Is it weird that I don't want to sleep around anymore

tropicsGold · 2022-09-06T18:43:56+00:00

When I started dating my now-wife, I completely lost interest in other women. I think it is a natural response for many people.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-09-06T12:56:41+00:00

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Skizznitt · 2022-09-06T15:58:14+00:00

Try and kindle a relationship with the girl you're interested in... Hookups may be fun but they still leave you feeling empty inside at the end of the day. Having someone who you know will be there for you, who tells you good morning, good night, have a great day, who you can talk about anything with, fills the heart and soul. I went through a hookup phase when I was younger, and that got old pretty quick. I found I much preferred being picky and trying to foster a relationship with a girl who checked all the boxes for traits I wanted in the opposite sex.

Rheastar · 2022-09-06T16:12:03+00:00

No. It’s not weird at all. 💛

Ysfysfd · 2022-09-06T23:28:31+00:00

I recently had a talk with my grandpa about this. He said something along the lines of:"women are not lottery tickets, if you find one and like each other, give it your all"

2022-09-06T15:46:36+00:00

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Particular_Try7974 · 2022-09-06T18:30:38+00:00

My girlfriend and I have decided that sex without love doesn’t work for either of us. We fell in love two years ago.

politits · 2022-09-06T15:02:23+00:00

Not at all. Upping your body count just for the sake of it and denying yourself meaningful relationships is a great way to feel empty inside and miss out on some of the most profound experiences a person can have. When you’re single, fuck everyone you want. But some people are worth giving up being single for. And if you’re like me, maybe something in between like an open relationship is what works best so you don’t have to choose between one extreme or the other. Either way, do what’s best for you and don’t ley strangers on the internet dictate important life decisions for you.

sk07ch · 2022-09-06T13:25:54+00:00

What's weird to want sth meaningful? I had a phase where I didn't fancy hookups. Now, I see a lot of fun and realise how good they are for me currently, so I hook up again... Don't worry.

Chelseus · 2022-09-06T15:47:18+00:00

Sounds like you like this girl and maybe you’ve sowed enough wild oats now? Nothing wrong with that. Random hook ups can be fun (and I had a lot of fun when I was younger 😹😹😹) but it’s definitely something I outgrew after a few years. I’ve been happily married for a decade now and can’t even imagine being with anyone other than my husband.

Fussingtonstation · 2022-09-06T17:37:13+00:00

It’s incredibly normal. You’re just starting to mature. People are all different, but generally speaking, relationships are more fulfilling than hookups, and you’re realizing that. So good luck. There’s always a chance it will end in heartbreak, but if you don’t give it a shot, you could miss out on some life-changing emotional & physical intimacy.

ShootLucy · 2022-09-06T19:59:24+00:00

Go find her, and see if a real relationship is possible. Timing is everything, but you obviously have some sort of feelings. Time to figure out what that means. You won’t find the answer on Reddit :)

Swissmiss214 · 2022-09-06T12:58:55+00:00

U snooze u lose buddy. More pussy for the rest of us loser. Go watch a romcom or something #oneitis #noob #notarealgamer ## #gay #igamedurmomlastnight #pwned #urdadjoinedinaswell.

For real tho i hope she doesnt break ur heart gl man

Open_Canvas85 · 2022-09-07T02:33:10+00:00

The Game is absolutely amazing when you’re 20 something. It’s cruel, amoral, sad, and it works. And yet I don’t think Strauss or his superiors are inspirational by any means, and frankly are pitied. I think a lot of moves are preying on women who believe in men, that men are not posing (gaming) to be in to something more long term. Please don’t see fault in yourself for having a legit crush. Get out of the strict “game” and avoid the short sidedness. Source: look at Neil Strauss’ hot model wife (oops divorced) and all the other idols personal lives.

Ozy13 · 2022-09-06T17:50:03+00:00

If you’re gonna really go for this one, then for god sake make sure you want the same things. So kids, get married, settle down, move to the country etc. If you want those things but she doesn’t or vice versa then don’t do it. Unless you’re certain you could convince her otherwise. It’s pointless if you’re not aligned on what you want.

I learnt that the hard way with past relationships.

As a side note if you’re not feeling hook ups that’s fair enough. But realise that you are leaving yourself vulnerable if things don’t work out with this girl (I hope they do).

dobbs1997 · 2022-09-06T14:36:06+00:00

What is about this one girl that you like so much ? be honest.

