ForeverAlone stereotypes and dignity

whyyoureadmyusername · 2016-06-20T20:13:52+00:00

I want to write that you likely don't have to be ForeverAlone and that you have the potential to be in a relationship, but I've browsed enough incel forums to know that's useless. So in good faith I will assume that somehow it's genuinely impossible for you to find a relationship.

All you can do is try and accomplish things that interest you. Have you ever wanted to do, say, stand up comedy? Or maybe Learn to play the piano?

The most miserable people I know are also in relationships. Don't try to be happy. Do what interests you. Now of course you can't do everything you want to, some things are just not possible under certain circumstances. But if everything that interests you is out of reach, then you need to do some introspection, because your problems in life are not entirely due to circumstance.

Happiness, dignity and honor are, on some level, illusions. Don't chase illusions. Why be happy when you could be interesting?

future_space_boobs · 2016-06-20T22:54:48+00:00

Unless you're walking around broadcasting your forever aloneness, why would you be stigmatized? That's not something that the people you encounter in your day to day life would have any way of knowing unless you volunteered the information. All anyone ever has to know is that you're single for the time being because you haven't met the right person... we all know plenty of cool dudes and dudettes who just happen to be single at any given time, there's no automatic negative judgment there.

And in the meantime, get out there and put yourself in the position to meet as many people as possible-- the real life old fashioned way, none of this tinder bullshit-- and practice flirting and social skills.

squirrelcuisine · 2016-06-20T19:43:49+00:00

I would imagine past a certain point there would be a time where you wouldnt care anymore. Isnt it a human condition to get used to anything? At 45 i am wondering if that is really the key to happiness. Not not care about certain things and really not let anything silly get to you.

disclaimer i just subbed MGTOW today for science. Some interesting perspectives in there. It is like TRP but with a softer message.

hullmarch · 2016-06-20T19:58:46+00:00

Stop giving a shit really. Or hang out with people who don't give a shit.

[deleted] · 2016-06-21T08:24:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PemBayliss · 2016-06-20T22:59:18+00:00

There are some people who can't get sex or relationships for whatever reason. It used to be that society, the military, and/or the Church found places for them. Since that's not done anymore, these folks are left to fend for themselves socially and relationally.

An FA first has to decide if he (masculine pronouns used here, no bias against men is implied) wants to do the work necessary to no longer be an FA. He must decide what work needs to be done, whether the potential gains are worth the effort, and whether those gains will get him what he wants sexually and relationally. Once he decides, he must do the work and then do his best to get a sexual or other desired relationship. If he gets what he wants, so be it. if not, well, them's the breaks. If he decides not to do the work, then he accepts the consequences, which is that he will stay where he is as an FA.

For folks who live as FAs, and who cannot or don't want to do any work to improve, they can develop their careers. They can develop hobbies, either solitary or with others. They can spend discretionary income on early retirement or on travel. They can experience a number of things without having a sexual or romantic relationship. They can know and understand they have a level of freedom that "attached" people don't. They needn't spend resources to support others. They needn't concern themselves with the wants or needs of others beyond simple common courtesies. They are accountable to no one; responsible for no one. In today's society that's a great level of freedom that married people don't have, and that people with children do not have.

Finally, stigma against single people, never-marrieds, divorced people, and people who live "alternate lifestyles" is at an all time low. People are free to live pretty much however they want. No one cares too much about FAs, really. No one cares about how they live or whether they have sex or not. Since they are unattractive, their lives and plights go largely unnoticed by most people. FAs can hide in plain sight.

This is much ado about nothing, IMO.

impossibleworlds · 2016-06-20T20:24:53+00:00

You have to accept that you're going to encounter a number of people who might judge you for that fact, then take it in stride, because there's no further reason you should care what they think. Not that you should ignore recurring themes generally speaking, but this one's out of your control, so the most constructive approach is just removing excessive emotion surrounding rejection or loneliness from the equation and move on.

Never hand over control of your own life by fearing the judgment of some random person who doesn't care about or understand you.

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LifterofThings · 2016-06-20T19:38:21+00:00

Nothing except but to quit giving a shit about the opinions of people who judge them for it.

Easier said than done, but it's the only real solution.

InBaggingArea · 2016-06-20T21:00:37+00:00

What, if anything, can a OneLeggedMan do to escape the stigma of never having had two legs?

There is no stigma. It's not his fault.

Not so with ForeverAlone, because people think it is his fault.

Only people in general can remove the stigma by accepting there but for the grace of god go I.

The ForeverAlone can do nothing.

The short answer to your question is therefore: nothing.

