Why do red pillers not like it when previously promiscuous women withhold sex in a new relationship?

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-07-29T15:09:19+00:00

Why are you claiming a relationship based on lust is exclusive to one based on compatibility? As if the two can’t coexist.

The problem with it is that these women are acting like you are. As if lust and compatibility are mutually exclusive - they aren’t.

No man wants to be the backup guy that she engages in a relationship with only because she has exhausted her options with men she actually lusts over.

You might feel the same way if a guy was romantic to previous women but cold to you.

sadomasochrist · 2019-07-29T15:09:31+00:00

Him : "So I used to spend a lot of money on women, taking them on fancy trips, shit I even bought a girl a car once, but I want something more real now... split the check?"

Her : "I used to give my best out for free, would you like to work for it?"

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-07-29T16:36:55+00:00

The guys' way of thinking on this is to rank things you can do together by level of intimacy. Sex is the most intimate of activities.

If she did the most intimate thing imaginable with other guys casually, and won't do it with you, any claims she makes that she wants an LTR seem disingenuous. Sex is sex is sex, either its special or it's not. If it is, why are you giving it casually and not to someone you're serious about, and if it's not, why aren't you giving it to someone you're serious about despite giving it to people who aren't special with no issue?

ICBMasterbater · 2019-07-29T17:16:17+00:00

Because it means the woman isn’t attracted to you enough to want to fuck you and is in it for the stability and financial benefit of the man. Alpha fux, beta bucks

wtknight · 2019-07-29T15:52:29+00:00

Because even men who want relationships want to be lusted after. When a woman has had sex with another man sooner than with him, it implies that she lusted after that other man more than him.

NathanHollister · 2019-07-29T16:58:24+00:00

Because if she makes you pay for something she gave out for free, or makes you wait for something she gave out quickly to other guys, then she doesn't care about you. Redpill believes a woman who doesn't care about your needs isn't a woman worth dating

incelicious · 2019-07-29T17:11:44+00:00

That would say to me that she takes me for a loser, and sees me as nothing more than a provider/servant to manipulate and MAYBE reward with some annual birthday sex.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-29T17:47:00+00:00

🤦‍♂️

It’s kind of sad to think about how little some women understand men just from the genuine confusion in the original post.

In the world of RP men, there are two kinds of men: studs and workhorses.

Studs fuck: https://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/07/how-americas-most-valuable-stallion-makes-35-million-a-year.html their semen is valuable. Their attention and approval is valuable. They are respected ... by women. How? With sex. Why? Because women understand that that’s what’s valuable to men. The end.

Workhorses ... not so much. Workhorse semen isn’t valuable. Neither is their attention or approval. They’re not really respected by women. They’re appreciated, after a lot of work, and the owner may have a moment where she shows her pet animal some kindness or love. But that’s pretty much the life of a workhorse.

Theory aside, RP men have seen this in action, in the real world, from personal first hand experience.

If Jennifer got a $200 gift from Thomas for her birthday, a surprise birthday cake and classroom birthday party, flowers for Valentine’s day and a protestation of his feelings for her before the school dance ... only to be more than happy to be noticed by you for the first time in 3 years, and you get a simultaneous blowjob and handjob after the dance ... as a guy, you know where you stand relative to poor Thomas. You don’t envy Thomas. You pity Thomas. You feel bad for Thomas. Your heart breaks for Thomas. You’re afraid to ever be Thomas.

Here’s the thing women don’t get about men. This will blow some minds. Men can go on their whole life being 100% happy and content without feeling like someone “loves him” or worrying about whether he is “lovable.” BUT ... what men cannot live with is feeling disrespected or incompetent (not valuable). “Value” for men doesn’t come from how “loved” they are. That’s worthless. “Respect,” on the other hand, that is valuable for men.

When the last 5 girls you’ve interacted with sexually have been eager and enthusiastic to service your dick in 1-5 dates, how do women fantasize a man is going to feel when woman number 6 comes along and treats him like Thomas? What’s the fantasy? That he’s going to think, “Oh, she’s relationship/marriage material. I love how hard to get she’s playing, it’s driving me so crazy, I just want to conquer her and be with her more!”

