So, maybe this isn't controversial enough...

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-04-18T20:16:27+00:00

The "friendzone" implies that he has unrequited romantic feelings for her, it's not exactly a situation that is going to help his mental health.

hammerhaunts · 2020-04-18T20:12:24+00:00

... but why do men hate the friendzone so much?

They want romantic partners

missile · 2020-04-18T21:16:12+00:00

Friendships with women are valuable, just like friendships with men. But the friendzone isn’t exactly that; it’s a friendship with a woman for whom you have unrequited feelings. (Women can fall into the friendzone too, more rarely, but arguably worse. For simplicity’s sake I’ll assume the male perspective.)

There are two problems with being in this state. 1. You get a constant reminder that you weren’t good enough for this person. 2. It’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that she’ll develop feelings for you if you act like her friend.

Of course we know better, but for about without much experience with the opposite sex, it’s not obvious that this isn’t the way to make yourself attractive to a woman. In light of this, the trope that a friendzoned male is nefariously “pretending” to be a friend is ludicrous. He is in fact obviously interested in her, but doesn’t know how to make a move.

So basically the friendzone is a trap that young men and women fall into, usually without any bad intentions. The female may act in an exploitative way, but this is quite a bit rarer than popularly argued. The male may act in a misogynistic way when he finally makes a move too late and gets shot down, but this too is rare. What is common is two people with their own delusions, he that he’s got a chance, she that he just wants to be a friend, falling into an unhealthy dynamic.

NockerJoe · 2020-04-18T20:29:31+00:00

I think a lot of women used to male attention don't really "get" what that dynamic entails. In the friendzone a dude is putting in a lot more energy trying to get a woman romantically interested but she isn't biting. The effort being expended is far beyond what a normal friendship entails and is mentally and emotionally taxing to a much greater degree. The woman meanwhile isn't putting in nearly the same effort and is treating him as if their relationship were platonic and casual and only putting that level of energy into it. It in no way resembles an actual friendship between people who like and respect each other because the woman isn't acknowledging her "friend's" efforts and may be actively pretending that element to the relationship doesn't exist while also enjoying the benefits of it.

This is also why a lot of girls act blindsided by their male friends but nobody else is really buying it. If the dude is starting every conversation and making all the plans to go out and he's investing the time and energy and she's just kind of enjoying it it's obvious what's happening.

analt223 · 2020-04-19T00:34:11+00:00

Because women who friendzone men also desexualize them. If a woman friendzones me and still tries to set me up with a friend of hers or something, shes actually a fucking friend who views me as a person who has a romantic and sexual aspect to him. Most women who friendzone just let him give the gf treatment to him, then frequently mock him behind his back to women/other men in her life.

wishforfreedom99 · 2020-04-18T20:17:41+00:00

What benefit does a female friend have over a male friend?

InfidelCastro11 · 2020-04-19T02:12:25+00:00

Being friends with a woman isn't a safety net. Having serious emotional problems as a guy will just make them cringe. And they probably won't understand the problems the guy has anyway

OXOzymandias · 2020-04-18T21:30:49+00:00

See friendzone and women frienship is not the same sir.

I have female friends, doesnt matter if i am friendzoned, i dont want her, i dont realize the friendzone.

I have been friendzoned by women i wanted, why da fuck i would stay platonic with somebody i want to be unplatonic.

It is just gonna hurt my little cute and sweet heart

bonusfruit · 2020-04-18T23:03:24+00:00

I'd rather be friends with a guy since I won't be biologically compelled to mate with him all the time. Its needlessly frustrating to be close to a woman you want to fuck but can't for prolonged periods. Also women are typically not as good friends

2020-04-19T00:47:46+00:00

As a dude I'l have to ask wtf is wrong with the men in this thread. Don't pretend you are geuine friends only so you can get into her pants and then rage when you can't. You can't force people to have feelings towards you.

A lot of dudes also put themselves in the friend zone by not being clear about their intentions from the start, you can make it clear from the beginning that you only have a romantic interest in them - then it's either a yes or no, instead of tip toeing around it.

Rahim556 · 2020-04-18T21:22:18+00:00

It's because a lot of women purposely string along men that they have no romantic interest in but will use as a safety net or for emotional support. In worst cases I've seen these woman actively destroy potential romantic interest that these men might try to pursue.

