Successfully cured my oneitis, and now instead I can't commit and get bored of people easily

mchief101 · 2022-03-28T18:14:27+00:00

I hate oneitis. That shit is legit a killer to your mind and wellbeing. Like you are working but at the same time, thinking about the girl is making you lose focus. It’s torture and something that i deal with as well.

FiletMinions123 · 2022-03-28T17:50:09+00:00

Your standards are probably higher now. You wont develop intense feelings for every woman you meet or have sex with. What’s important is to realize when you do meet a woman worth fighting for, will you be able to put aside your newfound sexual habits? Maybe the right woman hasnt come along yet, and thats why youre bored whereas before, any woman couldve been the right woman.

Sarcasticgoat132 · 2022-03-28T18:20:37+00:00

So oneitis is a real thing? Cause it kinda describes what’s going on with me

drgreen987 · 2022-03-28T22:44:29+00:00

You went from one extreme to another, not healthy in the long run. Find balance

Khryn_Tzu-TTV · 2022-03-29T01:02:55+00:00

You aren't alone.

And I tried the same thing you did, fuck 10 chicks and you'll see they aren't special.

Well, now I just can't seem to emotionally connect. The last two dates I went on they were with sweet ladies, pretty... One I took hiking cause it was super nice out, we had coffee, and she was like "So, your apartment is just down the road, right? I'm pretty tired. Maybe we could just go throw on some Netflix?"

Nah. I'm not feeling it with you. I'm not looking to mindlessly fuck, I want someone I can build an Empire with. And these ladies weren't it. And now I think it's me. I should have jumped on it, but I didn't. It just wasn't there for me. Something's wrong with me.

fareorb · 2022-03-28T18:01:42+00:00

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Hour_Score9684 · 2022-03-28T23:41:15+00:00

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bittycoin369 · 2022-03-28T17:55:29+00:00

I think you still have oneitis, and you’re trying to find the next obsession

SummerEarly · 2022-03-28T23:49:34+00:00

What’s your secret? I tried getting on tinder for the same reason and I have no matches and the people I match with always seem to ghost me. Any suggestions?

recyclablebanthas · 2022-03-29T08:22:39+00:00

1

I used to have severe oneitis (being infatuated with one girl and not caring about anyone else) with one girl that didn't like me back.

Let's break down the problem here.

If you're after a serious relationship, then forming attachments is not a problem.
However, investing in someone emotionally before you really know them is a pretty common mistake.
Processing the end of a relationship or sometimes the end of the possibility of a relationship, can be similar to the process of processing grief, with similar stages.
So, remaining attached to someone after it's clear they're not interested, is an unintentional refusal to process something that needs to be processed.

2

I did some googling and found that the best way to cure oneitis is to sleep with 10 different women. So then I got on Tinder, went on many dates, and slept with a couple of women.

It's generally a good idea to take advice you find on Google with a grain of salt.

While sleeping with new people can definitely be a way to move on, it does not cure the conditions which led to oneitis in your case, namely, getting attached prematurely and not processing the fact that the other party isn't interested.

Until you address those things, simply dating around may actually complicate matters over time.

3

What I find now is that after meeting every new woman, my attraction to them gradually decreases. Then I find myself constantly looking for someone new and exciting.

A lot of guys come here trying to figure out how to date.

The tricky thing is that once one figures this kind of thing out, it's really easy to get addicted to the short-term high of getting with a new person.
It's also simpler in many ways because if you're constantly shuffling women out in favor of new ones, then you never have to deal with certain kinds of fallout.

4

Is this a good or a bad thing?

Only you can say, really.

One potential downside is, if you actually want a relationship in the end, then your subconscious will seek some outlet for that.

Which can lead to you falling into ill-advised relationships with people who are definitely not relationship material because you've found them while gaming in a short-term mindset.

cormacru999 · 2022-03-29T01:05:46+00:00

Its a bad thing. Sleeping with lots of women isn't bad in itself but the fact that you're not in control of what's happening is the bad thing. If you were meeting women, just for sex, that's fine, as long as you're being honest about that with the women. But it sounds like you can't appreciate them & now just want to experience the chase & probably the success of getting them to sleep with you, which is ultimately a very empty thing.

You need to analyze your behavior & figure out why you're feeling that way so you can regain control of your choices.

EnvironmentalRule525 · 2022-03-29T00:40:31+00:00

Welcome to the club. Was in this purgatory for 5+ years and just met the girl I’m going to marry (knew within 5 dates).

Allconfusedagain · 2022-03-29T03:49:24+00:00

That sounds as though you have allowed society to make you shallow…as fuck.

Start initiating conversations with women, your only intention being to talk to them, get to know something about them.

You fought that once before with the girl who wasn’t interested, and seemingly just caved entirely.

