My last 4 dates were basically identical.

Woujo · 2023-08-26T21:03:51+00:00

It's really hard to tell from this brief description.

My guesses:

1) You are demoralized so you show up nervous, anxious and with shit confidence. Women can smell that lack of confidence/enthusiasm right off the bat.

2) You start the date off boring and never build momentum to a fun, interesting conversation. What are you saying to start a date?

3) You are doing/saying something that is coming off as needy/creepy/pushy, which is why they are immediately looking for an "out". It is very strange for a woman to immediately start talking about why she can't stay long.

Petrofskydude · 2023-08-26T21:04:56+00:00

Here's my radical take; you are trying to make her have a good time, but women don't work like that. They experience the fun YOU are having; the only way to make them have fun is by having fun yourself. If you can't do this, practice it more on your own. Don't say things you think she will think are funny, say things YOU think are funny...even if they're rude...if it makes you laugh, go for it. Ask the questions you actually want to know, not just the standard stuff. As long as you are getting the dates, and they all going bad, you should try this advice just once.

lostmymuse · 2023-08-26T23:26:56+00:00

In my last 40,000 phone calls, about 100 said maybe, about 100 said yes, and only exactly 8 of those 100 have actually paid me yet.

Those 8 were beyond worth the rest of the failures — actually I wouldn’t have gotten them if not for the failures.

There’s good advice in these comments but the point of my addition is: it is a numbers game. Doesn’t matter if 10 more dates go like this — that 11th could be the best date of your entire life.

Don’t stop, you got this

Rjw12141214 · 2023-08-26T21:02:17+00:00

I’m not reading this. But I’m gonna give you all advice. The number one rule for success. Doctors hate this! It is:

You must create some form of sexual tension before or on the first date.

That’s it. Your success rate will go through the roof. Easiest way to do it is texting and get flirty before you even meet. But however you wanna accomplish it is up to you.

If a woman does not view you in a sexual capacity she just will not be interested at all. You’d feel the same right? Would you date a girl you had no sexual feelings for? The thing is visuals work for guys. Unless you’re a stud, you need to put the idea in their head artificially.

Mad_King · 2023-08-26T20:43:51+00:00

I think they like you but they don’t get the spark(hug). This is what they said in general so maybe your game is weak or your speech is weak or both. Some people are very sexy, they don’t need to this kind of shits. So overall, your smv is not enough to get them. How old are you?

lieutenantdong · 2023-08-26T21:03:41+00:00

Theres only your point of view and frustration to go off here. My gut feeling reading this is your interviewing these girls and instead of leading them your waiting for them to initiate sexually (doesnt happen). You're getting the dates so you must be attractive to them but have no sexual vibe in person. Try more not giving a fuck, teasing, stoking their emotions, actually presenting yourself as a guy that wants to ram a dick in her. I'd bet my bottom dollar you ain't doing a crum of that. Keep going and level up

machocornflakes · 2023-08-26T20:51:25+00:00

Is asktrp not active anymore? Because this is… a strange form of field report.

There are other subs where you can figure out what’s going wrong.

Maybe you’re just not attractive.

dath_bane · 2023-08-26T20:46:30+00:00

Could be me. They even payed for their own stuff so they wouldn't "owe" me anything. Don't give up. Maybe lower your standards? I wish I had better advice.

Luke10191 · 2023-08-26T20:44:40+00:00

Hard to say without seeing an example of the interactions or a pic of you. Feel free to PM a pic of yourself for a private view of what might be going wrong.

crazyslingshot · 2023-08-26T21:09:58+00:00

here's the truth, sometimes people just don't click. Like I am quite good looking, not trying to brag, and one time I hung out with a very low IQ party girl, and she was not into me at all as a person (though she was physically attracted to me because when I showed her my tattoos she started blushing immediately). Regardless, we had a bad time together. Because she was talking about the dumbest stuff, and I could barely pay attention to her and she picked up on that and asked me if she was being a burden. Sometimes people just don't click.

videogames_ · 2023-08-26T20:31:52+00:00

Why is this on redpill. You need a guy friend see what’s wrong. Could be monotone voice or something else wrong.

