Married when he had nothing

teaandtalk · 2017-06-07T11:14:07+00:00

I married mine when he was about to quit his job to start a business. I never saw it as a 'lack of success', I have always been so proud of his drive & initiative & entrepreneurial spirit. I think women are attracted to passion & skill, no matter the employment situation.

loneliness-inc · 2017-06-07T13:34:15+00:00

I think that if you marry a man when he is poor, he'll have a lot more confidence in your commitment to him.

RubyWooToo · 2017-06-07T14:32:37+00:00

My husband and I were friends for a few years before we started dating. At the time we first met, he was couch surfing and working an entry-level job that he hated. He decided to quit, bury himself in learning the skills for the field he wanted to break into-- which was completely unrelated to his degree or his current job-- and then got a mid-level job in that field. I was really impressed by his drive and ambition.

A few years later, he received an offer on the job that would eventually become the catapult to his current lucrative career. He called me to brag about the offer he received, which he was going to accept without negotiation. I told him he should ask for $15K more than what they offered. He thought I was crazy at first, but decided to give it a try, just for the hell of it. They accepted his counter-offer.

He then asked me to dinner to thank me, which turned into our first proper date. :-)

RedPillWonder · 2017-06-07T16:02:46+00:00

It's difficult to overstate the power and effect of a great wife on her husband's success.

And the misery and struggle of a husband with a bad wife.

anothergoodbook · 2017-06-07T11:23:47+00:00

We got married at 21. He wasn't established :) he had an amazing work ethic though.

lafolieraisonnante · 2017-06-07T13:53:52+00:00

I met my husband in high school, he proposed to me when we were in college when neither of us were "established" yet. Throughout our entire relationship, he had very strong work ethic and always set goals for himself, it set him apart from the other guys in our age range/peer group who only seemed to be interested in partying. It was one of the things about him that caught my interest immediately. He has accomplished a lot since then and has made major headway in his career, I am always impressed by how ambitious he is. :)

Landry86 · 2017-06-07T16:00:36+00:00

I have mixed feelings on this topic. I'm 31 now and tend to date older, meaning the men I date are usually 35-40. I have to admit that it would be a little difficult for me to respect someone who doesn't have a career at the age of 40.

I have never been on a date with someone who is not established in their career, not because I've purposely avoided it, but because most men who aren't stable realize they shouldn't be dating.

Arcade42 · 2017-06-07T18:07:51+00:00

I think work ethic is what is attractive. Or drive. Or ambition.

A good job can be an indicator of this because he had to get it and keep it somehow.

But a lot of young couples are in the process of working towards that good job. College, moving up in the company, job hunting, starting businesses, etc. So its proabable that these couples are just seeing the potential and ambition for greatness and recognize that their 20 year old boyfriend isn't going to be making six figures just quite yet.

unruffledlake · 2017-06-07T17:53:17+00:00

Thank you for bringing up this common component in the traditional ideal of marrying sooner than later. Though not always necessary or possible, a usual key to success in the beginning is family economic support. Often the young married couple will live with his parents (called a joint family) until he is financially established enough to get a separate place. Or they may even continue living in the same compound if it's large enough and has somewhat separate living spaces. There are many benefits to multiple generations living in the same compound.

Ariel125 · 2017-06-08T00:07:11+00:00

we got married at 29, he was unemployed on our wedding day, fresh out of the Army, and with $120k in art school debt.

I didn't care.

He's my everything... I can't even explain how he is my everything. 6 years later we've bought 2 houses, live in a middle-upper class neighborhood, and he has a great professional management career. I work as well but we both make above average salaries. I knew he wasn't lazy and the art school thing had set him back.

But we actually met in art school, so if not for that major we'd never have met.

Spazzy19 · 2017-06-07T19:04:36+00:00

I married my ex husband when we were 22 and he was getting out of the Marine Corps. We moved cross country for him to go to college. He worked as a Produce and Dairy manager in the meantime at a grocery store he used to work at in high school while I worked full time as well. He didn't get "established" in his teaching career until 5 years later, but he always made decent money, had a great work ethic, and had plans.

I recently opted to not date a guy who was compatible on a time and emotional level as me, and part of the factor was his job. He works at UPS as a loader/unloader, and while I have no problem with the job itself, it was more a lack of drive that put me off. He had a dual degree in literature and Spanish, and liked the fact he didn't have to think in warehouse jobs. Because he lacks a car currently (also a factor), he got up at 1:30am some days in order to bike 1.5 hrs to work! He had a good ethic in that regard, but I prefer more drive in a guy... Not complacency.

Loladrinkingcola · 2017-06-09T07:32:15+00:00

We met at school and married at twenty so yes, he was not successful at that time but twenty five years later he's still not successful. I would advise my daughter to think long and hard about the practical, financial aspects of life before marrying - not marry for money, but definitely not marry purely for romantic ideas of love.

