Husband being inappropriate online

RatchedAngle · 2024-09-17T12:29:27+00:00

A traditional man should be aware of the image he presents to the world. Right now he is presenting “horny teenager” versus “mature adult man.” Mature men don’t feel the need to voice every stupid horny thought they have.

Him commenting under those photos is a way for him to mark his territory, to display his virility to the world. He needs everyone to know that his dick still works.

But it’s embarrassing. A lot of men don’t realize this, but women look down upon men who comment under these photos the same way men look down upon strippers/promiscuous women. He’s behaving in a way that lowers your social value by association.

Don’t force yourself to touch him if you feel disgusted by his behavior. Have a conversation. Maybe he will see the light if you explain to it to him:

Men commenting under women’s thirst traps is the equivalent of women posting thirst traps. It turns women off. It gives us the ick, and we can’t control that.

OrigamiOwl22 · 2024-09-17T20:55:03+00:00

If you don’t want to leave the marriage physically, leave it mentally.

He doesn’t care about your needs or feelings after all these discussions, crying, anger, etc? Stop caring for his. He continues to discontinue your needs because it’s easy for him, you don’t make it hard. You’re still there for him at his beck and call. Stop that.

You say your existence is your husband and kids? Stop that, find yourself. Go get a part time job if possible, get a degree if possible, find some hobbies, build a social calendar, prioritize YOURSELF. Your kids will be there no matter what. Your husband? Hopefully he comes around once he notices you no longer prioritize his needs or feelings.

Go to church, start a fitness class, go on weekly lunch dates with the girls, go to the gym, get cuter for yourself. Date yourself. Find mom friends for you and your kids. Separate your identity from mother and wife. Become you. Prioritize your needs because it sounds like no one else does. Set that standards for your kids that YOU matter. Teach them that their worth and identity doesn’t depend on others but themselves. It’s important that you don’t become identity less because your kids will see that. Don’t send that standard to them, especially daughters.

Hopefully after a mental separation, you’ll feel better and your husband will see that he can’t act up and get his needs met all the time.

Astroviridae · 2024-09-17T13:11:28+00:00

Try a strategy I'd like to call: Don't get mad, get sad. Approaching him in anger, although while very justified, puts him on the defensive and nothing productive tends to come from that. Alternatively, something about a woman crying triggers the protective instinct in a man and they want to come to your rescue.

Maybe say something along the lines of "when I see the stuff you do on social media, it really hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like I am not enough for you as a wife, that our marriage is not enough, and that our family isn't enough for you. I'm sorry" and then just started bawling your eyes out. The idea here is to make him think damn I'm stupid, I hurt my wife's feelings.

he always goes out to the garage to go on his phone which tells me he knows he’s doing things I wouldn’t be okay with and leaves the house to do it.

Now, I don't want to sound alarmist, but this is such a massive red flag...

No-Comfort1229 · 2024-09-17T16:48:00+00:00

you want to know why he does it despite everything you do for him? he does it because you let him. it doesn’t affect you doing things for him, nor you having sex with him or giving him bjs. you don’t leave him. so why would he stop?

maybe he has always been as ass, and you just always downplayed it because you didn’t want to see it, or maybe not: most people won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t reinforce them.

what should you do? you should leave him. unless you’re into his behavior, which appeared to me you are not. if you can’t leave him now, endure the situation without saying anything while you prepare yourself for leaving. i’m talking financially wise, since you said you’re a SAHM.

if you still feel any love for him at this point, which i probably would not but its fine if you do, let him know openly (ONLY when you are ready to leave) how you feel, let him know what you want and that it’s a non-negotiable: its either respect or its over.

and then give him the chance to step up to be the man you want and deserve. if he doesn’t, again, leave.

it doesn’t sound like a minor issue at all.

oh and btw, divorcing would NOT ruin your children lives. in fact, unless he’s changing his behavior, he’ll end up ruining them. the boys will learn his disgusting behavior and think its normal, the girls will either learn that its normal and accept a toxic treatment in their future relationships, or take on a negative view of men.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-09-17T12:50:55+00:00

I feel like my only options are divorce and ruining my kids lives or just having to put up with the fact that he’s always going to be like this online either secretly or not.

You're not wrong. If he doesn't care how you feel about this, you have to be realistic about whether divorce would make your life easier or harder. I don't think most women are honest with themselves about this, because in most cases, life becomes much more difficult, especially with kids.