2020-04-18T20:43:39+00:00

I am going to address

... but why do men hate the friendzone so much?

and

why don't they accept the friendship of women when it is offered?

I won't address all the stuff in the middle because... too much confusion there, not sure where you're getting at

So, the "problem" with mean and the "friendzone" is that 99.99% it's a fake friendship. The guy "settles" for the friend part of the friendzone with the covert intention to hang out and eventually "she'll see the light and she and I will be a couple" or something to that effect. It's the same as the Mr Nice Guy syndrome, all the actions are transactional, with an expected payback; it's like each and every time he does something nice or says something nice he makes a deposit into an illusionary bank, and then once it reaches a certain balance, with interests, he thinks he's cash in.

That is fucked up beyond belief. And fake too.

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Cobra_x30 · 2020-04-18T21:35:51+00:00

Ladder theory explains all major Male-Female friendships.

2020-04-18T22:41:55+00:00

Because being in the friendzone and having friendships with women are two completely different things. Being in the friendzone, means having unrequited feelings for a friend. Regardless of gender, that's painful for anyone. It's a constant reminder that you're not good enough and never will be despite what they may offer in place of a relationship.

Most guys refuse it because 1. it sucks anyway 2. often they feel like they've been lead on (and in some cases it's very true) and 3. the reality is many women collect guys and use them for validation, favours etc etc...

I have female friends and it's fun having them, but I've also been friendzoned by someone who just wanted validation and attention from me. Never again.

Point is, don't be friends with people you have feelings for. It hurts and it's not worth it.

rubbooyuri · 2020-04-18T23:57:18+00:00

If you don’t want more friends, dudes, stop complaining about being lonely. You’re not “lonely”, just horny

Like this bs about “reproduction”. Just stop, nobody is fooled and it makes your argument look weaker and whinier

Silas1067 · 2020-04-19T01:53:19+00:00

Men value friendship for its intrinsic qualities, and comradery. Men throughout history have put their lives on the line for their compatriots, and their wives and children

that's not how women see friendship. For them, it is transactional and exploitative. When society is threatened, and the nation is in peril, women simply figure out which side will come out on top, and act appropriately--they will side with the enemy, simply because that enemy is victorious

Do all women do this? Of course not. Do most? Absolutely

The lesson a man must learn as he matures is that women are ephemeral, unreliable, and ultimately meaningless. And if he thinks he has broken the rules, and found the diamond in the rough, well good for him. For most men, female friendships are a waste of time

SSCookieLover · 2020-04-19T04:18:23+00:00

Imagine you want a toy car for Christmas present and Santa gives you a Math book. That’s how i don’t believe in Santa since i was 9 btw

Ballface8020 · 2020-04-19T04:27:23+00:00

This is kinda a good point. If you are interested in a girl and she's not feeling it, what is she supposed to do? Tell you to fuck off and never talk to her again? Nothing wrong with having more friends.

I think it only becomes a problem if she deliberately keeps him as an orbiter. And pretty much every girl keeps orbiters.

richlad · 2020-04-19T08:00:57+00:00

Because most women are raised to extract value from men without offering any value back.

Having a parasitic female friends is wayyy worse than being alone.

I never consider any female a "friend" unless she sleeps with me and offers blowjob, because most of those women are asking for huge efforts in return of their annoying company.

Sometimes those girls ask me to pick them, sometimes they ask me for money because they are running behind on rent, yea I happily give them whatever help they need. But having a parasite who only takes the most from you and never give anything back is the last thing I want.

SaBahRub · 2020-04-18T20:46:30+00:00

As you can see from the male answers here, it’s because all they want from women is sex.

Interesting how they all dodge the question of loneliness. Guess they just want a cave and a woman, in the end.

wishforfreedom99 · 2020-04-18T20:19:02+00:00

When a woman offers friendship, it isn't because she's interested in being a friend, she's just trying to get the icky neckbeard away from her without being killed.

She wants all the benefits of a relationship without icky sex with a average uggo.

So you get to keep buying her shit and being her emotional tampon. She gets to use you, while you get nothing out of the transaction.

You really think she's going to give a crap about your suicidal issues or relationship drama?

No she is not. She wants orbiters. Not "friends".

