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[–][deleted] 99 points100 points101 points 14 years ago (78 children) | Copy Link
How would you approach each of those girls /seddit?
[–]nullibicity 50 points51 points52 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Upvote for daring to ask how to work these situations, rather than the usual "Hey, look at this pathetic beta lol!"
[–]asoap 35 points36 points37 points 14 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
For the girl reading, I've always enjoyed the line "I hear reading gives you cancer" Then just sit down somewhat close to her.
[–]MusikLehrer 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
My initial reaction: that sounds fucking retarded on paper, sir. ForeverAlone here, btw. For that to work you can't be ugly like me and you gotta be well dressed, am I right?
[–]asoap 13 points14 points15 points 14 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Nope. Not at all. I've used stuff like that at the local pharmacy. I was wearing crappy baggy jeans and an ugly old tshirt. I'm also overweight. But things like I said have gotten girls interested in me. Where they suddenly want to talk more.
As for your comment to dand11587, are you saying that girls that like ugly guys are playing a prank, yourself included?
*edit: Are you a dude or dudette?
[–]MusikLehrer 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm a guy. I was making a comment regarding the fact that girls don't like ugly guys. That's the whole point of ugly as a distinction against handsome/good-looking/etc.. And my fellow fuglies would agree that we have to work extra hard just to get a woman to tolerate us long enough to make something happen.
[–]sensitivePornGuy 11 points12 points13 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugly is 90% in the mind. Everyone has weirdnesses about how they look. Dwelling on them or not giving a shit about them is the main difference between being unattractive or attractive to your preferred gender. I say this as a guy who got teased through school as super-ugly but now turns girls' heads wherever I go (not all of them, of course, but enough).
[–]asoap 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone please don't downvote people for going against the /r/seddit norm.
You are right. Being ugly or like me fat is a disadvantage. These are my observations restructured into a girls 101 format.
There are three things to a female fantasy male.
1) Good looks 2) Money 3) Great attitude
Good looks - Great to have if the woman only wants to have sex. If sex is the only thing she's looking for, money and attitude are not as important. All though a shitty attitude can seriously screw yourself here.
Money - Or as women would call it "financial security". When I was first starting out I had interesting conversations with women. They all hated gold diggers. Yet they all admitted to being attracted to financial security. It's odd because they are almost the same thing. They just act differently due to the labels.
Attitude - Women love a guy that can make them feel a certain way. This is where seduction comes into play. We can get around being ugly/fat or poor by how we interact with people. If you can make a girl laugh, make her smile, tease her, fulfill her emotionally, she will want to be around you. She will want to be with you.
Not only that. But there are things you can do to make yourself look better. Just by changing your attitude you can go from a nervous/shy looking guy to a sex machine. Confidence IS sexy. You can dress a bit nicer, maybe a little bit of flash. I'm not talking Ed Hardy, I'm talking different textures, different patterns, etc. For me, I can loose weight, which I am doing.
You really need to change your attitude. Yes, know that you're at a disadvantage, but don't let that stop you. Be a super fucking amazing person! Don't let it be a handicap. Be better then that. People around you will take notice, and so will the women.
Would you date a girl that was a downer? That had a problem with everything?
[–]dand11587 46 points47 points48 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
with that attitude, you're right.
[+]MusikLehrer -22 points-21 points-20 points 14 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Every woman ever ever would like a word with you. Show me a woman who likes ugly guys (myself included) and I'll show you a woman who's either playing a huge prank or who has serious self-esteem issues that I couldn't possibly fix.
[–]no_dating 39 points40 points41 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Enough with your ugly bullshit. Yes, looks matter, and do you know what eclipses looks the way King Kong's dick overshadows 95% of Japan? GAME!
The point of game is to go above and beyond looks, and for some of us, to bypass them completely. An ugly man with superb game can bone hot 20-somethings into his 50s while Prettyboy McQuarterback can be stuck with a fat nagging wife before 40.
Fix up your shit-stained inner game and you can get started on the techniques. There is no such thing as a woman who is into ugly guys. Get your shit together and you'll find that, instead, there are plenty of women who can find themselves attracted to you for some reason they just can't figure out.
