I really want to kill myself.

SkorchZang · 2017-05-04T05:22:53+00:00

There's a lot you don't know yet. There's some stuff you know you don't know. And then there's Unknown Unknowns, and those are a good reason to keep on paddling as hard as you can.

You can think of yourself as Neo in the first Matrix movie. They woke you up and now it's fucking sloppy gruel, all day every day. That's all you get to eat, and you are angry at the tasty dreams of steak you abandoned by waking up, and at the lies they were built of.

H0neyJBadger · 2017-05-04T05:12:26+00:00

1-800-273-8255 Call it, suicide is never the answer. Stay strong friend.

errorises · 2017-05-04T05:35:59+00:00

You are stronger than you think, resist.

chiefbl · 2017-05-04T06:39:34+00:00

"You can guide a horse to a pond, but you can't force it to drink"

Summary: You may have a long road ahead, but trust me when I say you'll be laughing in no time about the situation you are currently in; If you decide to put your trust in TRP and most importantly yourself that you can come out of this as a reformed man. Don't sweat the PUA content of TRP for now, just focus on improving the product.

Body: Right now, you're the horse. No matter what we say, in the end it's on you. Look, commiting suicide is a long term solution to a short term poblem. You might not be a business man, but clearly that ain't a smart move. I hope we can both agree on that.

I can empathize with you. It's hard. I was in your shoes a little over a year ago. March 2016, my latest lowest dip of my life when my oneitis left me out of the blue. However, it was the exact time I found TRP. Although, it seems like I had a bit easier than you because my parents were very encouraging and supportive along the way. Don't let that bother you though, you only have a bit longer but more satisfying road down ahead of you.

A little bit about myself if you're interested: I am 19, was 18 when I found TRP. I was with my oneitis for 6 months before she dumped my bluepill ass. I wanted to commit suicide, but I blurped it out to my dad when I was feeling emotional. Everything started to change from there on. TRP helped A LOT. I first focused on monk mode. Basically improving myself before I put myself out there in the cruel world again.

Goodluck man.

Edit: Feel free to pm me. I'm aspiring to be a counsellor, I may not have professional credentials right now. But I'll try my best

TRPthrowaway4623 · 2017-05-04T04:48:31+00:00

To add to this:

I have no real friends.
My parents have abused me in the past and when I bring it up they act like nothing happened.
I am miserable in my daily life. I'm working to build a future for myself but it takes so much willpower that at this point i'm exhausted and want to keel over and die.

The sweet relief of death is much more romantic than getting up and grinding away in this garbage society, especially if i'm going to die in the end anyway.

HardPuns · 2017-05-04T13:45:32+00:00

Listen, I'ven been there

The feeling of suicide is a good feeling, wait, keep reading.

What you want is not physical death, you want your reality to die. Why? Maybe because your life sucks or you have no hope. Is suicide an answer, no?

You wanting to kill yourself = I want my reality to die

I want my reality to die = I want to change my life, this sucks.

Look at what you want and pursue it.

Life get boring sometimes, suicide your reality and create a better one.

SexistFlyingPig · 2017-05-04T16:40:15+00:00

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression <-- You are here
Acceptance

Guillz · 2017-05-04T07:26:10+00:00

take a look at philosopher Alan watts. he always brings me back down to earth and brings happiness to my bones

new__vision · 2017-05-04T06:57:21+00:00

Many of us have been where you are and gotten through it.

Even if I were to game a 10/10 and marry her, she would most likely cheat on me, divorce me and increase the pain and suffering in my life.

You're having ridiculous thoughts that you think logically support suicide, but these aren't your thoughts. Depression plants thoughts in your head that make you think the world sucks. Your mind filters out all evidence of good in the world and only let's in the negativity that supports your thoughts.

If a thought doesn't help you, then fuck it. It doesn't matter if it's true. I drowned out the mental loop of self-hate by forcing positive thoughts that I thought were bullshit. Your mind has tricked you into only seeing negativity, re-train your mind.

Plenty of people on TRP are in fulfilling LTRs, even the legends like Rollo. Plenty of people date 10/10s and don't get cheated on. If you get cheated on then good, that means you could've wasted years with this girl but you're free.