APatriotsWomyn · 2017-06-07T10:09:06+00:00

My Husband thought he was where he needed to be when we married at 23. We fell in Love and married young, I had finished my vocational and went on to get my Mastery. He worked some pretty whacky hours with income to match. We made do. Now that we are about 30 years old we have a good Life. Three wonderful children and a stable marriage. Now he looks forward to getting his university admission by doing 3 years of evening classes. It will be tough - but he knows I will have his back.

underground09 · 2017-06-08T03:58:05+00:00

it isn't shallow to want a man who's established. same as it isn't shallow for a man to want a woman who is good looking.

being financially secure and able to provide is an attractive skill, and one that any decent man can learn. a man older than college age who isn't very established/well on his way to being established would be a dealbreaker to me.

i love my husband "for him", and part of him is his ability to earn good money and provide us with a good life. there's no need to separate his financial status from the rest of his traits and women shouldn't be shamed for wanted financial stability if that's important/attractive to them.

HisHumbleDarling · 2017-06-09T04:26:13+00:00

I married my husband during the last recession. He lost his job right after he proposed to me because the company he worked for shut down. We were broke for about 4 years and then life improved dramatically nearly 2 years ago.

He bought a house for us and I no longer have to work. We're taking a trip to Europe in October and I will be starting horseback riding lessons when we return from our trip. We will never be rich but we are quite comfortable.

I was always attracted to my husband but I won't lie and say that the lean years were not frustrating. It was not enjoyable to live in crappy apartments and have no money for anything fun. Looking back, we agree that we should have waited until he was working again to get married. I took a leap of faith because I felt that our financial situation would improve. I'm glad that I was right.

Our relationship was strengthened by those hard times and we learned to rely on each other even more. It's wonderful to look back on how far we've come.

I don't think it's wrong for a woman to look for financial stability. However, focusing purely on income is a mistake because nobody can have a relationship with material possessions. If a man is poor, he needs to have a strong work ethic and ambition.

jeanbroady · 2017-06-10T00:05:30+00:00

My husband started his business the year we were married. We were pretty poor compared to most of our peers. We also were both hard working and frugal. I had just graduated from college six months before we married and was unable to find a job in my field in the town where we lived so I took on a low paying retail job. I also went back to school for two years (part time) to earn an education degree in my field while I continued working full time. Back then college tuition was not the astronomical price it is today. The cost of attending a state school branch was affordable and flexible for working students. Meanwhile my husband worked his ass off and gave his all to his company. He ran estimates, and worked on the site, and did the bookkeeping, and made the repairs on the equipment. He was young and driven and he built his company over the years with his sweat, his determination, and most important his common sense. I cannot stress the importance of common sense in a marriage. I had enough sense to go back to school to find job that was realistic and ended up working as a teacher. It is a great job which I love and I am grateful for the health insurance it provided and the fact that the hours were perfect for a mother who needed to be off work when her 3 kids were home. My husband worked a lot of long days, but he managed to find the time to coach little league, and take his family camping, and take his family on vacations. He never tried to get rich fast. He was honest, trustworthy, kept a cool head and always weighed the situation. He has been in business for 37 years and he has built a very successful company. I am writing this post because he recently reminded me (when I was worrying about one of my children being a little financially strapped) of how little we had when we started out. I told him I never felt like we were lacking for anything and I meant it. You don't miss what you don't have. What you will regret is missing what you do have because you are too busy to recognize it. I love my husband for his wisdom in recognizing that his family was the most precious and fleeting part of his life. He works very hard, he is a good provider, and most important he understands that happiness is the memories you make.

jenna_r · 2017-06-10T19:42:19+00:00

Yes, we married in our mid-twenties, while he was between jobs because of an injury. He had been working since his teens, though, so, as many have pointed out, he had already established himself as a hard worker.

ohlookitsdd · 2017-06-20T18:12:39+00:00

I think when someone is younger especially, one can look at their potential to be successful rather than established success. If he has actual, obtainable goals for the future and drive to match, I see that as a positive.

A man with established success has proven that he has the qualities to be successful, and he probably still has potential to do even better as life goes on. even if he fails at something now, he has proven that he can establish himself once again. The problem lies when men (or women) of really any age have these humongous, unrealistic dreams and expect someone to see that as "potential". This is more common among young people I think, but I kind of see it as a red flag if he is still like that in his 30s.

Title	Married when he had nothing
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	34
Comments	37
Date	June 7, 2017 8:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6fs5s8/married_when_he_had_nothing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/married-when-he-had-nothing.72942 https://theredarchive.com/post/72942

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