Faking confidence doesn't work because the ''confidence'' which is attractive is actually genuine self-belief and self-assuredness.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-08-20T19:50:16+00:00

Did you know that it's our facial muscles that trigger emotions? Not the emotions triggering the expression?

Did you know that the words we choose can limit us? For example, seeing a challenge as an opportunity to learn and test yourself vs. make or break you completely, in a single moment?

Fake it until you make it, is bullshit, if that's all you ever do.

But if you do have something genuine to offer, and sometimes you just can't overcome your inhibitions, it can be very liberating to put on a social mask.

Not just for yourself, but those around you.

Besides, who has time to hear all our doubts? It's rather selfish to make them the centerpiece of any time spent with us.

SkentyDooBabble · 2016-08-20T19:54:28+00:00

I don't think you understand "fake it till you make it." The point is that you realize you're gonna look dumb and cringeworthy until you've moved along the learning curve a little ways. You accept that, because how else are you gonna learn?

It's a useful delusion

questioningwoman · 2016-08-20T20:17:42+00:00

But sometimes confidence is based on what WILL happen in the future, not what's happening at the moment.

UnbelievableTeknique · 2016-08-20T20:14:04+00:00

I agree, we can quite easily tell the difference between a fraudster and someone who is genuine.

The issue is that this is largely based in intuition, and we often don't understand our intuition, or even outright ignore it. Essentially, we often don't even care if we subconsciously suspect that they're full of shit, we look to people who are willing to fake it and demonstrate value when we're insecure ourselves.

Scurvemuch · 2016-08-20T20:38:05+00:00

You know what - confidence can't be faked- but the perception of confidence can be established and will be real with practice. Just ask anyone who went through clinicals as a med student. Never having done something you take a deep breath and do it. And you get good results. And next time it's easier. Dozens of procedures. Hundreds of times.

Talkytalktalk · 2016-08-20T20:51:32+00:00

Confidence is actually a physical state. It's a complete lack of stress hormones in the body. Because the apex creature truly has nothing to fear and lazes accordingly.

Shit testing is an attempt to trigger a stress response in a man. The amused master agrees and amplifies in a flippant and semi comical manner.

gavinok · 2016-08-20T21:01:31+00:00

extremely cringeworthy social behaviour.

It's hilarious to me that the BPer is against blanket statements and generalizations but makes them left and right where they see fit. Hypocrisy at it's finest.

It's impossible to create genuine, believable ''confidence'' about things which you know that you are lacking in, unless you enter into the realms of delusion.

Being naive and cocky is by no means a delusion.

AdamAJ · 2016-08-20T21:23:40+00:00

For years, I've had a handful of people working for me. All of them appear to be the golden standard of self assurance... heck, I think that I hired them because they looked and acted like they could walk into Hell and steal the Devil's pitchfork, right under Satan's nose. Also, all of them have uttered some variant of I am glad you lot are so genuinely confident, because I am not.... so many times that it's actually funny.

I tend to ignore the difference between something having virtually the same properties as an ideal model and that item being the model, as long as the properties manifest themselves as necessary. Maybe women are better at sniffing it, who knows? But I also doubt that.

angels_fan · 2016-08-21T03:01:37+00:00

Well, sure, but you see, many men think approaching a woman will result in her yelling rape and spraying him with mace.

The more they realize that women will actually be polite, and even kind of receptive, your natural confidence builds.

Eventually you get so good at approaching women, that you just ooze confidence.

RoseSGS · 2016-08-21T08:28:41+00:00

"Fake it till you make it" operates similarly to the placebo effect. People who don't get actual medicine still begin to recover from their disease compared to people given nothing.

Similarly, people who fake it can actually become more confident. It's not just they feel more confident... they become more confident.

Of course, everything must be taken in moderation, but faking confidence does work wonders for timid individuals.