Well, now you have to find that balance and apply it to the next woman, jus choose wiser and make sure she is in to you this go round. Good luck my guy, what you seek is out there somewhere 🙏

VDKay · 2022-03-29T07:23:20+00:00

maybe they ARE dull and un-exciting. Don't get me wrong, we put women on pedestal, but after you've been with a few, you come to realize that they are people like the rest of us. And with some people we click better than others. Also, try not to confuse attraction with excitement. New people are exciting and getting to know them is fun. Excitement fizzles-out anyway, and if these people are not the ones you click with you are left with nothing.

I say you keep doing what you are doing. Meet new people, gather experience, see what you like and what you don't. Soon you'll find yourself filtering-out people even before you build any attraction for them. I'd start worrying when I've been on at least one date with 100 different people and I found every single one of them dull.

Lakeyute · 2022-03-28T19:30:15+00:00

Figure out what your end goal for all this is and work back from there.

There’s nothing wrong with being infatuated with one woman and not caring about anybody else if you’ve already managed to create a network for yourself of women who can reliably reach out to.

The biggest issue with oneitis is that the guys who have and display it don’t have options to begin with. I never did when I used to have it in my high school and early uni days.

thesanmich · 2022-03-29T00:18:03+00:00

How did you all of a sudden go on tinder and sleep with a bunch of women? I think thats easier said than done considering most men can barely get matches.

mcgradydunk163 · 2022-03-29T00:21:40+00:00

I think is a good thing as normally we can’t change to severe oneitis to like healthy relationship. We just swing from one extreme to another , in your case the hardcore playboy mode. Now once you realise you swing too far then you try to swing to other side but in less severe degree. I will say you are in a good path and that’s something I am trying to do it myself ! Good work my man

m2niles · 2022-03-29T02:31:03+00:00

You sound like you have a bit of experience and now need to find someone you vibe with on multiple levels.

MrCZ_17 · 2022-03-29T03:22:38+00:00

I used to have the same mentallity when I discovered this No One-itis thing but you have to try to be in a balance w both of them.

Since I had a really bad break up in my 20s I thought the best option was to search for different girls and cure this "one-itis" but the truth is being in love with one girl and obssesing with her is just as bad as sleeping with tons of women just to demonstrate you can be with someone else.

My humble advice is to try to look for a balance between not overcommiting with a girl you just met and be with other girls but not just for fun or as a trophy, don't discard them after the first mistake.

It's ok for men to be selective but not in a way that might affect him emotionally.

2022-03-29T07:31:56+00:00

Better than having oneitis but it does not sounds healthy as well. But it depends on what are plans for the future . If you want to be in future relationship your attidue could lead to some problems. If you want to have just fun without anything too serious everything is ok.

You could be much worse. Like me for example. I am new to game and just want to learn it. I met last 3 gfs just by chance living my life. But now being my mid 30s such change encounters are very unlikely to happen. So I need to learn the game.

I do day approaches every weekend. Just for the sake of approaching without any expectations but man these approaches showed me that I am totally dead inside almost a zombie.

I am not impressed by these women. So I hardly fall for them. In a certain point of view that is good because falling for any women that I speak to would be a nuisance when you have the goal to talk to many ladies but it is still funny how difficult it is get impressed. It is better having a onesitis or falling in love to just any girl that is only remotely nice to me but it is still not perfect.

I need ballance.

LifelesswithLime · 2022-03-29T09:19:38+00:00

It means youre not ready, or you havent found the right one yet. This is a long game. Find someone you want to be with.

And it isnt good or bad to itself. Dont intentionally lead people on, be honest with how youre feeling. But its not your fault if youre not feeling it. Just make sure youre doin your best for both parties.

luxxary · 2022-03-28T17:52:52+00:00

It’ll probably be hard for anyone to take you seriously

blue_barracuda · 2022-03-29T02:07:42+00:00

Congrats, you've achieved the highly sought after "abundance mindset"

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-03-29T02:32:42+00:00

Stop using that oneistis term Shit is made up you either love someone or you don’t you avoiding your fear of letting go is causing your problems man the only way not to have feelings for women is to A be gay which nothing wrong with that or b just be avoidant and only fuck women , which after while will get bored as well so pick your poison but you cannon avoid feelings lol

SilkTouchm · 2022-03-29T03:10:31+00:00

Read this blog. It sounds like you're a thrill of the hunt guy.

aquaticlight · 2022-03-29T08:43:00+00:00

I was the object of this infatuation. I sensed this when we met initially 4 years ago but I was in a long distance relationship. The guy confirmed this 4 years after when he came back from med school, and said I was a major reason why he chose his residency where he did, that maybe we’d work. It wasn’t pushy like the first time and I was moved, and single this time. We dated for 18 months but I ultimately broke up with him. The first thing I asked was why me, and he said it’s a feeling where you know you don’t want to be with anyone else. this is where he explained oneitis but now he’s better and won’t be as “overbearing” and how tinder was how he coped. I heard 80% grief and 20% relief in his tone. Prior to him, I experienced varying levels of typical romantic infatuation in relationships but nothing compared to this first hand account, how he felt after tinder dates, the excitement then the emptiness, it made me sad. I felt like he numbed himself and he also admitted as much, not feeling things the way he used to. I realized increasingly I wasn’t the answer, It was like he was just so glad we’re dating now (he said this) but really struggled with being attentive to things that are important to me. Like the anniversary of my mom’s passing during the first month of me agreeing to date amongst other disheartening things. He’ll only remember things about me that are interesting to him and he’s kind of idk, stuck in that still. So to answer OP’s question, it’s a bad thing. You’ll condition yourself and become someone you don’t want to be.

