Does cheating on your partner boost one’s confidence?

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-11T16:56:16+00:00

Not for most normal people, but I’ve met two people in my lifetime with this mindset. I also had a friend who used to get off on sleeping with guys in relationship, especially if she knew the girl. She thought it made her superior somehow, and could never understand why she couldn’t maintain friendships or relationships.

harmonica2 · 2023-09-11T17:15:14+00:00

Only for a narcissist I would say.

Zabadoodude · 2023-09-11T17:03:57+00:00

If you're so callous that the feeling of betraying your partner doesn't overshadow it then, probably. Many people just entirely lack morals and will rationalize any shitty thing they do as justified.

GooseneckRoad · 2023-09-11T16:59:14+00:00

If you don't love your partner, maybe. If you do, it probably just feels like you're betraying them.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-09-11T17:02:39+00:00

I don’t know why “I can hurt someone I care about by being selfish!” Would make anyone feel more confident. Seems kinda shitty to me. Just break up if you want to be with someone else.

Safinated · 2023-09-11T17:38:24+00:00

If you’re a jerkwad, sure

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-09-11T17:52:22+00:00

I’ve never cheated before but I’m ENM so I do get to have sex outside of the marriage. Honestly I already receive a lot of attention from men even when I’m not looking for anything (like at the grocery store, airport, work) - usually nothing really inappropriate, at most it’s just annoying if I’m in a rush.

So for me at least, Tinder and having new partners isn’t really a confidence boost. That being said, new relationship energy and getting messages from a new partner is exhilarating. It’s that butterfly feeling of having a crush that usually dissipates with time. I think that’s what cheaters are chasing a lot of the time. Some may be looking for validation too especially if they have insecurities or a dead bedroom situation in their primary relationship

onirroc · 2023-09-11T16:47:40+00:00

I've cheated on a couple past girlfriends.

It didn't boost my confidence.

It did the opposite. I felt shitty about myself.

calfshrug · 2023-09-15T04:00:13+00:00

I cheated, and while I did feel bouts of confidence, it was not tied to hurting my Love. That wasn’t the question, though.

I felt confidence boosts, but really, I was a sex addict. I also had a very negative view of myself, my life, and my Love at times, thinking things that undermined my very existence, that I’m worthless, and that she was either with me out of desperation, or that she somehow was into me for reasons I can’t understand and that it’s only a matter of time until she’ll fall out of love with me.

Add to that, I had lied from the beginning, and I had been only 20, no experience dating, and an abundance of unresolved traumas, with no social skills, and I stumbled upon ince-will forums at the same time I met her, which dealt a devastating blow to my mental health.

So, yes and no. But I also felt increasing shame, guilt, horror, and increasingly, a really deep burning itch to face up to what I had done, especially as I passed the age of 25 and the 4 year mark of the relationship. And then I did tell her

Greedy-Heat631 · 2023-09-11T18:23:15+00:00

It is a confidence booster. And women put an absolute premium on guys with confidence and guys who are a hot commodity. I see relationships where guys cheat and girls put up with it. Rightly or wrongly, it’s something that people seem to appreciate. For the record I think it’s messed up.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-09-11T18:42:29+00:00

I had this mindset for a while, but luckily, I saved myself before cheating. Pre-selection is a bitch. As soon as I get into a relationship Beyoncé, SZA, and all of the earthy black girls come running for me. Like, bruh... where were yall when I was single? I almost cheated on my ex because women were throwing it at me when we were together. Luckily, black men don't cheat, so perish the thought lol.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-09-11T20:10:26+00:00

It's wrong yes, but for the man who didn't have much sexual experience when he was young because of his lack of confidence and finally hits his stride, say in his 30's, it definitely will because he feel that its his chance to make up for lost time. Women on the other hand, it will boost their confidence knowing they can get a better man than who they have (hypergamy), because rarely will they cheat downward.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2023-09-11T22:00:01+00:00

Here's the truth, yes it does. We like to believe in the fairytale of one true love, and only needing the affirmation of that person. That's bullshit, and people are going to comment that they don't need that outside affirmation. Those are going to be the people that will most likely cheat. They're not self aware of themselves, and the nature of being human .

There are a couple dynamics at play. Your person telling you that you're attractive, becomes routine to you, thus losing its affect. A different person saying it is unique, it's an ego boost, and can open a door to infidelity. The 2nd dynamic: is the great partner problem. Your partner is like a perfectly grilled steak, it's your favorite meal. However, if you eat steak often, sometimes you want a hotdog.

As someone that has been both victim, and offender. Life is complicated, and infidelity is usually more about the person, than it is their partner. Something to keep in mind. You are far more likely to cheat on your partner, than they are to cheat on you.

TheCultOfGrogg · 2023-09-12T20:38:11+00:00

My last two gfs cheated. I was heavy against cheating. If I get back in a relationship, I’m definitely cheating in my next one for the sole reason of boosting my confidence. I’m going to cheat unendingly too and use the negative emotions it elicits from my girlfriend (assuming she finds out) to combat how worthless being cheated on, twice, made me feel.

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toasterchild · 2023-09-11T17:20:30+00:00

Most cheaters I have known needed a lot of external validation. It's not like they even usually cheat for someone hotter, often the person isn't hotter but they are usually telling them more of what they want to hear. It never lasts long. Some people only care about what they are getting out of a relationship, try to avoid those types of people.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-09-11T17:20:47+00:00

It’s apparently a semi-popular trend now for many people to get in relationships with those who are to believed to be far out of their league solely so they know for themselves that they can attract people far more attractive than them.

What?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-11T18:22:36+00:00

If you're not a psychopath and therefore have a conscience you can expect to feel guilt and shame.

Greedy-Heat631 · 2023-09-11T18:24:41+00:00

Seems like there’s a movement these days of “if it feels good, and it’s something you want to do, how could it be immoral?”

baiser_vole · 2023-09-11T18:33:51+00:00

People who are insecure and/or unhappy tend to be that way.

https://www.business-standard.com/article/pti-stories/unattractive-women-more-likely-to-cheat-study-118021400477_1.html

reignoferror00 · 2023-09-11T19:14:29+00:00

As an unremarkable guy, I fail to see the logic for my situation. Those I have cheated with were not as physically attractive as the wife. My ever first girlfriend was out of my league in looks; that's the only time it happened - where I wasn't paying for it directly.

Even if for some reason I found someone better looking by society's standards, odds are that would both be a very rare occurrence and very short lived - much like any confidence boost I could possibly get.

I have neither the looks, self confidence, ego, or anything else required for this to be a remotely realistic possibility. I would think guys with all that and the other traits that often go along with that wouldn't really be interested in being in a relationship - of any length at the least.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-09-11T22:00:44+00:00

I'm sure to some extent it's like being in a relationship hasn't made you soft or rusty and you can still get other girls anytime you want which would be something that I don't see how that couldn't make someone confident although I think realistically if you cheat you should feel like shit

Berzabu · 2023-09-11T22:41:31+00:00

For narcissists yes

CalligrapherSimple39 · 2023-09-12T14:05:14+00:00

Unless you have no morals, you will feel terrible cheating and lying to someone you care about.....

Title	Does cheating on your partner boost one’s confidence?
Author	Camera_Dizzy
Upvotes	4
Comments	30
Date	September 11, 2023 4:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16g08nh/does_cheating_on_your_partner_boost_ones/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-cheating-on-your-partner-boost-ones.1231446 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231446

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