If you're seeking advice, mine might not be popular, but it is practical. You say you want your husband to stop doing this, but he won't. Perhaps you could change your request and ask that he show more discretion. If he's going to comment on posts, it should be anonymously, and certainly not with a profile photo that includes you. If you or your kids use his devices, then he should use an incognito tab. If this is that uncontrollable of an urge for him, then he should do everything in his power to shield you from it. That also means, though, that you do what you can to shield yourself from it. Don't go through his phone looking for things that will upset you. Don't ask about it. Don't look for his profiles online.

This isn't a perfect solution, I know. It might be your best bet for harmony in the marriage, though.

RedPillDad · 2024-09-17T12:50:46+00:00

Maybe he sees this as harmless fun and an escape from his life of responsibility. The problem is that he'll be drawn more and more into digital simping towards attractive women while he further neglects his family. This bluepill shit is disturbing. What is he getting from this that he doesn't get from you and the kids?

Passive Dread is him staying attractive to women, which keeps you on your toes. Active Dread, flirting with other women as if he's available, is playing with fire.

This is an emotionally charged situation for you, so it would be difficult for you to be the one to help him course correct. He needs guidance. Anyone in your family circle that can discreetly help you both get through this? Otherwise, it's time for outside help.

Lola_Montez7130 · 2024-09-18T01:55:24+00:00

I would advise seeking counseling of some sort. I would also have a serious discussion as well about Social Media in your household. I am now divorced. My ex-husband had a chronic problem with misusing the internet. I was also a stay at home mom, he worked but eventually would quit his jobs. Things were also physically violent and I kid you not I spent most of my 20s literally barefoot in the kitchen with a black eye, broken bones, and I was not allowed to be off the opiates my Dr at the time prescribed me for pain management. I "cried" too much and he couldn't deal with it. I would say if there is no physical infidelity going on and otherwise things are good, talk, seek counseling, and be well.

Illustrious-Day-6168 · 2024-09-19T10:58:44+00:00

Since divorcing is not an option, try this. Tell him you've thought about it and, since it's harmless flirting, he has your full permission to continue and he no longer has to hide He and can do it openly in front of you. In fact, you'll even start to participate in his little activity with him. Every once in a while, look over and say, wow, she's really cute!!! Or, I don't know about that one, she's got kind of a weird nose. With your participation, he's no longer hiding and will be less inclined to, go behind your back, plus it takes the "fun" out of doing something secretly naughty. Meanwhile, you can also start to take note and comment on men that pop up on the site. You've now become his partner in crime, both of you together evaluating other men and women.

Forsaken_Dirt7810 · 2024-09-23T17:33:43+00:00

Why are you still having sex with him when he gets off to other women? cut it out and you’ll see the real him and you’ll be able to make a change

ThankMeForMyCervixx · 2024-09-17T15:49:58+00:00

Everyone here has made any other points I would have. The only remaining thought? He's chasing dopamine. There's likely a chronic depletion. Is he impulsive, wreckless or spontaneous in other ways? (Ie spending, new hobbies he gets then abandons, etc) The online thing is often a dopamine addiction)same with doom scrolling). If any of this fits, there's a book called Dopamine Nation that is eye opening and pretty life changing.

lyricalpearl · 2024-09-17T13:32:38+00:00

If you want to stay married and improve the dynamic, Get The Empowered Wife audiobook and start listening asap. Full of practical information. It miraculously changed my marriage and my life. I can't recommend it highly enough.

I know it seems like there are only 2 options. There is always another way. Look back at other difficult times in your life. Didn't they often work out in a way you didn't expect and couldn't have predicted? Did it turn out ok or better than expected?

You're understandably hurt and angry. It's devastating when you hurt so deeply, and your husband is seeming to choose to continue his hurtful behavior rather than attend to your real emotional wounds. I'm so sorry and I'm sending you a big hug.

The more oxygen you give this situation, the bigger it will become. You can't change his behavior, but you do have a tremendous amount of influence and power in your marriage and family culture. Outside influences actually can't hold a candle to who you are and what you have to offer.

Since you can't change his behavior, I encourage you to take this whole issue and put it to the side for now. You can always come back to it later. Get the book and dive into it. Focus on you for a time. Let that be your safe place for now.

