Summary: OLTR Candidate slept with ex-FB and told me about it. Nuclear level shittest.

Body: A bit of a background. Since my last failed attempt on trying to verbalize and get into an official OLTR (can be found from my post history), I've been working on new girls and reached a phase with one of the girls where we are dating but we are not sexually or emotionally exclusive and I have overtly communicated that I'm seeing other girls as well. This discussion happened ~3 weeks ago (on a 4 months mark) and it went good this is probably because I learned from my mistakes. Even tho these two "talks" we are talking about here weren't at the same phase of relationship. I think that things I've tried to improve since last time helped. They were primarily:

  • I screened the girls more carefully to pick a good candidate who is more likely to have an OLTR
  • My early non-monogamous frame was much stronger and obvious than it was last time (dread, accidental hints about other girls, my responses to her questions about "other women")
  • I gave her a lot more comfort before engaging the discussion about the fact that I'm seeing other women.

Anyway, to the actual shit test which happened yesterday. I went to her place. She was acting distant and cold (shit test element #1)right off the bat. I smelled that something was going on but proceeded like everything is normal. We had some casual talk about how our week has been while I was touching her sexually because that's what I always do at the beginning. Then it started. We had a discussion which were something like this:

 

She: "We should probably be just FBs" (shit test element #2) to which I responded

Me: "Ok, if that's what you want"

She: "I'm a bit confused. My old acquaintance was staying at my place when he was visiting the city and then we did this and that" (shit test element #3).

Me: "Yeah, no problem, I hope your friend liked the city" (yeah, this was only thing that came to my mind, playing stupid and assuming she was showing him places)

She: "Well he wasn't exactly a friend tho"

She: <kept babbling about she being confused and don't know what she wants and making sure that I get the point and what this friend or "acquaintance" was>

 

At this point I just let her do her talking and I kept petting her and grabbing her ass etc. like she were casually talking about her every day things. Needless to say that the combination of these elements hit me to some extent - after all this is a girl I was starting to care about (otherwise she would be only FB). So we have:

  • She was playing cold and emotionless
  • She said that we shouldn't hang out anymore - only to occasionally have sex
  • She told that she has fucked someone else

I can tell that women can really hit you hard if they want but for me this was a learning experience. When she told me that she had fucked someone else (and she could have hidden it if she had wanted - she really wanted me to know) I had a moderate spike of jealousy and disappointment for around 5mins and then it faded away over the next 10 mins so I was pretty much clear after 15mins into discussion even tho she kept hammering whole this time. After this ~15min duration she then asked "Why are you so silent? What are you thinking?". I responded while grabbing her ass and tits "I want to fuck." and then we had sex and she returned to her normal state and was my good girl again for the rest of the night.

Later at night she basically called out her shit and bent totally into my frame. She told me things like:

  • She was annoyed because she can't get (emotionally) further from me even tho she tries. She is emotionally attached

  • She compares me to other guys and even the guys she has been attracted to before, feel like nothing.

  • She started planning "our future"

  • She had been "annoyingly loyal" to me and she isn't interested on other guys

    Lessons Learned and conclusions:

  • As many guys who attempt open relationships know, girl who gets resentful before accepting the reality, may shit test you by fucking some other dude or two

  • Doing this kind of "revenge fuck" doesn't mean that she will be running around and fucking others whole time rest of the relationship.

  • Women are really great combining different shit test to build up a nuclear level shit test

  • If this happens you, you will truly see how confident you really are.

  • Thanks to TRP, I knew what was going on on logical level which helped a lot dealing with negative emotions

  • Experiencing something like this makes a situation where a guy hits on your girl in a club feel like a walk in a park.

  • It also may be that she never fucked a dude but that doesn't really matter. She wanted to see if I'm really the guy she perceives me to be.

EDIT: I decided to add this statement here because most guys can't think anything else but some other guy fucking their woman. I choose to attempt open relationship because:

  • I have a desire to pair bond while fucking various women on the side.
  • Monogamy doesn't work (no matter how alpha you are - statistics are all there)
  • I don't wanna hand over my balls to a one woman who can then decide where my balls can or cannot be (sexual monopoly).
  • Also polygyny doesn't work in western society or it's really hard to find women who agree into it long term.

EDIT2: I think this is a good thing to mention as well to give you some context because there is so much hate going on: She is begging for my commitment and exclusivity every time we see - sometimes covertly, sometimes overtly and she is really annoyed that I keep seeing other women (yeah, so surprising).

EDIT3: Because typical western female behaviour in the beginning/early stages of open relationship seems to be a bit unclear for most guys. I'll add this:

When you educate yourself about open relationships or get your own experience, you will quickly notice that it's quite normal that a girl, who would like to get into exclusive relationship, will fuck a guy or two at the beginning to "teach you a lesson" and when that doesn't work, she will only rarely if never fuck a another guy even when the relationship is open. Basically open relationship most of the time transitions to "polygyny by womans choice" and if it doesn't why should you be neurotic about what she is doing at her spare time as long as she is responsible (condoms etc.) and it's a mans job to find a woman who can be trusted in this kind of scenario (which I'm doing right now, even tho my "evaluation phase" is labeled here as oneitis, hamstering etc.)

It seems that open relationship is the only way to have a serious LTR-level relationship while freely fucking (without cheating) other girls on the side. If someones has a better way to achieve this, please let me know (and no, I don't count moving to muslim country and arranging forced polygyny as an option or serial plating girls with whom you delay "what are we"-talk as long as you can).