All SEXUAL male/female relationships (that aren’t some forced arrange marriage situation) are BASED ON LUST. “Love” and all that bullshit is just an after the fact backwards rationalization we tell each other, others, and ourselves so that we can deny how basic and animalistic we are AND so we can stroke our own ego and feel like we are so enlightened and super self-actualizing ... AND defend our ego from the pain that this is the BEST we could do in the relationship market (which is a painful reflection of our sub-par SMV as a woman ... but ain’t nobody wanna talk about that, that’s very painful to even think about).

RP men get into relationships with women who respect him AS A MAN and make him feel like a king. If her ego and emotional needs can’t take a temporary back seat in the very beginning of the relationship, then it’s not going to be a very pretty picture after marriage or when children come into the picture. RP men filter for respect.

And “sex” is “respect.” Even when the biological/hormonal drive for sex diminishes, even when men have low testosterone or are on anti-depressants, etc., if they’re RP, and they’re not having sex, they’re nexting on principle. They’re not looking to feel like a workhorse or a Thomas. They want a woman who makes him feel like a stud. And a woman who thinks the way that’s described in the original post isn’t making any man feel like a stud.

ATTENTION: please leave all butthurt comments below, and don’t forget to downvote.

petrichordium · 2019-07-29T15:22:33+00:00

Bc they feel relationships based on “personal compatibility and substance” invariably devolve into comfortable companionship marriages where the man puts his dick and libido in a box under the bed. But is still perhaps admired as a provider and dad.

I’m not red and I don’t place TOO much emphasis on how sexual relationships begin. I was “cold approached” on a dancefloor by a girl who later broke my heart, and i crawled out of the “friendzone” with a girl whose heart i stomped on later.

But if i (even polyamorous very openminded as i am) KNEW a girl had a history of super zipless fucks and was making me wait i would next her or at least put her way down the list. It wouldn’t even reflect on ME. I would think she is doing a pendulum swing from a hotheaded drama mama relationship pattern and trying to use me to get over a slut hangover. It might make me reflect on why i come across like a good option for that, but the overriding impulse would be “nah, I’m not gonna be that guy for you.”

Polardon · 2019-07-29T16:41:48+00:00

Had a girlfriend like this : she told me she wanted to build trust and wait to have sex, because of her failures with former relationships involving immediate sex. She cheated on me a few months later :D

_derekhawkins · 2019-07-29T16:43:39+00:00

You can’t seriously ask this.. lol atleast the comments covered it pretty well

madandunabashed · 2019-07-29T15:42:10+00:00

Because they feel entitled to it. Because they don’t understand the simple fact that having casual sex and being in a relationship are two different situations that women want different things out of.

A woman that has casual sex is probably looking for an ego boost, or she’s just experimenting and seeing how she likes it. It’s all about her and not that much about the other person involved at all.

A woman getting into a relationship will want romance, will want to feel like she’s madly in love, have butterflies in her stomach, feel like there’s crazy chemistry, you know the drill. And not having sex right off the bat helps build all those things up. The anticipation of wanting something, when taken to extremes, is better than actually getting it. Because at that point when you finally get it, it’s almost like a disappointment, because it comes with a “what now?”.

DREADC0RSAIR · 2019-07-29T15:09:50+00:00

Don't say "Red Pillers" just say "Some guys"

Anyways, some guys don't like being rejected from sex after knowing she's active because they feel like they are getting shit deal. They are wineing and dining her when other guys got her for free. They see relationships purely as sexual transactions.

strangelovesglasses · 2019-07-29T16:27:23+00:00

they feel like she’s cheating.

THE_MASKED_DOWNVOTTO · 2019-07-29T16:54:41+00:00

It's messed up, but there's a book called "why men marry some women and not others". It literally states that casual sex is the death knell of a relationship. So as women, you gotta play the hard, waiting, long game with a guy or there's a high probability he'll never marry you.

