[deleted by user]

SpookyKG · 2022-01-20T17:56:12+00:00

Overthinking. It is normal to think about and talk about exes on occasion.

Doing it a lot is a red flag. This does not sound like doing it a lot.

AdDesperate2498 · 2022-01-20T18:13:14+00:00

You look really insecure currently.

StrawberryMouthwash · 2022-01-20T20:56:33+00:00

Getting to know a person includes past relationships, just like any other part of their life

Wild_Legume · 2022-01-20T21:57:35+00:00

Dude… you’ve been spending every day for the past three months with this girl. She mentions her ex in a casual conversation and you think that’s a red flag? Wtf am I reading??

glow43 · 2022-01-20T18:12:49+00:00

The only red flag I’m finding in this story is that u basically hang out with her every day How do u guys not get bored of it

ctmsansei · 2022-01-20T21:55:38+00:00

i think the only red flag here is your post.

maybe if it's a first, second date, if a woman focuses a bit too much on talking about it, she is desrepecting, etc it may be a red flag. but you have been 3 months already with her and as you say, meeting nearly everyday this past month. Right now hearing about past relationships is completely normal, and yet your reaction is "oh no i have to go to the internet and ask if this is a red flag!". after opening to you imagine how disappointed she would be if she could read this. this is why too much reddit and books and opinions of people you dont know can be bad for people who lacks common sense (not saying that's you despite this post, anybody can act like this sometimes)

2022-01-20T23:52:04+00:00

Relationships are about vulnerability and connection. I feel like to get to really know a person you gotta open up about your past/traumas/experiences. Which is what she did.

Of course anything can become excessive and be an addiction. You wouldn’t wanna date someone stuck in the past. But her talking about it was most likely her sharing herself and healing and trying to connect with you about something

MrDownhillRacer · 2022-01-20T20:42:45+00:00

My girlfriend talked about her life experiences with me

Omg, how dare she? She's supposed to submit herself to Neuralyzer and forget all past partners, jobs, and siblings upon dating you.

The fact that she's disclosing this stuff means she trusts and is comfortable with you, sillybilly.

EbonyProgrammer · 2022-01-20T21:40:35+00:00

Talking about an ex is fine, venting about one to your new boo, is not. Don't be naive. I mean would you vent to her about your ex at this point?

Don't let the other commentors gaslight you OP, if the roles were switched and a girl asked Reddit why a guy was ranting about his ex they'd have a much different response.

Also a red flag that you glossed over, she still has him followed on Instagram, still looks at his stories, I would bet my left nut she tries to talk to him on Instagram too.

She's not over her ex fully, doesn't mean she'll cheat, doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but she is likely bitter seeing him with someone else. You only been dating for three months, I would start putting some distance so you can walk away and find someone with less baggage.

madmanmat · 2022-01-20T23:57:15+00:00

Nah fuck this. Normalizes talking about ex's once and awhile.
The red flag is when that's all they talk about.
I was in 6 year long relationship. That girl is still important to me. We shared a lot of life and memories together. I want her to succeed even if I moved on. (I ended it)

People dated other people. It happens. She's with you now. That's it.

Superb-Bank9899 · 2022-01-21T02:59:34+00:00

This was her way of saying, "this is what you need to do to keep me".

coolwater85 · 2022-01-21T03:02:36+00:00

Any time an ex is brought up, it’s a perfect time to show that it doesn’t bother you. Even if it it does, don’t show it.

When I was 26, the girl I was FWB with would bring up her ex every once in a while, and he would pull asshole insecure shit to her. One time, she was meeting up with some of her old friends and her ex was there. I could tell it wouldn’t be good for me to be there, so I kissed her cheek, told her to have a good time with her friends and left.

She called me later that night, invited herself over, and climbed into my bed while I was asleep. She woke me up with some fantastic sex. All because I wasn’t bothered by her having an ex, and having to listen once in a while of how he was a shitty person.

Big_Booty_Bois · 2022-01-20T19:16:35+00:00

Okay trust me, this ended my last relationship. The more this bothers you, the worse it is for you. Idk what you have to do, but find a way for this stuff to not bother you

Soliloquy4 · 2022-01-20T22:14:49+00:00

Overthinking.

That whole concept of 'never talk about exes' is bs. Exes suck, and they can potentially endive trauma.

Avoiding talking about exes' means you will potentially be blindsided because an ex, or trauma associated with ex was 'forbidden' to discuss.

Be mature. Have a conversation with your partner.

i_love_crazy_hobos · 2022-01-20T23:18:23+00:00

I think you’re overthinking this. All she did was bring up her ex a little. I don’t think that’s a big deal at all. I sometimes talk about my exes to girls i’ve met only a couple times. It doesn’t mean that I want to go back to my ex (but as a side note i believe talking about your ex is generally a bad idea, because girls will start having thoughts like you’re having now)

At a fundamental level, i think a good mindset to come from is to not worry about the girl leaving you. If she wants to go to someone else, let her go. That means you both can find someone who is a better match, if she didn’t want to stay. Having such a mindset also makes you more stoic and i think more attractive.