BoJvck34Empire · 2023-08-26T21:34:26+00:00

Idk you didn’t give us enough to work with. Posture? Body language? Is there eye contact or are you just staring? Clothes? What are you wearing? Maybe your style isn’t working for you. Maybe you don’t smell good. Maybe you just aren’t interesting. Do you lift? Are you acting too needy? Now I don’t expect an answer for everything, but we need context

NightwingTRP · 2023-08-27T08:27:38+00:00

Dates should switch venues and have an activity of some sort. Coffee dates are dreadful as the woman will approach it with her checklist of rubbish which doesn't matter because she doesn't really get herself or what she genuinely needs to satisfy the feelings she's chasing.

If there's no enthusiasm from her, remember that your time is valuable. Just say "Was nice getting to know you, but I've gotta get going now. Need to meet somebody." Do not elaborate further. Just get your gear and get ready to go. If she suddenly panics and wants to see you again, do not change what you're doing, but simply let her know "I dunno, maybe. I'll give you a call and maybe we can set something else up with a bit more time." Do not forget the "maybes" she needs to be left not knowing for sure what's happening. Give it a few days to let the hamster run its course, then call her back and set up a real date, evening with a plan to isolate and escalate.

Do you have any attractive female friends? No fatties and no post-wall women. The more conventionally attractive the better. Set up some social proof at the start of any date, hang out with that friend beforehand (pretend like you care about her impression of the date or something) and say bye to her just as your date arrives. Be sure to give your friend a hug if she's the sort to hug you back properly. Hopefully you'll time it so your date sees you, but doesn't get to meet her. She'll then ask you about it and you dismiss it as "Oh X? She's just a friend from way back" or whatever. Then move the conversation on.

If I was being harsh, then immediate offputting things about guys can include stuff like bad hygiene, ill-fitting or unwashed clothes, wearing too much deo/aftershave/cologne, looking cheap/poor. It all depends on the woman too, because good looking guys get to play the game on easy where things like this don't matter much.

For a more in-depth guide, have a look at my old series "The TRP Field Toolkit" it's a 4 part series you'll find in my post history. It was a sidebar/staple reference in AskTRP as it covered things like this. Best of luck.

veepeein8008 · 2023-08-26T21:00:25+00:00

Maybe the date itself is boring. Coffee is pretty boring tbh. I guess you said you’re bringing them to a bar so maybe it’s not a coffee date. But a proper bar shouldn’t even serve coffee lol.

I’m picturing it feeling like an interview for the girl rather than a fun time. Be more fun. Idk, not enough details.

Maybe try dinner instead, it has a clear endpoint (after the meal). Whereas maybe they’re getting anxious during the coffee/bar dates because it’s just kinda boring & asking a bunch of questions with no clear finish in sight. Plus with dinner you can flex more by picking a good restaurant.

Fearless-Telephone49 · 2023-08-26T22:38:51+00:00

One time could be her, two times, might be her, three times, maybe, might be her, FOUR times it's 100% you the problem.

A few things.

Stop meeting for coffee => this is typical business vibe. It's either a walk, park meetup or bar, she doesn't drink? Order juice/water. IDEALLY bar with cocktail.
Get her to send you some audio message or have a quick call without video to check the vibe, it saves time to avoid meeting with boring chicks if you're having too many dates.
Stop trying to impress them, go to have fun, and be willing to fuck it up. In fact, I go with the mindset to either have an epic success or and epic fail, I much rather a girl go write on reddit about the worst date of her life, than her having a boring date that lasted 60 minutes.
Warm up. Before the dates, if I have time I leave 1 hour earlier and go around picking up girls and doing day/night game, once I arrive I'm on fire.

IvanRotchevz · 2023-08-26T23:39:21+00:00

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it, I’m gonna go the other way of what most people are saying to put in more effort but I’d say put in less effort and try to enjoy the experience more than then girl. Stop worrying about them and watching them like a hawk, let yourself wander and float

Herdsengineers · 2023-08-27T13:49:32+00:00

you're in your own head too much. you are creating the bad interaction by being too worried about it and acting accordingly.

what do you need to break you're own mental pattern? a new first date plan maybe? instead of sit at a lounge, sit at the bar and get the bartender to give a lesson on mixology? how the right ingredients mixed well spice up right? innuendo opportunity galore there. I also had success with short hikes the lunch after, a trip to a shooting range (very few girls weren't interested and the jokes about thick barrels shooting off right after i show her the right grip and trigger control are just too hard to resist).

regardless, change you up first to get out of your rut.