Having said that. I've actively withheld sex from men who I was considering for an LTR because of this. Isn't it funny? Men love and want casual sex, but then have a low probability of marrying the woman who gives it to them, so even if we are promiscuous, we gotta pretend like we're not, lol. The outcome looks like they fucked themselves into this position by being this way.

The dating-equivalent of "The Red Queen Hypothesis". o_o

CainPrice · 2019-07-29T15:13:25+00:00

Men and women have different value systems and different relationship strategies.

For a man, finding someone willing to have sex with him is hard. Finding someone willing to let him by her food and drink and help her move into a third floor apartment and fix her car and computer for her is easy. So for a man, the primary quality that differentiates his girlfriend from every other person in the world is sex. If she's not having sex with him, especially when she readily had sex with others, she's not being a good girlfriend. Being a good boyfriend for him is an extension of the fact that he has a sexual relationship with her. Sex is the foundation of the relationship - it's what makes it a relationship, while good boyfriend behaviors are the icing on the cake. Especially when you look at her past, where good boyfriend behaviors were never required for sex - sex was the foundation, while relationship behaviors were secondary.

For a woman, finding people to have sex with her is easy. But finding a good guy that turns her on sexually and also gives her the boyfriend treatment is hard. So in her world, sex is contextual. She can have sex in or out of a relationship depending on how she's feeling. For her, those relationship behaviors are what differentiates a boyfriend from any other person. Those relationship behaviors are what makes it a relationship for her, while sex is just the icing on the cake. She can (and has) had sex with anybody, so sex is the extraneous part for her.

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jkonrad · 2019-07-29T15:45:44+00:00

Because while TRPers have been told how women behave, they still don’t know how they think.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-07-29T15:57:30+00:00

I dont like it when any women withhold sex period

RedIsBestColour · 2019-07-29T16:02:33+00:00

It is not a bad thing. It is just a thing I do not want to take. Next.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-29T16:32:24+00:00

Who cares, quite frankly, what some guys think about how quick a girl puts out? It's up to the girl to set her own pace for when she will or won't have sex (edit: and with whom); if some dude doesn't like it, too bad so bad.

TibetanWisdom · 2019-07-29T16:35:01+00:00

A romantic relationship at its core is a sexual relationship. Many women have beta orbiters who they may even tease and flirt with, go to eat with, experience places together, etc.

But because they are just friends, she wont kiss, have sex, or any other physically intimate things with them.

A Man who wants a relationship with a girl wants compatibility and substance , but sex is the defining differential point between being just friends and something more.

Also its kind of a warning flag. Some men might take it that you are not all that sexually attracted to him, and fear you may leave the relationship due to lack of sexual satisfaction or hypergamy

mrp_awakening · 2019-07-29T16:52:08+00:00

Doesn't that signify that they want a relationship based on personality compatibility and substance before it becomes based on lust?

No. A history of casual sex means willingness to act on impulses and that the woman doesn't equate sex with love. While neither of these is inherently a bad thing, it isn't a great thing if you're seeking a committed long term relationship. Potential for cheating and/or raising a kid that isn't yours would be higher than a woman who has not had a history of casual sex. Potential doesn't mean reality... but the odds are less in your favor. Hard to say how much, and it may even be fine if she demonstrates she's very attracted to you.

However, if a woman has had a history of sexual promiscuity but is withholding sex it usually means she's not attracted to you on a fundamental level. If she's impulsive and doesn't need love to have sex, then why isn't she having sex? The answer that immediately pops every guy's mind is that she's not attracted enough. And if she's not now... she'll never be. Every man fundamentally knows that attraction tapers off over time. That the period in which you'll have the most hot sex with a woman is in the beginning. Not true of every relationship... but definitely true for the majority. If a woman is promiscuous but not having sex with you in what's supposed to be the hottest period in a relationship (limerence), the sex will never be good, and she'll be likely to stray.

