I am a plate

SunshineSundress · 2021-12-24T11:51:54+00:00

Okay. This is gonna be long, and will probably take multiple comments. I’m gonna explain some concepts and ask you a few questions to get some clarity on how to help you.

I can sense that this post may be met with a lot of pushback, and you a lot of comments telling you to leave him. I can understand why, because one of the first things you see in our wiki/sidebar is this:

RedPillWomen concern themselves with relationships, not casual sex. Unlike the experience of men, casual sex is so easy for women to obtain that it requires no strategy. The Red Pill calls women in this position Plates, and is off-topic and against the rules of this sub accordingly.

However, I think you are asking something different, and I hope everyone else here is open to seeing that. You don’t want to be a plate, and are looking for ways to “move up” and to get commitment from this man. To me, that is well within the realm of RPW strategy, and is definitely worth discussing here.

So let’s start with the basics.

First of all, there are 4 types of men that you will encounter in your dating life:

Men who are so far out of your league they won't give you anything.
Men who you can get sex from, but not a relationship.
Men who you can get a relationship with after having sex with them, if you play your cards right.
Men who will commit to you before sex.

The order of these men roughly corresponds to how desirable they are.

The first category is completely off-limits.
The second is the no-go zone that we strongly advise you avoid at all costs.
The third has more pre-commitment risk but less post-commitment risk and a greater reward.
The fourth has less pre-commitment risk, but more post-commitment risk.

Right now, we know for sure he’s not a man in the first or last category. A man in the first category wouldn’t even bother to plate you, and a man in the last category would have stopped seeing other people and already offered you commitment.

What you have to determine is whether or not this man is in the second category (in which case you should count your losses and move on) or a man in the third category (in which case, would be an option worth considering IF you would rather take a risk before you get commitment in hopes of securing a highly desirable man who will have a better chance of inspiring your attraction long-term, after he commits to you).

To me, a man is in the second category if he shows absolutely no interest in you outside of sex. He only hits you up for bootycalls and kicks you out afterward. No matter what your efforts to connect or to use your girl game on him are, they all fall flat. He may have another plate or LTR in his life that he prioritizes over you. On the other hand, a man is in the third category if it seems like you guys have a good connection, and he enjoys spending time with you outside of sex. This man might have other plates, but your time together still seems promising, and your intuition (and be sure this is based on proof, not delusion) is telling you that there’s strong potential for something more serious, if you successfully use your girl game on him and make him want to invest in you.

I understand the gut-punch reaction for the other women here to tell you that if a man isn’t offering commitment very early on, he’s not worth the effort. These women probably prefer men in the fourth category, and want a less risky pre-commitment strategy because they don’t want to get burned and taken advantage of before having some security. It’s a perfectly valid, viable, and successful RPW strategy, but I’m sensing that this isn’t what you want.

After all, your first instinct when finding out that he was still seeing other people was to double down and figure out how to come out on top. A lot of other women would have peaced out immediately instead. You’re much more willing to take risks pre-commitment, in hopes of snagging a man coveted by many and capable of inspiring strong attraction and devotion from you down the line. But if he isn’t highly desirable and attractive and irresistible to you now, then this path isn’t worth it, because these pre-commitment risks are only worth taking for men that are top of the line. This path also isn’t worth it if you would rather save yourself from potential pain/risk and pick a safer, more secure option and have a more straightforward and easy courtship.

So my first question for you: which category does he fall in? Is he Category 2, or Category 3? Be brutally honest with yourself - it’s the only way we can get a beneficial way forward for you and a strategy that will get you AWAY from being a plate. So read that wiki post I linked you to and use it to determine which category he’s in, and let me know if that’s a category you actually WANT. Then we can actually discuss the girl game required moving forward.

katherinerock · 2021-12-24T23:51:35+00:00

I am a fork

Dazzling-Importance1 · 2021-12-24T11:01:07+00:00

Ask him if he sees a future with you if not drop him. That's it. A future with only you

lunavicuna · 2021-12-26T06:09:21+00:00

OP don't assume this is your fault, or that you aren't good enough for him. Perhaps he's not good enough for you. Men who can't be honest from the beginning (both factually and emotionally) and not lead a woman on aren't high value because they lack honesty, discipline, and honor.

edit: as for what you can do, you can start by building up enough self respect to not see him if you don't have that self respect already. if you don't have that self respect, then you can take a short cut and only decide that, whether or not you deserve to be treated like sh** or not, you'd rather be alone than be treated like sh**.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-12-24T11:50:23+00:00

What about you gives men the impression that you will settle for plate status?

RStonePT · 2021-12-24T17:55:26+00:00

My girl was in your position 12 years ago. I ditched a stripper I was dating at the time who was flakey and kind of a PITA, when she ditched her date with some trust fund kid. Then we went to a bondage party that night and the next day I had brunch and said we should try dating.

I don't think there's a roadmap for this

The best answer I've been able to come up with though was this: Of all the girls I dated, they ALL gave me a reason to bounce, and she never had a single red flag for over a year.

eastcoastblonde215 · 2021-12-24T13:24:26+00:00

What is a plate?

Edit: Thanks for the responses! :)

Title	I am a plate
Author	salutbych
Upvotes	63
Comments	60
Date	December 24, 2021 10:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/rnjgqr/i_am_a_plate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-am-a-plate.1090872 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090872

Comments