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[–]Contango6969 48 points49 points50 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I start talking like a politician if asked that.
[–]Aristox 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
This is a terrible response. People can usually always tell when you're lying, so not only do you miss the opportunity to come across as confident and grounded, you actually come across as sketchy and dishonest
[–]Contango6969 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Is lying really that difficult for people lol
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You really don't know anything about seduction do you?
[–]Contango6969 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah... deception is part of the game. Just saying straight up “I’m here to fuck” is not seductive and not going to work unless you meet a weird freaky girl.
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Deception is absolutely not part of the game, and is not going to work most of the time. This is what I mean when I say you're completely out of touch
[–]Contango6969 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Are you literally a woman or something lmao wtf
[–]Aristox -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
God you're retarded
[–]Contango6969 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is that an answer
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your question implies that if I was a woman, I'd be less qualified to give you tips on how to impress women, which just doesn't make any sense at all. Literally everything you say screams that you've got no clue where to even start with seduction
[–]Contango69690 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It does. Because only a woman would be naive enough to think that saying “I’m here for sex” is going to get you sex lol
[–]syklone911 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is the only correct answer. Ambiguity is your friend
[–]OWSucks 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I'm just looking to connect with new people, and from there just do whatever feels natural."
[–]MasterTeacher123 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I was single I got more tail just being honest than I ever did trying to pretend being the nice boyfriend material guy. At least when I just wanted to get laid.
[–]vroomvroomski 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got more girlfriends being dishonest and saying I just wanted sex lol
[–]EpicPaul 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I usually say something along lines of just seeing whats out there and whatever happens happens, and the girl replies with a similar answer
[–]Thin_Protection5616 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
'Someone chill to hang out and see where the chemistry takes us'
[–]CompetitionFair7686 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“I’m looking to see how much a pretty girl can get me to like her”.
This keeps your frame so she keeps chasing you, but also hints that you are potentially open to something serious if she plays her cards right.
[–]loofyd -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice !
[–]These-Calligrapher 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Calibrate your answer to the situation. If it’s week 5 of dating and your cuddling on the couch, the depth of your answer will be different than your 1st date at a coffee shop. And much different than your 1st night meeting when the bar is closing down and she just wants to go home with you
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For Fucks Sake OP!!! … Just use the basic answer “im not looking for anything serious right now im just trying to be friends with benefits”
or say “im looking to one day be in a relationship with someone i can build a life with”
its not that hard ..
[–]CD_Johanna 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Vague and emotional. “I’m looking for a connection so deep that I lose myself completely.”
[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
1
Some people say “it’s a shit test” and other people say “just be honest and clear”. Which is it?
It's important to realize that there's always going to be a wide range of opinions on questions like this on a public forum.
Of course there's going to be a difference of opinions. It's not like clicking that button to subscribe to a subreddit makes someone an expert on the topic.
2
Personally, I am actually looking for a relationship. I like getting to know people well, I enjoy long-term stuff. I don’t really care about having sex with random strangers (I got that phase out of the way a few years ago). So when this question comes up, what’s the answer?
You want something long-term, right?
Do you value honesty and good communication with someone you would be with long-term? If so then this question kind of answers itself.
If you treat it like a game, then you're going to screen out people who don't want to play games and you're going to end up with people who communicate poorly.
3
I’ve done lots of searching around Reddit and everyone has a different opinion. - it’s a shit test - it breaks frame if you answer honestly - reply with a joke - be honest or they’ll get scared off
It's pretty common to see answers to this question which are based on fear. There are a lot of guys out there who have confidence issues or who are pursuing women that are not well adjusted emotionally.
Guys with confidence issues are going to be afraid to communicate clearly about what they want out of fear of being rejected.
And communicating clearly about what one wants to women that are not well adjusted emotionally, is opening up vulnerably to someone who often does not handle it well. To say the least.
Trying to play chess with this answer is pointless because all it does is overcomplicate the matter. If someone asks what you want or what you're looking for, just tell them. They're asking so they should be able to handle the answer.