Ecofre-33919 · 2022-01-21T02:41:52+00:00

Sounds like she gave you some advice for what not to do if you want to be with her.

Yunngjedi · 2022-01-21T07:13:59+00:00

Yeah I’d say your overthinking it just a little bit. It’s normal to feel some sort of feelings when looking at an ex. Especially if it’s a recent breakup. I’d say the IG story just brought back bad memories to her and she felt comfortable enough with u to speak about it. It was most likely a good closure moment for her. Like her way of finally throwing out the bad and looking forward to her new relationship. Good for you bro

Xerexes3869 · 2022-01-21T07:53:27+00:00

Who cares. Just keep smashing.

No_Raspberry3670 · 2022-01-20T19:50:06+00:00

Aww cmon OP I think you know it’s not a big deal

Diaa_Esmat · 2022-01-20T20:48:35+00:00

I would say thats kinda of a shit test basically she is seeing how you would react and if you would get emotional or defensive because women are biologically wired to get rid of weak men from a romantic perspective. I would say you should have shrug it off or be sarcastic or witty with your response and also it was kinda warning for you she was also indirectly putting standards on you under the frame of my ex didn’t treat me how I wanted so i dumped him so you should come better. I think thats what she was implying. I would advise you to always move upon your rules and standards and don’t bend it to conform to hers so you can keep up her attraction to you and you should also start indirectly putting standards for her to meet to be with you as well

Lefanteriorascencion · 2022-01-21T05:51:44+00:00

Tbh you teach people how to treat you. She must feel pretty secure with you. A girl that feared losing you wouldn’t bring up her ex , she likely wouldn’t still be friends with him on Instagram . That being said if they had a great relationship and she misses him she’s likely to reach out to him innocently. One thing will lead to another and next thing you know she’s emotionally cheating on you, sharing how different you are compared to him. I doubt he would take the bait,but slimier guys would invite her to a coffee date. She would accept and would tell you during that time frame that she needs to meet up with a girlfriend, how could you tell her no. They would have a coffee date and she would notice how much more confident he is compared to you and how after only 3 months his muscles had gotten almost 2xs bigger. She would find herself getting moist , but remembering she has a bf she would ignore her soaked panties. He then would tell her how he bought a new book about their favorite band and would invite her over to check it out. She would accept , knowing nothing would happen. Once at the apartment she would skim through the book they then would accidentally have sex but to her it won’t count …. because it wasn’t planned plus she loves you and wants to marry you. But it’s all good OP , none of that’s likely to happen.

PushOrganic · 2022-01-21T02:56:01+00:00

She’s trying to make you jealous and is testing you. You broke your frame a little but just know not to be phased by the jealousy tests she throws your way. Next time it’s going to be talking to a guy while out and about a little longer than your comfortable with. You are right to be alarmed

AmmoTuff182 · 2022-01-21T00:27:36+00:00

Why is she following her ex lmao. Red flag

BigZmultiverse · 2022-01-21T11:52:16+00:00

Overthinking, but I’m ALMOST sensing a red flag on your end with

when I asked what specifically she just rambled on

I really hope that was just for the sake of the post and you didn’t want to get into it. I hope you were listening to her very important and thoughtfully, because if you want to make her happy in a relationship this is like, CRITICAL info. You’re not being a thoughtful boyfriend if you tuned this out. It better not have been a cartoon moment where it’s all muffled and you were daydreaming something, lol. Hopefully I’m just reading too much into your phrasing here

panthus1 · 2022-01-21T13:55:46+00:00

Seeing her every day for 3 months. Similar thing happened to me, at some point I was seeing her 3 times a day often. It lasted around 6 months (after started to go out with her, at first we texted for long time).

She dumped me, just to get back together wih her ex and then they got engaged in 3 months and after 1 year and 6 months they got married.

She is trying to replace her ex, kind of using you in a way. My advice, dont be soft on her, dont deal with bullshit and never put her on pedestal, you can go for sex but mainly for that, dont consider anyrhing serious with her at leaat not yet nor a year or two.

If you do, then embrace the pain and what comes aftereards. Youll be stronger eventually and itll be a life long teachig experience.

Sup3rHD · 2022-01-20T20:05:00+00:00

You are not insecure, if she talks about her ex, dump her and move on

PreferenceDry5779 · 2022-01-21T02:18:39+00:00

By the sound of it she’s saying that she’s with you and you aren’t the one .

My ex did exactly this a few times and she ended up cheating on me with her ex.

Big red flag if I was you I’d leave . She’s probably using u to fill time.

bwiese3908 · 2022-01-20T17:55:09+00:00

How long was she out of that relationship before dating you?

Superb-Bank9899 · 2022-01-21T05:00:01+00:00

One of the things was to pay attention to her and not just say, "ramble on and on".

EvilYoshi84 · 2022-01-21T11:56:07+00:00

Don't trip. If she talks about them alot or compairs you to him than trip.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	75
Comments	58
Date	January 20, 2022 5:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s8oqu9/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1268628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1268628

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