People like you have gone on to live fucking amazing lives. In the future you will realize how strong you are to have gotten through this.

https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5ilkne/how_did_you_get_over_suicidal_thoughts_serious/db96ulq/

https://youtu.be/GGp25fn25Cs?t=99

Auvergnat · 2017-05-04T07:27:35+00:00

Because depression is just a temporary sickness of your brain, not a permanent affliction. However bad it may feel right now, it would be a waste to stop it all now, when you can be 99% sure your mental suffering will just stop at some point soon. Imagine you get a bad flu that hurts like hell, would you kill yourself because of the suffering when you know you'll eventually be healed in a couple weeks?

McDrMuffinMan · 2017-05-04T13:14:48+00:00

I'm currently in a rough patch in life myself, the one thing that keeps me going is remembering what JFK said :

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men." John F. Kennedy

1Pink1Stink · 2017-05-04T05:41:17+00:00

You can find something worth living for

YongeArcade · 2017-05-04T14:40:28+00:00

why should I not blow my fucking brains out?

Because then the assholes will win. First rule of life is Don't let the assholes win"

Secondly, you have done nothing wrong, you are a good person and do not deserve to feel what you are feeling. Nor should you destroy yourself or to have that outlook in life. I have been there, It will get better I promise.

Go get treatment for your depression, your outlook on life will improve and things will as well.

Mudpielol · 2017-05-04T07:42:58+00:00

No one cares about me. The world does not give a fuck about me and if I were to die it would not make even a drop in the ocean of a difference. Why the fuck should I carry on living?

That's your ego talking. See, the world and the universe for that matter does indeed not give a fuck about you or about me. Accept it. There's nothing you can do about that.
What you can do is get your shit straight, meet people, make friends, find a mission and stick to it. And remove any people in your life that affect you negatively. Move out of your parents house if you have to. It will not be easy, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

aditas · 2017-05-04T11:11:53+00:00

Bro, get a dog. Do it today.

gizmozed · 2017-05-04T10:29:46+00:00

Care about yourself. Fuck the world.

Your life has potential. It takes work to achieve it but it is worth it. There will be pain but there will be joy and pleasure too. My life sucked until I was 25 years old. I mean REALLY SUCKED. I'm glad I didn't make a mistake like giving up.

Throwawaysteve123456 · 2017-05-04T14:05:33+00:00

This is a temporary thing. Almost 85% of males have serious thoughts of suicide. Despite women attempting several times more often than men, the vast majority of suicides are male, thus male back up their talk. Many men kill themselves without any warning. The thing is, depression is temporary and treatable. Go to an emerg department if you're serious, or call a hotline. You're sick right now and need to get treated just like someone with chest pain. Where abouts do you live?

RedEyesBlueShades · 2017-05-04T14:30:07+00:00

You are seriously depressed, and I'll tell you why. I'll also suggest how to get out of it.

Just from what you write it's pretty clear that your entire idea of what constitutes a successful life ~~was~~ is centered around women. Finding a great mate, having a family and living together ever after. TRP, brutally, destroyed this flawed idea, so depression is the natural reaction.

When our sense of self, out identity is stripped of our own *perceived** meaning, depression is the reaction.*

As brutal as this is, it also gives you the way out. Not suicide! This is where the second part of TRP comes in - Find something else that gives your life meaning!!! What that is, I cannot tell you. For some it's art, for others it's getting as big as humanly possible. Maybe running? Playing an instrument? Writing? Volunteering and helping others? Running your own business?

I don't know your answer, that's for you to find out. But you need to stay strong and continue on The Red Path and detach your sense of self worth from women. That's when you'll become a real master of yourself.

Be strong man, suicide is even less meaningful than life!!!

ownthatshitmanup · 2017-05-04T14:37:15+00:00

Oh god buddy, hang in there. We've been through what you've have so you're not alone. It gets better I swear.

This too shall pass

Get some fresh air, some food and some quality sleep

anabolic92 · 2017-05-04T16:37:22+00:00

I guess I can relate how you feel, asking myself why I'm still fucking alive is the first thing crosses my mind the very first second I wake up.

Feeling you are not worth anything or anyone during extended periods of time leads to this I believe.

Id tell you suicide is never the solution, but as someone who contemplates it daily I just wish you a happy life, whatever you have left.

