"I'm busy this weekend, but maybe next weekend" ... is this legit or a soft-rejection?

creativedave73 · 2022-09-20T03:35:49+00:00

I agree with those who say you make one offer. She can make a counter offer, like, "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me. How about..." But, saying things like, "No, I'm out of town that night" sounds like lack of interest to me.

I once had a woman cancel on me, but reschedule immediately and then she paid for our date.

Women who are interested in going out will generally make time and not give vague answers.

zapadz · 2022-09-20T02:46:45+00:00

You lose nothing trying again in a week or two. I also recommend rather than asking her out, say you’re going somewhere and she can come along.

TransitionNormal1387 · 2022-09-20T01:19:24+00:00

Dude you met online in an app, she is using it for validation from most guys while letting only a few actually go out with her. You tried 3 times? Yeah, better off moving on to trying with another match dude. Just text hey let me know when your down, and leave it at that.

kidrockpasta · 2022-09-20T06:16:37+00:00

Saying maybe to plans whether it's a date, friends, or family is often a soft let down. They're either not interested, or they're waiting to see if something better comes along. As some people say, if it ain't a hell yea, then it's a no.

lefthandedaf · 2022-09-20T15:55:06+00:00

“Maybe next week” is girl language for NO. 99.9999% of the time.

Worried-Principle580 · 2022-09-20T08:05:51+00:00

She’s saying no. When a girl is actually interested she’ll do everything she can to see you asap. She’s not interested. You’ll give yourself a self respect boost by just not replying to her. Don’t be the last one to send a message, better to leave her on read: girls hate that so it’s a nice discrete fu to her.

Edit: appreciate the upvotes and glad to see guys are recognising you shouldn’t get hung up on some contact info. Personally, if I get a girls number I text it then delete the number. She may reply she may not. But at least I can’t fall into the follow up trap of lowering my value further and making excuses for her etc. (women are an attention black hole you can text them forever and they’ll keep stringing you along aka friend zone) Be a freight train.

incognito3107 · 2022-09-20T07:47:45+00:00

If she would be really interested she would probably explain herself big way for you to keep waiting for 2 weeks. It's more like she just doesn't want to meet up, for whatever reason. Either way, would you like to get with a woman that can't make 1-2 hours time in 2 weeks for a potential boyfriend/lover?

Nullroute127 · 2022-09-20T08:24:00+00:00

Asking for plans is an art.

The good news is you already have a sense of when to ask; when the conversation is going well and she showing interest/investment while on an emotional high.

Your transition to plans might be a bit abrupt. Let's think about it, you're going back and forth bantering then you drop "What's your schedule like this weekend?" It breaks the intertia of what you were having before.

Next time, try a bit more gradually. "Does [name] ever take breaks from [topic you were talking about or activity you know she does regularly] to banter and get drinks with good company?"

Most of the time you'll get a straight "yes" answer. Sometimes you might get a shit testy answer like, "How do I know if the company will be good?" Address as you see fit.

Then ask for a general schedule. "What's your weekday evening availability like?"

Approaching it this way psychologically makes her more likely to agree to plans. By answering 'yes' to the universal first question, she's basically told herself that she goes out with guys, and planted the idea that you're good company.

She's telling you what her schedule so you don't have to shoot specifics for her to decline. Once she says she goes out with guys and gives you her schedule, anything you propose after is likely a done deal. You want to avoid shooting specifics (or narrow parameters) before you have availability so you don't get her in the habit of denying you and having to ask again.

The 'this weekend' part I don't like. Weekends are generally time periods women have for close friends and family. It's a lot more pressure on her logistically, and the context of a weekend date is much more serious. Most venues tend to be busier/louder and more expensive.

Weekdays are more likely to have time after work/school to meet, and time she's more likely to have nothing scheduled. You also have 5/7 days as possibilities instead of 2/7.

The 'next weekend' counter I don't think is a soft reject. It's probably honest. However, it puts a lot of time between her emotional high and the actual date; flake chances increase. Also, this counter is entirely in response to you, because you parameterized 'weekend' availability, you gave her limited room.

Try the above next time and you'll likely see much more success.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-09-20T11:32:41+00:00

If a girl is acting like that it means she wants you to get the hint that she is not interested. Yes, women do not often outright tell you, “no thanks not interested”. They just say yes but maybe next week, and then when you ask again, they again come up with another excuse like “oh i can’t today, but maybe the following week” and so on.

When a girl is interested, she is the one chasing you, and telling you she is doing nothing or that she is not busy to give you the hint to invite her to do something.

what-diddy-what-what · 2022-09-20T04:50:11+00:00

Try: Hey lets get a drink! I can do Wed night or Thursday night. Let me know!

Don't plan your life around her. Show her you have value. And don't be like "any day / time works for me". Remember, if you're always available that communicates low value and desperation.

No-Rub-7252 · 2022-09-20T11:35:56+00:00

I would have left at the second attempt. She’s not prioritizing dating - her actions says it all

Done_Playing_Games · 2022-09-20T12:30:28+00:00

Stop asking her and stop talking too. If she’s interested, let her come and ask about your schedule.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-09-20T17:25:32+00:00

It’s legit. Specially if it’s your first invitation. People have other earlier appointments. What you can do: try to set a casual date on a regular week day or stand for your own schedule. Just don’t vanish and suddenly appear inviting for something.

