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Learning about the male protective instinct from my brother

March 7, 2021

My brother is about 8 years old, and he's a huge softy. But already the gender differences are coming out. I was on the phone with him today, and he was telling me about his quails.

He has 4 quails, and something terrible happened a month ago. He left open the door of the quail cage and some of the more intrepid quail wandered outside, where they were quickly picked apart by crows. Nothing was left but feathery tufts and scattered viscera, and 4 of the quieter quails remained huddled, terrified, in the cage.

So he said now he guards the quails. "I take them outside for more than 15 minutes to play on the grass, and I stay guard over them. And it feels so good to guard them from crows because they are cute and fluffy!"

His protective instincts have kicked in for something smaller and cuter than he is, and he revels in his duty as Protector of the Small. This instinct will never leave him, he will always want to protect things smaller and cuter than he is (like women). For now, though, he is still 8, and is small himself, so quail are the only outlet.

Takeaways to trigger men's protective instincts:

  • be small
  • be cute
  • stay close when there are crows around

My brother didn't see the quails as an imposition, or a burden, or weak. He just saw them as something that added joy to his life. He recognised that if he wanted the quails to continue to add joy to his life, he must guard them from crows, and he was happy and proud to do so.

I used to get a little annoyed when I got called cute by men, but I now realise it had nothing to do with me being inept or weak. It had to do with them recognising instinctively that in a tough situation, they'd have to be the ones to act, because they're faster, stronger and bigger. And their instincts are screaming at them to protect me, because I bring joy to their life, and the worst case scenario is feathery tufts (or human female equivalent) and viscera. The way it is consciously expressed, though, is "you are cute".

(Incidentally, this is why men hate being called cute.)

Which got me thinking: a woman that acts in a manner that implies she is receiving protective benefits from her man will in turn, make him feel useful and proud, and reinforce her cuteness to him, all subconsciously.

Such as;

  • keeping physically close to him in unfamiliar surroundings
  • not wandering off by yourself (I have given some of my male friends quite a scare by doing this!)
  • relying on him for transport and shelter (as much as practicable)
  • taking his advice for personal safety (sigh... this one's tough, because I like doing risky things)

If you don't do the above, he will constantly feel like you don't appreciate his protectiveness. Be appreciative instead and let him be proud of protecting you.

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Post Information
Title Learning about the male protective instinct from my brother
Author CountTheBees
Upvotes 495
Comments 41
Date March 7, 2021 10:24 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I love this so much!

I've never minded being protected or being called cute, as in your example, but I have an older brother who was/is my best friend and biggest protector.

That said, I did think more deeply about this in my last relationship. Every time I saw him at the gym, I'd go up to him and love on him briefly. I made sure to be close with him when guys I knew had shot their shot with me before, were flirty, liked me, eyed me, etc. My instinct was to make him feel like he was MY ONE. I was almost childlike with him, which I learned is a side of me that only came out in a relationship where I felt safe. To give some context, I was previously annoyed by women who got pouty and girly with their guys like that, but I realize now that it was because I didn't understand that feeling of being truly capable of feeling safe because masculine energy had previously never felt truly safe.

Of course, a man must live up to this standard as well. Not every man deserves our submission in this way unless they have secure masculine energy.

Again, love this, and cool read. :)

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, a lot of things come out when femininity feels safe. With my first boyfriend, we just didn't work, and we also mocked other couples for using pet names. With my third boyfriend, pet names were all we used, and we were very sweet to each other, all the time. And I felt safer and more loved.

[–]Formal-Mail-2998 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When people tried to kick the door into my family home it was me, my dad and brother that were at the front first. I don't think I consciously thought to be the first person there but it was just instinct (and being angry people scared my family). Bottom line is I'd rather get hurt than anyone in my family, that especially holds true for my mum, sisters and baby brother.

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba- 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cute = Endearing.

[–]UpperNovel9 51 points52 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this. Also, want to put out there to the other ladies reading this - -Important--

being small and cute within the context of being near your man does not have any affect or implication on how powerful you are in the rest of your life.

And take it from someone who has tried both ways; I have found more power (as a straight female) by trusting to go into the urges of letting men protect me than I ever found trying to prove myself as being The Same as the men that I was attracted to.