Lamking121 · 2023-08-26T20:55:44+00:00

Maybe you’re just boring to talk to.

_do_not_read_this_ · 2023-08-26T21:42:20+00:00

You don't mention if you were physically attracted to them when you saw them IRL.

There's your problem right there.

Going through the motions, without true attraction, is a waste of time, even as practice.

Also, seems like you kids are just getting burned out with nonstop first dates, apps, etc.

Take a few months off and focus more on your mission?

Cutlass_Corner · 2023-08-26T23:04:56+00:00

Well you're getting them on the dates so it's not your photos or voice (unless your photos are catfishing them!)

Probably giving off bad vibes, do they seem bored? Depends on what kind of matches these were as well. Were they looking for a bf and you're trying to just fuck? Or were they looking to be ravaged and you're being too polite and not escalating whatsoever? Both experiences leave them disappointed so they bounce.

3 dates a week is pretty normal. Could just be the odds. If this happens on the next 3 it'll confirm you have a problem though.

BudgetInteraction811 · 2023-08-27T03:29:40+00:00

Are you sure your photos truly represent what you would look like if a stranger approached you? The fact that all 4 immediately lost interest tells me it has something to do with your appearance, including clothing, hair, hygiene, etc. There are too many men with photos of them all dressed up and then show up to a date looking way too different.

Thraximundaur · 2023-08-27T04:23:40+00:00

It sounds like you're projecting a business-like mood onto the dates and that's why they're acting business-like

I had that problem before when I left college because I was used to very business-like interactions in lab, like we didn't small talk that wastes time, we only asked questions that we needed answers to. But, on a date, wasting time enjoying each other is kind of the point.

So maybe try to relax a bit.

I can say though that we've all had those dates where the girl shows up and is super unengaged and you have to wonder if she showed up hoping you'd buy her free drinks or something, but if it's happening consistently it might be something about your mood.

You could consider seeing a psychiatrist about depression or something if you think that might be the case?

But I think if you're talking to them on the phone before hand that's honestly a great start. Just go and act interested in them, ask them questions about things you're actually interested in, like I usually ask girls about the gym since I go. And yea just try to relax and they'll relax.

If they're all acting a specific unusual way then it's for sure because you're projecting that onto them.

cmHend · 2023-08-27T07:32:43+00:00

were you having fun in these dates? To them you probably were just another foreseeable coffee date. Where’s the excitement in that?

Is there a difference in you of the positive streak against you of this streak? Did you have more enthusiasm, optimism, passion?

tikitheman · 2023-08-27T10:18:53+00:00

Sounds like you are giving them the interview vibe.

monadyne · 2023-08-27T13:14:33+00:00

These "dates" you're taking them on are little more than interviews. These girls need to be emotionally stimulated. "Girls just wanna have fun!"

After a few minutes, say, "Fuck this. This is boring. I'm gonna drive out to the old reservoir and go skinny dipping, if you wanna come." Muster together a list of ten things you can do spontaneously that some chick would think was FUN. Look for quirky, interesting things. Or, even stuff like "there's a great band over at the Low Life Lounge. Let's go check them out." Take command (without being a pushy asshole.) Make the decisions and act upon them.

Even stuff like, "I don't normally take a first date to dinner, but I'm hungry. You hungry?" Show that you're a man of action. And if she's not into whatever you suggest, have no emotional reaction to that! No, "Really? I think you'd like this band. Oh, well..." Just be like, "Okay, cool. Later!" Taillights.

paco_boost · 2023-08-28T09:13:00+00:00

Check your breath. Have a friend check it for you before the next date.

Sea_Role7295 · 2023-08-28T10:17:15+00:00

Millions are using dating apps, these girsl get showered by huge amount of attention virtually

Direct approach in street/café/library/theatre/ is the game changer.. this is what you would be standing from the whole crowd. ( my fiancée is an example, she don't use dating apps and never did ) there are some girls who really want you to talk directly in real life.

Anyways, wish you best of luck bro.

ApeMindFitness · 2023-08-28T22:50:16+00:00

Girls on dating apps don’t want to go on dates. They want to hookup. Next time skip the date and invite yourself over.

