What does respect really mean for a guy?

Pixie0310 · 2018-07-31T19:25:55+00:00

how do you show respect to your man?

A lot of the time, for me, respect is not saying something. Not lecturing him on his driving, or correcting him on something minor when I know he's wrong. It's not teasing him or talking him down to others or in front of others.

Sometimes, it's doing the things I know he wishes I would do, even when I don't feel like doing them. Respecting what I know his wishes would be, even in his absence.

It's being so, so gentle when I do feel the need to be his compass - asking him first if it's okay if I tell him something, and being sure he's in a good headspace if I feel like I have to contradict him or warn him to be careful.

It's not "joking" with other women about attractive men, when he's there or when he isn't. It's complaining less, and offering to look after him a little more.

He's such a truly masculine guy, that all these things are just things that I know he naturally craves - so, really, respecting him has become synonymous with just considering his feelings. If I know he won't like it, I try not to do it. If I know it will make him feel proud and relaxed, I try to do it. When men do that for us, I think it comes across more as love. When we do it for them, it comes across as respect.

kittxxn · 2018-07-31T19:40:34+00:00

Respect has to start as an internal feeling you have toward your man. Do you think he’s admirable? Do you value his opinions and judgement? Does he impress you? Do you look to him for guidance? Do you trust him to take care of you and your (future) children? If the answer is no, I’m sorry but it likely won’t work out long term. You can try to change him but this often ends in frustration, disappointment, and pushing him away.

If the answer is yes, you might be asking how to go about showing it. Here are some guidelines:

Listen to him. Learn from him. Get off your phone when he’s talking to you about something important. If you respect him, you won’t ever feel the urge to roll your eyes or tell him he’s wrong. If you do have advice or suggestions, or think he’s wrong, phrase it with a question: “what do you think about ____?”
Use the language! Praise him and tell him how impressive he his, tell him you believe and trust in him and are proud of him. This will mean worlds more than a redundant “I love you.”
Don’t EVER talk bad about him, to anyone. It is so mainstream to ridicule or berate your man with your friends, his friends, or family members. You’re supposed to be his number one fan. Even if someone else says something negative about him, even joking, stand up for him.
Let him make mistakes. If he wants to do work on the car, don’t tell him a mechanic could do it better. If he takes the wrong turn, bite your tongue, he’ll find his way.
Don’t compete with him. His wins are your wins and his losses are your losses. Be on his team, not his adversary.
Ask, but don’t demand or give orders. You’re not his mother.
Take care of him sexually. A man feels respected when he feels powerful and desirable, and a big part of this is being his - in and out of the bedroom
Take him seriously and please don’t laugh at him.
Ask him for help and for advice. He wants to be your hero. Let him.

durtyknees · 2018-07-31T19:33:07+00:00

Here's a good recent post about ways to show respect by u/girlwithabike

Personally, I don't think of "respect" as what I should/shouldn't do, because too much thinking hurts. I adore a healthy ego in my man (it's sexy to me) and I'm mindful to take good care of that ego, the way I always take good care of the ^cough "physical representation" ^cough of his ego. Everything I do flows from that mindset, and it seems to work :p

HB3234 · 2018-07-31T19:52:16+00:00

Let's look at what disrespect looks like, first. Not blatant disrespect but the kind shown by otherwise loving partners. Just cutting these behaviors out can make a a huge difference.

A) Unsolicited feedback or advice.

What we often do: If a man is doing a task differently than we would, many times a woman will tell him how to do it. This reads like disrespect to a man because you are assuming a handful of negative things: that your way is better, that he didn't already consider and rule out doing it that way, that he doesn't have a reason for doing it specifically the way he is doing it. "For Women Only" has a wonderful chapter about this with specific examples, which include trying to tell him to drive a different route and micromanaging when he does domestic or fix-it type tasks.

What to do instead: STFU. It's okay to drive a route that's five minutes slower in exchange for showing your faith in him. You may be pleasantly surprised when you still arrive early.I don't

B) Nit picking/nagging.

What we do: Lets be honest...if your man makes a mistake, how likely are you to let it go versus call him on it? Did you get somewhere five minutes late because you trusted him on the directions, but he was wrong? Guess what: if you have a decent man, he already feels bad about that. Saying "I told you so" or "you always make us late!" in the moment, is like kicking him when he is down.

What to do instead: STFU. If you notice a trend that's really, really bothering you, bring it up at a later time.

C) Pseudo-supportive comments. What we do: If a man is at a hard point in life, never make a comment or hypothetical that imagines him failing. For example, if his business is in a precarious place, you may think you're being a wonderful wife by saying, "I will love and be here for you no matter what, even if the business fails." This shows him a lack of faith - you're already imagining the business failing!

What to do instead: This is never a time to STFU! Instead, show your faith in him. "You are equal to this challenge. I have full faith that you'll find a way to use this to your advantage." Speak in ways that show you can only see success for him in big picture, and he will rise to it.

D) Giving space. What we do: Often when our partner comes home from work, the first thing we want to do is mob him for hugs, kisses, and to talk. We miss our men, after all. But when a man comes home tired for work and isn't given space to gear down and decompress, it often feels like you don't appreciate how hard he works or what a shift heneeds to perform to go from cutthroat lawyer to loving husband.

What to do instead: give him 30 minutes of relaxation time when he gets home whereyou don't talk about yourself, any tasks he needs to do for you/the family/house.