[+]MusikLehrer -23 points-22 points-21 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Ugly man with superb MONEY can bone hot 20-somethings. And if you knew what I looked like, you would understand that there is no amount of game possible to make my situation work. I'm here to learn skills to seem more normal to people.
[–]stygyan 11 points12 points13 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Please, send me pics. I will be the judge of that. And keep in mind, I've seen orcs from Mordor dating ladies from Rivendel, if you catch my meaning.
And believe you me, it's not only the way you look, but the way you look to yourself; I find myself pretty attracted to a guy I know (bisex guy here), but only until he speaks and starts going on and on about how ugly he is, how big his ears are, etcetera. Show some confidence in yourself, that can work miracles.
[–]Ambitionlessness 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Amazing. The metaphor, I mean.
[–]stygyan 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm just re-reading the Silmarillion right now. I should've said Gondolin or whatever.
[–]Kminardo 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know a guy that is heavier (280lbs, 5'11"), wears wife beaters and slogan tees EVERYDAY with sweat pants of all things. He shaves once every 2 weeks and cuts his own hair. This guy has been with more girls than ANYONE I know. I'm talking everyone from bosses to total strangers. To be honest, I don't know what he does, prick refuses to share his secrets. I've talked to the girls he's been with and the best I get is "He just starts talking to you and you just wanna get with him! He makes you feel special". It CAN be done.
EDIT: I should add that he works as a shift manager at Target. No fancy job. Overcoming YOUR personal fears of rejection is the hardest part. Your awesome, you know it, they know. If you don't feel like you are the best human being walking this planet, why the hell would any girl?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're telling me you've never seen an ugly/not-great-looking-dude who isn't a CEO with a gorgeous model like girlfriend? Like never? Is your reality so shittered that you are just blind to that?
I see like 4 examples of weeks where I scratch my head and go, how...the..fuck did he get her. AND I KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT, I'VE SEEN IT WORK AND I STILL DON'T GET IT SOMETMIES.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
post pics of yourself.
[–]GSpotAssassin 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All the couples out there with ugly dudes and pretty women. The evidence seems to defy this...
[–]madcaesar 10 points11 points12 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
For beginners I always say this: "Always start with something positive"
What asoap is suggesting could work, but chances are higher it would backfire than be received well. What if her dad died of cancer a year ago? Do you really want to start off on that foot? How about just saying "Hey you seem really engaged in that book, do you mind if I ask what you're reading?"
Then gauge her interests and go from there. Don't just stop after that sentence either, often girls will be taken aback by being approached like this, so make sure to stay calm and just ask another question following that one, showing genuine interest in what she's doing. The conversation will flow easier and come across more natural, than trying to come back from invoking "cancer".
[–]honey_pie2 points 14 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You may have a point but i can't help feeling
you seem really engaged in that book, do you mind if I ask what you're reading?
Sounds awfully boring.. you are offering nothing, not demonstrating that you are interesting in any way. It also perfectly tees up a defensive one-word answer, looks back at book. asoaps answer at least grabs the attention and demands some element of conversation.
[–]madcaesar 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I don't agree with that because this is day game. No one hits on people during the day, so any sort of approach has a "wow" factor for the girl. This isn't a club where she's drunk and you have to come up with something to break through or stand out.
Trust me just keeping it simple and positive is all you need during the day. And like I said, she may very well be taken aback by being approached during the day, so you follow it up with some other question and show real interest.
There is nothing wrong or boring about being genuinely interested in what the girl is doing.
[–]manicmonty 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Judging by your comments, I'd say your looks have nothing to do with it, and your personality has everything to do with it.
[–]MusikLehrer 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm just being honest. My compulsive honesty is what makes me seem to have this negative attitude, when in reality I am stating the objective facts of 'I am ugly, fat, etc..' Is dishonesty built into this 'game'? When one thinks about it it kinda is, we wear certain things to hide physical flaws, that's dishonesty, no?
Edit: for the record I am not trolling or stirring up shot with you guys, it is very important that I understand what is expected of me if ever put into a social situation such as those detailed above.