Dragon_Garoo · 2017-05-04T09:53:45+00:00

Brother, 90 seconds is how long a 'moment' like this lasts. Anything else is just reliving the emotion/memory/pain. It will get better. Go for a walk when this happens. Get some fresh air. Do some pushups. Anything to break the mindset. Definitely get some help, tell someone close. You can make it.

Minimalib · 2017-05-04T09:58:48+00:00

Like others say there is a lot you don't know. From what you say it's clear to me that you've build a mental prison for yourself. Or a torture chamber rather.

You can make everything terrible for yourself, your mind has the power to do that. Your problem (and everyone who has thoughts like you) is that you don't see the alternatives. It's easy to argue the futility of human existence, it's also easy to argue the beauty of human existence.

Believe me I've had exactly the same thoughts, lots of people have. It's just that sometimes they get to real and your mind starts to believe that it's the only reality out there.

Ask yourself the right questions, a mindtrick that works is just asking ok so IF I could see a point in all of this what would it be, and then just continue rebuilding a nice mental environment to live in. As marcus aurelius says: when it comes to your mental environment put your foot down and make a stand.

The meaning of life is in your own hands that's the beauty of it. In all your negative thoughts there is a even bigger positive counterpart to it. You think you see it clearly, that life sucks, and you'll probably react to this comment with just another reason to hate it cause that is what you focus on. Where focus goes energy flows.

TheDankster · 2017-05-04T14:39:11+00:00

First of all, understand that nobody but you can give your life purpose and meaning. Posting here looking for help isn't going to give you answers on how to make your life worth living. The simple truth is that most people's lives aren't worthing living. They persist in a state of victimhood where they continually bow to the pressures of society and other groups. Their lives are not their own; and are sad, short affairs most of the time. The only lives worth living are those which have had meaning and purpose defined by the living, with great pain and difficulty involved in that creation.

Now, you are clearly part of the first group as of this very moment. However, at any tine you can choose to begin walking the path to creating meaning and purpose in your life. It will mean continuous work and study, but it is possible. Dig deep enough, and you can find ancient and modern wisdom designed to help you forge that meaning for yourself. Look into some of the more complex manosphere blogs like Return of Kings, and start building a philosophy for your life.

I was once in your exact same position, and now thoughts of suicide seem like a distant ghost. I know you can only take my word for it, but please trust me. Above all, remember that Patience is your ally, and that Time is your only true resource in life. Do not be so keen to throw away your Time which was provided by this great universe we inhabit.

Here is one concrete strategy that helped me decide I would keep living instead of killing myself. You mention having been abused - I was as well. So I know you probably have a deep hatred within yourself for the actions of those who hurt you. Pull those thoughts to the fore front of your mind. Remember them in excruciating detail, and embrace your hatred of them. You must nurture that hate and with it you will create a lust for revenge against the perpetrators. Allow the desire to have vengeance against all things which have hurt you to consume you and your thoughts. Erase your happiness, sadness, guilt, anger, and cover it all with the focus of revenge. And then, once you are of a single focus consider this -

If you kill yourself, you are proving them all right. That you are a useless waste of air, who will never amount to anything. You would be proving yourself right too. But, you will probably regret the decision in your last dying moments. By your discussion of a battle death being honorable, its clear you know suicide is a coward's choice. Instead of that, you can choose to be brave.

Continue to live, and fight. Gain your vengeance against those who have wronged you by hanging on to your existence with animal tenacity. Fight hard to bed that 10/10 woman, then find a new one. Fight hard to become socially powerful. Fight hard to become wealthy. Fight hard to gain these things, and show all who would oppose you that they are wrong to do so.

Do not give in. Do not give up. Do not go quietly into the night. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.

Godspeed brother.

salezman12 · 2017-05-04T15:29:01+00:00

If you're here for pitty you're not going to get any from me. But you need help. Call the number kid.

WhyIsYosarionNaked · 2017-05-04T16:48:38+00:00

Permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will get through this man. Call the number in the top post. You aren't the only one to had these thoughts, please reach out. You will get through this.

therainydayman · 2017-05-04T17:43:19+00:00

Starting from the bottom now we here mate.
The deeper you get the easier you bounce with the fall.