Saying something simple like you're looking for something long-term, is not a bad answer if that's what you're actually looking for. It will turn people off if they are not after something long-term, but then that just saves you time.
[–]WanyCaleb -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Treat everything as a shit test.
[–]TheNextBigCrash 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah see that just confuses me. Because if I’m looking for a relationship, and she is too, it doesn’t look very good if I deflect/agree&lify her question… just makes me look non-committing and like a player. Or like I don’t know what I want.
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
His advice works... as long as you never want to be taken seriously.
For the rest of us, it's important to recognize which questions are serious and which are lighthearted. "What are you looking for" is virtually never a shit test. It's the single most basic compatibility question in the dating world: She wants to know if there's any chance at a mutually enjoyable connection between the two. It's a fair question that deserves an accurate answer.
[–]WanyCaleb 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you give a straight answer, it kills the chase since it feels like she already has you conquered or figured out. That's conversation 101 with gals/women. Being a player/non committing is not a bad approach, you'll do better being that than being bland.
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saying you're looking for a relationship is not the same thing as saying you're looking for a relationship with her. You can be open and honest about your goals without losing your choosy frame.
To add to this line of discussion, the whole idea of maintaining the chase of it all, certainly has power, but it's very specific.
Keeping up the chase can augment attraction, but since it's not based on who you are as a person, it's based on maintaining the whole vibe of the situation.
It often requires being mysterious or doing push-pull tactics that maintain a certain distance and stand in the way of intimacy and clear communication that is part of healthy relationships.
This strategy is not sustainable in the long term because it doesn't allow for you to be yourself.
If you're in a dating situation or relationship where you can't be yourself, that's not healthy.
And that's why the whole idea of maintaining the chase, works well for flings but is a poor strategy for seeking a long-term relationship. Unless one wants an LTR with an expiration date built in.
[–]daring_innovator -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Everything’s a shit test with women. It’s so frequent you can’t even tell it’s happening sometimes. Right now she is testing your frame to still see if you’re LEGIT & to see if you’re ONS (one night stand) or boyfriend material (LTR) or undecided.
Your answers will decide how she should treat you based on how well you handle the game. If you answer something like: “I’m looking for a LTR” or “I’m looking to be friends” then you have effectively put yourself into her frame & set your intentions early on which can dramatically influence where you guys go. Girls never want full disclosure. They want to demystify the man!
However, If you don’t respond with a straight answer and give open ended answers like a politician would then already her attraction towards you goes up & the game begins. Anyway, she will either fall into your frame or hers but it all depends on YOU. Shit testing is 24/7 to see if you’re still her best option and if you fail she will start to second guess her decision of you & explore other options on the back end.
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I got that phase out of the way a few years ago
No, you didn't.
everyone has a different opinion.
What's your point?
[–]TheNextBigCrash 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Quite bold to make assumptions about me… was in the military and spent the best part of 2 years sleeping around with strangers when away from home. Despite having “game”, I found myself feeling more disconnected and alone than I did before that when I had no self esteem or dates. Then entered a LTR which I found to be much more fulfilling than just f-ing strangers. I have no interest in that anymore, it didn’t make me feel good then and I doubt it will now.
My opinion is that honesty is the best policy. I’m generally an honest guy, quite open emotionally and I don’t attempt to put up some kind of “manly outer layer”. My opinion would probably get downvoted to hell on this sub, but I find a lot of the stuff that gets talked about here could easily be boiled down to methods of manipulation so guys can get laid (such as lying about your intentions with women to get them to do something).
That said, regarding the question of “what do you want?”, I searched around Reddit and found it to be something a lot of people don’t agree on. Was interested to see what people said, consider other opinions, etc…
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I found myself feeling more disconnected and alone
That's because you don't have game. Sleeping with women in occupied countries while wearing a uniform is not game.
My opinion is that honesty is the best policy.
Opinion? Why not a principle?
find a lot of the stuff that gets talked about here could easily be boiled down to methods of manipulation so guys can get laid
Yes, that's correct.
