RPW and proposals

vintagegirlgame · 2015-06-07T22:45:22+00:00

Men speak with actions, so look at what he is doing rather than saying. Is he making life plans with you? Sound like a yes. Don't worry about the timing. Enjoy the suspense, make sure you're on you're toes to not slack off because "you had the marriage talk."

If the line has gone quiet for awhile it sounds like he could be hoping to keep anything marriage related out of sight out of mind so that he can plan his elaborate surprise and actually take you by surprise. Having planned surprise birthday parties for my SO, it's all I can do to not talk about anything that might give away the surprise, deflect conversations and make plans with his friends without him knowing. It's quite nerve wracking and complicated, so just relax and be in a receiving state. At the same time I was planning a surprise party for him, he surprised me with my own bday surprise party (our bdays are 2 weeks apart)! He actually pretended to be in a bad mood and staged a fight in the morning to hide the fact that he was taking me somewhere. Then all of a sudden we were on a boat with all my dearest friends (some who had flown across the coast)! Surprises are the best, but it's all about the surprise factor, which means zero expectation.

It could happen tomorrow or in 2 years. But he said it's going to happen. Just accept this and trust him. You've already started your happily ever after!

Bakerofpie · 2015-06-07T16:58:04+00:00

Husband had already frankly and unambiguously told told me we would be getting married fairly early on. From there I just trusted his time line. He proposed two months after moving in together in a pretty elaborate surprise. I was excited but never concerned, because I didn't think he would lie to me about his intentions. While your SO may not have said it as explicitly as mine, it sounds like he has basically already said he wants to marry you. It's not about the actual proposal. It's about the fact that he wants to spend his life with you. He has already expressed that desire. Unless he is the sort of person to be impulsive, wishy washy, or careless with your emotions, don't be too concerned. It seemed like Husband waited until I had just forgotten the whole thing to ask.

SouthernPetite · 2015-06-07T17:04:57+00:00

My husband had implied that he had every intention of marrying me after we had been together for about a week. After a few months of being together it was our norm to talk about our future and plans together (it just seemed to be understood that we were getting married), and we did do some occasional ring shopping just like you and your SO.

All this went on for quite some time (6 years), but we weren't in any hurry. Realistically we just saw the wedding as a formality, and saw each other as being married (he would refer to me as his wife, etc.), and did end up eloping.

I don't know how this is really helpful because I never got a formal proposal, but you really sound like my SO and I, so that could very well be a good sign. It's very possible that the future stuff is not in the forefront of his mind at the moment, so you could ask him what he thinks about certain future things to see if he still seems responsive to it.

fhigurethisout · 2015-06-07T19:27:43+00:00

It's hard not to worry, and I can sympathize with where you're coming from.

However, if you said everything else is 100% great, then keep doing what you're doing. It's most likely that he meant it...unless he's shown behaviour where he promises something important and then goes against his word. If this was the case, however, I highly doubt you would still be with him.

From the sounds of it, you really love and trust him.

Put yourself at ease and don't let your anxiety create any hiccups. Relax, enjoy the time you have together in the present moment, be his happiness, and worry less about the future.

Then when the day comes, you won't feel "relief" because of your longterm worry. Instead, you will be overcome with love and joy and be lost in the happiness of the moment.

:) Stay positive.

theladygourmet · 2015-06-07T17:59:58+00:00

My husband proposed about a month after our "marriage talk", which he brought up. We had a wedding and I just wanted to mention that you don't HAVE to do anything. Our wedding had 24 guests and was in a family member's backyard. We got married in the morning and had a lunch reception at a restaurant. It was very inexpensive and quick and it meant a lot to both of our families.

[deleted] · 2015-06-07T17:52:44+00:00

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time of being in the dark. I'm someone who's very marriage focused, and I can't imagine not having the confirmation of knowing he's gonna marry me. Him saying stuff like 'I'm going to make you my wife' is super comforting to me. I really don't know what you should do. You obviously don't want to bother him or make him feel pressured into it, but you should know too. I say wait a bit and then bring up the subject if he doesn't, but its up to you.

ecossecho · 2015-06-07T19:12:38+00:00

I didn't wait very long between discussing marriage and actually being proposed to, but we were under time pressure due to my visa status.

In your place, I would try to calm down until after July. He has said that he wants to ask your parents for permission when you see them then, hasn't he? I would wait and see what happens then. If he believes strongly in getting your parent's permission, he may be waiting for that before making any further plans.

Alternatively, if you go in July and it turns out that he doesn't ask your parents, I would say it's reasonable to sit down and talk about it at that point.

PremiumGoose · 2015-06-07T21:23:48+00:00

Maybe he could be waiting to see if you act any different? Get a case of the entitlement? The symptom of "I no longer have to try"? I agree with the ladies here, keep it up and trust his timeline and decisions.

olympiaa · 2015-06-08T07:41:42+00:00

My husband and I had been talking about marriage in the abstract since the early weeks/months of our relationship. I never received an official proposal. We were just talking about marriage more specifically one day and he said "ok, let's get married". His mother gave me her engagement ring and about 9 months later we eloped.

