If you’ve ever allowed Game-knowledge to permanently enhance your personality - do you ever wonder if your partner would’ve fell for the “old you” and do you resent both parties for this?

sublimemongrel · 2017-11-10T19:11:07+00:00

I mean, had I never made an effort to be attractive myself would my husband had wanted me much less fell for me?

If I never worked on my own personality flaws would he have stayed with me through our first year of marriage which was a constant, miserable battle?

Who knows I don’t really dwell on it because I’m happy the way it worked out. I suppose it’s not quite the same but most of us have had to become attractive to get a partner of our choosing. It’s not like we just fell out of bed then bam there they are ready and willing.

PBRScagsquad · 2017-11-10T19:09:09+00:00

What you're describing is literally what helps fuel the anger phase. That little insecurity in the back of your mind, oh and btw the whole loving you for you thing is total bs, no one, man or woman really does that.

Butt-Factory · 2017-11-10T19:17:18+00:00

Does it matter? If my partner met me when I was an awkward, insecure, ugly duckling weirdo teenager he probably wouldn't have fallen in love with me. Lucky for me, we met when I was an attractive, successful, self assured woman. No one stays the same their whole lives. The "me" that you see today is every bit as authentic as the drastically different "me" from years and decades past. I hope and expect I will be a very different "me" in the future. If you're not constantly changing and improving, what the fuck are you doing?

To quote Jeffery Lewis "everything that you feel will one day feel wrong"

SexyMcSexington · 2017-11-10T19:11:30+00:00

I can't say i picked up Game knowledge but I did learn to game women somewhat organically. After some introspection I stopped worrying if my partner would have never fallen for the "old me" because the new me is still me--just with tweaks, enhancements, and refinements on top of my core personality.

Everyone's just trying to fake it through life anyway.

SirNemesis · 2017-11-10T23:47:52+00:00

It wasn’t all superficial or maybe none of it was. Maybe it was stuff my fearful parents coached out of me.

This is how I view it though. You aren't being inauthentic. You're just letting out your authentic natural instincts more, by removing the oversocialization that has been applied to you.

prodigy2throw · 2017-11-10T19:07:16+00:00

You need to do some soul searching to figure out what exactly you mean by “old you”. Who are you? What makes you you?

alreadyredschool · 2017-11-10T20:20:03+00:00

You. Ego. I. True self.

What is your true self? Your true self exists right now. Not in the past not in the future. If you change that's your true self. If you change back that's your true self.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-11-11T14:17:40+00:00

People just don't fall for your essence at first sight, you have to be wrapped in attractive packaging so that they want to know you.

I was a horribly socially awkward teen and early twenties adult, would end up dating guys way less attractive than you would have guessed from seeing my picture. I'm talking like 4 smv points difference. More attractive guys would initially be interested then lose interest.

In my mid twenties, I worked in a social environment for a long period of time and also took mushrooms several times. I learned a ton about how to act around people. Met my husband at 27, I'd say that we have similar smv. He's openly said that he wouldn't have dated younger me with bad social skills, which is only hard to hear insofar as I'm afraid that person will return someday and embarrass him.

This is something lots of people deal with. And not that op said this, but I read a lot of bitter stuff where men seem to think that only they go through it - no. The hot girls in high school and college might have sprung full formed as who they were, but there are many less attractive girls you didn't consider who had to improve themselves as well.

GinSmokeLies · 2017-11-10T20:04:06+00:00

Maybe it's because I wasn't brought up being told that soulmates and fairy tale love is real and attainable, or maybe it's just because I'm a woman, I don't know, but I can't wrap my mind around this idea. It seems intuitive that people love you for the qualities they value and appreciate, and if you failed to exhibit those qualities that person probably wouldn't have fallen in love with you. I guess it's only a problem of you think the past you is the "real you" and the new and improved you is some sort of facade.

mgtownigga · 2017-11-11T01:04:28+00:00

it's a hard thing to reconcile, i'll admit. But you have to ask yourself if you'd fuck with a girl that was decidedly lower quality than yourself. Answer is usually no ime. That should tell you all you need to know in regards to the fairness of it all. I mean if you buy into overly idealistic notions about love and all that, you might not even be able to think that pragmatically, but that's ultimately on you then.

High ideals surrounding relationships and romance are usually fucking bullshit, and the people espousing them the biggest hypocrites of all. They often lack the required self awareness to understand their own selection process, and judge others for things they are themselves doing, albeit unknowingly.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2017-11-10T19:22:30+00:00

I’m slightly better looking and a lot more confident than I was in my teens

This tends to happen. Guys bodies fill out through their early 20s. Confidence just comes with the life experience you gain.

Always being polite, humble and apologising when necessary are attraction killers

I never got this one. Taken to an extreme, everything is unattractive, but being polite is good manners, and humility is a trait that matches well with other traits of very successful people (i.e. success, in a career especially, will be team based). That combination of humility and politeness comes off really well in leaders. People want to be around others that don't take all the credit (what is due makes sense, but trying to take all the credit is a really off-putting thing).

In a dating context, all that means is you have to balance these traits. It's a finer line to walk than just being absurdly arrogant, but the quality of people you meet will be different and your appeal will be different.