My rationalization is, it is more likely that, due to my physical/mental/personal shortcomings, the woman would not want to be approached by me. The law of averages says that the safest bet is to leave these poor women alone.
[–]SortaEvil 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The law of averages says that eventually, you'll approach one of those women who isn't immediately appalled by you, even if you are as horrible to look at as you assume. Of course, we're all our harshest critics, so you're probably not as hideously malformed in the eyes of others as your are in the eyes of yourself.
So... man up and ditch the negative outlook. If the only way you can do that is by changing how you look, then change how you look. Exercise some and stop drinking 4 litres of pop a day. Do what you need to do to gain confidence in yourself, and then worry about keeping that confidence while talking to someone else.
[–]manicmonty 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's your excuse for not hitting on fat chicks?
[–]Kardlonoc 15 points16 points17 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Going to Work...
Excuse me do you have a boyfriend?
In the train...
Hey have I seen you on this train before?
At the cafe
Looks like you're enjoying that book. What are you reading?
At a party
Takes advantage with consent
Honestly they are all excuses he concocted. Your mind pops them up as a defense mechanism to avoid failure by not trying but ultimately you are failing by doing that. Admittedly meeting strangers on the street is of high difficultly but if you cant get over the fact indeed these people might actually be busy or don't want to talk to you, then you can keep meeting them until one sticks. Truth of the matter is you are better than a book or the solitude of a train ride or basically the drudge of everyday life. If not you need to work on yourself until you at least can fake like you are.
Mind you also every girl you don't hit on is a girl you are going to think of later as "Oh man what if I hit on that girl" also known as a Regret. I find even if you hit poorly on a girl its better than not approaching her at all.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Kardlonoc -4 points-3 points-2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Depends how bad you want it but many times its better to move on.
[–]Kentyfish 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel like all these excuses are made from people going through feminist blogs of women complaining about cat-calling and being hit on in the street and how they clearly dislike it.
If this is your reason...stop...don't give a shit, if you like her you will probably never see her again, talk to her and at the end ask for her number regardless of how things go. If you fuck up, fix it later by being interesting in texts, where you can draft away. Think of it like bungie jumping, just take the leap!
[–]BroGangsterProPUA 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
this is OBVIOUSLY a troll post.
opening with "excuse me do you have a boyfriend" = this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUR8Lcguy3k
[–]Kardlonoc 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ill admit it was joke, but my main point is stop making excuses.
[–]stygyan 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I disagree with you, but with respect. I love chatting and talking with new people - but if I'm reading a book I really like and I'm immersed in it, I'd rather be not interrupted.
[–]Kardlonoc 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This always kinda bugged me...Why read a book in a public place then? I guess for the coffee and snacks?
[–]stygyan 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Coffeeshops are usually very quiet, at least the ones I go to. It's good to sit in a good sofa with a book and a coffee - and a piece of cake if you want to indulge - and for some of us who still live with our family (or even with roommates), it's the only way to get a measure of quietness.
Yeah, it's more quiet at a public place than at my own home. Amazing, isn´t it?
[–]Kardlonoc 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I figured something along those lines. I imagine you would go to a library but they don't have snacks and what not and often they really public ones are a goddam mess.
But yeah it sounds like coffeeshops is almost the equivalent of bars to working men who want to stay away from their families.
[–]stygyan 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've gone to libraries quite a lot, but I can't stand so much silence. In the coffeeshops I go to, they put soft ambient music that is really agreeable to the ears, and IF you grew bored of the book you can always start a conversation.
Actually coffeeshops are the best place for me to practice English, as the ones I go to are mostly full of students from abroad.
[–]CuilRunnings 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I generally don't approach people who look busy, there are enough people who aren't, and it's so much easier. I'm sure you can find some quality results that way, but for my game it requires much more effort.
[–]testmypatience12 points 14 years ago* [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
I have never met someone that was not trying to occupy their time with either their own thoughts or a different activity.
