I have only ever slept with my SO...

alisonstone · 2015-04-22T21:45:41+00:00

Do you know what else I am missing out on? Cocaine. In the short run, you will be far more happy if you do all types of drugs. But in the long run, you will probably be messed up.

I could have brought a Maserati right out of college too. It would probably be really fun to own a car like that. But once again, in the long run, it would have crippled my finances and my long term happiness.

One of the core tenants of being red pill is recognizing reality and rejecting fantasy. You are not going to get everything you want. Your actions have consequences. Some of your friends will drink, do drugs, and have more fun than you. Some of your friends will go into debt and have much more nice things than you. Some of your friends will have sex with tons of people all the time for the next few years. You can join them if you wish, but you will have to deal with the consequences after.

Or it might be something even more simple than that. If you have one vacation and you go to France, you won't experience Italy. Your friends may talk about how great it is to have sex with many different men, but I bet many of them lament the fact that they couldn't have just found the one and avoided a ton of drama and heartache. You can't have both at the same time.

LouieTheWrench · 2015-04-22T20:56:53+00:00

What you have is much harder to get than what you're curious about "missing out" on.

TempestTcup · 2015-04-22T18:04:06+00:00

Unless you are the type of person who can have sex without any sort of feelings attached, every penis you put in yourself breaks your heart a little.

You should feel like being only with your SO is a very special gift instead of a burden.

Octavia9 · 2015-04-22T23:19:43+00:00

I met my husband at 17 and married him when I was 20. He's the only man I've been with although he's a bit older and had a couple other partners before me. I used to think maybe I settled down too early, but after 16 mostly great years of marriage I know I made the right choice. I don't regret it at all and in fact sex and love feel really special and something just for us. If something happened to him I'm not sure I would ever want to date again. I don't even fantasize about anyone else. It's really hard for me to imagine being with anyone but my husband.

FleetingWish · 2015-04-22T20:35:30+00:00

I guess you have to decide if you want man you are with, or if you'd rather try a different penis. Because make no mistake, once you branch swing, there's no going back.

hockeygirl111 · 2015-04-23T03:28:20+00:00

I've only been with my husband. The feeling he gets, that I have only opened myself for HIM is an incredible turn on he says. For me, knowing he's the only one that has been inside me, well it's amazing. He's special, and I'm special to him. It's amazing, and the bond we have during sex, the feeling of oneness is so intense. It's the way it should be.
Think about it, you have saved yourself for the most special person to you. Think about how that makes a man feel. I guarantee he thinks the world of you and the fact that you only want him? Immense turn on and just a general feeling of pride. It raises your value in his mind. Girls that have had a few, well then the guy doesn't feel special. She's just another fuck, and her vag (sorry for explicit but here's where we are lol) has been filled with someone else's cum, with someone else's dick. He's knows he's not the first, and probably won't be the last so he can't see himself in a long term thing.

You want your partner to be your first and last. It's amazing to say in this day and age your partner is your only one! How exciting and amazing and special. Everytime you have sex with someone you bond. And breaking that bond wrecks a bit of you everytime you move on to someone new. You get to have a bonding that's never been broken! It makes marriages stronger for a reason (lack of partners before the marriage partner). Lower divorce rates. Why? I believe it is that the bond of sex and making love, is the glue of a marriage. Having a bond that's never been broken, giving all of yourself to him? Well your glue is stronger than those who have slept around.

Cherish it, and cherish him. I know this was long, but I feel so passionately about this.

greyngreen · 2015-04-22T21:20:39+00:00

The way I see it, people that sleep around are the ones missing out. They never get to know what it is to have that sort of simplicity and exclusivity. You get great sex without the baggage of casual sex or past relationships.

StingrayVC · 2015-04-22T18:47:36+00:00

imagine only being with one man your whole life!

Take a look at that statement. You are only looking at it through society telling you this is a bad thing.

Now, look at it again in a positive way, with excitement. You have little to no baggage. You've bonded with one man and one man only. There's no memory of better sex or a better man in your past. There's no memory causing regret because of stupid one night stands of horrible sex.

Change your perspective with those exact same words, and smile with happiness when your friends say them because of all the BS you aren't putting yourself through.

awakenedmale · 2015-04-22T18:24:35+00:00

I think really I am just looking for advice from more experienced people telling me that I am really not missing out on anything and just to ignore everyone telling me I am!