I saw in other comments you were asking about eloping and regret. I don't regret our elopement in the least. We've just bought our first home and are very happy that we have money to put into the house that could have otherwise gone to a wedding. The one thing we did do was hire a professional photographer for a few hours and we are so thankful for those photos.

I would give your SO until at least July. I think it's clear he's planning a future with you so I wouldn't worry too much.

vguertin88 · 2015-06-08T12:29:45+00:00

My husband and I had been together like 7 or 8 months when we first talked about it. He proposed on our one year anniversary, we were married 3 months later. Let it happen organically otherwise you will worry that you pressured him into it or something. Or worse, maybe you actually will pressure him!

donit · 2015-06-09T00:24:59+00:00

This is a tough situation. Something is going on, but how do you go about asking him about it?

Honey, how are you doing, is everything okay? You seem preoccupied. What are you thinking, what are you working on? Can I work on it with you? Let's work on it together.

What is it that you want to work on? Are you happy with me? What can I do to make your life better? When you think about the future, what do you see? What do you think about?

I think with the right combination of questions, you can at least get an assessment about where things stand, and I think you can do it without exposing your underlying question, which would be too dangerous to ask or even imply because it might affect the outcome.

We really don't know what's going on. Is he turned off by your excitement, because it upset the balance of capturing you? Whenever a prey approaches its predator, it sometimes confuses the predator and throws them off their game, and they lose their train of thought and just walk away.

Or, is he wondering why you don't mention it anymore and never bring it up? If he isn't redpill, then he might not know that it's completely up to him, that the marriage is something that the man provides to the woman, and that you're just anxiously waiting for him to provide it.

There seems to be a problem, but we don't know if it is some type of confusion or misunderstanding, or if it is something that is substantial.

Once step you can take is to establish and solidify your female subjugation within the relationship, which clarifies his role as the provider. "Listen, I want you to know that I love you and I'm ready to support you in whatever endeavors you have planned for us. I realize it's not up to me, and so I trust your judgement and I'm ready for whatever you want our relationship to be, or whatever you want to make it into. I'm yours, and so I'm happy to be whatever you want me to be, and support you in whatever you want to do."

Then, once trust, loyalty and roles and clear and well-established, the rest is just a matter of attraction. Do you want to leave that as sort of a threshold test of his natural attraction to you? Or do you want to try to amp it up?

If you want to amp it up, there are two things you can do: First is to establish some aspect of social proof, such as high-quality men showing interest in you. This must be done without any chance of him suspecting that you are behind it.

But it's easy to disguise it as a problem, such as "this guy keeps staring at me and it's creeping me out." As long as you can sell him on your discomfort of the attention, you're good. But don't bring it up more than once, and then when he takes the bait, try to suppress it so it seems like it's only something he keeps noticing, or caring about.

Or, maybe you could tease him and have a little fun with it. You love it, I know you do. Everybody wants your girl, but they can't have her. I'm all yours.

The other way to build attraction is to create a barrier to tease him around. There are time barriers and situational barriers, but anything that yanks the marriage away will cause him to give chase like a cat chasing a feather. If you hand a feather to a cat, he doesn't want it. But if you jerk it away, just out of his reach, he suddenly wants it more than life itself. People are the same way.

WhimsicalWonderland · 2015-06-09T18:55:51+00:00

It seems like your SO is doing everything right as far as planning everything out. You mentioned that he wanted to talk to your parents in July, so perhaps there's no reason to keep bringing it up till after that happens anyways. The most important thing you can do is to trust your SO and his intentions, and he seems to be making moves towards a commitment. In the meantime, enjoy where the relationship is now! Once you get engaged and married, you will never just be boyfriend/girlfriend again. It's the journey that gets you to marriage and after the marriage itself that's the fun part, not the wedding/marriage itself!

PursuingGrace · 2015-06-12T03:47:06+00:00

I am no help. My husband basically gave a power point presentation on why he believed we should get married. Okay, so there was not an actual PPP, but he did have note cards, and was very... police officerish about the entire thing. We still joke that he never actually asked me to marry him. He just decided we would, he told me why, and then told me when it would happen. lol

_wingnut_ · 2015-06-08T12:48:09+00:00

Why are you just leaving out what you did to make him stop?

MeowZedong- · 2015-06-08T16:47:05+00:00

Ha, well we were "living in sin" for a while (bought a house together) when I was 21. We talked about marriage a little, looked at rings. Then my husband became very I'll and we made the decision to have a very quick wedding. So, I guess you can say we bought the ring and 3 months later were married.

Title	RPW and proposals
Author	lostatsea93
Upvotes	11
Comments	42
Date	June 7, 2015 4:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/38x6xh/rpw_and_proposals/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rpw-and-proposals.85423 https://theredarchive.com/post/85423

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