[–]CuilRunnings 22 points23 points24 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Busy = on a mission
Busy != daydreaming
[–]testmypatience6 points 14 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
So in this comic which girls would have you approached?
[–]CuilRunnings 15 points16 points17 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
1) depends on the speed at which she's walking 2) Definitely 3) probably not 4) yes, but not with tits that saggy.
"Hey"
For every girl... "Hey I'm brnagn. Had to see what you're like. Who are you?"
[+]enkmar -16 points-15 points-14 points 14 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link
I think trying to approach these women is just begging to either be shut down or get involved in an awkward conversation. I'd recommend heading to venues where people are actually looking to be social instead of the opposite.
[–]Kancho_Ninja 24 points25 points26 points 14 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Holy fuck.
You know, I just talk to people. You know, talk. Chat. Make conversation. Find out who they are, if they are worth my time, if they can contribute to my life and me to theirs.
Its not that difficult.
Especially if you quit thinking that the goal is getting your dick wet. The goal is a connection - assuming that we are talking conversation here, right?
I talk to everyone. It started as an exercise to get me out of my shell and you know what? 3 years later I'm an unstoppable force of "hey, how you doing? Man, those are awesome earrings you have on! I need to buy my sister a bd present and those would be perfect! Where did you buy them? Uh huh? Were they expensive? On sale? Yeah? Oh, by the way, my name is Kancho ninja, and you are? Cool. Say, is there a good coffee shop around here? Blah blah blah.
I'm drinking coffee with some stranger yapping about their horrid boss or some shit.
It's freaky how some people are just lonesome for someone to listen to them.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said.
If being "shut down" and having "an awkward conversation" are how you expect most social interactions to unfold, you have problems beyond the venue you choose.
[–]-shaughn- -3 points-2 points-1 points 14 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
I think seddit needs to make a guide on how to enjoy people, because quite frankly I don't give a fuck about some chick's earrings or coffee shops.
[–]Zkdog 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
It's not about caring about the earrings or coffee shops. You are missing the point. It's about caring about the other person. The earring comment is a compliment which is usually very welcome and the offer shop comment is a way to isolate. Get over yourself and pay attention to other people more than yourself.
[–]-shaughn- -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I understand and would even agree that to make somebody like you, these are important. I'm asking how you can take a genuine interest in somebody you don't know without thinking about how it benefits you ("... quit thinking that the goal is getting your dick wet."). It's that part I'm finding difficult and I'm genuinely asking what one does.
[–]Zkdog 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you just not looking for new friends? You don't have to screw everyone you meet. It's just about being social. If you make a new business contact, date her or his friend or just find a new aquintence it's always worth the effort. Also not hard at all. You never know where things will lead. This is all about putting yourself out there. Even if you get ignored, you learn something.
Agreed. Life has begun going better since I started caring about other people.
[–]asoap 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I don't like that your original comment is being downvoted, it's a legitimate concern. I'm on my phone so I won't go into much detail.
I got around this when I got surprised by a hb9.5. I thought I had sexy women figured out. But then one comes by and surprised me. I suddenly learned that I had much to learn about people. This urge to learn about people will turn you into a talker, as you'll be able to understand and empathize where they are coming from. Who are they? Why do they do such and such. You'll learn a lot, different ways of seeding the world. Different social rules. It's a beautiful thing.
[–]-shaughn- 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I don't follow seddit much, so I don't know what hb9.5 means. I keep an eye out for a thing here or there that might seem useful, otherwise most of it seems to be about either self-confidence or spending a lot of time caring about something you're pretending you don't care about.
I have difficulty empathizing with people, which is why I have trouble keeping interest in fictional characters. I sincerely don't care about most people unless I know them very well (at which point, I probably only care because I've built a bond with them and feel I owe them that).
Am I looking at building more bonds with people? Not really. Outside of family (which may be a culture thing), I put no effort in maintaining friendships (and I've never particularly cared for them). The main appeal a relationship has, for me, is that it's basically required for me to have a family. I'm on the fence as to whether I really want one and if not for the fact that I really want a family some day, it really doesn't seem worth it.
