Bill does the dishes

[deleted] · 2014-02-10T20:12:41+00:00

Sounds like a man who is comfortable with himself. It doesn't matter what you bring to the relationship as long as you bring something that the other person desires. This works for both men and women.

lokidemon731 · 2014-02-10T22:09:01+00:00

I doubt it was a fight with his wife. If she didn't want to do the dishes, they could hire someone. It sounds like he likes doing his own dishes.

[deleted] · 2014-02-10T20:36:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

gembabird · 2014-02-10T22:06:39+00:00

He does it because he likes them done his way...alpha dishes

weirdlemonade81 · 2014-02-10T21:17:14+00:00

The thing I always want to say on topics like this is that it's not really the act of doing the dishes that matters. It's how the person doing the dishes feels about doing the dishes. A marriage in which doing dishes is seen as 'women's work' and the wife is expected to do this could be one in whicn both parties are content with this arrangement. The woman could get fulfillment out of keeping a clean house for her husband and family, and her husband could be happy to have a traditional wife, he could feel loved by this woman for the domestic care she takes. Another marriage with this arrangement could be one in which a dishwashing wife has little interest in doing dishes and feel resentment that she's expected to do them. Her husband could be a man who would feel that his masculinity would be threatened by domestic duties. There is going to be tension in that marriage.

Personally, I am happy to take on most in-house domestic chores and let a man take care of the more traditionally male ones - yard work etc. That works for me partly because I am houseproud and I feel good about being able to keep a nice house, but also because, I suspect like Bill Gates (who apparently is the same MBTI type as me, heh), I want things done a certain way - the right way - and the only way for me to be sure of that is to do them myself. For me a man who doesn't want to do dishes because it makes him feel emasculated is not a man I would be interested in (I accept that not everyone feels this way, but for me part of being alpha is being secure enough in your masculinity to not have it shaken by small tasks etc.). A man who appreciated me doing the dishes and did his part of other household duties, a man who I knew would be ok with doing dishes but was also ok with me doing them because it worked for us - that's by far the better choice for me. Note that in both scenarios, I am the one doing the dishes. What matters is how the two people in the relationship feel about the division of their labour, not the performing of the tasks themselves. Imo, anyway.

roe_ · 2014-02-11T00:10:36+00:00

I do the dishes often - kinda because it's got a "chop wood carry water" feel that I find kinda meditative and relaxing - whereas my SO hates doing them.

Purely anecdotally - doing dishes has a null effect on her amorous attitude towards me.

If I do something "manly" like house-repair or whatever, I am practically guaranteed some flirtatious innuendo and an ass-grab or two.

(I do jobs like these cause they need doin', not some attempt to illicit a response from her - this is just something I've noticed.)

slothsie · 2014-02-10T20:13:28+00:00

He may have anxiety about cleanliness when others do them, my friends' husband is like that. When I lived with them he would re-do all my cleaning because he didn't 'trust' the way I cleaned.

SpaceWhiskey · 2014-02-10T22:43:08+00:00

It sounds like he likes doing the dishes, especially if he says he turns down offers of help. Plenty of people do, it can be relaxing. I think it's a bit of a stretch to speculate that he got in a fight with his wife about it.

nninja · 2014-02-11T12:38:33+00:00

Or he just doesn't mind doing the dishes because he's a fully functioning adult. Why you trying to make everything a gender debate?

sh1v · 2014-02-11T13:50:37+00:00

It sounds like that was a fight with his wife at some point in their marriage.

Where'd you get that impression? He just said he likes the way he does it and so... he does it. Her wishes do not enter into the equation.

ClearArmor · 2014-02-10T20:51:30+00:00

Sometimes it comes down to when you want it done right, you just got to do it yourself.

tangman · 2014-02-12T20:09:55+00:00

I would strongly prefer to do my own dishes, unless I can really trust someone else not to fuck it up. Even then I trust my own attention to detail the most.

One of the things I like to do is cook, and so I have cookware to maintain. Cookware ain't cheap. Like, don't put the nonstick pans in the dishwasher, don't use steel wool on them, and for fuck's sake don't put the cast iron in there do you know what I went through to season it? Make sure to towel dry it. I like things cleaned immediately so they don't have time to stain, so I don't have to use oven cleaner or some shit later.

I wash my own car too. It's cathartic, honing my attention to detail while maintaining my hard earned property.

masterrod · 2014-02-10T22:46:44+00:00

Lol @anyone thinking Bill Gates is some kind of "Alpha"

Old_Pine_Tree · 2014-02-12T15:50:16+00:00

What do you all think?

I think if a man has taken an action by his own initiative and volition, according to his values and judgment, it is a 'proper' action. Apply that to doing the dishes, starting your own business, or any other action.

For me, the problem would be if the other partner (female OR male, depending on orientation) demanded it or somehow bullied the man into performing that action. I don't see mowing the lawn or building an extension on the house as a 'male' or 'alpha' task if the man is doing it only to keep the peace.

Title	Bill does the dishes
Author	masterrod
Upvotes	1
Comments	71
Date	February 10, 2014 7:38 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1xjkct/bill_does_the_dishes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bill-does-the-dishes.286230 https://theredarchive.com/post/286230

Comments