So, did you just make post because you wanted to share your findings?
[–]TheNextBigCrash 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re again making assumptions about me. The 2 years I’m referring to was mostly spent in my own country.
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
sleeping around with strangers when away from home
I'm just going by what you say. Regardless, your comments all imply you don't have game.
[–]TheNextBigCrash 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂
[–]kiramdahanett -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"sex" "nothing serious"
be honest with her , do you think other men have balls to say that shit right in her eyes? no they don't , be honest.
[–]Codi_Banks 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Shouldn't sex be spontaneous though? Wouldn't being playful and mysterious build tension? You can decide if you want a relationship after sleeping with her, where you will have more leverage
Or am i being a toxic boy right now?
Haha, I feel like you didn’t read my post. That’s the opposite of what I’m looking for. To say that, I’d be lying, not being honest.
"I’m looking for True Love….. or, failing that, a woman with extremely large breasts"
[–]steegyy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I am looking for a relationship if I find the right person" (not you)
[–]Archyblackcat 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just be honest... I thought being honest wouldn’t work but, there’s not a one thing works for all girls so just be honest and wait until you come across a girl that wants the same.. unless you lie to her just to get in her pants.. I’ve straight up told a girl before that I wanted to be friend with benefits and she agreed .. so now we only call each other to fuck about once a week
I say be honest and upfront but that didn't get me any where now other hand you lie your ass of you going place trust me I hate to say this becuse I don't lie or bs but I seen other people get in and stay ina relationship I don't k ow how or what but they still in it with kids !!
[–]ClearCrimson 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I go for honesty! This is my usual reply: I'm just looking to connect with people, and I'm pretty open to whatever that connection ends up developing into (dating, casual, relationship, friendship, etc)
[–]BussinFatLoads 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m honest.
“Somewhere between sex and a relationship.” Either way, I’d like to have sex.
[–]roaphaen 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a low grade shit test.
[–]catniagara 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There’s only one correct answer.
Them: What are you looking for?
Me: Not you.
[–]Deep-Advice7587 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I personally answer with getting to know people, that's basic and simple.
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always just be honest. It's the easiest and most effective strat
[–]Neo-Rio 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I'm looking for love"
Succinct, and vague.
"I'll know it when I find it"
[–]boxmail2800 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Off the cuff: visualization …..
“Don’t quite know what I’m looking for- but I’m a hopeless romantic and I’ll definitely know it when I feel it….. I remain optimistic…..”
“You ever lose yourself in the early phase of meeting someone you connect with?” I kind of miss it…. The romance .
You know? Time slows down…..
The all night conversations… Late night walks on the beach (I live by the beach) Laughing at stupid jokes in an all night diner while sharing French fries…. Maybe a shake.
Really just connecting with someone ….
That long gaze and tiny smile when you see each other across a crowed room….
People noticing when your face lights up at the mention of your (insert whatever here)
That moment when all the background noise dies down and you realize you’re both looking at each other…. Time slows down a bit…..
You know what I mean?
Yeah? I miss that too….. I want that.
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[–]Contango6969 48 points49 points50 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 2 points3 points4 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Contango6969 -3 points-2 points-1 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Contango6969 -2 points-1 points0 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Contango6969 -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Contango6969 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Contango69690 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]syklone911 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]OWSucks 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MasterTeacher123 15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]vroomvroomski 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EpicPaul 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thin_Protection5616 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CompetitionFair7686 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]loofyd -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]These-Calligrapher 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CD_Johanna 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]recyclablebanthas1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]WanyCaleb -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheNextBigCrash 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WanyCaleb 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]recyclablebanthas1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]daring_innovator -4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheNextBigCrash 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheNextBigCrash 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheNextBigCrash 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kiramdahanett -5 points-4 points-3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Codi_Banks 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheNextBigCrash 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]steegyy 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Archyblackcat 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ClearCrimson 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BussinFatLoads 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]roaphaen 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]catniagara 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep-Advice7587 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aristox 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Neo-Rio 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]boxmail2800 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link