Gather 'round fellow misogynists and neckbeards. Put the fleshlight down for a few minutes and lend me your ears. I just washed my bloodstained cargo shorts and I'm in a good mood. Such a good mood in fact I want to regale you with yet another tale.

Last weekend plate #001 wants to go out dancing. It's one of my favorite things to do with her. I'd say a close second to her and I slapping our genitals against each other. She hits me up, tells me she has the dancing itch. She's sexy, specially in her short, tight nightclub dresses and she dances like a champ. I'm not too shabby on the dancing department myself. I love the idea. We set up the time. Call other people to join us. It's time to show everyone else how much better than them we are at doing things.

We get to the place. We're rolling five deep. Sexy long-haired blonde in a tight red dress in my arm. Attractive friends and one of my bros on my six.

We walk in. Poorly dressed betas sporting clunky black square-toe shoes and dad jeans with ill-fitted shirts as far as the eye can see. I chuckle and shake my head to myself while thanking r/malefashionadvice for showing me the light. They're ogling my arm candy like a pack of hungry hyenas as we make our way towards the bar. I can almost feel the weight of their stalking eyes.

One particular weasel gets 2edgy4me and yells in our general direction. "Hey yo dawg lemme borrow yo gurl."

If you've ever been bar hopping or clubbing in D.C. with a cute girl on your side you would also be used to this sort of desperate call for attention. I brush pathetic chump's comment off. Turn to my plate and wink and smile. She smiles back.

I have to excuse myself to the bathroom right after we get our first drink. I have a bladder the size of a fucking pea.

When I get back to the battlefield after standing in line for what seemed like three days I see she's still sitting at the bar, but this time she has some tool hovering over her. They're talking. She's laughing. I'm watching from afar because I know she's about to employ the classic "hustle a drink out of this punk" maneuver. It's what she does best. Just like clockwork bartender serves them their drink. He pays. But this time, instead of her coming to me while the poor sucker and his quickly deflating boner watch as the pretty girl he jut bought a drink for makes out with her alpha, she decides to stay.

She's touching him, laughing, etc. She knows I'm watching as she keeps looking over at me. I chuckle. I know exactly what she's doing.

I turn to my squad who are having a good time dancing and what not. I join them. After a bit plate comes over and joins us as well. She pulls my arm the way a toddler would with an adult they wanna get attention from. "Hey, are you okay?" she asks. "Of course, you dork" is my arrogant response "why wouldn't I be?". She looks a bit disappointed at my reply. I pay no attention as I rub my crotch on my friend's ass. I'm bumping and grinding to your typical generic club music. I feel legit. We're having a blast.

Plate gets bored of dancing by herself after a while. She goes to the table where the guy who bought her a drink is. She makes sure I'm watching as she sits on his lap. I'm doing my own thing, I don't give a shit.

Her new friend must not be too interesting as she comes back to me again. This time staggering and fueled with a couple of drinks or shots or whatever she was doing. She grabs me and pulls me to the side away from my clique. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're watching me flirting with other guys and you don't even flinch?"

I respond: "Look here, honey, I don't care what you're up to." with a warm smile on my face. The kind of smile a loving father would give his five year old kid.

"What I'm up to? What the fuck do you mean what I'm up to?" she says with a cute, wrinkled-up nose. "I'm not up to anything!" pauses and hesitantly says. "How about we talk about what you're up to?"

Then the conversation turns into why I'm such a bastard who is playing with a few girls' feelings and that I should feel bad about myself for not having a heart and blah blah blah. As most girls tend to do she doesn't say what she wants directly and instead attempts to make me feel bad for not treating her like she's my queen and for me being a "manwhore" as she pointed out a few times loudly. At this point she's getting loud and angry and is making a scene in front of my friends. I'm not one for petty displays. I smile. Shake my head. Tell my friends I'm going home. They drove separately so luckily I don't have to ruin their night. I turn and head for the exit. Plate right behind me: "Hey we're not done talking! Where are you going?"

I ignore. I make my way toward my car with a relaxed, deliberate stride enjoying that spring Saturday night air. She's following right behind. I can hear her footsteps but not her mouth anymore. Good.

I get in. She gets in. She grabs my face and starts apologizing for ruining the night. Confesses she was all over that other guy just to entice jealousy in me. Youdontsay.jpg. "It's okay hon. My night is not ruined." is my response.

I take her back to her apartment. Walk her to her door. Tell her good night. I go to my place. Sleep. Wake up to a text Sunday morning: "I'm really sorry about last night. I was drunk(tm)"

I tell her I want an apology in person "on your knees and with my hard cock in your mouth". She comes over. Cue 70's porno music. We do our thing. Pillow-talk time:

"You know Sgt_Hero, I really admire you." She says as I untie the red silky straps off her hands. "You're so happy and peaceful. You let nothing kill that smile you always have on."

"I know" I respond nonchalantly as I toss a wooden paddle off my bed. "It takes a little more than getting yelled at by a cute drunkie to make me upset".

"It's one of your sexiest traits" she adds.

Fellas, as it's been said here time and time again: be that unfazed, unmovable rock in the middle of her emotional storm. She will always be testing you. Not because she dislikes you and wants to make you upset. She just needs constant reassurance that you're her unbreakable motherfucking alpha.