THE_MASKED_DOWNVOTTO · 2019-07-29T16:54:31+00:00

It's messed up, but there's a book called "why men marry some women and not others". It literally states that casual sex is the death knell of a relationship. So as women, you gotta play the hard, waiting, long game with a guy or there's a high probability he'll never marry you.

Having said that. I've actively withheld sex from men who I was considering for an LTR because of this. Isn't it funny? Men love and want casual sex, but then have a low probability of marrying the woman who gives it to them, so even if we are promiscuous, we gotta pretend like we're not, lol. The outcome looks like they fucked themselves into this position by being this way.

The dating-equivalent of "The Red Queen Hypothesis". o_o

ToxicMasculinity1981 · 2019-07-29T18:06:36+00:00

This question and the responding comments confirm for me why I never let go of the classic "3 date rule." From my perspective I want sex on the first date. This is my goal, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't try every time i've ever had a first date. That being said, I understand a woman's desire to try to at least attempt to seem modest or reformed of past behavior. Even if its a very checkered past. Which is why the 3 date rule makes sense to me. Its not that long of a time to wait, but you're also showing her that she is worthy of more attention than a one night stand. Now, if she told me on the first date that she's a born again virgin who is going to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I'd literally laugh in her face and point out to her that you can't put the genie back in the bottle. We wouldn't have a second date.

dodgedthatbulletboi · 2019-07-29T20:35:40+00:00

Sounds like sluts trying to rationalize the fact that the good men they want now don’t want them after years of rejection. Marriage for any female I talk to that is my age (34) is off the table. You can suck my dick but you get nothing else. You suck my dick because you think it will make me want to give you my resources. I worked hard for what I have, and now I have to work hard for the “love” of some woman who freely gave the only thing of value she has to 50+ (and that’s a lowball) men? Haha.

Deal with the consequences of your slutty past and give it up. No self respecting man wants a woman like that. The simps that would consider you an option you will find repulsive because you know the nasty shit you have done with all those hawt guyz. You fucked yourself.

ScootsScoots · 2019-07-29T15:30:56+00:00

Because its manipulative.

Because the man is clearly being used for something.

You can't understand why a guy would be upset when everyone else got something for free but now he has to work for it?

Emervila · 2019-07-29T16:25:57+00:00

women withhold sex

You answered yourself... they withhold which means they are not equally attracted as they were with previous guys ( you've been settle down for, flare activated) also she is lying in the relation by not being herself.

Why is that a bad thing?

Because ALL MEN want a healthy sex life.

relationship based on personality compatibility and substance before it becomes based on lust

This is the problem, promiscuous women see love incompatible with sex but there's men who believe you can have personality compatibility and also a healthy sex life.

aimlesssouls · 2019-07-29T15:16:51+00:00

Why is that a bad thing?

Well for one thing, it means you can't get laid for several months.

There are women outside who literally giving out free pussy. And this chick wants me to wait? That's disrespectful. Is my time not valuable? Would you eat at a restaurant that asks you to wait 4 hours for service? Lol.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-07-29T15:21:35+00:00

Doesn't that signify that they want a relationship based on personality compatibility and substance before it becomes based on lust?

That's not what it signifies. And show me one person who doesnt want their partner to lust after them...

diffdedbed · 2019-07-29T16:08:45+00:00

The only problem is that the women need to learn to keep their trap shut about their past exploits, especially if they were slutty. Women don't understand the male mind on this.

So if you found out the woman you were dating used to do 3somes and as such, but she wants to "wait so its special" with you, its going to fuck with a guys brain. We can't help it. Its like we have to earn what she gave away? And then thinking about the woman being slutty on top of it is hard enough.

Joey_Lopez · 2019-07-29T16:33:53+00:00

No it's like your being ripped off.

Title	Why do red pillers not like it when previously promiscuous women withhold sex in a new relationship?
Author	aimlesssouls
Upvotes	4
Comments	123
Date	July 29, 2019 3:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cjcf5m/why_do_red_pillers_not_like_it_when_previously/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-red-pillers-not-like-it-when-previously.254689 https://theredarchive.com/post/254689

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