I've had an epiphany about sluts and divorce statistics

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-08-19T14:57:30+00:00

Even before she accumulated the notches. She was lost already. She already had terrible self image, she already had no boundaries in put in place around her by stable adults (particularly men), she was already in a terrible state of mind that would have made her a terrible, terrible wife. Even as a virgin.

How do you get from "has a lot of partners" to all of this? Maybe she just, like, enjoys sex?

Just because your behaviour stemmed from poor self-image etc does not mean that this is true for every promiscuous woman in the world.

Archwinger · 2016-08-19T15:04:03+00:00

It is definitely true that many messed-up girls become sluts on account of being messed up.

However, the opposite also happens. Many girls who would have grown up to have fairly normal, non-messed up lives, fall in with a bad crowd in high school or college, get pressured into jumping into the casual sex hobby, start valuing themselves based on male attention, disrespect the living heck out of their bodies and their sexuality, and emerge a changed woman who would have been okay, but now gets high on male attention and doesn't consider sex as something important or special. Not exactly somebody a reasonable guy would ask and expect to commit to one man and have lots of sex with him and only him.

But from a Red Pill perspective, it really doesn't matter if sluts were fucked up by slutting, or if they were fucked up before. Or if some small number of sluts aren't fucked up at all and are just fine but made some slutty choices in the past. There are 3.5 billion women on Earth, and a very limited number of badass guys who are physically fit, professionally successful, socially apt and well-connected, well versed in useful skills and interesting hobbies, confident, strong, great leaders, who have their shit together. A smart badass guy isn't going to seriously consider a slut for marriage, even if she might be one of the ones that's okay. He's just going to fuck her while she's around, and if he ever does settle down, do so with a non-slut.

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2016-08-19T12:39:47+00:00

I'm guessing you're probably high in openness to new experience and like to seek novelty. You could try finding novelty in something other than sex, or just novelty in sex with the same man.

I've just been listening to one of the old Doug Lisle podcasts which covers short term mating strategy and why females do it. He was basically saying that they find it exciting because they're getting a man of superior gene quality. If they've been doing that for some time then they find it difficult to calibrate what they're actually worth to a man in terms of a pair bond strategy. He also said that if you can't calibrate what you're worth because you've had too much diverse feedback over a number of years then it would be very difficult for you to fall in love with anybody. This is because the feeling of love is simply the feeling that you've gotten a very good deal (his words, not mine).

Do you think any of the above applies to you?

DemonConsulting · 2016-08-19T12:53:22+00:00

I agree that people who can't keep steady realtionships in their youth or don't feel fulfilled whith one partner and sleep around because of this, most likely are just pedispositioned to be like that/ have mental issues that lead to it. I also agree that being a slut doesn't make you a bad person or means that no slut ever turns out to be a good long term partner if they chage

At the same time, this doesn't really change anything for men looking to date women and have an LTR. If most sluts are fucked up or just barely controling their behavior then the way to avoid them is by simlply not LTRing sluts unless you're poly.

alreadyredschool · 2016-08-19T14:51:07+00:00

That's not true for all sluts but it's true for many.

Halfway through your post I thought you would say something like the alpha widow thing.

MarriedLifter · 2016-08-19T15:05:07+00:00

She was lost already. She already had terrible self image, she already had no boundaries in put in place around her by stable adults (particularly men), she was already in a terrible state of mind that would have made her a terrible, terrible wife.

Yes, if you're messed up when you start dating, you'll tend to do two things:

Your individual relationships will, on average, be more messed up, because you're messed up, and you'll put up with more red flags.
Because you and your relationships are messed up, they may crash and burn faster, so you'll have more relationships.

Now, let's imagine another scenario. Priscilla Poly comes from a stable family, respects herself, and has good boundaries. She also tends to have lots of crushes and a weird lack of jealously towards her partners. In college, she winds up hanging out with a group of poly friends. So she winds up having several boyfriends at any given time. She practices responsible communication, feels "compersion" (the opposite of jealousy) when her partner finds another partner, and she's friends with her metamours (partner's partners). She spends lots of time communicating with her various partners, carefully managing her relationship issues, and being scrupulously honest. If she's into BDSM, she carefully negotiates hard and soft limits beforehand, uses safe words, and practices aftercare. When she has psychological issues, she goes and works on them diligently with a therapist. She uses protection competently and gets STD tests regularly. She has declared to her friends that it she ever gets married, she will perform a paternity test on any children.

Plenty of RP folks would claim Priscilla Poly is a "slut" or a "pervert." But if you actually look at her behavior, she does everything responsibly and by the book (admittedly a book about ideal poly relationships), she's scrupulously honest, and she cares a lot about other people's feelings.

So is Priscilla good marriage material? Well, it depends on whether or not you want an open marriage. She's a competent adult and she manages her life responsibly. But she's chosen to organize her life around having multiple relationships, and that's a perfectly reasonable deal breaker for monogamous people.

I know several people like Priscilla. I never would have married any of them, because poly isn't my thing, but a good fraction of them have managed to maintain stable, low drama relationships into early middle age. You can find people like them everywhere in geek circles or medieval recreation events.

If you want to be good LTR material, the key thing isn't how many people you've slept with. It's whether or not you've figured out your shit, learned to treat yourself and your partner(s) with respect, and learned how to be faithful (whatever that means to your partner) and honest.

When I'd been out of university a couple of years, I realized that dating university-aged people was a terrible idea, because people who've never had to hold down a job and pay rent tend not to have their shit together. And they haven't established a track record in terms of relationships.

despisedlove2 · 2016-08-19T14:25:27+00:00

And what would create a lack of adult men (read father) in the life of a girl when she was growing up?