Sleep enough (you need energy, even of you spend first days only sleeping)
Cut bad habits (video games, smoking, drinking, porn)
Do something to feel like your day wasn't wasted (lifting, reading, learning things, cooking)
Your emotions are something you feel, if you feel like you're a piece of shit then prove yourself that you aren't one

Fuck the bitches, fuck your parents, fuck the world, we live for ourselves and one day you'll show them you're better than them because you worked hard mate. I hesitated to kill myself last year since then I never felt so good in my entire life.

Birdfanguy · 2017-05-04T09:22:23+00:00

You're definitely not alone. I struggled with that shit for years but now my life is amazing and yours can be too. Lift, eat well, get medication that works, see a psychologist and most importantly keep struggling. You'll come out the other side eventually.

DwightWolftail · 2017-05-04T13:33:47+00:00

Bro , you may not feel it right now , but you are lucky . You don't seem to have any health problems . When I was 18 , I used to suffer from extreme erectile dysfunction cause of porn and couldn't have sex at all . It took me a year and a half to actually be able to have sex with my gf . Also had an extreme pain on my left leg that left me paralyzed most of the day , made me scream my lungs out because the pain was so much . I also woke up during the night about two times to get a painkiller so I could sleep about 5 hours a day . I went to 7 doctors and after countless of MRI'sand stuff , we found it was just a small bone tumor . This whole thing also started at 18 and ended about 2.5 years later when I removed the tumor via surgery . It really doesn't matter if anyone loves you as long as you love yourself . Friends and women will come along the way . You will come out stronger . Your problems can be kind of deleted at will . You are fucking amazing man . You may not be the top 10 or even 50% of males out there , but you have found TRP and you may very well become one of the most prestigious fuckers out there . You have the tools . Think of everything you have enjoyed till now ! It may be only little things . But take those and delete the negative experiences . Your life sounds empty right now , cause there's a lot of stuff that has come out on the surface . Maybe your anger has been burning for a lot of time . This is your moment ! This is what we do ! This is you becoming a man ! Don't let this destroy you ! Become stronger . You will thank yourself ! Take it easy for a few days to relax . Don't read too much of TRP , cause it's too hard on you atm . Take a few walks every day . Just to hear the wind blow and the grass rustle . Pay attention to colours and smells . It will come back to you . Your will to live . Nothing matters . So ... for this and only reason ,you better enjoy it . What can possibly hurt you if there is no meaning ?You are just realizing exactly this and it hurts you to know that we are just beasts . There is no reason to kill yourself . Fuck women and people .

CDBaller · 2017-05-04T14:56:40+00:00

Because, believe it or not, someone out there cares about you and depriving that person of your existence is selfish, cowardly and weak. You have value. You have gifts you can give the world, even if you never meet a good woman.

Learning to give to others and yourself is hard. Living is hard. But you only get one chance at it and people have gone on from where you are now to rewarding existences. Open up your shell, realize that others aren't perfect, forgive them for that, and give your gifts to the world.

My roommate was in this situation years ago during the winter. He said "fuck it". He was going through a divorce. He didn't have many friends. But instead of biting a bullet, he went to the gym, got his endorphins pumping, and eventually made friends. He's among the most generous people I know.

SynfulVisions · 2017-05-04T14:58:50+00:00

If you don't have an immediate terminal condition, there's no reason to suicide. However, if you (possibly even correctly) feel your life will not improve, use it to your advantage. Go fucking skydiving, sail into a hurricane, do something fun that you might not survive.

If you are going to do it, as I firmly believe it is your right to choose... self determination and all... do it cleanly so that nobody has to wade through a pool of blood to drag off your body. It's not a pretty sight and you can legitimately traumatize those who care when they find your body.

shadyindividual · 2017-05-04T16:25:54+00:00

Something that always keeps me going is the thought of things I would never get to experience if I took the easy way out.

Never get to own that ferrari. Never get to bang that super model. Never get to own my own business.

Pain is temporary, death is forever.

pleasehelpkpopme · 2017-05-04T17:21:07+00:00

Life is hard and it sucks shit, once you get out of school it just becomes more work bills and responsibilities, suicide would provide sweet relief from that.

