Sexual Catch-Up

Fly_Guy_97 · 2019-10-05T13:31:39+00:00

Hookup culture is for attractive men, average women and above, and the lucky. Don’t try to make your whole life revolve around chasing chicks. Enjoy your youth, don’t waste it on women

Eezay · 2019-10-05T13:28:10+00:00

I’m a Virgin, 20yo male.

Chill out. I was 20 when I first had sex and I have made a lot of experiences since then. Good friend of me same thing. No pressure.

I feel like I missed out on casual sex as well as having a serious relationship.

Yeah, I know that feeling. But the thing with the past is, it is gone, you can't touch it anymore. You can only learn from what has happened and cherish your memories. Focus on what you can do now, as you have plenty of time left.

Should I try to have a serious relationship (something I want in the long run) or is it worth it to have casual meaningless sex encounters with others before settling?

You can't really know that beforehand. Just do what you want and find out.

What are the consequences of having hookups and then later finding a suitable partner?

None.

Rabidstuffy · 2019-10-05T06:29:44+00:00

Do whatever you want. You are not going to be able to control how you react to your actions and extra because you have no actions.

Step one. Stop watching porn. STOP WATCHING PORN.

Stop.

Stop right now I can't believe we allowed this to happen.

Then just date who knows how it will go. It will go though. Just keep step one in mind. If you forgot it let me tell you again.

STOP WATCHING PORN

Galliend · 2019-10-05T08:11:20+00:00

What the sheer fuck do you mean by "try to have a serious relationship"? Like there's a serious relationship store, next to the thot store, where you can find your unicorn gf? That's not how it works.

First, you need to make yourself attractive. And it's going to take a long damn time, years, because you probably have a shitty body if you spent your high school years in a computer chair. But you should and can accept that and dedicate yourself to it because you don't have another choice.

When, if, you've manage to become attractive, then the sex will come if you're meeting women whether you're looking for casual sex or not. You're 20, there's not a whole bunch of early 20s girls wearing purity rings looking for their future husband. And because you presumably have a pretty high libido, you're going to want to fuck women whether you're trying to get into a long relationship or not. If the relationship happens, then great. But it happens secondary to the fucking.

Your mindset shouldn't be "what kind of girls do I need to be looking for" but rather "what kind of guy do I need to be to find a suitable girl". And the answer is: "the kind of guy who girls want to fuck on the first date".

Worry about that now and everything else will come after.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-10-05T13:48:19+00:00

Well, that depends. Do you actually want hookups, or do you just feel like you're supposed to have some to "catch up?" You're the only one who can really answer that question. All I can do is encourage you to figure out what you actually want right now instead of letting your decisions be dictated by fear of missing out or of failing to "catch up.

NalkaNalka · 2019-10-05T14:30:26+00:00

For starters lose your virginity, you don't want that becoming an issue down the line. Stop regularly watching porn.

Casual sex or not will sort it self out when you get to that point.

XtoDoubt · 2019-10-05T11:34:51+00:00

I hate that social programming divides sex between meaningless casual sex and meaningful relationships. It's how guys end up with epiphany phase good girls who fucked plenty of guys without rules before settling down with a beta to dead bedroom.

Women aren't divided between sluts you fuck and good girls you marry. Fuck them and see if they're relationship material.

As to being a 20 year old virgin, that's not crazy late by any means. I was a 19 year old virgin, and I had a normal high school life. One thing you're going to have to learn having never had sex before is that your first few experiences won't be great. You're so used to porn so the motion of humping down is going to feel strange compared to stroking while on your back. If you think you might get laid, don't masturbate for a few days so you can stay erect.

Good luck and enjoy it, man. The women are wonderful effect may be a lie, but women are wonderful.

LeJacquelope · 2019-10-05T08:30:00+00:00

High N-count men are as toxic as high N-count women. Go for a relationship.

wtknight · 2019-10-05T13:27:30+00:00

If casual sexual encounters turn you on, then go for it. To me, they're not close to as good as relationships, though. It's like with restaurants, just because you know that high-class restaurants have better food doesn't mean that you want to eat the wide variety of fast food sometimes, even if you know that it's qualitatively worse. Personally for me I don't like casual sex and casual sexual encounters don't turn me on, but I'm not all people. Just don't get obsessed with having casual sex and try to seek out relationships if at all possible, because they are so much better due to the love and emotional connections involved.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-05T13:46:00+00:00

My husband was 26 when he lost his virginity. He did not have a normal high school experience. He was very thin and tall and just hadn’t grew into himself or gained confidence. He was repeatedly turned down in high school in very public and embarrassing ways.

This lead him to focus on his career and just not try in the relationship department until later.

Once he was older and more established he got hit on far more. So don’t think you are behind or missed out. Some men bloom later in life.

eboy4hire · 2019-10-05T17:24:59+00:00

If I were you, I would do exactly as I have done. My journey started when I was 19 and lost my virginity to an escort. First, get with an escort or two. Next, get on Tinder and ask fatties straight up to have sex. To do that successfully, my only Tinder picture was my back, which is ripped. Fatties are saying no? Go get stronger at the gym by lifting heavy weights. After you've had enough of banging fatties and or escorts, try cold approaching women you're actually attracted to. The cold approaching part will take you by far the longest, at least in my experience, to actually find somebody willing to do it with you. I've only had one successful cold approach, but it was with a 4'11" girl I found decently attractive.

One thing I will say is, go on this journey, but try to be content with where you're at. There's always another level that you'll shit on yourself for not reaching. That's at least a problem that I struggle with sometimes.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-10-05T17:31:22+00:00

IMO, the most prominent downside of random hookups is the risk of STDs. Most of them aren’t a death sentence, but don’t trust people who tell you that they’re nothing serious or that you can avoid them all by wearing a condom. I count myself lucky that I didn’t catch one.

