Housewives vs working wives

M_riane · 2016-12-24T09:45:56+00:00

Everyone has her own bias here from their own family situation. So do I: my mother was a housewife and it has made her very unhappy. It was good for us when we were little, but ever since I was nine or so, I wished she'd work again because it would make her happier. I firmly believe that every woman needs an identity, a role, outside of the house.

I also feel like the distinction housewife vs career woman is too sharp. Most working women are not 'career women' in a suit with eighty hour jobs. My mother's friends were teachers, nurses, shopkeepers, secretaries. They had no trouble managing their families next to their jobs.

onacasserole · 2016-12-24T18:08:16+00:00

It depends on the person. I like my setup (obviously, lol) basically I'm a housewife now but my job prior was working from home on a freelance basis. I still pick up projects a few times a year, we don't really need the money, but it keeps my resume up to date. When I'm working on a project it's MAX 15 hours a week. I don't so much worry about supporting myself, but I like to have the option to work just in case he would get injured or something like that.

On the other hand, since I don't have a traditional 9-5 career I can really base my schedule around my husband who has a very demanding job. If he wants to take off for 2 weeks to travel, I can too! If his schedule changes drastically, it's no problem, I can match it. I can move anywhere in the world that his job takes him. When he comes home from a long day he doesn't have to lift a finger. I did a lot around the house when I was working full-time, but it definitely wasn't like this. Honestly I feel like we both have higher quality of life because of me staying home, but I recognize that we're very lucky money-wise and that many people don't have this option.

BigRedRover · 2016-12-24T13:22:41+00:00

The answer to every one of these questions is "it depends."

rainyweathergirl · 2016-12-24T14:25:56+00:00

I prefer to stay at home. I want as many children as possible.

Kara_El · 2016-12-24T15:49:26+00:00

I spent seven years in college, getting my masters to be a librarian. I make a difference in the world, have a really nice, predictable schedule, great benefits, understanding management, and pull in about 50k a year. I'm not staying home beyond maternity leave and I've been clear about that with my fiance since we met. Being so open about that meant I found a man who likes that I work and care about my job. He admires it and appreciates that he won't be the only breadwinner.

As far as family time goes, I think quality time vastly out weights quantity time. I wouldn't be happy staying home all day and that would make my family unhappy. Spending my day doing something I love and then coming home to my family will make everyone's life better. Most importantly, being aware of how we spend that time, is key. We won't be wasting our family hours staring at our phones or watching Netflix every day.

lidlredridinghood · 2016-12-24T16:16:30+00:00

Depends on what you want. :)

My Captain doesn't want kids. Not gonna happen. So being a housewife, doesn't make sense. Also, I want the independence of the $, to be able to decide to stay, every day. I also had my career already set up when we met; it's just a matter of setting it into course with him in my life.

I'll end up pulling in 30-50k a year. Right now, he's home more.... so he does more of the housecleaning work (it's also his space) while I get my "career" started. It feels like a balance between RP, the way humans actually work, and the modern era.

SSapplejack · 2016-12-24T17:26:15+00:00

My personal preference is to be a housewife as soon as there are children in the picture. I would like to be a stay at home mom and go back to work when the kids are older (maybe, we are considering homeschooling)

videlachkadua · 2016-12-24T14:12:16+00:00

When I first lurked on RP sites I thought being a housewife was a must. Then, I came upon RPW and they even have a thing on the sidebar talking about working women.

I guess for my relationship he prefers a career woman. I feel happier getting out of the house 10 hours a week. I work at a daycare and I love it. I was miseraboe staying at home all the time and so was my mother when I was younger.

Staying busy keeps many women happy whether she's a career woman or a housewife.

Willow-girl · 2016-12-24T14:19:49+00:00

I have always worked; I like working and I think the self-discipline that comes from it (especially being partly self-employed) carries over into other areas of life. I feel I use my time more efficiently than I would if I were home all the time. The money's nice, too! :-)

violetpiecrisis · 2016-12-24T17:20:22+00:00

I strongly prefer being a housewife, but it depends heavily on your own situation! I work around 12 hours a week in a part time job, mostly just for fun money. I couldn't really work more than that without incurring some serious child care costs. Where I live child care costs as much as renting an apartment! I keep plenty of hobbies and volunteer at my son's school often, so I'm content with my "out of the home" life. I've always been a homebody anyways.

PinkFloweryBranches · 2016-12-24T23:34:18+00:00

I think it's better for a woman to be a housewife. I believe that if a working woman tries to balance motherhood and a career, she'll put one before the other. It wouldn't be fair to her children if she put her career first, and it would be inconvenient for her employer to put her family first. That's why if she does work outside the home, I believe it shouldn't be in a demanding position (i.e. manager). One income is enough for one family, assuming they paid off their debts before starting a family, it's at least $50k, and they aren't living in an expensive area (i.e. California).
Unless he's an addict, abusive, or committing crimes, I believe she should stay married until the youngest child is 18. The majority of the time, divorce ruins kids.