However, you also miss out on amazing experiences and possibilities, things that give your life meaning and make it worth living. If you are intent on doing it at least do some shit that you want to do before hand, go to some tropical country blow your cash on hookers and snow and have a wild fucking ride, then end it where you don't bother anyone and as painlessly as possible.

Snufek · 2017-05-04T17:47:57+00:00

The thing about bad feelings is they tell you that something is not right. It is a biological mechanism designed by Mother Nature to get your ass out of trouble. It is good that you're feeling bad.

For you it doesn't feel like it, obviously. But when you will look back on it after a while... you will see that it was a good thing. Without pain, progress is not possible.

Meanwhile, please watch this video. It's 3 min by Alan Watts, but what a life changing perspective he offers: here. Also, if you would like to talk about anything, reach out to me. We could talk about philosophy, working out, girls, serious world problems, writing... anything. Stay strong, buddy!

Gadsden1776 · 2017-05-04T18:45:35+00:00

Watch this man

https://youtu.be/Ei6nzXaO2PM

jb_trp · 2017-05-04T18:47:05+00:00

Besides what everyone else has said, think about this: There are lots of threads on AskReddit where people talked about their failed suicide attempts. Every single one of them are glad it didn't work out. Every. Single. One.

Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes people can get into really dark places. I've been in a few myself. Call the suicide hotline if you don't have someone to talk to. Go see a doctor (I did just recently for depression and got medication). Start seeing a counselor.

There's no coming back from suicide, it's not the answer, and there are more people who love you and care about you than you probably even realize.

Mentioned_Videos · 2017-05-04T18:47:56+00:00

Videos in this thread:

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How Rising From A Prison Of Depression / Social Anxiety / Negativity Is Like Crawling From A Pit	+6 - Many of us have been where you are and gotten through it. Even if I were to game a 10/10 and marry her, she would most likely cheat on me, divorce me and increase the pain and suffering in my life. You're having ridiculous thoughts that you t...
The Dream Of Life - Alan Watts	+1 - The thing about bad feelings is they tell you that something is not right. It is a biological mechanism designed by Mother Nature to get your ass out of trouble. It is good that you're feeling bad. For you it doesn't feel like it, obviously. But whe...
You Can Be Successful Too - Joe Rogan Motivation	+1 - Watch this man
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Gadsden1776 · 2017-05-04T18:49:45+00:00

Watch This one too

https://youtu.be/-QJSvjjgb3g

MrGunny · 2017-05-04T21:18:58+00:00

Look up Jordan B Peterson on youtube, listen to his lectures. Come to peace with your past, work to sort out your pain and put it behind you. You're not defined by the trauma you've experienced in your past, that's for special snowflakes that need the attention and validation provided by constant victimhood. Learn to bear responsibility and come to grips with your strengths and weaknesses. That will put you right and will be the first step in your journey.

what_then · 2017-05-04T21:21:50+00:00

Don't you have friends & family bro? Don't they care about you?

What if Albert Einstein thought like that? FUCK you are a man, you should wanna lead armies, fuck women....

You should try to achieve greatness in every aspect of your life....

If you end your life nothing good will come of it. You are special in this world....a unique fucking snowflake....YOU will be missed brother....

GainzdalfTheWhey · 2017-05-04T22:31:59+00:00

You have to fix everything that's wrong. I fixed my approach anxiety to at least a functioning point. I got a couple of friends and a social circle. I took care of my body. I still feel empty because I don't have a job ATM. Still wanting to die and shit. Maybe once I get a job I'll be better.

SiulaGrande · 2017-05-05T18:08:02+00:00

listen man, i feel you on the whole pain and suffering kill myself shit. most of us have been there before, some harder than others, and most for different reasons than others. i guess it all comes down to general unhappiness and unfulfillment.

recently ive been dealing with muscular injuries in all four of my limbs, and sometimes i think, "shit, i may not ever get better again, why don't i just kill myself? i dont want to live through 60 years of pain and suffering and not being able to be physically active, rather just die". and you know what, i wouldn't exactly be wrong in feeling that way. if i really cant recover, then yeah, id rather not live this life.

