Hi everyone! I made a post here a few months ago about how my marriage was pretty much falling apart and I just wanted to come on here and give an update/field report. You can find my original post in my history.
I want to thank everyone that took the time to give me their input and advice. Also thank you to everyone that contributes such fantastic advice on this sub that you really cannot find elsewhere. I wish more women were given Red Pill advice because I really think it would save a lot of relationships and marriages.
I’m happy to report that in only a few months my marriage has done a complete 180 for the better. We’re in an amazing place and I really didn’t think it was possible to turn things around in such a short time.
I’m going to list out what I think are the biggest game changers that I implemented that saved my marriage in hopes that I might be able to help anyone in a similar situation. So here goes:
- I stopped complaining. Sounds simple and easy but honestly it wasn’t. I had become so used to unloading all of my stresses of the day onto my husband after he had already worked a full day of his own. Upon further reflection I realized I used to do this to try to “prove” that my job at home was also hard. Honestly it sounds crazy saying it now, I can’t believe I used to think like that.
Instead of complaining, I would have a big smile when he got home (even if some days I had to fake it), give him a kiss, ask him how his day was and listen. When he asked me how my day was, I told him I had a good day and only brought up the positive parts of it. If it was an especially hard day I would tell him that the kids were cranky or unruly or whatever else made the day tough but I always ended it with “but overall it was a great day!”
And surprisingly the less I complained, the less I felt I had to complain about and my mood naturally improved to the point where that smile at the end of the day was always genuine and my husband was able to come home to a positive environment and felt like his day of work was worth it because his wife and kids were happy and taken care of at home.
- I mentioned in my original post that I was a part of a few “stay at home mom” groups that were basically just a bunch of other moms complaining about the hard parts of staying home with small children. I left ALL of those groups. Every single one.
Initially I thought that these groups were a beneficial thing for me. I thought it was somewhere where I could vent and be understood and validated by other women who were in the same situation as I was, but I was wrong. It was just an echo chamber of negativity that didn’t focus on any of the positive aspects of my situation (oh like you know, the fact that I get to STAY HOME because I have a hardworking man supporting me and my children).
- This one goes hand in hand in hand with #2… I stopped following all of those “relatable mom” accounts on social media. You know the ones - the viral social media moms that are always posting about how husbands everywhere are not doing enough with the kids or around the house and basically just portraying their husbands as useless, incapable men that only bring home a pay check?
This kind of stuff is becoming its own culture and it’s not helping anyone. If you follow accounts like this, I highly recommend you don’t anymore because these women are entitled and miserable, I can guarantee that their husbands are miserable and they are convincing other women that their husbands should be doing their own job AND theirs.
- I started initiated sex.. a LOT. After having two kids and still breastfeeding, my libido is definitely not the same as it used to be but I decided I wasn’t going to let that be an issue anymore. My husband deserves to be able to connect with his wife at the end of the day and feel loved. And one of the best ways to show a man love is through sex.
This might not be great advice for anyone with any type of sexual trauma or something like that but I started initiating sex pretty much every night EVEN if I didn’t feel like it. I stopped looking at sex as an optional thing that would happen if I wasn’t too tired or stressed and instead starting looking at it as something that was imperative to the success and health of my marriage and something that should be happening every night.
I read somewhere on this sub that if a husband isn’t having sex with his wife, he is feeling what we would feel if our husbands just stopped talking to us. To men, sex is synonymous with love and emotional attachment. At first it seemed unnatural to me but now I look forward to connecting in this way with my husband every night and I genuinely want to show my husband that I love and appreciate him.
- I started studying red pill content, this sub, and traditional gender roles. Someone on this sub once mentioned the old blog “The Red Pill Room” and it’s a great resource. Two books that I see mentioned in this sub a lot and that I really enjoyed and found helpful were The Surrendered Wife and For Women Only.
The more I learn about traditional gender roles the more they make sense and the more I appreciate and enjoy my own role. I used to find being a homemaker very repetitive and mundane but now I have found a new sense of empowerment in taking care of my husband, my children and my home. I have come to see how important my role is and what a privilege it is that I’m able to fulfill it.
- I know this is talked about a lot in this sub because of Laura Doyle but it really is important - SELF CARE. I realized I had been neglecting myself and this in turn was making me miserable. As the keeper of my home, I set the tone in my household and if I’m miserable everyone is going to suffer. Especially my husband.
I started doing the things that I used to do before having kids that made me feel good about myself. I started doing Pilates again, doing hair oil treatments and taking care of my nails. Once per day I put a show on for my kids and enjoy a cappuccino and read or scroll through my phone.
Doing these things has made me feel happier and has boosted my self confidence. In turn, this has improved my mood and outlook on life which enables me to be a better wife AND a better mother.
These six things have literally saved my marriage. Not only have I changed, but so has my husband. He is more attentive towards me, is willing to do more for me and we have grown closer together. We flirt with each other again and are both happier and less stressed out.
This is only after a few months. I’m seriously amazed. The first few weeks I would find myself reverting back to my old ways and I would read Red Pill content to bring myself back to my new mindset. But now after such amazing results, I rarely find myself in that place. I truly feel like a brand new woman.
So thank you Red Pill Women! Sounds dramatic, but you have literally changed my life.
To anyone who thinks their marriage is headed towards divorce and wants to save it: I really mean it when I say that as long as you’re able to see where your faults are and commit yourself to changing and treating your spouse with respect and love despite how resentful or wronged you feel by him - you can and will turn things around and be happy in a very short amount of time!