The only thing your missing out on is pain. Feel lucky that you have only been with your S.O., it makes it that much more special. Your friends say what they do out of jealousy, they want what you have. Don't pay any attention to what they have to say, better yet, find some new friends if these prove to be really toxic.

cxj · 2015-04-22T23:58:22+00:00

You are only missing out on the stuff you don't do for your man in the bedroom ;)

Srs doe, the vast majority of people either openly or secretly dislike hookup culture, the only real winners are top level dudes who can find quality wives after having their way with a harem of sluts for years beforehand.

frozen_strawberry · 2015-04-22T18:48:39+00:00

I've only ever slept with my boyfriend. I'm 22 and in college. I'm happy I dont have to live with that hollowness. I've never met any girl or woman who when talking openly and honestly was really happy about sleeping with a ton of men. they're looking for commitment and cant get it. that shit eats away at them. who wants to be alone all the time except when they party and then drunkenly sleep with fratbro no. 48?

GrowingSlowly · 2015-04-22T20:02:07+00:00

I must agree with most of the comments so far. You are not missing out on anything. I had been with a few sexual partners before meeting my SO and while at the time I believed that I was happy, now I sort of regret it.

I may have spent time exploring my sexuality and trying new things, but now I wish I had done those things with my current partner. I think it would have meant more, both for myself and for him. I may be being naive, but part of me believes that our current sexual relationship would be stronger now as well if he had been my first.

valleycupcake · 2015-04-23T00:16:41+00:00

Statistically speaking, your likelihood of divorce goes from 20% if you slept with only him before marriage to over 40% if you had only one other partner and then him before marriage. The rate is even lower for virgin brides. (On mobile now, will update with link). Sex is like scotch tape: the more things you stick it to, the more it loses its ability to bond.

Edit: Couldn't find the chart I saw before, but this post on TRP is informative to multiple studies of the subject.

ACityGirl · 2015-04-22T22:12:50+00:00

I've only ever had sex with my current SO, and I hope it always stays this way. :)

It's fairly early in our relationship, but I have good feelings.

Sometimes, I think I'm missing out, too. But not about other men. Sometimes I wish I had met my SO sooner. Then again, I was not the person I am today.

You are happy and fulfilled with your man. Most of your friends are, I'm assuming (sorry if I sound judgmental, I'm just assuming), missing out on that. Let your man know you're happy and fulfilled and attached only to him. I have not seen the other side, as I've only been on the side you're on, but I would say our grass is looking pretty green. :)

DreamBoatGuy25 · 2015-04-22T20:22:04+00:00

I just can't stop thinking about all my single friends saying "imagine only being with one man your whole life!"

Sounds like you need to get new friends.

No seriously, most people aren't aware of the degree to which we are influenced by our social groups, but take a social psychology class and you'll learn all about it, its no joke.

You should find some people who share your values and don't try to undermine your lifestyle choices, and I suggest doing it quickly, if I were this great guy you mentioned and I had any notion at all that you were thinking about sex with other men or thinking that you were missing out because you hadn't had sex with other men, commitment would be out the window so fast your head would spin.

[deleted] · 2015-04-23T15:10:47+00:00

You're not missing out on anything. There are guys that are terrible in bed, and some guys are great. You obviously are happy where you're at with a great guy, so don't mess that up! Put it this way: Your friends say "imagine only being with one man your whole life." Really what they mean is that they meet guys and have sex in hopes that one day they will hit it off with someone and be compatible in every way with that person. You got it right the first time and don't have to bother with more dating, rejection, or being grossed out by weird guys. Focus on making him happy and keeping him happy and you two will be great. :)

Bakerofpie · 2015-04-23T15:42:34+00:00

No matter how many people you sleep with there's still going to be people who come up that make you wonder "What if," even if only for a brief moment. Unless you have sex with every man on the planet that isn't going to take away from the possibility of wondering what this guy or this other guy might be like in bed later in life.

Mrs_Torchwood · 2015-04-22T22:09:57+00:00

Your friends sound really unhelpful. If anything, they sound like they want to bring you down.

lucythelumberjack · 2015-04-23T02:51:28+00:00

Frankly, I'm jealous! I think it's wonderful. You might miss out on short-term fun, sure, but in the long run it's not worth it. If you have a great guy, hold onto him. And be happy :)

[deleted] · 2015-04-23T18:16:40+00:00

I can't shake the feeling that I am 'missing out' on something. I know this is so silly, and I don't want to ride the CC or anything like that, to be honest I am not attracted to anyone else and haven't been since I got into this relationship. I just can't stop thinking about all my single friends saying "imagine only being with one man your whole life!" Also I would like to add the sex in our relationship is amazing, I don't feel unfulfilled in anyway!