E) Not giving attention. What we do: if he is chatting with us and our phone buzzes, do we take our phones out right away and glance at them? Even if we don't reply back, just interrupting him with this gesture shows him he isn't #1 in that moment. This also includes playing on our phones when watching a show or movie he specifically wants to show or share with you! Otherwise you'retelling him you don't care to give it a chance, disrespecting his desire to share this time and story with you.

What to do instead: unless you're expecting some urgent news, just don't take your phone out during your time together Seriously. It is that simple. When you live together, it's easy to forget the importance of setting aside time each day that is just for each other.

19_LadyScarlet_90 · 2018-07-31T20:32:38+00:00

How I respect my husband:

Thanking him for all his hard work. He works hard so I can be a SAHW. I have a part time job during the school year, so he is the primary breadwinner, & I want him to know I'm grateful.

I tell him I'm proud of him for working so hard & impressing his bosses. I'm proud of his work ethic.

Do my very best to not nag him. I am not perfect, so it does still happen sometimes, but I try very hard. I also try to be loving, even if I'm upset with him. Try to avoid eye rolling, condescending tones & harsh words.

Lift him up & sing his praises in front of others. I never air any dirty laundry (there's not really any anyways), & I never share anything personal that he doesn't want others to know.

I pack his lunch every morning :) I almost never say no to sex. Exceptions are really only when I'm sick. He gets the final say in major decisions. Keep the home he pays for clean & comfy.

Cloudchaserkestral · 2018-08-01T00:36:20+00:00

I recently had the experience of meeting one of my girlfriend's friends I'd never encountered before, while she was off on a trip. Over the course of our conversation things my girlfriend had told her came up. "Yeah, she thinks you're an awesome cook," or "She says you're the best boyfriend she's ever had."

We're hardly without problems, and if I'm her best boyfriend it's because the bar was so low, but it felt really good to see that she compliments me behind my back. I felt respected.

MrTrizzles · 2018-08-01T11:57:36+00:00

I've never thought much about it, but it seems to me that respect can manifest itself as trust. The more respect, the more absolute the trust. Trust in my judgement, abilities and integrity. Others have listed how we treat the people we trust.

Respect also looks like lust. And submissiveness.

Respect can look like understanding and approval. She admires qualities that she herself holds dear, so respect from her is a tacit acknowledgement of my skills from someone who has earned an opinion.

Seeking my counsel and following it on the most important matters before her demonstrates respect, both for my mind and my time.

Finally, part of the underpinnings of respect seem unknown to the woman. Does she know why she respects certain masculine traits? No. Can she relate to what it feels like to be a powerful man? No. But that sure doesn't stop her from enjoying it, luxuriating in the energy of it all.

Those are some ways I detect respect from my partners.

LateralThinker13 · 2018-07-31T19:44:21+00:00

what does respect look like to guys their partner?

You have to understand what, at its root, respect is.

Quite simply, respect is an acknowledgement of somebody's attributes, abilities, or accomplishments.

Examples (positive and negative):

"You can't do that. You don't know how." - disrespect, questioning competence/ability

"You're so clever! I love how you did that!" - respect, acknowledging an accomplishment

"Let me google that. I don't want us to get lost." - disrespect, denying his pathfinding/mapreading skills

"I trust you to get us there." Respect, trusting him to be able to accomplish the trip one way or another. That may include him asking for your help as the navigator - but that's him ASKING for it, not you offering it unasked or unwanted.

Respect is an acknowledge of competence or value. This is why competitors can offer (often grudging) respect to their foes. You respect the strong, those with integrity, those who are able and capable and who don't bend for convenience. You don't respect the weak, the vacillating, the wishy-washy, the unreliable, the untrustworthy, etc.

And if your man isn't worthy of respect, you can't fake it and your relationship won't last, period. Lack of respect dries up desire.

2018-08-01T09:02:40+00:00

I'll try to condense the thoughts that come to mind for me in as small and effective an answer as possible..

Being kind and empathetic in private and in public. And bringing up problems without criticism, unless its asked for. Empathy includes empathizing with the hidden, extreme emotional void that men fill with sex, being sexually desirable, and productive action.

OhIMeMine · 2018-08-01T15:44:02+00:00

A big thing for me with my boyfriend is respecting his time. We see each other almost every day after I get off work, but I am careful not to let myself get to spoiled and start expecting it. He does have a lot to do and he is studying for an exam, so when I ask him if he plans to come over I make sure not to pout or act put off if he says he needs to stay home. I remain cheerful and tell him I hope he has a great evening and is able to get a lot done.

durtyknees · 2018-08-07T14:27:26+00:00

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2018-08-01T00:14:57+00:00

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CalvinRichland · 2018-07-31T19:22:45+00:00

What did you do that you think might not have been respectful?

2018-07-31T23:00:22+00:00

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pearlsandstilettos · 2018-07-31T21:02:31+00:00

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Big_Shoe_3604 · 2023-02-01T05:01:30+00:00

Respect is everything to me and I would definitely take it over love 💯

Respect means appreciating a man's time and money and making his world easier

Respect is finding ways to make him look good in front of people

You will find a man thinks about you a lot more if he feels respected by you

Title	What does respect really mean for a guy?
Author	GettingMyShitInOrder
Upvotes	41
Comments	77
Date	July 31, 2018 7:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/93hdg0/what_does_respect_really_mean_for_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-does-respect-really-mean-for-a-guy.2910 https://theredarchive.com/post/2910

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