How do you feel about your Significant other donating gametes either before the relationship or during?

ruboyuri · 2022-01-24T00:16:15+00:00

That’s another kid, whether he acknowledges it or not. The way privacy works nowadays there’s very little confidentiality

Sorry, it’s a complication, and definitely a possible dealbreaker. I don’t want strange kids turning up on my door

NorseSaga · 2022-01-24T01:02:20+00:00

23andMe will blatantly tell you who is your biological father/mother/sibling/cousin. So there is no way kids won’t know their biological father later on. Do you want tons of kids with their possibly single mommas knock at your door asking for daddy? Wtf, of course not. There is ZERO anonymity nowadays with genetic testing. Zero. And it’s almost guaranteed that kids will be searching their biological parents. Your own kids will discover their half siblings too. You are just asking for many kids with their single mommas to stand behind your door waiting for your husband. 100%. So it’s a hard pass. No no. No way.

oflbtbs · 2022-01-23T23:08:24+00:00

I hear stories about donor kids using DNA databases to track down their donors and find them later in life and have some kind of relationship with them. That is something I would not want.

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-24T00:04:14+00:00

No. I don't like the idea of either of us having a child we have nothing to do with or don't even know exists, and I don't like the idea of my kids having a half sibling they don't know/don't know about. But even more than that, I don't like the idea of being with a man and having kids with a man who would be okay having kids out there he doesn't know about.

Stunning-Ad14 · 2022-01-24T01:30:22+00:00

Many of us donor conceived people believe that anonymous gamete donation is unethical since it blocks us from cultivating a relationship with our other biological parent providing 50% of our DNA — which is extremely hypocritical considering infertile parents who chose donor conception often do so because they value and treasure that 50% biological bond with their child. Is it so hard to imagine their child would similarly value and treasure their 50% biological connection with the other bio parent? Choosing a known donor is a wonderful alternative nowadays, as the child can grow up enjoying that connection with their other bio parent and relatives as an extension of their family. I reached out to my bio father after DNA testing and now treasure my connection with him and his wife as almost a second set of parents. Sharing the love and broadening one’s idea of family is a great thing for the child, and absolutely doable. It’s also important to recognize that anonymity doesn’t actually exist nowadays — well more than half of us DCP are able to identify our bio parent through 2nd or even 3rd cousin matches online, sometimes with the help of more experienced “search angels.” If the person considering donation (AND their spouse) are not comfortable with the likely eventuality of their future offspring/the recipient parents reaching out and desiring to build a loving lifelong connection with them in the future, they should not donate.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-23T23:34:43+00:00

I don't think I would care. As long as the kid never boomerangs, it's out of sight out of mind.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-01-24T01:41:11+00:00

I wouldn't have a problem with it, even if the kid comes knocking at the door in 18 years, motherfuker is an adult at that point so it's kind of whatever now if it was one of those rare situations where the donor is still involved in the kid's life throughout the years, yeah that would probably be a bit of a problem

Ok_Room1213 · 2022-01-23T23:35:08+00:00

It makes sense that women would be offended by this. They basically view men as sperm donors. The fact that she's having sex with him, splitting bills, being a wife, while she could have got the same genes for her kid by walking down to that clinic and shopping is making her feel like a fool. Other women could basically get his sperm for free.

It's basically the closest comparison I can think of to a man being cucked but for women.

Any_Championship_654 · 2022-01-23T23:58:55+00:00

I wouldn't care. As long as she doesn't carry it, it's not hers as far as I'm concerned.

quiditplomb · 2022-01-24T01:05:38+00:00

I thought that woman sounded a bit controlling. I’m childfree and never plan on having kids so maybe i’m a bit biased, but I hate the way she tried boiling it down to “I hate the thought of my my man having a child with another woman” which is not how donating sperm works.

GrimButDim · 2022-01-24T01:39:11+00:00

Married woman with no kids here. Never want any either. I wouldn't give a flying fig. Especially if he was getting paid. Chance is they may not use his sperm and if they do we'd never even know! I also love how it may help a couple desperate for a baby. Or any woman desperate I should say. Ladies, you're welcome to buy my husband's seed!