but then what i thought to myself, when i was thinking "okay, so if i killed myself, how would I do it...", was that it would be a waste of an opportunity if i just shot myself, hung myself, got in a huge car crash on purpose, or jumped off a bridge. i have a lot of things i want to do in life, one of the biggest being travel through strange and foreign lands, and i figured "you know what, if im really gonna kill myself, might as well just dip out to indonesia, start seeing all these crazy foreign places ive dreamed of traveling to, and if my body gives out while im over there then fuck it thatll just be the end". ultimately, i decided that if i were to really commit suicide, i wouldnt just take my own life, id do something reckless in pursuit of my goals knowing that it could possibly cost me my life. rather go out traveling and seeing the world than on a rope in my parents house.

so listen man, if you really wanna kill yourself, just pick some epic adventure and go for it. i mean shit, if you REALLY want to kill yourself, you have nothing to lose, right? like, one option is death, and the other is reckless adventure and abandoning your responsibilities. you choose which one youd rather do; i know id rather go for one last yolo adventure instead of just shooting myself in the face. who gives a fuck if you dump all your responsibilities and just go for it? i mean, you were going to kill yourself anyways, right? so doesnt it not matter?

my point is that if you really want to kill yourself, just choose some crazy epic adventure that might end up costing your life. more original than a noose, knife, gun, or bridge, ill tell you that for sure. you have nothing to lose, and shit, maybe after your journey youll be presented with a reason to live. who knows.

themachiavelliprince · 2017-05-04T18:29:33+00:00

Because you're a man and this is the shit we endure to become better. Dude if wanna kill yourself at least do something then. Go start a street fight. Go sky diving. Buy a gun and hit the range. Start BJJ. Fuck, go de mine a shitty African country. If you wanna die go ahead, but don't come posting on reddit about it we can't tell you what to do. If you are gonna blow your fucking brains out at least use your body, break it down a bit, do something with it, it's a great tool.

Baitman97 · 2017-05-04T20:00:50+00:00

I know how you feel, I've gone through the same.
What you believe in is not completely true but even if it is, use it to your advantage. If nobody truly cares about you, you are free to do whatever you want. You don't have to put up with other people's and society's expectations. Find some small job that makes you happy, live minimalistically, take drugs, fuck bitches, go to the gym from time to time and some day, maybe, you'll find a faithful wife. If not at least you haven't wasted your life grinding for nothing like most people.

arul20 · 2017-05-04T16:32:24+00:00

Post to /r/suicidewatch

About feeling like killing yourself. If you want to go, it's your right. Just make sure you don't fuck it up and become a paraplegic or vegetable. Best way imo is carbon monoxide or drug overdose. Painless and you just slip away. For carbon monoxide, burn charcoal in an enclosed space. It will eat up all the oxygen and kill you.

Whether you wanna stay and fight with the rest of us, or check out, good luck to ya brother.

huge_gap · 2017-05-04T05:40:05+00:00

Would you rather live a life with the possibility of improving yourself or the vast nothingness of nonexistence? Death is permanent. Stop blaming others/yourself for your unhappiness and change your life for the better.

SirGaetanDugas · 2017-05-04T10:26:49+00:00

This forum is not equipped to give you the help you need right now. Call a medical professional ASAP

EsteraMC · 2017-05-04T09:18:05+00:00

I really want to kill myself.

Then do it. Don't write about it here and whine. Only the strong survive.

So, in summary, why should I not blow my fucking brains out?

Probably, because you are a little bitch and afraid to pull the trigger like a man.

Kommanderdude · 2017-05-04T14:32:34+00:00

Do it.

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-05-04T06:47:50+00:00

The thing with stupidity is that you dont have no idea that you are stupid its just everyone else around you feel uncomfortable and same goes with death.

So killing yourself is selfish and childish act.

Acquin · 2017-05-04T09:27:38+00:00

Hey dude. I was going to make a last resort article for guys like you but here's one of my ideas: Borrow as much money as you possibly can and put it onto a colour on a roulette table. If you lose, you never have to pay it back since you're at your last resort. If you win, you may see a light and want to keep living.

Title	I really want to kill myself.
Author	TRPthrowaway4623
Upvotes	38
Comments	81
Date	May 4, 2017 4:46 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/695jqi/i_really_want_to_kill_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-really-want-to-kill-myself.402 https://theredarchive.com/post/402

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