Divorce. Her own mother's hypergamy.

It is perhaps not far fetched to see divorce as an epidemic. It destroys several generations of the family.

[deleted] · 2016-08-19T13:25:04+00:00

I think the whole problem is insecurity. If you have a lot of sexual partners and you are confident in your safety and reasoning behind your actions, you won't have issues. Insecurity is a poison.

[deleted] · 2016-08-19T12:31:31+00:00

There's something to this. To me it's all chicken/egg. Whatever. Doesn't matter either way. She's damaged goods. Fuck, don't marry.

deskgrunt88 · 2016-08-19T13:37:49+00:00

There is no question that girls like this exist, but girls like this can come into existence too. They come into existence by disrespecting their own bodies.

Twenty, thirty, forty years ago, any guy with half a brain would have called a washed up hooker or stripper a bad bet in terms of relationships. She's screwed up in the head because of the day to day existence she had. Her sense of value comes from her sexual attractiveness, which fades fast, and she resents men for it.

Any girl who gets carted off to a four year sex-and-party camp at 18 with unlimited social media access is bound to develop at least a bit of a complex like that by the time it's over. Rare is the girl who goes to college and doesn't ride the carousel- and because they can't, they will develop a complex of their own.

Marriage is signing a bad contract with a person who is almost guaranteed to harbor some serious emotional baggage and resentment toward you, because you're ultimately nothing more than another ~~john~~ man. The two are interchangeable in language these days, if you listen to how women think and talk.

Who cares if someone might make a good wife or not, in any case? Marriage is dead. It has been for decades, we're just propping the corpse up and carrying it around like in Weekend at Bernie's.

Accept that she's fucked up. Everyone is. Just don't sign a bad contract and not expect the terms of the contract to be enforced.

Apexk9 · 2016-08-19T17:03:51+00:00

Pshycologicaly the men you're with do change you depending on how they treat you. They can improve you destroy you male you cynical make you jaded.

Humans are shaped by experiences.

FairlyNaive · 2016-08-19T12:17:24+00:00

What does the source of beeing fucked in the head has to do with anything after its already established that you are fucked?

shogunofsarcasm · 2016-08-19T14:11:56+00:00

[deleted]

swallowed_theredpill · 2016-08-19T15:51:15+00:00

No.

Women with more sexual experience will look at you and your lame attempts to rock her world and realize that there are other fish in the sea.

We guys with high partner counts think this way too.

It is about the realization that there is a big open world out there and I don't need to put up with anyone's shit for any reason.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-08-19T13:45:34+00:00

She was lost already. She already had terrible self image, she already had no boundaries in put in place around her by stable adults (particularly men)

For the focus of your argument, this is rather sparse, what more do you have to say on this particular point?

playingwithfyre · 2016-08-19T14:13:31+00:00

The point is irrelevant. Basically the whole purpose of using n-count is to exclude, the reasoning is irrelevant.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-08-19T14:56:22+00:00

That's why high n is a PROXY for poor wife material and NOT specifically the poor wife material itself.

gopher_glitz · 2016-08-19T15:34:56+00:00

All the promiscuous women I know did not have a good father, low self esteem and felt powerless.

The gamble in an LTR is you bet your time and your feelings on the bet you can turn that around for her, assuming you accept her past. Are you going to choose her over a less promiscuous women? Maybe not.

You don't gamble with shit you aren't willing to lose. So if you take a relatively risky bet on a women who needs extra effort and marry her, don't be surprised when she fucks up and you lose everything.

fiat_lux_ · 2016-08-19T18:17:46+00:00

Right. I think you need to get used to realizing that causation and correlation are not the same.

Entropy-7 · 2016-08-20T10:02:50+00:00

It seems bone-dead simple:

If you want to "fuck sluts" then do so, protect yourself, and have no expectation that you will spin them as plates or even have a "two-night-stand" with any of them.

Building relationships is much more complicated. Doctrinaire TRP is that you should never get married, majority opinion is that you should never shack up and then it goes down from there.

If you want a stable LTR or even marriage (against all advice) then you can't be combing the pick up bars looking for a quick hook up; you have to look at a long game.

And - while you can deploy game - you have to avoid the venues where slutty chicks congregate and go to the places where more "real" women go for their hobbies.

Mentathiel · 2016-08-20T13:12:22+00:00

I think that's a large part of it, but notch count in and of itself also plays a role, ruining them even more (mainly the ability to pair-bond/trust).

[deleted] · 2016-08-21T01:29:54+00:00

I see. I gave you too much credit. My bad

WeedDaddy · 2016-08-24T14:10:19+00:00

Even before she accumulated the notches. She was lost already. She already had terrible self image

This applies to some women.

On the other hand, there are women who are traumatized by their first love abandoning them, and the pain from separation causes the spiral into slutdom. They can only love their first love, and seek him in other men, who will never compare to him.

honeypuppy · 2016-08-19T11:51:01+00:00

I think this has been the Blue Pill line all along. Although I don't think it's necessarily as severe as being "fucked up". Getting divorced doesn't mean you were a terrible wife. It could well be that (say) socioeconomic factors influenced your promiscuity as well as made for a more stressful marriage, raising your probability of divorce even if there was nothing fundamentally wrong with you as a person.

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Title	I've had an epiphany about sluts and divorce statistics
Author	swallowed_theredpill
Upvotes	22
Comments	159
Date	August 19, 2016 11:40 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4yifa3/ive_had_an_epiphany_about_sluts_and_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ive-had-an-epiphany-about-sluts-and-divorce.273495 https://theredarchive.com/post/273495

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