AndyTateIsRight · 2022-09-20T01:57:51+00:00

shes not invested enough, and "whats your schedule like" sounds needy. You want to date her not be her personal assistant

"we should get a drink sometime" right after a witty reply after you've established value is the move

Neo-Rio · 2022-09-20T05:57:05+00:00

You don't want to come off as desperate. You have to let women make the decision to want to contact you and see you, rather than constantly inviting them.

Do you have prostitutes cold calling you asking you to come over? No, of course you don't.
Don't be like that to women.

TimeEngineering3081 · 2022-09-20T06:49:28+00:00

When someone says this, i try keep the conversation going over chats, if they are responsive then the next week's plan usually works out...If they are cold and distant over the texts, I step back and make other plans for the weekend and wont even bother reminding the person, they dont follow up either. Life goes on

Mikhail_Faustin08 · 2022-09-20T06:42:05+00:00

Sure, try again when they say they’re free but in my book I don’t give many chances. Tried this once and she brought a friend the day she said it was going to be just me and her.

richion07 · 2022-09-20T08:17:22+00:00

It’s like that piss take petition the Internet made to re-release Morbius a third time after bombing twice. “We were all busy that weekend. Please re release Morbius. We promise we’ll show. That is unless something comes up”

StubbornBr1t · 2022-09-20T09:19:36+00:00

Unless it’s a flat out yes I generally don’t bother chasing

StubbornBr1t · 2022-09-20T09:19:42+00:00

Unless it’s a flat out yes I generally don’t bother chasing

Oh_Debussy · 2022-09-20T10:08:51+00:00

Let her ask you out

FlavoredButtHair · 2022-09-20T11:45:32+00:00

Maybe wait and see if they contact you. If the don't, they had no intentions to hang out with you.

HyakuShichifukujin · 2022-09-20T13:32:37+00:00

« Maybe » means « no » 99% of the time. Not meeting within the first week also means it won’t happen - unless in rare cases where she gives you detailed reason (like being out of town) and is enthusiastic about meeting you the following week.

Combination of « maybe » and not meeting within the first week = forget about her yesterday and move on, don’t waste your time. I would even recommend unmatching and/or deleting all contacts so you don’t fall into an energy wasting trap.

Online dating is a lot like sales. Many of your potential clients are window shoppers and you get most of your wins from those who are actually interested in the first place. Your energy is better spent getting more prospective clients in the funnel to statistically hit a few serious ones, than going out of your way trying to convert wishy washy ones.

Low-Natural8757 · 2022-09-20T13:56:19+00:00

I’m sorry to say it but she’s not interested in meeting up.

Several-Director2580 · 2022-09-20T15:19:31+00:00

I get this sometimes too. It honestly depends on each individual person and situation. Sometimes people are genuinely busy. When someone tells me they can't meet for 7 or more days I will always set a specific date.

So for example if someone I'm talking to can't meet up this week, I'll ask if Friday 9/30 works. Their answer will determine everything. If they are free on that day then set the date. If they come back with another excuse then that could be a soft rejection.

Edit: In your case it does seem to be a soft rejection because it happened 3 times now

Tony_Rigoni · 2022-09-20T16:21:14+00:00

Maybe

Electronic_Spray_831 · 2022-09-20T19:00:32+00:00

She doesn’t want to meet you buddy. Move ahead.

Particular_Visual531 · 2022-09-20T21:38:32+00:00

So first start with a more confident close, you will be amazed how much less you will be rejected. Instead of "whats your schedule this weekend" say " we talked about trying out new places, I heard of a cool lounge with live music called Joey's. Lets meet there on Saturday at 8pm. The band is supposed to play some nice R&B funk. " It sounds presumptuous as hell but it shows confidence without being a jerk. Women will let you know if they're busy and cant do it, but if they can, they are much more likely to say yes to this invite.

Besides the invite, don't worry about them being busy, people have plans, especially people that have a life (which is probably the people you want to date). so relax, go find another date for this weekend and just text them later like any normal friend would. "How was your weekend? I'm just chilling, I love a relaxing Sunday evening with a nice glass of whiskey" Show that you're cool with her having a great weekend and that you had a pretty awesome time without her. Then use my invitation line to set up something fun after work on Wed. "hey there's a great park where I love to catch the sunset, lets go throw a frisbee around, have a glass of wine and watch the city lights come on. Meet me at Sunset Park at 7pm Wednesday." Boom! best of luck!

ChicoBrillo · 2022-09-20T22:33:18+00:00

I like the “hell yea” method which is basically to not invest too much time and energy into people if they’re less than enthusiastic about seeing you

moohoney · 2022-09-21T00:04:52+00:00

maybe = no.

Title	"I'm busy this weekend, but maybe next weekend" ... is this legit or a soft-rejection?
Author	lost-but-learning
Upvotes	26
Comments	40
Date	September 20, 2022 1:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xiupf5/im_busy_this_weekend_but_maybe_next_weekend_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-busy-this-weekend-but-maybe-next-weekend-is.1249710 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249710

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