JesterBLB · 2016-12-25T10:19:33+00:00

'Once you're a parent, you're the ghost of your children's future.' - Cooper, Interstellar

My only female friend told me a while ago that when she has kids she's going to stop working to raise them till they are atleast 10-12 year old. I asked her why so she told me that she and her elder brother had to do everything by themselves when their mother and father would be out to work. While this made them independent, there are a lot of things she feels to be missing from her childhood and doesn't want that for her children. I know another 2 guys who aren't attached to their mothers at all! Both of their parents work. One simply wants to leave home and never talk to his parents once he gets on his feet. The other guy just prefers to spend more time at his grandmother's. When children grow up they start going outside and they compare. This is where part of the rebellious teenager phase comes from because they realize their parents shortcomings.

In my case, my aunt has raised me up. She had to fulfill the roles of both father and a mother. She also has been working a strict 9 to 6 for the past 35 years. While I love her with all my heart, I wouldn't rate her high as a parent. I feel one of the problems with being a working woman is that it creates the stress levels similar to that of a single mother. In a hectic 9 to 5 job, a woman cannot be a woman i.e feminine. She has to be aggressive, rude as well as careful not to get overstepped. While most modern women are used at this, many women don't like that. My aunt was one such woman. But she had to adapt that behavior when she started working at 18. When a woman returns home year after year from the toxic masculine corporate environment, she ceases to be feminine even at home.She wants to but most of the times she is angry, stressed and TIRED like her husband. The child gets a household environment where there is a father and a mother-father hybrid. While growing up, children need a clearly distinguishable masculine and feminine presence. Most of the friends I consider 'normal' grew up in such environments.

The above problem is something I sympathize with. But there is another problem which is a women identifying herself entirely with her job/career/position. In this day and age, we have been brainwashed by media and people that if we aren't on Wikipedia or driving a BMW, we are unsuccessful. People nowadays attach their entire identity to their work. Such people develop a huge ego because of that. While this MAY work positively for men since it drives them further, it has negative effects for a woman's family life since she stops pacing anything else above her job. Such women can never find happiness in 'just' being a wife or a mother and hence fail to be a good at that. Analogous to such women would be men who leave their family for their work. So while that may be considered 'alpha' in trp circles. But I feel both genders should think before taking actions that affect their children. 'You are not your job' as Tyler Durden had said in Fight Club.

While my entire argument till now is the disadvantages when a woman works, I would still suggest women to work. Here is why: An idle mind is a devil's workshop. In the old days, doing house chores took a lot of time along with taking care of multiple children. But thanks to technology, chores require very less time and with a child's hectic schedule once he starts schooling, a housewife may find a lot of free time in her hands. Humans NEED to be active in some way or the other. The average happiness of a modern human has reduced due to passiveness. Passiveness even includes watching TV, something housewives may easily indulge in. Too much of this passiveness takes form of a very common illness these days known as depression and I am speaking from my personal experience. Depression can cause serious problems to both the sufferers and people around them.

So to sum it up, if you think you can still perform your duties as a mother and behave as one, you can go ahead and get a job. Choose your line of work wisely in this case. Like one lady mentioned about her mother's friends being teachers,nurses,etc i.e. feminine jobs. You can also freelance or part-time as many women here have mentioned. Just remember that as a housewife, passiveness is your enemy number 1. You can have multiple children to keep your hands full but that even puts a bigger financial responsibility on the man so you gotta look at the variables.

Igotsfeelingstho · 2016-12-24T16:16:57+00:00

I'm a bit in the middle. I work from home 30 hours a week. This works out very well because I can take care of our home while still making some income. My fiancé is the main bread winner and he pays of the majority of our expenses, but I contribute a certain percentage as well. So it balances well.

ragnarockette · 2016-12-27T19:31:01+00:00

We don't want children so being a housewife would be silly - what would I do all day?