I just feel so at odds with the Seddit community. You guys seem to really depend on your relationships with other people for your happiness. Don't get me wrong, with a drink or two on the topic of my choosing I can talk to strangers for hours without a wink, but what you're talking about is not mere socialisation, but validation or something at least more. I find this confusing because the idea Seddit seems to push forth is how unimportant these personal relationships are, and yet at the basis is how important it is to have them.
[–]asoap 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
HB stands for hot babe on a scale of 1-10. HB1 not attractive, HB10 is likely a Victoria Secret model. A HB10 behaves differently then a HB1. These are generalizations, but a HB1 wouldn't be hit on often, and a HB10 is hit on almost constantly.
You are right it does seem a bit confusing on the relationships. The relationships with women aren't that important. I would say the ability to have them is. Or the ability to be open to people is.
Of course we only talk about relationships with women being unimportant at the initial stage. If you get engaged with a girl, then absolutely it's important.
But from reading your comment it sounds like you might have a fear of relationships/people. Which is somewhat common.
It sounds like you don't care about people. If these people turn around and hurt you in some fashion, it's ok because you haven't invested anything in them. They are already dead weight to being with, and you can easily toss them aside as you never had anything to loose in the first place.
This stems from a fear of being hurt. I used to be a person that always had problems with everything. I preferred to be miserable. This is defense/control mechanism. If I was happy for some reason, then that happiness could be taken away from me. But if I was always miserable then there was no fear of my happiness being taken from me. I was being an emotional control freak.
You could have some fear issues that you would need to get over.
[–]-shaughn- 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I really like this post. It's very fair and comes across as non-judgemental. I think it's probably pretty accurate for overall stuff. I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily miserable, though. I'm in a strange state of having almost everything just right.
But I have something to consider. Thanks.
Cheers!
[–]targetLocked 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whether or not someone finds validation in socialization depends on that person. Regardless, improving social skills is beneficial in a lot of ways, not just for a person's emotional health.
[–]Zkdog 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]-shaughn- -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Why would I look for new friends?
[–]PasDeDeux 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
examples:
old ones suck?
stuck in a place in life you don't want?
move to a new city?
change jobs?
find a new interest that you don't share with any of your friends?
Commentary:
There are a lot of people who stick with their same friends their entire lives. They also date people relatively close to their social circle. There's more to life than the people you went to elementary school with.
Personal Anecdote:
I've changed friend groups once about every year or two. It doesn't mean you can't talk to your old friends, but if you're developing as a person and your interests are changing, there's no reason you can't make new friends with similar interests.
[–]Kancho_Ninja 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Because they have cute fuckable sisters? sigh
[–]-shaughn- 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But you said not to have a goal of getting your dick wet.
[–]didzter -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you 95%.
However: No one likes to be talked to during their morning commute.
[–]Seddyton 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fail to see how this isn't a total and complete rejection of day game, given the photos.
[–]insickness 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right, because women are only attracted to guys in bars.
[–]enkmar 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
right because a bar is the only social venue in the world.
What other social venues would you recommend then
[–]asiandude123 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
so then what's your take on day game?
[–]enkmar -3 points-2 points-1 points 14 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't know... maybe i'm in the wrong subreddit haha. I'm in a relationship now but when I wasn't I would look for girls within my social circle that already knew me or of me. And if there weren't any girls in my social circles I would expand those circles and get involved in things where I was meeting new people (OF BOTH GENDERS). Girls at school, at work, friends of friends, cycling community... that type of thing.
It's really way too obvious what you are trying to do when you partake in this "day game" shit with complete strangers. But maybe some people like that? Not me
No matter who it is you don't really want to get chatted up by random people inside a coffee shop or on they bus unless you somehow pull the greatest conversation opener of all time or are really freakin hot... both of which are probably mutually exclusive and extremely unlikely.
[–]lasagnaman 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Really? I love talking to people on the subway or in a bookstore or coffee shop.
[–]targetLocked -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think when done right, it's just friendly conversation and for a guy in the right mindset, that's really all it is. I'm still skeptical myself, but I'm hardly a good judge. I don't really socialize with passers-by much beyond a cursory "how's it going." I'm not really well-practiced with observational stuff.