OfSpock · 2016-08-20T22:03:42+00:00

That's why you should give this advice to guys who actually have good qualities but for some reason are a little underconfident. They then 'fake' the amount of confidence they should have and THEN it will become real.

literallyhere · 2016-08-20T22:13:28+00:00

You don't have to free of mistakes, or be satisfied with your abilities to be confident. Confidence is rolling with the punches, especially when you make mistakes or say something stupid. I can be pretty awkward, but since I don't make a big deal of stupid things I say or do and often laugh at it, people generally enjoy being around me. Putting yourself out there is great, but what makes someone appear confident is putting yourself out there and not falling apart when you inevitably mess up. The faking it bit would be the part where you pretend to be okay with your mistakes until you actually are comfortable with them, because you realize they're not that big of a deal.

GroovyEFS · 2016-08-20T22:50:44+00:00

Depends how you define "genuine." I assure you that consuming stimulants prior to entering a social situation will make you more confident no matter how low your self-esteem is normally, and that confidence is in turn attractive to others.

redmachines · 2016-08-21T03:12:48+00:00

Confidence is bullshit. Always has been and always will be. It is positivist language designed to keep unsuccessful men running around in circles, putting money and resources in the pockets of scam artists. But pilltards want you to believe in it; to keep playing the game because it is beneficial to women.

Entropy-7 · 2016-08-22T12:56:25+00:00

"Irrational self-confidence" is a good short term strategy because women are silly enough to lap it up. To that extent it "works" because it will get you laid. . .once or maybe twice.

But women are not stupid and the jig will be up soon enough.

As a long term strategy you have to build skills and have a realistic understanding of just how powerful you are. That is real confidence based on real ability, and that what works best.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-08-20T19:43:18+00:00

But it can be good enough for women that are bad at differentiating between fake and genuine confidence.

Once you see what an effect a confident opening has you will try it more often and with time and with each lay you actually become more confident.

You fake it until you don't have to fake it anymore. At a certain point it starts to come naturally

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gasparddelanuit · 2016-08-20T22:23:54+00:00

Of course, faking confidence is a poor substitute for actual confidence. Who is saying otherwise?

That being said, one can fake it while they are also building it, until they actually do have it. Clearly, acquiring knowledge and abilities will increase levels of confidence.

despisedlove2 · 2016-08-21T03:44:53+00:00

Given that love is itself a delusion when it comes to women, this sounds like using fakery to seek something fake in your life.

Mentathiel · 2016-08-22T14:38:44+00:00

Acting confident makes you feel confident. If you're afraid to speak up because you think you're too stupid to contribute to the conversation, but your problem is manly lack of confidence, not stupidity or ignorance itself, then speaking up will gradually make you habituate yourself to the experience and stop acting anxious about it. Same with talking to the opposite gender and rejections etc. Even when you do get rejected, you'll learn it's not as bad as you make it out to be while obsessing over a single person.

Not to mention that body language influences how you feel. Try to forcefully smile for a couple of minutes and see if you feel a little happier. If you keep your head down when you walk, keep it up and see if it makes you feel better (or vice-versa and see if it makes you feel worse).

But if you are a wreck it can mean that there's nothing to feel confident about. That means you should first focus on self-improvement individually (learning, practicing things, working out, whatever) and then direct this outwards. But I think this is rarely the case, most people have some sense of social interactions and some good traits to show for, they're just too anxious to do so because they're hyper-aware of their bad traits.

nomnomponytail · 2016-08-21T02:35:07+00:00

Unattractive men love to take advice about being successful or confident and running with it. Being confident will never get a woman 2 standard deviations more attractive than yourself, genuine or not.

Talkytalktalk · 2016-08-20T20:45:06+00:00

Why do you hate confidence?

Title	Faking confidence doesn't work because the ''confidence'' which is attractive is actually genuine self-belief and self-assuredness.
Author	BoiledSpinachLeaves
Upvotes	5
Comments	75
Date	August 20, 2016 7:36 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4yqqp4/faking_confidence_doesnt_work_because_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/faking-confidence-doesnt-work-because-the.273469 https://theredarchive.com/post/273469

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