Ten years a RPW, hit the wall with no loving marriage in sight. Trying to figure out why?

abacabbmk · 2022-03-29T19:09:11+00:00

Question 1: why did your previous LTR relationships end?

dadudenines · 2022-03-29T21:42:41+00:00

Read Lori Gottlieb's "The Case for Settling for Mr. Goodenough" to see if you made some similar errors to her. At 30, considering the current low quality of women in the west, you are still in a fairly recoverable situation.

Jenneapolis · 2022-03-29T19:38:54+00:00

I am 38, never married, several long-term relationships and I can relate. It’s impossible to say about your situation from just this information but for me I look back and realize I committed way way too long in relationships that clearly had issues from the beginning. Vetting and setting clear expectations from the beginning has always been my mistake. Like the others have mentioned, I think some of your examples would help us!

Anonymous_fiend · 2022-03-29T21:06:33+00:00

How long are you with each ltr? Are these men your age, 2-9 years older, or 9+? Did you break up with any of these men? Men know around 7 months if they would marry you. Around then you should be able to ask where this relationship is going and have some serious talks. Although if you’re actually dating for marriage (and not just dating and wanting to be married one day) you are serious from the beginning. I’m guessing you’re batting above your league, don’t know how to keep a man, or are picking the wrong type of men/you aren’t actually good at vetting for long term. Are you religious? Religious men who want kids tend to be more marriage minded. Also there’s a difference in knowing these principles and actively applying them. Men aren’t wanting to marry as much nowadays bc it’s a huge risk to them. And if they don’t want kids there’s not much of a benefit to them. You’ve got to show these men that you’re trustworthy and not a liability.

As for something that’s a turn off to these men…if there a single ex you can ask what your red flags are? They’re more likely to know vs us. Or are you on bad terms with all of them?

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2022-03-29T19:07:18+00:00

I genuinely think meeting the right person is pure luck. Oftentimes you can be ‘right’ on paper and in person but things just don’t work out. That’s life.

Seems like you have done inventory on yourself and meeting your personal targets. One could take a step back and re-evaluate these goals and see if you’re genuinely meeting them. If not, then work on them- improve your dressing, lose weight, change your hair etc. And if yes, then could probably raise the bar on it and see if that changes the results.

Regardless, either upping or changing your game and see if that changes the results.

Ultimately, Reddit can only do so much as there isn’t enough info that give a complete answer as to why without intimate knowledge of your personal life. Maybe it’s yes to all your questions. We don’t know.

General advice would be that you could reflect on your previous relationships and take notes on it to prevent these reasons from recurring. Also looking for patterns of men that you date to pick out commonalities and if they are red flags. Be objective.

breezynbrave · 2022-03-30T03:16:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheFruitofKnowledge · 2022-03-29T21:23:29+00:00

Have any of these men been crazy about you? Have you been crazy about any of them? "I've never felt this way about anyone before" and etc.? You sound stable and logical and that's great, but maybe you are coming across as boring? Or dispassionate? If you're really vetting correctly and focusing on men that are ready to settle down, then maybe you're just not making them go, "wow, she's really something special"? In happy relationships, this feeling is mutual. It's not just about checking boxes. People want to know they're being loved and appreciated for who they really are.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-03-29T21:26:49+00:00

Weird question for readers: Outside of a dog, no other posts?

On topic: Ownership of bad behaviors traits? Bad habits?

Whisper · 2022-03-29T20:15:30+00:00

I suspect there's a "live duck" moment somewhere in here.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-03-30T00:04:56+00:00

Biggest reason for most people is an unwillingness to compromise. That goes as much for the men you've dated as yourself. I'm not going to judge if compromise was warranted or not. Most of the times it is, sometimes it's not.

The other big issue I see will people is not picking the right things to prioritize. E.g. 6ft and 6 figures is a very small percentage of the population and then trying to find someone who meets your other criteria will be tough.

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2022-03-30T00:49:05+00:00

Do you have super rigid requirements of who you will and won't date? I mean of course there are some things you should be rigid about but are there some things that could be considered that you aren't currently considering? For exampe some people have a specific age range they won't go outside of but there could be some great matches outside of those parameters.

Another example might be a certain type of college degree. I get not wanting to be with someone who is uneducated or who can't find a good job but there are a lot of very smart people who are educated from something other than college, and there are a lot of people who went to college who still seem uneducated. There are also many people who have great careers without a degree. Perhaps they did a technical program or apprenticeship or maybe they own their own successful business. On the flip side, just because a person has a degree doesn't mean they will find a good job.

pleinsdevanite · 2022-03-30T13:03:16+00:00

You're currently in a relationship? Have you talked about marriage at all? Does he seem to have a timeline?

MissPolymath · 2022-04-02T17:27:35+00:00

I think maybe you are coming off as a more masculine woman you realize. And your relationship behaviors from what I read from your comments are making things more difficult for you then you realize.

I'm hearing you have done all of this but it's difficult to gauge that given you are claiming you are doing it and it's all vague. Personally, I would look into Katarina Phang's work. She helps women like you who don't seem to land relationships. Look her up. I think your situation fits the criteria of issues she deals with on a regular basis.

06534956 · 2022-03-29T19:51:23+00:00

Relationships are an art, not just a science or an algorithm that can be easily followed.

As far as I can tell from your post, you haven’t failed at securing a husband. You’ve succeeded at being a girlfriend. That’s good, but you’ve done it in the wrong order.

You want to secure the husband first, and then become his girlfriend, and then literally never stop.

Don’t settle for being a girlfriend anymore. Don’t do the girlfriend things until you have a proposal and wedding invitations in the mail. Don’t fall into a boyfriend/girlfriend routine.

Date older and more established men who are looking for marriage and a family. Make it clear when one of them asks you for a girlfriend level experience (sex, cooking, coming to each other’s houses, meeting friends and family, sleepovers, etc) that you’re saving that for your husband.

If he asks you to be his girlfriend, tell him you’re flattered, but you want to be a wife.

And then you literally do that and keep saying no, and eventually someone will propose. It’s that simple.

Title	Ten years a RPW, hit the wall with no loving marriage in sight. Trying to figure out why?
Author	breezynbrave
Upvotes	78
Comments	68
Date	March 29, 2022 6:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/tredm8/ten_years_a_rpw_hit_the_wall_with_no_loving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ten-years-a-rpw-hit-the-wall-with-no-loving.1109544 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109544

Comments