[–]reddit4getit 15 points16 points17 points 14 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
You know, you would be surprised how far you can go by starting with a 'Hello.'
[–]QoolNQalm 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I say hello all the time. Never gotten far myself
[–]reddit4getit 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saying hello is just the beginning, you gotta run game after that. Smile, be flirtatious and strike up a conversation. You gotta pick your moments and sometimes you might get lucky. Now if you never try, well, that's not living.
[–]ToastieCrumbs 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
aw, I like when random guys say hello. It makes a boring day go great. Especially if the exchange in smiles goes well. Bad teeth.... then it's a whatev...
[–]graffiti81 16 points17 points18 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
So basically if he's attractive, it brightens your day. If he's ugly, it does nothing or makes your day worse. Got it.
[–]yokhai 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That's not what she said...at all. She said bad teeth. Bad teeth is awful, so is bad breath. I knew really high value girl (gorgeous, great job, awesome personality) that smoked and had horrendous breath. Never made it past dancing for me.
[–]ToastieCrumbs 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! Exactly.
[–]graffiti81 -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So she wasn't that attractive when you got to know her?
[–]yokhai 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah she was wonderful, couldn't get over the smoking and the breath. And no desire to quit. Which i guess killed the attraction, but everything else was great.
EDIT - you are assigning two different forms of attractive to this scenario. She was saying you don't have to be super physically attractive to get her attention, just don't have bad teeth.
[–]graffiti81 -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No, I'm saying overall attractiveness. It's very similar to seeing a woman from behind and thinking "whoa, hot chick" then having her turn around and find out it's a guy with long hair.
What was originally attractive immediately becomes unattractive. Reasons don't matter. In the case you're talking about she was attractive until you smelled her breath, at which point she became unattractive. It doesn't matter why you find a person attractive or not, just that you do.
[–]yokhai 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You were talking about generic terms physical attractiveness and physical ugliness, the reasons do matter in this scenario.
Having bad teeth doesn't make you generally unattractive or ugly. Likewise, having great teeth doesn't make you generally attractive.
At the core of this subreddit, we are giving advice. Posting "so be attractive, right" in a sarcastic tone is bad advice when you are mixing up semantics isn't good advice and helps no one.
Toastie wasn't saying you have to be hot to hit on her, she is saying that some girls love it when guys randomly talk to her, until she see's they have bad teeth. Then the attractiveness takes a dive. See the difference?
[–]graffiti81 -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel like we're arguing semantics here, but yes, I do understand what you're saying.
[–]yokhai 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We are arguing semantics, You are saying they don't matter and I'm saying they do.
[–]ToastieCrumbs 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I never said attractive....and by no means do you understand my level of who is or who is not attractive. By your comment, I would think you took offense to what I said. And that's unfortunate. Have a better day!
[–]graffiti81 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I took no offense, and of course I don't understand what you find attractive.
My question is this, you obviously have things in mind that you find attractive in a person. If a guy you find really attractive said "hi" to you, wouldn't it make your day brighter than if some guy you found unattractive did?
The only thing that I find slightly offensive (and this goes across the seduction community) is saying that physical looks don't matter. It's disingenuous.
[–]ToastieCrumbs 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Physical looks do matter, that's the first impression we are given. I can honestly say if any person said hello to me randomly I would enjoy it and my day would be better. Of course, there's the judgemental portion of my opinion though. A homeless man who hasn't showered in 6 weeks, with no teeth, comes stumbling up to you and says hello, then coughs on you....my day just gets shitty. Now I have to worry what was flung my way via his lungs. If a man with a bright white smile, tan, and a suit walked passed me and said hello..I would probably keep my eyes forward and nod then think he's cocky. I wouldn't trust that guy.
Perferably, I would rather listen to the homeless man say hello, because it's genuine.
Now that I have rambled and created a gajillion run-ons I'm going back to work. Sorry about the punctuation. =(
[–]sensitivePornGuy 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My teeth are one of my weak spots, looks-wise, but I am constantly told I have a great smile, probably because when I smile I am genuinely pleased/happy. I no longer give a shit whether anyone thinks I have below-par teeth.