I think being a housewife, especially if you married/had kids young leaves the woman very vulnerable. My sister was a housewife. Now she's a divorced mother of 3 with zero job experience and no college degree. She's a great mom (and a super positive person), but it's not an enviable position. I think if she had continued school or kept a part time job throughout she would have had many more options at this point.

alisie · 2016-12-24T14:39:07+00:00

I think it all depends on what YOU want. I was a housewife (no kids) for our first 3 yrs of marriage and now I'm the sole provider while he goes back to school. I have to say I enjoy working way more than being a housewife, it gives me a sense of independence and I don't feel obligated to keep the house spic and span lol I

TheMrs_ · 2016-12-24T13:50:21+00:00

I can't say what's better for everyone else, but for us we have 6 kids and I need to work. I feel it would be better for the kids if I could be at home but we don't have that luxury. We do make up for it, only family or our 17 yr old watches the kids for us, so it's always someone they know and we know there with them.

brick_howse · 2016-12-24T22:47:06+00:00

I am a stay-at-home mom with a 5 year old and a two-and-a-half year old. I think it's important for a parent (preferably the mother) to be a child's primary caregiver for the first few years of a child's life. My husband and I decided that having me home with our kids was worth making a few financial sacrifices (smaller house, only one car, mostly homemade meals, etc.). Our long term plan was to homeschool our children but my daughter has expressed an interest in trying kindergarten next fall so we are going to let her try it. If both of our children end up in school, I will go back to work.

I had my RN; I would have to take some refresher courses to get relicensed. But, I don't see twelve hour shifts being conducive to raising a family so we are considering other options. I want to have the flexibility to be the one to drop my kids off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. And the free time to take care of the housework and to workout regularly. All of which are more important to me (and my husband) than a second income would be.

Edit: I should also add that my husband travels for work and is gone roughly 50% of the time. This makes working even more cost-prohibitive for us because of childcare.... and then there's the impossible logistics of arranging for said care.... which makes part-time/flexible work almost a must for me when I do eventually go back.

Mentathiel · 2016-12-25T20:49:02+00:00

There's no good answer to this, it's a problem we've created and we now have to deal with it.

It's obviously better for very young children (up to 2 years old at least) if they have a parent around and given the nature of today's kindergartens (at least from what I've heard, even around here, I imagine it's worse in the West), where there are strict no-bullying and inclusion policies, where rough and tumble play is frowned upon or forbidden, where everyone gets a reward even when they don't win etc. - where a lot of the aspects of socialization are actively being prevented - you might need to pay additional attention and create additional socialization opportunities even as your kids grow.

Then there's household finances. Most women won't be able to afford being SAHMs or housewives. Yes, a lot of them could take shorter hours etc, but a lot simply have to work full-time. So there's that.

Then on top of that, there's the issue of what kind of person you are. We've let the genie out of the box, women have full control over their reproduction and they're deciding on mass that it's not as fun as we'd like them to think it is. They may be wrong and deceived by feminism, but that's besides the point. How do you reconcile all of the opportunities presented to you in the professional world, managing your relationship with your husband and devoting yourself to kids? Some will just not feel happy and self-actualized and stimulated enough just taking care of the same household tasks every day, waiting for their children and husband to get home. Yes, there's a lot of love and joy of giving and making others happy that goes into that, but that doesn't change the fact that you may also have other desires and actively ignoring them over a long period of time can turn out pretty nasty.

I don't know what the solution is. It'd probably be best for the society as a whole if women stayed home and raised the kids and did their best to stimulate themselves and satiate all of their desires in a socially acceptable, agreed upon manner. But not only is that no longer happening, it's not necessarily what's best for the individual woman. And we simply can't figure it out, we've radically changed our environment (through contraception), we've abandoned our traditions which gave us answers to these very complicated questions, so we're now in a chaotic state where we kind of have to reestablish social values in regards to this. And people are pushing and pulling into all sorts of directions, from traditionalism, to hypergamy and hookup culture, through poly and fetish communities, through just normal people dating unsure of where it's going, childless/childfree people, people who want LTR and children but no marriage, entire TRP movement and manosphere, homosexuality, immigrants having higher birth rates... When you destroy a category, such as gender or marriage, and loosen its constraints too much, the amount of things in it just multiplies to infinity. In the end one of the things will win out and it will reestablish itself as a new social norm, we can just wait and see. There's simply no longer a good universal rule that we can vouch for for sure. Society seems to be in favor of committed dating right now, so that's one certain thing, but that's also on shakier and shakier grounds.

Well, simply put, society no longer tells us how to structure a marriage properly, environment has changed so we can't fully rely on old rules (although we should salvage what we can out of them), and I won't claim any additional wisdom, so it's essentially up to you to figure out. There's a high probability of your conclusion being driven by hedonism, not being quite consistent through time as you're not being held accountable or just not working out despite your best efforts, but that's just the situation we've put ourselves in.

Title	Housewives vs working wives
Author	EdgeOfWorld
Upvotes	11
Comments	29
Date	December 24, 2016 8:07 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5k24d1/housewives_vs_working_wives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/housewives-vs-working-wives.86766 https://theredarchive.com/post/86766

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