Ryanmp99 · 2022-01-24T03:21:32+00:00

Gamete donation is unethical, full stop.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-24T04:25:15+00:00

I don't want other kids outside the relationship to be an issue so knowing who they are is unacceptable. I also don't like how if they remain hidden and not an issue in that way how it would increase the chances of weird shit for my kids with him...like dating a half sibling. There is a reason society keeps track of who is related to who. There is also a reason why one or both members of the couple having pre-existing kids is regarded as family on hard mode.

Since I brought a situation where I don't create those problems I wanted a man who didn't create those problems either. Deal-breaker.

Shredddz · 2022-01-24T09:50:47+00:00

Im a dude and I do not care at all. Why would I care about a child that has zero impact on my GFs life and mine? even if the child seeks her out eventually , it will be an adult by that time and there is nothing negative about that, there is no interference with my resources and my family and relationships.

NockerJoe · 2022-01-23T23:20:30+00:00

Despite the fact that I'm theoretically the exact kind of guy who's in demand as a sperm donor(tall, former athlete, degree holding) this is exactly why I wouldn't do it. Having a kid I have nothing to do with is pretty terrible. If some shit happens to the kid I have no real recourse or even knowledge.

The no. 1 thing I think about when dating, after the actual vibes of the relationship, is how the woman would be with kids or in a household that would have them. Its probably the top thing that makes me against dating many women. Having a kid with a woman I've never even met is gambling on the one thing I absolutley don't want to gamble on.

LiftSushiDallas · 2022-01-23T23:04:00+00:00

I don't care at all if my boyfriend wants to donate sperm. It's his sperm and if he makes money from it, awesome!

GhostTheEternal · 2022-01-24T00:11:04+00:00

I wouldn't do it and I'd prefer my partner not to do it under the current status quo for a couple of reasons.

I don't believe that single women should have access to IVF treatment because children should be raised in a stable two parent home and women who decide to have babies on their own are selfish. We can't stop bad parents from having children the natural way, but we don't have to assist them.
I don't want someone knocking on our door in 18 years, there is not enough protection and anonymity for donors.

CrazyBaby8891 · 2022-01-23T23:38:51+00:00

I'm vehemently against this for several reasons, the first and foremost reason being that it violates marital fidelity. That would still be his child even if he wasn't doing anything physical with the other woman, and any child of his should be a child of mine conceived in the natural way and not some outsider's conceived in a test tube or any other way. (Inb4 "What about stepchildren?", we don't have any stepchildren.) That wife in the post you're referring to has every right to feel the way she does.

deste_eloise · 2022-01-23T23:06:45+00:00

I don’t care if my partner wants to donate sperm. I’m having a hard time equating it to “having a kid with someone else”; you’re not really having a kid with someone else if you’re not involved.

sarkington · 2022-01-24T00:56:41+00:00

I do not care to have random people showing up on my doorstep looking for “daddy”

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-23T23:07:17+00:00

Sounds good to me, he's helping out someone who otherwise couldn't have children (in a theoretical situation where he wouldn't be disqualified). It's not like it's his child so it wouldn't really matter to me.

Pola_Lita · 2022-01-24T00:37:01+00:00

There's something morally wrong with helping to create a person who will never have a relationship with their biological parent.

If there's no provision for the child to maintain contact with both parents, I'd be VERY against it.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-01-23T23:19:47+00:00

As long as they don't intend to find/be found by whatever children are born from it i don't care

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-23T23:39:33+00:00

I’d be upset but not for the reason of “another women has his kid”, I don’t believe in fertilization like that.

Novadina · 2022-01-24T03:40:29+00:00

I would be pretty upset he wanted kids with someone else and not with me! I think it would be relationship ending…

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Trylena · 2022-01-24T00:41:49+00:00

I dont care, if he wants to do it I will be supportive.

Title	How do you feel about your Significant other donating gametes either before the relationship or during?
Author	Square_Inflation_534
Upvotes	13
Comments	97
Date	January 23, 2022 11:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sb6kw1/how_do_you_feel_about_your_significant_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-feel-about-your-significant-other.1097916 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097916

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