Ireallyreallydontgaf · 2020-04-19T00:30:33+00:00

Idk op. I kind of like the friend zone personally. To the point that I actually friend zone girls.

I mean you get a friend (wtf is bad about that?). You don’t need to be all committed to them, and you can still do fun things with them and talk to them. You develop your social skills, and maybe get introduced to their friends. It’s kind of sad that some guys view all women solely as something to conquer (aka have sex with them).

Barely-moral · 2020-04-18T20:33:11+00:00

The awful women don't offer friendship. They want orbiters that give them the benefits of having a beta bucks boyfriend but without giving him neither sex nor exclusivity in return.

The good women may offer friendship but having a friendship with someone when you actually have feelings toward that someone and want more than just a friendship is not something nice. That situation of unrequited love/attraction is just awful to be in.

So of course a man is going to reject that friendship.

DareyFathom · 2020-04-18T20:57:03+00:00

I've never made friends with a female that was attractive and available. Just isn't happening. I think men allow themselves to be put into the friend-zone. I've never had it happen to me and the only instances where I see it happen are from men too indecisive to demonstrate clear intent to the girl early on. I'm much prefer an open rejection to holding out on a distant hope.

2020-04-18T21:24:53+00:00

You are alienated from everyone also female friends. Also if the cause of your depression is loneliness and lack of female attraction its hard being friendzoned alot

Grand_Duty · 2020-04-18T23:36:38+00:00

It's never been a thing to me post middle school. I do what women do, I put women in boxes of I would date or only friend. I haven't had major problems like other guys talk about.

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2020-04-18T23:37:46+00:00

A man being friends with a woman when there is no physical attraction between the two of them isn't a problem. But if the man is romantically interested in the woman and she friendzones him, it is a terrible thing for the man. Often he will think he still has a chance when he doesn't. So instead of doing what is best for him, focusing on other women and getting over her, he will continue to obsess over her and prevent himself from getting in a real romantic relationship.

wishforfreedom99 · 2020-04-19T07:36:06+00:00

Hey, so I wanted to address some answers and maybe clear a few things up:

- Obviously, if you have deeper feelings for a person it can be very hurtful to be kept around and not have a clear boundary with that person. When this happens to me personally I try to cut things off from my side, because the other person can't know how much / how little being around them hurts me.

- Some of you seem to imagine women who friendzone as these super hot beings that leech off of the men. I don't really understand this picture? What do you think she would get from that? No one wants shallow attention more than real friendships or romantic relationships.

- I'm more interested in personal experiences than rhethoric. Some of you make points that come off as rather cartoonish. Thanks!

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-04-19T08:19:33+00:00

Women don't like being in the friendzone either.

You're confusing the friendzone with normal, mutually platonic friendship.

madethisaccount-toda · 2020-04-19T14:57:44+00:00

Basically it’s because that girl is saying “I like you personally, but physically you’re not enough for me” which definitely hurts as a guy

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-04-20T03:58:18+00:00

Women make terrible friends most of the time tbqh, sorry :/

ManguZa · 2020-04-18T20:14:11+00:00

They hate it when the woman make them believe that she might want be with them to use them.

coolerdrop57156 · 2020-04-18T22:15:20+00:00

I have male friends. The 90% of the time i start conversation with women is to see if i can fuck them. I dont want to be friends with women.

There have been times when i would be talking to woman and once in feel like there isnt a chance, i just drop the friendship.

PhospholipidB · 2020-04-18T22:17:14+00:00

When I hear that word, it tends to come from a man using it to shift perception of blame and who did what.

If he admits she said no, he would admit to being rejected. If his ego is fragile, he cant handle it.

So: If he described it as "she friendzoned me", the action is done by her and TO him. Some unhappy men feel almost like a victim: "She did this thing to me!"

The best way for a man to look at it is to not let a woman's romantic choices control your feelings. So she said no, so what. Plenty more women to ask out. And hey, she likes and trusts enough to offer friendship, which is cool.

Title	So, maybe this isn't controversial enough...
Author	wishforfreedom99
Upvotes	16
Comments	80
Date	April 18, 2020 8:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/g3u48z/so_maybe_this_isnt_controversial_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/so-maybe-this-isnt-controversial-enough.653968 https://theredarchive.com/post/653968

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