You may not just want to hang out and ride the CC, but that's exactly what you're friends want and it's exactly what they mean when they say that.

[deleted] · 2015-04-24T06:34:24+00:00

My roommate who just "got turnt up" and had a five shots of tequila is utterly jealous of you and just came back into the room complaining about being single.

So. that. happened.

No but seriously, what you have is better than what most people have and you're so young! The grass isn't really greener on the other side.

stolidfact · 2015-04-22T18:27:02+00:00

You are missing out. You are missing out on the whole range of world views and justifications that are routinely called blue pill here. The sex-positive attitudes that all manner of physical contact can be removed from the emotional or mental. Or if not removed, then all experiences are to be celebrated because anyone can rationalize poor decisions as "I wouldn't be who I am today without them"

You are missing out on that way of looking at and living in the world where anything goes (disingenuously because humans are not like this) without judgments or standards, with all of its pleasures and pains. But the thing is, that's the choice you made trusting and knowing that for you, and perhaps for most people, that blue pill way of living in the world commits an act of ultimate hubris in which what matters is not reality, but the declarations of people that reality is what one makes of it.

Reality exists based on the general natures of humans. And those natures continue no matter what social change or programming takes place. What you can do with reality is choose your attitude and the framework of femininity. When you choose a femininity that is graceful, nurturing, kind, and edifying, that is the real sex positivity that will fulfill you. So that you don't have to be ashamed of admitting your number inside, while spouting sex positivity on the outside.

And even if you are not ashamed. What high quality man would want you? Not many. Usually, not any of the ones you want.

[deleted] · 2015-04-22T19:12:22+00:00

I have a friend who is still with her SO from high school and it's been almost 10 years since school. She has no regrets or feels like she missed out by only being with him. My current SO is the only person I've ever been with and when I thought I was missing out on something it usually stemmed from a different issue that was fixable. The feeling will most likely pass.

lvioletsnow · 2015-04-22T23:34:18+00:00

You're not missing out on anything. Trust me. Your single friends are wishing they had a committed relationship like you.

IWantToKnowAboutRPW · 2015-04-24T02:29:45+00:00

Married my husband when I was 19, and he was the only person I had sex with. He's had sex with others before we met. The other day, one of my guy friends said that I guess I'll never really know if my husband is really any good or not. It kind of bugged me, because as long as my guy gets all the right places, it really doesn't matter. I'm happy, he's happy, and his is the the only penis I really care about.

I'm really glad you posted this - at your age, I think I thought about the same question, and now that I've been through it, I'm glad I didn't do anything any differently.

KimPriestap · 2015-04-22T23:57:09+00:00

I think those who are telling you you're missing out are simply jealous you've got a great guy who cares for you. You ever hear of the saying "misery loves company"?

[deleted] · 2015-04-23T00:56:06+00:00

Unless he has a microdick or something I don't really see how you'd be "missing out"? Missing out on what? Drunken hook ups?

[deleted] · 2015-04-23T00:38:26+00:00

I would rather date someone like you instead of someone like your friends. but if I dated someone and they told me they had friends like this, or she was that friend saying it, she pretty much shot herself in the foot with me. Don't ever let him hear any of what they said

RRBeachFG2 · 2015-04-23T03:17:48+00:00

I'm sure your SO is also aware of this and, as a man also, I can say that this is important to him.

mannishwood · 2015-04-23T10:08:02+00:00

I met my ex-husband at the same age and we were together for ten years. I loved not having ever slept with anyone else and think it's something you should treasure. Even though our relationship wasn't successful (see below...) I still think it's wonderful and hope that you'll have a fantastic relationship :)

However, it's much, much harder for men to be in the position of only sleeping with one woman because of both their biology and social pressure that says they should be sowing their wild oats. My husband said that one of the reasons he wasn't able to be faithful to me (he cheated on me three or four times over the ten years; I left him when I eventually found out about the infidelity) was because he felt, in retrospect, like we settled down too soon. I don't know what the solution is to this problem. I would probably have been okay with him having other sexual relationships if he'd talked to me about it first, but it was the lying that killed all my respect for him. Of course, this isn't to say that it will be an issue in your relationship, but it might be worth talking about to your SO.