[–]lavahippo 31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Neotony (Traits of youth) was specifically sexually selected in women by men and why men are more attracted to childlike faces is because of this. It signals something in his domain or territory he can acquire and protect whether it be a child or woman.

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Your whole story is adorable! It makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for sharing.

It resonates with me in that I’m reading the book ‘Warrior Magician Lover King’ by Boothryd, and it talks about this same concept of one’s Soveriegn archetype (a King) who is a natural wise & heart-centered leader, joy-haver, nurturer & protector. This is the male archetype in it’s most balanced. Equally important archetypes your little bro maybe could be feeling/experiencing here subconsciously were the Magician (no more than 15 minutes = strategy), the Lover (connection to animals & how fluffy they are) & the Warrior (must guard them, it feels good to do so).

I highly highly recommend this book to learn more about one’s own inner child/wounding/shadow self as a high-class woman (a Queen archetype), and to support our male counterparts in being the Kings they were meant to be. 👑

I’m so happy I got to read this today, your little bro’s passion for these quails & him just innocently taking care of them put a big smile on my face. 😊

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh no, he said more than 15 minutes, rather than "no more". He was proud that he did it for longer.

[–]davidlin911 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As someone who has read this book, it helped with crystalizing the archetypes in myself. It also helps to put instincts into words and a visual we can think about. As you will read, the Warrior is the least developed part of males in our current society. Guys need challenges and a common mission, so let your bf or guy's friends go out to make mistakes (if they don't have a high level of this) Don't discourage them because as they feel more powerful, that energy will translate to you in every way!

[–]cast-away-ramadi06 63 points64 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We men take a LOT of satisfaction from being useful. When you see men who are wasting their time with video games or porn, it's 85% of the time a coping strategy for being miserable. This ties very strongly into guys feeling useful.

[–]Heldenhaft[🍰] 18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What a wonderful story! Your brother will be a great father and amazing Captain one day 🥰🥰

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He asks the most penetrating questions. He'll be just fine, I think.

[–]wispo-wills 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I call certain endearing behaviors in a guy as cute all the time and they don't seem to mind. I think it really depends on the energy you give out, what you look like, the timing and how you say it? I usually tell them, by cute, I mean I just like it. It helps when you add in all the factors you listed! But yeah, I'm just a random anecdote lol I think it largely also depends on the guy and environment he's grown up in. Good post! I believe even tall women can pull this off.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Growing up, I hated being tall and was sad and resentful about it but now I'm in a relationship with a guy that makes me feel this way (cute) and I love it! He's only a little taller than me but broader and stronger (his rib cage (the bony part) is like twice the size of mine and after two months of dating we were at a concert, and he had his body around me against the gate at the front and was determined to keep the mosh pit from running into me. Haha. A protector is is so sexy.

[–]RedOperator93 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the reason being called 'cute' bothered you is you were thinking about it from a female's perspective. When a woman calls a guy cute it's usually not a good thing. Like something you'd say to a guy you friend zoned. Someone you're actually sexually attracted to you'd be more inclined to call 'hot' or 'sexy' which is the same for guys however cute is also positive for guys. For example I'd be more likely to call a petite little Asian girl cute than a thick Latina. Doesn't mean I'm not attracted to the petite Asian girl, it's just a different kind of attraction.

I think a guy is more likely to enter a relationship with a girl he views as 'cute' and more likely to look for a one night stand with someone 'sexy'. Hope that makes sense.

[–]aussiedollface2 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Great post. Serious can I be “cute” when I’m like 5’9-5’10? My hubby is 6’3 and I’m slender so do you think that’s smaller enough to trigger the protective response? xo

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sure. If you're shorter, weaker, temporarily weakened, disabled, pregnant, etc., or simply unable to cope with something, then I think this effect still applies. It's anything which would cause a man to go "I should help her" or "I have to take care of her".

Anything in which he has some sort of physical or mental advantage over you is a potential for him to shield you from the world which could hurt you.

[–]aussiedollface2 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great reply, thanks lovely xo

[–]iLiveInAHologram94 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I looove this post. It’s so thoughtful and well written. Really thought provoking thank you!!