EEXC · 2024-09-17T13:25:12+00:00

Op, do whatever it takes to get a job and become independent. Once you become independent divorce him. Most likely he is never going to change .You might regret it later if you don't get out of this marriage.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-09-17T15:02:36+00:00

I fully expect to get a flood of downvotes, but I am only getting one side of a story here.

Is his angle due a lack of "variety"? (I know that this is unpopular and it doesn't help you bandwagon others here)

Is he "bored"? Does he feel like he isn't getting anything out of his "work", part of his relationship?

Can he "level" with you? Can he be honest with you?

(Unpopular opinion, yes he doesn't want to hear you cry. It might have brought him pain once but it he might feel like it is played out).

If you want to salvage this, you both need to have some tough conversations. There is something driving this. I'm not blaming you, OP. But something is driving this and I don't always want to pin it on some dark operator from a Lifetime Movie Network villain arc.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-17T12:03:34+00:00

Title: Husband being inappropriate online

Author _blushpink

Full text: Some background info: My husband has been inappropriate on social media in the past. A few years ago his entire Facebook list was women that he didn’t know in person but that had “likeminded views” politically. I found a comment he made under one of these women’s photos, flirting with her and basically calling her attractive. I was really hurt by this AND very humiliated considering I was in his profile picture at the time. I was also shocked, I never thought he was the kind of guy that would act like that but clearly I was very wrong. He has since apologized and blamed it on our relationship being rocky at the time.

Fast forward to yesterday, I found his anonymous twitter account that he spends the majority of his time on while he’s at home (yes, he knows I’m not happy about his phone use, he doesn’t care) Most of his posts and reposts are of women, one of which is a video that he downloaded and uploaded of a bunch of sorority girls dancing. He comments under videos about finding girls hot etc… he always goes out to the garage to go on his phone which tells me he knows he’s doing things I wouldn’t be okay with and leaves the house to do it. To to say I’m livid is an understatement. Not only at his behaviour online but also because he knows this stuff is a hard boundary for me especially after the incident a few years ago and he just doesn’t care, for whatever reason he just HAS to act like this online. I understand men are going to look at other women and what not but WHY does he feel the need to comment this juvenile, 20 year old fuck boy shit on these videos?

We have a very traditional relationship, I stay home with our kids, he works. Everything I do in life is for him and our kids, I really don’t do much for myself. I try my hardest to take care of myself, I still have a little bit of weight to lose but I’m not huge or anything. We have sex almost every night, I give him blowjobs when I’m on my period… I honestly just don’t understand why he feels the need to do this.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry at him in my entire life. I’m so hurt and betrayed by his blatant lack of respect for me. I was hoping I’d feel better after a nights sleep but I cannot shake this anger. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t even want to look at him. I have no idea how to resolve this or these feelings that I’m having. I feel like my only options are divorce and ruining my kids lives or just having to put up with the fact that he’s always going to be like this online either secretly or not. And how do I just move on and have a healthy marriage and be the wife that I want to be always knowing this??

Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.

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Illustrious-Day-6168 · 2024-09-19T00:49:20+00:00

Start talking to or pretend to talk to men right in front of him. Make sure you sound like you're flirting. Text profusely in front of him, laugh out loud occasionally and tell him that, "Dave" just said the funniest thing. See how he likes it.

panditazul · 2024-09-17T23:28:10+00:00

My parents got divorced, and it was the BEST day of my life. Kids pick up on way more than you think, my mom never spoke ill of my dad and they seemed like the perfect loving marriage, never fought in front of us, all that. However, I always felt like there was something wrong and I disliked my dad’s immaturity.

He’s one of the most immature people I know, and he behaves just the way you describe your husband. He’s never changed and I’m sure he will never do so. My mom took 19 years to divorce him and guess what? She didn’t ruin our lives, me and my siblings got happier and I’m sure a big part of it was because we had a happy mom that seemed to enjoy life way more than before! What I would have done to be able to go to the past and make them divorce faster so I could have this new happy mom for more years of my life!

Grown men acting so thirsty and desperate is off putting and not masculine at all, you deserve better

AdorableAnnie86 · 2024-12-12T21:39:50+00:00

Hi do you have any update on this? I’m going through something similar and wonder if anything has gotten better for you?

Title	Husband being inappropriate online
Author	_blushpink
Upvotes	40
Comments	56
Date	September 17, 2024 12:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fixd65/husband_being_inappropriate_online/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/husband-being-inappropriate-online.1530530 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530530

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