How has no one in the comment section mentioned this? 😂

grass_cutter · 2023-08-30T19:00:29+00:00

Are the photos recent?

Are you really sure the 3-4 girls became immediately deflated after seeing you? I mean… why would that happen unless you have a hidden physical deformity revealed upon meeting? Or are you just imagining it out of misplaced anxiety?

I’ve only done this myself once or twice but the girls catfished me a little and we 20 pounds heavier.

Otherwise even the girls who don’t like me —- we have a pleasant date and then they say hey there’s no spark later.

Get a socially savvy guy friend or normal decent looking chick to analyze your situation.
Maybe it’s in your head.
Why are you “revealing” where you’re going after meeting? Tell them cocktail bar X beforehand. I think you’re misplaying this part.
Get off the fucking phone/ app. I have a 0% flake rate. I pitch a date after 3-4 messages total my side. I KNOW pre date banter is meaningless except to establish you’re not crazy and logistics. Just pick a location close to you. Message an hour before if they’re still on

Budget-Corner359 · 2023-08-31T20:13:51+00:00

I'd throw in a joking question first thing about whether you look like your profile pic into your standard operating procedure

MattyAnon · 2023-09-03T15:57:01+00:00

They politely held their end of the conversation, but when I tried to flirt they stayed businesslike. They rarely looked at me. Three ordered coffee, one girl ordered fucking mineral water, even though it was swanky downtown lounges during happy hour.

Three possibles:

Lack of attraction

Obvious

She has an agenda that you don't know about.

I don't think it's this.... if she's not trying to get money or resources out of you (and failing), I can't see it.

Four girls just isn't that many.

Good phone banter doesn't mean much.

right

Chatting on the app means even less.

right

Girls who don't like me don't want me spending money on them.

Er...... don't spend any money on any women, EVER. It's weird that you try to spend money on them: this counts against you and turns women off sex, you know that right? Deep down in your soul you have to understand this. Alpha fucks, beta bucks.

another thought is it could be just a streak of bad luck. A few years ago I had three first dates in a week and on all three dates I brought the girl home. If that can happen, I don't see why this kind of thing can't.

A few years ago dating was very different. It has changed hugely since covid.

If it's 6 dates in a row then maybe I'll ask one of them what's wrong.

Don't ask. Girls will lie to you and tell you a safe thing that benefits THEM. Learn to read women rather than asking them.

Basically you need to TOUCH THEM.... and not invite them to somewhere fancy. That will lure them in, but without creating attraction. You want to invite them to something neutral and not tell them you'll be paying, even if you're happy to.

The more you sweeten the deal, the more not-attracted will women will "give him a chance", but when they get there they are still not attracted.

As always, be as attractive as you can and PHYSICALLY ESCALATE.

hostility_kitty · 2023-09-06T21:44:09+00:00

Ayo don’t put down mineral water 😭 Us hydro homies will come after you

El_Barbosa · 2023-09-08T09:22:26+00:00

You are catfishing them my guy

TreacleBroad2981 · 2023-09-09T09:40:26+00:00

perhaps it's your personality (or maybe you made them uncomfortable that's why they ignored your flirting )

Successful_Language6 · 2023-09-11T16:51:01+00:00

Do you have a body smell undetectable by yourself? Bad breath? Mangle teeth?

Sympraxis · 2023-09-25T03:58:03+00:00

(1) Read RP books. You are obviously underread.

(2) Practice your lines and stories in front of a mirror to eliminate tics. Video record yourself. Do you seem attractive to yourself? If not, why not?

(3) Never talk about mundane bullshit ever. That is stuff like work, school, etc. Talk about only 3 things: you, her and you+her, nothing else. Do not talk about the weather or politics or sports or interests or music or anything else. Talk about HER. Do not "chat", it puts you in the friend zone, which is what is happening to you.

(4) Don't go on "dates". If you cannot get an attraction and physicality started from the initial contact, then that is a fundamental problem. Dates are high pressure, awkward and unnatural.

Title	My last 4 dates were basically identical.
Author	hetero_gym_invite
Upvotes	100
Comments	89
Date	August 26, 2023 8:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1625qm4/my_last_4_dates_were_basically_identical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/my-last-4-dates-were-basically-identical.1230548 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230548

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