Breakups

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-10-10T15:20:38+00:00

Women have evolved this behavioral trait so they can branch swing efficiently before their biological clock runs out.

dont you think its more likely women evolved this behavior because their husbands died over and over again? or they were taken away from their husbands as spoils of war

figthief · 2017-10-10T15:35:14+00:00

Men are polygynous. Men who don't have oneitis see women as interchangeable commodities, but would prefer to "catch em all" like Pokémon cards. Therefor, the loss of a woman still represents a loss. Even if he no longer loves her, he'd still like her in his collection.

TheChemist158 · 2017-10-10T17:19:52+00:00

Said it before, say again; evolutionary psychology is a shit show. This study was based on an online survey (asked 5,000 people at least). Also, this

If respondents had experienced multiple breakups, they were asked to identify and confine responses to one breakup of their choosing (e.g., the most recent, the one that affected them most).

So we aren't even comparing apples to apples here. It could just be that men opt to talk about particularly bad breakups. They just say their idea at the end

We suggest that men who recover quickly from a breakup while experiencing low levels of PRG may be those who possess sufficient resources so that future mates will readily choose them.

But do nothing to support this idea. It's funny because they did ask people to rate themselves but didn't look to see if that is corralated. Their error bars, when shown, are fucking huge too.

Just as a non EP based guess that would also explain this data. Women are more open about expressing their emotions (and so less likely to downplay the pain post breakup). They also tend to have a bigger emotional support network which could help them move on better.

goatismycopilot · 2017-10-10T17:23:24+00:00

I know several men who went out trying to date very shortly after their wives died because a couple of acquaintances and work colleagues ended up dating them. My theory is they were used to routine and domestication and it was upsetting to them to have that interrupted and they liked being babied by their wives so they just went out and replaced corpse wife with whatever woman was available, they did not care who it was in particular.

SpaceWhiskey · 2017-10-10T17:15:28+00:00

I think a lot of this has to do with the support system women often have in place. Girlfriends and family will take her out to cheer her up, but they'll also let her cry it out and get the emotions and sadness out of her system. I think that if men were willing to do the same for each other instead of bottling it all up and never expressing those feelings, things would be different.

snailypop · 2017-10-10T16:10:06+00:00

I have an anecdote. My 'ex' and I were having a conversation on how to keep our friendship going because I obviously still had feelings for him and it was causing problems. He told me to find another guy because falling in loving with another women, in his words, "cured him almost immediately".

exit_sandman · 2017-10-10T16:20:53+00:00

The research suggests that men supplant their lost love with another woman who he deems worthy while never fully getting over his ex.

Really depends on the ex.

Does this research support your anecdotal experiences?

Not really, because not all women are worth pining over.

scrubchan · 2017-10-10T17:34:07+00:00

Could it be possible that women recover better from breakups because in general they have a stronger support system and are more willing to seek emotional help if they need it?

Love8Death · 2017-10-10T15:33:22+00:00

Yes. I've never forgotten a woman I've been really in love with, earliest I could remember was when I was 10.

R, S, J, E, E, R, A.

It's interesting what does make a woman imprint on you for life.

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RockinSocksII · 2017-10-10T15:42:35+00:00

Does this research support your anecdotal experiences

Not really no. I've seen it hit both men and women equally hard. When they have the same level of support group, they tend to bounce back after the same amount of time. The only difference is I've seen is that it takes men longer to find someone again.

Ascimator · 2017-10-10T15:46:43+00:00

What is the reason for men evolving the trait of "never fully recovering", then? Why don't they recover as quickly as women so they can devote themselves more fully to another woman and another child she bears from them?

Ascimator · 2017-10-10T15:46:45+00:00

What is the reason for men evolving the trait of "never fully recovering", then? Why don't they recover as quickly as women so they can devote themselves more fully to another woman and another child she bears from them?

Ascimator · 2017-10-10T15:48:08+00:00

What is the reason for men evolving the trait of "never fully recovering", then? Why don't they recover as quickly as women so they can devote themselves more fully to another woman and another child she bears from them?