RProgrammerMan · 2022-09-06T17:45:36+00:00

I think it’s the same with male friends. There are those rare people you find a connection with and can effortlessly spend hours with them. Except with girls the sexual dynamic makes it even better. It’s a lot easier to find women you like physically than mentally. I think hookup culture gets in the way.

Noothyy · 2022-09-06T19:20:07+00:00

People do things for absolutely no reason all the time. They also do things for little reason, or unknown reasons. Maybe you aren’t in the mood, are stressed, busy, or jaded. Maybe it’s nothing. Don’t overthink it and don’t try to put yourself into some naive “maybe I’ve CHANGED” box when your wants could flip in a single moment. Humans aren’t static and our desires are chaotic.

Marcoscondit · 2022-09-07T02:22:53+00:00

I usually don’t think about having sex that much but after I do it ,that’s when i want it more

CometAzur42069 · 2022-09-07T07:04:31+00:00

if you're obsessed with some girl and you guys already have some sense of a relationship, maybe it's time to ask her about more seriousness?

what is there to lose? you really want to obsess over someone you aren't with?

2022-09-06T21:55:04+00:00

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universalvoid87 · 2022-09-06T14:31:55+00:00

What’s your laycount?

2022-09-06T16:32:38+00:00

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Reasonable-Cold-69 · 2022-09-06T17:03:37+00:00

Mfers gotta learn to be patient, man.

ChutiyaChutney420 · 2022-09-06T17:36:39+00:00

What's different about her that makes you feel that way ?

cangero0 · 2022-09-06T17:39:51+00:00

I know this isn't the point of the post but, any pickup learning resources you recommend? I don't think I'm interested in racking up the count but I think it'll be beneficial to have the skill.

the_monkey_knows · 2022-09-06T21:35:00+00:00

Not at all. If anything it’s expected. I used to be out partying and meeting new people, now I just code and build algorithms alone at night and I love it. Of course, I’m married now, but like Neil Strauss said it in his own book, chasing hookups is like “trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in it.”

CurlyChocolateCutie · 2022-09-06T22:28:40+00:00

I don’t particularly think it’s “maturing” to not want hook-ups. Life happens in phases. Sometime you do, sometimes you don’t. I’ve been through the hoe phase. It’s fun, you get that body count, you brag about it to your friends. But sometimes, you’d rather be with people who really get you or care for you.

Even if it doesn’t work out with her, at least you’d have tried and learnt about yourself.

Haunting_Papaya_9575 · 2022-09-06T23:34:28+00:00

Not at all bro!

Ok_Help6220 · 2022-09-07T00:52:43+00:00

There nothing wrong it ok - just buy what you’re saying sounds like you have feelings for this other person and that’s a good thing see if that works out - before u go back to dates - plus If it does not work out nothing wrong with taking a break for a minute and working on yourself

SpicyOnion24 · 2022-09-07T03:07:52+00:00

Even in The Game the author talks about finding that one girl you want to be with. I think hook-ups and relationships are different things and they satisfy different needs. The former satisfies curiosity and the ego while the latter brings deep intimacy and stability. You crave for what you don't have so I think it's understandable that you have moved on to the next phase. You might come back to hook-ups if and when you break up. Or you might be tempted for the thrills of variety while still in relationship. Either way, please have fun, treat yourself and her well. It's one thing to be pretty but another to be cute and the latter, if genuine, is hard to find.

Appropriate_Cap_2054 · 2022-09-07T04:48:44+00:00

Silence witch! I don't wish to be horny anymore. I just want to be happy...

ckyncrn · 2022-09-07T05:13:51+00:00

Not weird at all! Don’t worry 😉

AtaboyKY · 2022-09-07T07:52:42+00:00

Why weird ?

AlphaVictorTango98 · 2022-09-07T08:08:10+00:00

I think you're probably in love.

goofmeisterr · 2022-09-07T08:40:27+00:00

Not weird. Took 4 or 5 hookups after learning ‘game’ for me to realise this is not going to fulfil me in any meaningful way. If you’d rather spend energy elsewhere then the sooner you realise that the better

I3enj · 2022-09-07T08:58:26+00:00

You may be in love amigo

RSDAbhijeet · 2022-09-07T09:14:50+00:00

It happens bro.. maybe you found what you're seeking.. anyways the best PUAs in the world moved on.. had marriages and children.. and went ahead in life.. it's upto you now.. but don't leave the practice.. atleast keep approaching and all.. do that if something goes wrong.. you're still ready to rock!!

