How to stop being Needy and Desperate?

mjornir · 2022-05-10T13:18:23+00:00

remove all expectation and attachment to any particular outcome. just go chat with anyone you find interesting without an agenda. and if anyone rejects you bluntly like the Snapchat thing, just internalize that they’re not for you & it’s their loss and move on

rhofire · 2022-05-10T14:22:24+00:00

You have to address in on two levels.

One, you have to approach more women. Inevitably, you'll become more confident and you'll attract some women.

Then, address the emotional roots of what you're going through. Try the exercise I have pinned on my profile.

SDdude81 · 2022-05-10T14:19:05+00:00

You stop being needy when your needs are being met.

thermopilyateee · 2022-05-10T17:51:58+00:00

I've been in the same spot as you.

It all shifted when I simply stopped playing the game. You win the game when you stop playing it.

Realize you don't have to try. Just be. Enjoy life.

I really like this Alan Watts quote :

"The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves."

And this

"Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun."

And

"Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to."

vardarac · 2022-05-10T19:03:46+00:00

Hit rock bottom.

Have your friends and a ~~licensed therapist~~ clinical psychologist ready to catch you.

Go out, have almost a taste of what you want deep down, and fail to get it. Do this consistently, every night or day that you can. Approach. Fear. Stumble over your words, get rejected. Perhaps begin to be fear less, or more, and not know what you're doing; still get rejected. Do this countless times.

Eventually you will come to one of two conclusions. First you will believe that you are not good enough, that you will never be good enough. This conclusion may crush your will to continue, perhaps dangerously so. This is why I say to make sure you have a strong support network before you do this.

The second conclusion you will eventually reach is the important one, which is that rejection does not matter. But this needs to be from a healthy mindset; not:

"I will fail no matter what, therefore I can do anything";

But rather,

"Not everyone will like me. Most people may not like me. That's okay. The best I can do is try to have fun with the person I am interested in talking to. If she is not interested in me, there is someone else to talk to, either tonight or the next night or the next night. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't."

Learn to live in the moment and the real connection you make with this person rather than fixating on what you could be doing later with her. This manages your expectations and frees you of feeling the immediate need for acceptance.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-05-10T17:05:08+00:00

You need to stop focusing on getting sex or a relationship, or something from them, and instead focus more on playing like a kid with the girl for fun, without seeking any result…

Treat this thing like a game that you are playing because indeed it is, it’s literally about teasing each other, roasting her, messing with her, !being playful, provoking them, getting reactions from them, flirting, and to rejoice in the spontaneity and the sexual tension.

It’s not about the outcome. It’s not even about you. It’s about having fun, and taking your inner child out, so you and the woman can escape from the stress of your lives, and just enjoy life and live in the present like kids again.

You come off as desperate because you want something from them and because you want something from them you act formal and logical which is boring.

Girls hate boring guys. You know this because as soon as you speak even if the girl is initially interested your boring talk pretty much turns her off and her smile slowly fades away, you can feel it just by looking at her and her expression.

Play dude, play like a kid, be kind of a troll with them, mess with them, tease them, joke around be unpredictable in your answers, incite the girls to imagine,…

Skip the formalities (introductions, small talk…) and get to the game immediately.

elpatelio · 2022-05-10T12:59:38+00:00

This sounds so familiar….

MK0A · 2022-05-10T15:18:55+00:00

Is every post here automatically deleted after a period of time? This happened twice out of the couple posts I've seen on here already.

blunt_eastwood · 2022-05-10T18:03:30+00:00

Read the book Models by Mark Manson and follow what it says.

greatlifeahead · 2022-05-11T05:16:36+00:00

By having options. If you have two choices you don't feel like you have to choose one no matter what.

koheam · 2022-05-12T08:57:45+00:00

Don't look at women as something you want to win, look at them as if they were your everyday friends. Drop any expectations and you'll feel better generally.

Just do your thing, focus on your daily life and if the situation gives it away, you can end up talking to anyone.

Just don't force the situation.

And you don't need to check them everyday, talking once in a while is good. If someone talks to you more over text or whatsoever, reciprocate.

driller20 · 2022-05-10T13:15:24+00:00

Dont fap

Billieclide · 2022-05-10T15:18:16+00:00

Cause men are dumb and petty. Tell them its none of their business

katmed89 · 2022-05-10T18:00:06+00:00

Please also keep in mind that women often are afraid of men in general and will keep distance. That's why that woman on a bus didn't sit with you. Also cold approaches like that on Snapchat are unlikely to work.

sarge4567 · 2022-05-10T18:59:41+00:00

I think being needy/desperate comes from within. Need to fix the problem within first.

Build some confidence, get more girls (its a numbers game), you will be much less needy when a girl is just another number.

aerosmith760 · 2022-05-10T21:25:13+00:00

Do the exact opposite of no nut November, and remember women are human beings just like you

NarwhalNips · 2022-05-10T22:54:26+00:00

Try to be just friends first. See them as someone you wouldn't have sex with. Really connect with them without dedicating all your emotion to it and you won't come off desperate

Remote_District_3942 · 2022-05-10T23:33:02+00:00

Go to therapy, seems like there is an undercurrent going on here. Women(emotionally healthy women) love men who know themselves, can articulate their needs and are working on themselves.

And patience in finding someone, a large portion of women won’t be willing to meet whatever needs you have(for whatever reason, I.e. compatibility, chemistry, they have different needs). Half of it is just letting them weed themselves out. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Be patient with yourself.

ArmoredAncient · 2022-05-11T00:15:05+00:00

It takes time and maturing. There’s not so much you can do today to fix the problem, it takes time

Italianguy340 · 2022-05-11T00:49:52+00:00

Low self esteem and few/no options are the sole causes

WagerGoat · 2022-05-11T01:38:59+00:00

That’s where self confidence and loves comes in at. You realize your worth when you don’t try and find validation from someone else.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-05-11T05:08:16+00:00

You're putting too much stress on the outcome and not trusting your skills. It's like saying "I'm gonna bench 315 today" when you've never put up more than 225.

Work up slowly. Stop acting as if not sleeping with every woman you casually talk to is somehow a failure.

I do pretty good but my meeting to lay ration is like 10%. Meaning that if I want to sleep with 10 girls, I need to talk to 100 girls.

The more you talk to women and just people in general, the better you'll get. It's just reps man.

stanthemilkman88 · 2022-05-11T10:24:25+00:00

You are fucked up in the head. You see a girl on a bus who is standing and there is a seat next to you and you think she should sit there because you decided.

Look up what a covert contract is because eim sure your life is full of them

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-05-11T14:08:38+00:00

Its kinda an inner game problem so usually have an outer game solution.

Some ways to overcome it:

It's kind of an inner game problem so usually has an outer game solution. r game too. you can do those things harder and harder when you got better at them and it leads to more and more girls then you have multiply options and then you are not needy anymore for example. It's also useful if you go a bit deeper with it, what do you're thinking about if you gonna start to approach someone? how do you feel? what do you think? what do you assume? if you define those it can also bring you closer to whats the inner problem that might have to have a specific solution

djangountamed13 · 2022-05-12T07:45:47+00:00

You're interpreting rejections as "this must mean I'm needy and desperate". Who said that? How does one lead you to conclude the other? Rejections are part of the game as a man. Read Mike Mehlman. He's the rejection king.

realistfake12 · 2022-05-16T08:42:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How to stop being Needy and Desperate?
Author	TeaRevolutionary8512
Upvotes	74
Comments	78
Date	May 10, 2022 12:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/umhr6a/how_to_stop_being_needy_and_desperate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-being-needy-and-desperate.1260029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1260029

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