throw12949301 · 2015-04-25T04:55:13+00:00

Well I suppose I'm not more 'experienced' than you are (:-/), but having been in a very similar situation, I hope I can still give my 2 cents. No, you aren't missing out on anything. I think as you get older you will see that what matters is the person you're with, and how you click. Love is so rare and although I think it's only human to wonder how things could be if they were even more perfect, I think it's depressing how society tells us that we're missing out if we aren't interested in hookup culture.

Now, if you were unhappy with the relationship, that'd be a different story...but it just sounds like normal human curiosity and nothing to really worry about. The older I get the more I realize that it's so truly hard to find true love and that we should take our focus away from hypothetical situations to giving attention to what we already have. :)

Hope that helps.

[deleted] · 2015-04-27T12:53:25+00:00

You aren't missing out on anything, stop hamstering. You are one of the rare women that every RP man wants to have, what you have is ideal and very unreal when put into perspective of other women, maybe 1/10000 women or even less have their SO as their only partner count and it's far from a bad thing

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-04-22T19:27:07+00:00

Definitely not missing anything. Being intimate gets better the more You're comfortable, in love and trying new things with your partner. Your friends are jealous and if they're advice was so valuable would they be the single ones?

wont_tell_i_refuse · 2015-04-25T12:12:47+00:00

Lady: if you're having these thoughts 6 months from now drop him.

newgirl3 · 2015-04-25T18:26:11+00:00

i have been with my SO since I was 16, we are each others firsts and onlys, and now with us both at uni, him 22, and I 21, we have never felt like we missed out on anything. Many of my friends have had many relationships, university is a place where people expect you to 'let yourself go wild,' but that means something different for everyone. Some of my friends have left uni already, and they regret the things they did, others who are still here are regretting it already. Just because something is the norm among your friends doesn't mean it has to be the norm to you. You aren't missing out, they're missing out instead :) Don't worry about it, be happy in your own relationship.

Callmedory · 2015-04-30T04:14:47+00:00

You can listen to the advice from friends, but you don't have to take their advice. They don't know you and chances are, they don't know what they're doing with their own lives, especially if they're you're age. Listen to advice from people older than you--listen to what they regret. See if any of what they say applies to you. If it does, apply it as you think is right; if not, discard it as inapplicable to your circumstances.

This is *your * life. YOU decide what's right for you, not what would be right for them.

I'm 51 F. I've been with one man, my husband--no women and not religious (so it's not like I'm promoting a "moral agenda" that isn't yours). For me to be with and other man, he would have to be equal to my husband in every way and better than him in at least one way. Otherwise, I'd be trading down, you know? Why throw 27 years away just to try something that, in all likelihood, won't be as good as what I have?

You have to think--put some effort into your life. Don't let possible regrets rule your decisions--I can guarantee that you will deal with regrets no matter what course of action you decide on. The trick is to think about your options and their likely consequences, then examine the regrets resulting from each set of consequences. Which regrets do you NOT want to live with for the rest of your life? That's why thinking is important, this is a lot of thinking.

BowlOfCandy · 2015-04-23T04:36:40+00:00

Dude here, you sound like the kind of girl I'd like to marry. You define your own reality, these friends of yours are shaming you from what seems to be a form of self projection.

At 27, I've slept with about 25 different women, and about only 4 of them mattered to me. Making love and developing an emotional connection through love making is a worthwhile endeavor, and you can't achieve that without a significant investment of time and emotional commitment. The hookup culture today is toxic and driven by the hollow desire for instant gratification.

Go with your gut.

awakenedmale · 2015-05-03T13:41:17+00:00

You are a little young, but you need to resist what the idiotic society around you is telling you.

There is an alternative.

Break up with him. Try out sex with a few random guys. Go back to him if you want after that. See if he will take you back.

Hint: if he is normal man, he won't.

Title	I have only ever slept with my SO...
Author	hockeygirl111
Upvotes	29
Comments	87
Date	April 22, 2015 5:49 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/33hyoe/i_have_only_ever_slept_with_my_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-have-only-ever-slept-with-my-so.2237 https://theredarchive.com/post/2237

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