripped and muscular as a tall man, it's a game changer thou.

BirdMedication · 2023-01-05T00:44:26+00:00

You're assuming that guys are content with their looksmatch, attraction doesn't follow the "assortative dating" model.

BioNipple · 2023-01-06T05:59:08+00:00

I don't think I could ever change my social awkwardness.

Probably easier to keep building muscle at this point.

And much simpler concept. Use that energy on studying actual problems.

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