Cyrusk4 · 2016-06-20T21:12:50+00:00

I love flirting, I love sex, and I love female friendships. But I'm not so crazy about relationships. I guess this is common; however, I'd rather actually be on a dry spell than get caught up in extreme emotional investment and commitment with someone who may or may not turn out to be totally crazy once their insecurities come to the surface. To Forever Alone people... I say this: why do you think a relationship will make you happy? I see everyone around me in relationships who are miserable, and my perspective is the exact opposite!

awrestorant1 · 2016-06-20T22:46:03+00:00

Uh, just accept it? It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. You don't even need to bring it up, tbh fam.

midnightvulpine · 2016-06-20T21:10:01+00:00

Be happy. I know, it's a bit obvious and vague, but that's really it. The issue is how one gets there. My advice would be remember you have this whole life and de it's yourself to something that makes you happy. Keep your thoughts on positive things. Basically, move on. Because retreading things in your head or online won't get you anywhere. It's a holding pattern at best, a downward spiral at worst.

stats135 · 2016-06-20T21:24:57+00:00

I think you have got the cause and effect somewhat reversed. What others think is important because it affects you relationship status, not the other way around. What others think of you will directly affect the amount of access to sex and resources they give you. That is why what others think is important. But if you are ForeverAlone then by definition women aren't giving you any sex. Whether they hold a stigma against you or not, by definition of you being ForeverAlone, they aren't going to have sex with you. If that is the case why the fuck do you care what they think?

Dawk19 · 2016-06-20T22:52:18+00:00

I just embrace it, I want to be with someone who accepts me for me and if I have to sacrifice who I am to have friends or date then I'll hope for the best in the next life.

funchy · 2016-06-21T02:50:10+00:00

Here's the deal. Society will judge you no matter what. If you are seeing someone, some people may have comments about that person. If you're dating someone of the same sex, then the comments are about the person AND your sexual orientation. If you date many people (especially if you're female), society may say you're a slut. If you date people who don't meet others standards of beauty, you may get stigmatized for "dating down". If you date someone significantly older/younger or poorer/richer, you may get crap from some people. And yes, if nobody sees you dating, society can try to shame you for that.

Bottom line: who cares what society thinks? Who cares what a bunch of over-judgy uninformed strangers think? You do what works for you. If you want to date, find a way and do it. If you don't want to, that's ok too

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-06-21T08:07:13+00:00

You already know the truth. The only real way to get your balls back is to carry out an unrelenting, no holds barred war against the society and women who spurned you.

Whether this means petty revenge carried out from the shadows or grand and daring acts of mischief, the recounting of which will make you the toast of the r9k beta community. Do unto others since they refuse to do you - that is your solution.

kick6 · 2016-06-21T22:25:34+00:00

Stop identifying as a foreveralone.

yo_radical_one · 2016-06-22T15:13:06+00:00

Everyone will judge you for something, just stop caring.

nucakes · 2016-06-26T01:52:26+00:00

I think that it depends, but the first thing to do is to let go of a defeatist attitude that may have built up over the years. For example, in the truecel sidebar, they ban giving advice or asking people to seek therapy (because these things "don't work" for anyone in the community). This is the same thing as a fat woman saying, no, I can't lose weight! Exercise just doesn't work! I try it once a month and I once did it for a week and it didn't do anything for me! And this cycle continues, because those who adjust and get over this resentment leave the communities, but those who do not, stay, and reinforce these attitudes.

In either case, escaping stigma, if we define stigma as being negative pressure from the society around someone, is a difficult task. I don't think it's something that's usually on most people's minds, but I think that for someone to focus on things that they love, to seek success in, for example, careers and hobbies. For me, when I am alone, no friends around, the best thing is to work with my hands and to create real things, and that gives me satisfaction. In addition, if possible to distance yourself from people who are creating this stigma.

I think, however, one of the best things to realize, is that most people won't hold it against you that you haven't been in a serious relationship. And if someone does, the problem probably lies with them, and not so much with you.

prodigy2throw · 2016-06-20T21:44:33+00:00

Act like it doesn't affect you. There's no sign on your forehead saying you're an FA

BaadKitteh · 2016-06-21T00:26:50+00:00

Stop making that one fact the central focus of their lives. No one will actually know that about you if you don't tell them, so how can you be stigmatized without asking for it?

Five_Decades · 2016-06-20T23:10:38+00:00

There are lots of people who have only had 1 sexual or romantic relationship their entire lives. In other countries more than here, but even here there are lots of people who met someone when they were young, and stayed with them for life. I've known attractive people who only had 1 relationship because they met someone when they were teenagers.

So the idea that having 0 romantic/sexual partners makes you a loser but 1 makes you ok is kind of absurd. Thinking of that dichotomy may help.

smokecheck1976 · 2016-06-20T23:13:26+00:00

If I were one, I would just have a deflection handy.

Talk about a past love that ended in tragedy and how all the years since, you have never felt the need to be with anyone else. Bonus if you can arrange to have a few relics of that tragic love. The same people that might stigmatize a person that was never in a relationship aren't going to question that.

lollygagyo · 2016-06-22T10:17:19+00:00

Realise that no one really cares. Don't talk about it too much -- the only person you need to mention it to is a potential partner. Just like, 'heads up, I haven't actually ever been in a relationship so this is all new territory to me. Be a bit kinder than usual if I fuck up, ok? I'm going to do my best, but I feel like I'm outta the loop with some of the standard protocol'

Title	ForeverAlone stereotypes and dignity
Author	LittleWindowpane
Upvotes	7
Comments	42
Date	June 20, 2016 7:34 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4p0jd4/foreveralone_stereotypes_and_dignity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/foreveralone-stereotypes-and-dignity.274289 https://theredarchive.com/post/274289

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