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-09-07T11:25:20+00:00

well you should keep doing it cuz that's what all the girls are doing so you'll just hurt yourself waiting for nothing, i know because there's a handful of times girls say i usually don't sleep around on the first date, which means they obviously do

jpquiro · 2022-09-07T11:40:18+00:00

You just discovered love

weebisthenewguy · 2022-09-07T12:18:09+00:00

Same for me man, I've never actually gone on a hookup phase but then i get hit up by girls. While I can't really stop the flirt or anything, mostly friendly vibes, i never go ahead with hooking up with any of those girls and eventually turn them down. My bestie turned FWB makes me feel so comfortable and i enjoy my time with her a lot that other women don't really interest me to have sex with them. I'll be moving to NYC next year and she's not so probably I'd have a different mindset then.

No-Turnips · 2022-09-07T13:07:14+00:00

No. This is normal. Intimacy and closeness beats novelty everytime. Hundreds of first dates get boring. It’s nice to spend time with someone who cares about you and accepts you and likes you anyways.

Psuedo_Pixie · 2022-09-07T21:08:28+00:00

Congrats man, you found a girl you really like! Pursue it, and see where it leads you. This could be a really important relationship in your life.

BakarGubimGlas · 2022-09-10T08:49:50+00:00

Sounds like you've grown up

Fentonious8 · 2022-09-07T12:09:38+00:00

What's wrong with me?

Dude, you're smitten. You have a crush my guy.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-09-07T13:21:16+00:00

1

So I found pickup when I was 16. Started with the book, 'The Game', and then YouTube and IRL practice. That worked wonders, and I slept with several women till 21.

Not an uncommon pattern. If you already had enough of a foundation beforehand, that can certainly be enough to get you started.

2

Then I had a FWB situation stop, and while I never approached anyone at school or work, there was this one girl in college that was cute as a button, so on the last day I decided to fuck it all and ask her out on a date. We hit it off, and then did go out on a few small dates, and then returned to our own places(both were in a college in the middle of the country, our homes being on both ends), although nothing more happened. That was three months ago, and now we just text and make jokes about having a real date.

So if I understand this correctly, you asked her out when you were both seniors, and now you've graduated and gone on to the workforce?

3

Weirdly enough, after that I don't feel like going on dates, have literally rejected a bunch of hookups. The thing is I'll probably meet her as both of us have got jobs in the same city, and quite near each other.

So, a couple things here:

A

You do need some kind of social life. And that social life should be something more substantial than a string of casual encounters with people you never see again after a few entanglements.

Like a social life with real friends and the possibility of meaningful connections built up over time.

So what are you doing to address this need? What does your social life look like?

B

On one hand, it could be very natural to be finding significance in this girl that you hit it off with just before a bunch of huge changes in your life occurred.

It could very well be that this girl isn't really a significant as it seems. It just might be the situation.

C

On the other hand, why haven't you just contacted her to suggest a meeting time? Something like, "Hey let's get a drink/snacks/dessert at place ABC, at X o'clock."

And yes, phrase it as a statement. Not a question. If she doesn't want to do it, it won't change anything, she can still turn it down. But coming with more confidence is helpful.

4

But I don't even know why I'm obsessed over this one girl.

As mentioned, it could be at least partially due to the fact that you're going through a major change in life right now. Like a few.

5

So I had been declining dates from tinder and bumble matches for a while, and went on a subreddit looking for a hookup hoping it would do good. I bailed on the hookup last minute too. That's why I'm really confused

Sometimes we go through phases in life, man. Sometimes you just need to hit the reset button and that's normal. Sometimes casual sex is not going to be what you want.

A lot of people hear who haven't gotten to have a lot of sex yet will not understand this and we'll tell you that you should keep trying.

You should listen to what you want. And if you don't want casual sex, then you're going to have problems if you force yourself to go there anyway.

The question that I asked at Part 3A of my reply is pretty relevant. Because your social life is potentially a great source for meeting new people to date and vetting them in an efficient way at the same time.

Title	Is it weird that I don't want to sleep around anymore
Author	essentialsnc
Upvotes	204
Comments	77
Date	September 6, 2022 12:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x79vk4/is_it_weird_that_i_dont_want_to_sleep_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-weird-that-i-dont-want-to-sleep-around.1250487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250487

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