The thing is I believe this phenomenon now and that maybe it’s a common plight, but am I wrong in thinking this is no different than the way growing up is a common plight? I would think if you loved someone, you’d work on yourself emotionally to will the good of the other. Not work on desensitizing yourself so you can shut yourself in from the other. Girls like boys who can go through things and aren’t afraid to get hurt, because if you can’t we’re looking at a lifetime of going through things and getting hurt alone, then what’s the point of dating/marrying you?

CelebrationOdd1337 · 2022-03-29T10:01:49+00:00

Would i be happier getting over my oneitis? Ignorance is bliss and all that

Raspyshxt · 2022-03-29T20:37:37+00:00

This is the monster modern dating creates. It is what it is

BensonInFL · 2022-03-30T03:06:20+00:00

I used to have severe oneitis

I got on Tinder, went on many dates, and slept with a couple of women.

What I find now is that after meeting every new woman, my attraction to them gradually decreases.

Is this a good or a bad thing?

It's better than oneitis.. I can guarantee you that!

Then I find myself constantly looking for someone new and exciting.

Why is this a problem? Isn't the thrill of the hunt fun?

-B

the-dan-man · 2022-03-29T02:43:37+00:00

Sounds like a typical reaction honestly. If you've had your heart crushed you turn cold. Men and women do this all the time to each other. Then we get old and stay single haha. Get married and don't pursue casual sex.

creamyturtle · 2022-03-28T21:47:22+00:00

this is how most women are. really awesome when u first meet them, bubbly and beautiful. then you start to hear them talk, or see how they live. and your opinion of them slowly starts fading. meanwhile women have the opposite experience. they meet u and think ur pretty cool, then start meeting your cool friends, or seeing your goals, or maybe you just lay the pipe really well. so her opinion of you slowly grows, because men are interesting and women are boring. they tell boring ass stories, they don't have good jokes, and in general they want to hang out with men

the trick is to just find one that isn't super stupid or annoying and maybe you can tolerate her dumb shit long enough to keep getting sex

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-03-29T05:01:22+00:00

It’s neither good or bad but instead normal. Men were never meant to be monogamous.

UncouthShoe · 2022-03-28T23:50:23+00:00

First, congrats. Now, maybe you just need a new reason to meet these girls. Before you were doing it to get something off your mind, now just have fun for yourself. Maybe dating isn’t the only thing you want to do. Sappy but: do what your heart wants.

throwaway927012 · 2022-03-29T03:26:47+00:00

it’s 100 percent better u kant commit. trust me having oneitits is a much worse thing that causing a massive amount of suffering (as i think i’ve been thru it) just continue having hoes and having girl “friends” one day you might find someone u have a true connection with if u really want one of course.

blackopsplayer5 · 2022-03-29T08:46:44+00:00

kek welcome to the club, just learn to appreciate others and life more. isn’t instant you learn understanding

97Satori · 2022-03-29T09:42:26+00:00

It's what Peterson says. Changing partners frequently can actually make you into a sociopath. I am a psychologist/psychotherapist too and I believe that there is some merit behind that statement.

SYNDIFATE · 2022-03-29T12:35:02+00:00

Good thing, that’s what man is all about, not making woman your entire focus

StylerGR · 2022-03-29T13:27:32+00:00

Been there and i know it sucks. Did something similar as you, worked with myself and started dating with every possible girl. Now i am on the same boat as you losing interest fast.

False-Clerk-5073 · 2022-03-29T17:38:42+00:00

I had this shit and it sucks. I lost all my focus, my other relationships, my passion, lost my mind.

Hated to see myself becoming a simp. She liked me back but didn't know that she had other guys around her as well. So, we had a thing and even tho i knew that thing was coming to an end soon, i still had my hopes up. It was such a painful thing to experience yet a good learning process. Never chase women.

ChrisVicar · 2022-03-29T20:02:14+00:00

Getting over oneitis is the most important battle you have overcome and you don't want to go back anywhere close. Don't change a thing. You have abundance but keep pursuing and seeking. You will find balance and the right woman for you. Give it time.

Czekraft · 2022-03-29T23:40:45+00:00

There's no good or bad. It is what it is. For people that can't stay in monogamous relationships, they do open or polygamous relationships.

Many people inevitably have sex with many partners in order to grow and make their current relationship successful. You too may find yourself wanting to settle down one day.

Title	Successfully cured my oneitis, and now instead I can't commit and get bored of people easily
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	353
Comments	94
Date	March 28, 2022 5:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tqer1o/successfully_cured_my_oneitis_and_now_instead_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/successfully-cured-my-oneitis-and-now-instead-i.1263468 https://theredarchive.com/post/1263468

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