I added cocky to my funny. Physically i took up a lot of space at all times. I acted relaxed even when I wasn’t. And due to the looks, dress and likability being there anyway - I almost literally became attractive overnight.

So you started not doubting your humor and acted in a self-assured, confident manner? And it worked? Oh what a surprise /s.

Seriously though, that's not rocket science.

“If you don’t conform to at least SOME alpha archetypes you won’t have a first love, won’t have romance and won’t have a relationship.”

I think that's a silly way of looking at it. "Alpha is a practically meaningless term, at least with how TRP uses it. I know I will for sure get roasted for this by someone, but when it comes to dating, people are fairly complex, and compatibility is what determines long-term success. For short term stuff, it's mostly looks, but the longer a relationship lasts, the more fit matters.

Of course, when I give advice, it's in the context of long term relationships, so there is that. I wouldn't doubt the legitimacy of your relationships with people as long as you didn't somehow change your core values as an individual just to get laid (i.e. if you were super honest in the past and started lying often in an effort to get laid. Personal development isn't really a lie). If your outlook on life changed in an effort to increase your attractiveness, that is probably where I would say things get a bit insincere.

goatismycopilot · 2017-11-10T21:07:27+00:00

Star-crossed lovers is total bullshit,next.

wuboo · 2017-11-10T21:35:38+00:00

My gf tells me if we had met when we were still growing up, I would have thought she was a uncool, goody two shoes and she would have thought of me as a rival. It makes me love her more.

wtknight · 2017-11-10T22:55:50+00:00

I wouldn't want to be with a woman who would be attracted to a fake "game enhanced personality" if I had one. I've learned to live with the fact that I attract few women, and that the key was learning how to find those few women who were able to be attracted to me. With throughout the years I did learn how to market the good parts of my personality without changing my essential personality, and this did help.

Unabummer80 · 2017-11-11T03:07:51+00:00

No I couldnt give a fuck.

If you do a bit of professional development and get a better job, do yu sit there crying about how your company wouldn't've hired the old you? Does a filmmaker who becomes successful later in his career sit there angrily hating everyone cos they didnt like his earlier films?

But it is does kill notions of star-crossed lovers and definitely stops you taking romantic attention personally.

Youre still the same person, unless you are absolutely faking it now. People change and evolve all the time. Grow up.

Cho_Assmilk · 2017-11-12T10:01:44+00:00

My partner fell for the "old me". The question then becomes would the "new me" have settled for my partner? That's a real tough one that I honestly could never answer.

a_mans_perspective · 2017-11-11T13:45:53+00:00

Too many men today are approval seekers who get overly invested in what others think, and don't have an ability to say no -- PUA advice works wonders for these types, because women do not like being sucked up to or pedestalized. To the point where they find it refreshing when someone doesn't do that. I imagine this was you.

The truth is your behaviors were unattractive because they came from a place of internal weakness that you have yet to confront. All you've done is change behaviors while still inwardly griping that women didn't like what you were doing before. I know this, because I went through the same process.

You have to look inside, and change in order to be better. Not just because you feel like women are forcing you to. Do it for yourself. Then you won't be living with this constant resentment and anger.

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EsauTheRed · 2017-11-10T19:21:06+00:00

The only value this has for me is deconditioning, if I game women (and in retrospect you could say that I have, for example dating interracially and when called racist for voting for Trump I'll at first deny it then "agree and amplify" and comment on how men of race of woman I'm dating have tiny dicks and link her racist humor, and then claim it was a joke and I'm not really racist :) )

The only value to me, once again, is deconditioning. If I don't suppress my feelings for social reasons I tend to act in more RP-approved ways

darla10 · 2017-11-10T19:33:21+00:00

You can still be in love with someone and be attracted to their alpha qualities. Those qualities (maintaining frame, being the oak, not getting butt hurt) are things that will increase love, not diminish it. And don’t worry, some of us can definitely see how much work that is and we certainly appreciate it. Get over yourself and just enjoy being masculine.

crackrocksteady7 · 2017-11-10T20:21:03+00:00

But it is does kill notions of star-crossed lovers and definitely stops you taking romantic attention personally.

Yup. You can find success but it's permanently ruined for you and ultimately feels meaningless

pinkgoldrose · 2017-11-11T00:05:30+00:00

But it is does kill notions of star-crossed lovers and definitely stops you taking romantic attention personally.

Because it's fake. You don't need to be fake. Just have a blue pill romance where you're honest and in love.

ASeriouswoMan · 2017-11-11T08:32:36+00:00

I don't get it, men approach this whole personality/looks/behaviour as a challenge, while I just act as myself and hope to find a person who appreciates what he sees. Acting like a person I want to be never worked - I can't fake it for too long.

On the other side, I can see why my closest male friends can become instantly attractive to the women they like by changing their behaviour and I can imagine following a formula might be the best option for them. They have a wrong approach to treating women.

newName543456 · 2017-11-13T09:43:23+00:00

Do you resent sky when it's raining?

World isn't made to cater for you and it's outside of your control if "being yourself" for you meant being absolutely undateable/unfuckable/unloveable heap of flesh - as it's something others decide, not you. If you don't provide anything others considered "attractive", they reject you. If that's the case, you can only decide to start catering to their vision of "attractive".

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