If I were you, I’d go for a relationship or FWB with a woman who wants to be exclusive with you and get tested. You’ll probably get more experience that way. Women have options, and getting good at pleasing them sexually will help you keep them around. Quality companionship is great too.

Not to be weird, but I took a glance at your post history, and if you’re actually 6’ and that pic is you, you have above average potential. I’m kinda jealous tbh haha. You’ll have options, especially if you lose weight, learn how to take decent pics, and have at least mediocre social skills. Subscribe to r/malefashionadvice. Make more female friends and meet their friends without too much of an endgame in mind. I also recommend using Hinge, OKC, and/or Bumble. Do not miss the opportunity to put that you’re 6’ on your profile’s height tag. Don’t expect a 100% match rate. Even 5% would be good for a man. Expect to be ghosted sometimes.

Don’t believe people who say that all women want bad boys, that women don’t care about looks, or that all women only care about looks. Most women’s ideal is a physically attractive guy who’s interesting and good but not a pushover. You already have above average genes to work with.

You might not have done this, but don’t just look for the hottest girls only. Look for women who you find interesting, attractive, and kind. Look for trustworthy women too, because some others would screw you over.

Don’t feel pressured to take things too fast or put all your eggs in one basket early on, but be respectful of women’s feelings. Start talking to women like you’re trying to make friends and observe the way that she invests in your interaction. Invite women to do activities that you already like. If you get a woman on a date or two and you like what you’ve gotten to know about her, tell her what you’re looking for and see if she’s on the same page. Some women actually don’t want a relationship and just want to fuck around. Whether that’s a positive or not is up to you. Once you get into a sexual context, start with foreplay and asking the woman what she likes personally. It’s OK to not have a ton of experience. If she thinks you’re weird for asking, it might hurt, but that’s her problem.

This might be unpopular, but porn isn’t necessarily an issue as long as you aren’t jacking off with a death grip and you’re not getting misinformed about real sex. Assume that you currently don’t know what sex is actually like. Look up realistic porn where there aren’t 1000 positions going on and where the man intends to please the woman. Also look up good advice. If you have a trusted female friend, ask her about what’s made sex better or worse for her in a way that isn’t awkward.

As men (and these days, as women), we are encouraged to base too much of our validation on sexual escapades and n-count. You’re going to feel the pressure, but you should resist feeling incomplete. 20 isn’t too late to start gaining sexual experience. Some more experienced guys aren’t actually good at sex by that age, and some people are getting started even later. You’ll be fine.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-10-05T19:23:23+00:00

You do not need to “catch up” sexually. That’s a modern fallacy. Do what you enjoy too many young men just do things to make a “good story” and barely even enjoy the moment.

Grundleberries · 2019-10-06T01:16:40+00:00

Cut that porn out, coomer. It's a dead end road.

Bntt89 · 2019-10-06T05:41:38+00:00

I think you've pointed out what you want with your own post, the way you describe casual sex is that it isn't a high priority, if you want a ltr then it's better to get experience now. Girls are attracted to guys who have had relationships cuz it makes you look desirable. Honestly casual sex is nice, but like it's not like your not going to have sex with your Gf, and in most cases its a lot better depending on your gf and the girl you hookup with.

reluctantly_red · 2019-10-05T06:47:57+00:00

Stop over thinking this. Get off the internet -- go out and have a beer or five or six ... .

Tyler_Gatsby · 2019-10-05T12:23:39+00:00

Another vote for cutting the porn down or out, and going straight for a relationship, since you already know or think you're a relationship type person.

poppy_blu · 2019-10-05T17:00:14+00:00

Do what feels right for you. If you try CS and don’t like it try a more relationship oriented strategy. The world isn’t as black and white as people here pretend it is. You don’t have to sign your life away to one or the other.

SeasonedRP · 2019-10-05T10:13:38+00:00

Using the phrase "casual meaningless sex encounters" indicates you've already answered the question.

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[deleted] · 2019-10-05T17:15:56+00:00

I was a virgin for a long time and I also had a lot of casual sex. Casual sex sucks, for the most part. Honestly, you didn't miss out on much. I'm not telling you to run out and get in a serious relationship, but at the very least I think you'll have a much better sex life if you stick with a person long enough for them to learn what you enjoy. Generally speaking, the more a partner learns about what you like, the better sex gets.

Workaholiconew · 2019-10-06T00:56:09+00:00

I will try another aproach... in your place I would simply avoid women altogether. Simply put, there is not much there for you. You are almost at the age that the desire starts to decrease, sharply, get alone, get friends, be happy.

Grek27 · 2019-10-06T03:32:25+00:00

Bro unless your first girlfriend is really low N count there is no way in hell staying with her is a good idea.

Dash_of_islam · 2019-10-05T13:14:14+00:00

Fat, shy, or ugly girls are easiest...

Just saying. Not as many guys are hounding them so your competition is far less.

You might be able to get the free spirited extroverted girl, but she tends to run with a lot of other guys often whom are far better looking than you. But hey, take your shot, never know what might happen

And agree on the no porn thing. Jack off if needed but without any visual stimuli, you'll notice you need to ejaculate less often and it'll take A LOT LONGER than with porn. And all of a sudden the average girl will look much hotter if you aren't constantly seeing super hot girls on porn or IG or Facebook stalking

Title	Sexual Catch-Up
Author	FreeBobbyShmurda69
Upvotes	14
Comments	98
Date	October 5, 2019 6:20 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ddjhww/sexual_catchup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sexual-catch-up.288863 https://theredarchive.com/post/288863

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