[–]Formal-Mail-2998 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When people tried to kick the door into my family home it was me, my dad and brother that were at the front first. I don't think I consciously thought to be the first person there but it was just instinct (and being angry people scared my family). Bottom line is I'd rather get hurt than anyone in my family, that especially holds true for my mum, sisters and baby brother.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Spot on!

[–]Penumbruh_ 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The thing about being called cute helped me understand why when I was called cute, during my high school years, I always threw a fit and hated it so much. Thanks!

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]BeholdTheHair 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree with the general thrust of your point, but your characterization of men is... inaccurate. We compete with each other to establish our place in the pecking order, as it were, but once that's done we're generally more cooperative within that order, as that's how shit gets done.

Men don't hate each other anymore than we hate snow for existing and needing to be cleared from the streets before people can effectively drive on them, we just respect the reality of the situation and deal with it as best we can.

You're absolutely correct, though, that the last thing a man generally wants after testing his competence and overcoming challenges at work all day is to come home to a woman who serves him more of the same.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! Not just for the +1 but for the work you've done.

[–]Shoegarlace 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never saw it that way but you really opened my eyes, i’ll embrace it next time someone calls me cute!

[–]make_me_a_good_girl 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"let him be proud of protecting you"

Damn, this actually was somehow not obvious to me. Thank you!

[–]RIP_Erwin 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay close when there are crowd around 😂😂😂😂 love it

[–]GazeInside 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

O.O an women who understand and appreciate good man.

Feminist assasins coming for you. HIDE!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have experienced the same. Men have this natural protective nature built-in to them

[–]Medium_Barber_3087 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your explanation of why men hate being called cute is spot on.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish 9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I would argue that women have a stronger protective instinct, esp with respect to children/ babies; research has proven this... “...Brain scans showed that, in the women, patterns of brain activity abruptly switched to an attentive mode when they heard infant cries, whereas the men’s brains remained in the resting state...”

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. But women are only protective of children, not of men. Men are naturally protective of their woman and children. But ya, women may be more protective of children than men because children are very vulnerable.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd say it's exactly the same. Men feel towards women the way women feel towards children. A duty of care. It's why a woman would sacrifice herself for her child, and why a man would sacrifice himself for his wife, but not any of the other ways around.

[–]KombuchaEnema4 Stars 35 points36 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I would argue that showing attention to a crying child is “nurturing” versus “protecting,” and we already know that women are nurturers.

Now do a study where some sort of physical threat is presented to the child (obviously not a real threat, but a simulated one) and see how men and women’s brains react.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Actually, women are nurturing and protective of children. I have witnessed this myself. I couldn't care less about protecting a man who can protect himself, but children are very vulnerable. When I'm around them, I do everything I can to make sure that they are safe, even if they are strangers.

[–]merabaid 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can attest to this. I've rescued many children I didn't know from drowning in the pool when their adults weren't paying attention. I didn't yell for anyone else to help, just jumped in.

[–]Clipzy22 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just found this sub and have been exploring so... I don't think the sound of a baby crying causes an innate response from us guys. We recognize but it's not a sound hardwired into our biology to make us immediately respond. While I don't think either protects children more or have a desire to protect them more than one another rather than its just a different response. If we here some sort of odd noise (break in) I can 100% guarantee the guy will prioritize the child's safety over yours 1000%. Females also have a more developed hearing when it comes to childlike cries as like I said it's wired in. Women will protect and tend to the child naturally and the man will obviously help the child and tend to them but will react most primitive to something something dangerous and life threatening an immediate danger if you will. 😉

[–]cookpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cute girls > feminists " experienced hos " sorry but we don't like u loose even though you call it experience lmao. 100% of woman like that end up with either some cuck or losers who they break up with after years, divorce etc.

Do stupid feminists also say why women don't go to war? and they say it's equality but in reality, it is because women can carry babies in their bellies we can't lol. This is why they say women and children first, women are not weak, they are just more valuable. But hey America( North America ) is a country of a few centuries what they know of culture or history XD.

That's why you get high divorce rates and cheating videos trending all over the internet, cheaper than my toilet paper lol, at least toiler paper was not touched or shared around by 100 other people XDD

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very interesting observation.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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