Ascimator · 2017-10-10T15:48:21+00:00

What is the reason for men evolving the trait of "never fully recovering", then? Why don't they recover as quickly as women so they can devote themselves more fully to another woman and another child she bears from them?

snailypop · 2017-10-10T15:51:05+00:00

I just have one anecdote. My 'ex' told me that he lost his romantic feelings towards me when he fell in love with someone else. This was during a time when we were trying to figure out how we can just go back to being platonic friends when I still had feelings for him. He urged me to pursue another guy because in his words he was 'cured almost immediately' when he fell in love with the new girl.

I really don't understand how people can let people go so easily. Not just men, but people in general.

snailypop · 2017-10-10T15:51:07+00:00

I just have one anecdote. My 'ex' told me that he lost his romantic feelings towards me when he fell in love with someone else. This was during a time when we were trying to figure out how we can just go back to being platonic friends when I still had feelings for him. He urged me to pursue another guy because in his words he was 'cured almost immediately' when he fell in love with the new girl.

I really don't understand how people can let people go so easily. Not just men, but people in general.

snailypop · 2017-10-10T15:52:30+00:00

I just have one anecdote. My 'ex' told me that he lost his romantic feelings towards me when he fell in love with someone else. This was during a time when we were trying to figure out how we can just go back to being platonic friends when I still had feelings for him. He urged me to pursue another guy because in his words he was 'cured almost immediately' when he fell in love with the new girl.

I really don't understand how people can let people go so easily. Not just men, but people in general.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-10-10T16:04:29+00:00

snailypop · 2017-10-10T16:09:20+00:00

I have an anecdote. My 'ex' and I were having a conversation on how to keep our friendship going because I obviously still had feelings for him and it was causing problems. He told me to find another guy because falling in loving with another women, in his words, "cured him almost immediately".

Ascimator · 2017-10-10T16:22:01+00:00

Why didn't men evolve the trait of moving on quickly, then? Sounds like it'd be useful for devoting themselves to a new woman and the new child she bears from them.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-10-10T16:51:29+00:00

I had some strong feelings for two girls who I met over the Internet back when I was a teenager (15-17) - never met these girls in person, but certainly became very close to them. The idea was eventually we'd meet up and get to know one another (I was moving from Asia to the US). One ended up messing with my head big time: lies, bullshitting and what not, while the other and I gave up on friendlier terms.

Not going to lie, I have no beef against the one with whom things didn't work out, I wouldn't have minded at some point getting to know her.

The one that was a lying piece of shit? I couldn't give a damn less about her. If anything, she was definitely more attractive at 15 than 25 last I saw a photo of her. The 40lbs she put on don't even put her on my casual sex radar. Needless to say, I'm really over her.

Temperfuelmma · 2017-10-10T16:51:29+00:00

If a toddler really really really wants something but you tell them no what will they do? They will cry and cry and cry and cry and be so sad but what happens when they wake up the next day? They don't even remember much.

If an adult wants something really really really really bad but someone tells him no, he won't cry and cry and cry and cause a huge scene. He'll just move on but not have been able to get what he really really really really wanted will always be in the back of his mind.

VoidPill · 2017-10-11T12:59:04+00:00

I broke up with my gf like 4 days ago. Emotionally I'm going to be fucked because I hate being alone. I'll probably also get shredded, get a better job, and quit video games.

Being single is good for me but I hate it.

despisedlove2 · 2017-10-11T14:23:11+00:00

I largely agree, but if severity is measured from the reaction, you need to somehow fit in the fact that post divorce suicide is 5-20 times more likely for men. It is not entirely explainable by the fact that he gets fiscally ruined.

I have to say that breakups hit committed men harder because they are the ones usually dumped. Women strategically start checking out sooner and have time to emotionally prepare for the hell they are about to unleash.

Breakups

Comments

1140

Title	Breakups
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	8
Comments	247
Date	October 10, 2017 3:19 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/75hpw5/breakups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/breakups.265352 https://theredarchive.com/post/265352