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points 14 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
I would say in this case it's more of a pathetic fact that he 'needs' to not be single anymore. I'd rather get my life straight first and then the way I look at seduction is that it's separate from finding someone who would complete my life, but rather just a bunch of girls I can have fun with, sex or no sex, and then all the 'you are the one' crap nice guys believe is either set aside for later or obliterated from my way of thinking.
[–]yokhai 12 points13 points14 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
this is the attitude you should have. Enjoying your life, spicing it up with women here and there and not worrying about finding "the one" or needing a girl to make you feel validated.
[–]QoolNQalm 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ok. You try not to get laid for 4 years and try to enjoy life. I never understood how you can enjoy life if you lack intimacy or at least the comforting thought knowing you can get laid whenever your want to.
[–]yokhai 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't get laid for 19 years of my life and everything was just fine. And we aren't talking about getting laid. We are talking about pining for a girlfriend and that attitude corrupting all your interactions with the ladies.
EDIT - Also, having this attitude will ensure you don't enjoy life. If you just resign yourself to finding happiness on your own, then when you do get the opportunity to meets someone, you will exude that happiness and greatly enhance attraction rather than give off the "i need you to be complete" vibe which scares most women away. And they can smell it, like dogs smell fear.
In the words of Em -"It's your life, live it however you wanna"
[–]graffiti81 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Bull. Go a decade or more with zero intimacy (and I don't mean sex, I mean anything intimate) and then tell me that you're perfectly happy and having a good time.
[–]yokhai 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
This attitude means you are missing more than just intimacy.
A significant other shouldn't make you happy, they should enhance your current happiness.
You have to find fulfillment in your life single before you are emotional stable enough to extend that fulfillment to another.
Thinking you need intimacy to make you happy will just sour any relationship you get in.
[–]graffiti81 -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
See, this is exactly the sort of all-or-nothing thinking turned me off to the seduction community after a short while.
Of course you shouldn't base your happiness on another person. Nor should you seek validation from another person, because they are always free to remove both your happiness and your sense belonging.
That being said, saying that one shouldn't derive any happiness from a significant other is silly. If you didn't get pleasure, happiness and enjoyment from dating and sleeping with women, why would you do it? This disconnect between saying and doing in the community is kind of funny, in a way. Intimacy is something that is a large part of any human's existance. It's a huge part of life.
If you think that not having a partner for very long periods doesn't effect your happiness, you're either delusional, dishonest or simply have never had a long dry spell.
[–]yokhai 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
To the man that says there is no such thing as bad pussy has never had enough pussy.
To the man that replies with that, has never had a long enough dry spell.
Happiness can come from all shapes and sizes, I'm not ruling out someone else making you happy, I'm addressing the issue being discussed, which is the over-needy drive to find someone, anyone, to fill that role for you.
You are the one making it all-or-nothing, not us.
The only thing I ever talked to was not being obsessed with finding a girl. You will never hear me say "Just don't date" or "stop picking up".
[–]graffiti81 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
The only thing I ever talked to was not being obsessed with finding a girl.
Fine, I agree.
I stand by my assertion that one does not need to have inner happiness and peace before they try to date. Some people will never have that, and yet can still find somebody to love.
[–]yokhai 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
That's fine, but that's not the best scenario. We want the best for our fellow man. And pushing someone to find inner happiness first will always be on the top priority for me.
[–]graffiti81 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Of course. For example, I'm really not happy with my body. I need to gain muscle and lose fat. So I've joined a gym. I'm working my ass off (today it was difficult to get out of bed due to deadlifts), changing my diet and moving in a direction that will ultimately make me much happier with my body.
So should I wait until I'm happy and content with my body to start dating? Or should I do both at the same time? That's my overall point.
[–]yokhai 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You should do both. Don't let your perception of your attractiveness stop you. That's the point she was trying to make. As long as you have a good dental plan, you can get laid.
You can probably get laid even if you had jacked up teeth too.
[–]graffiti81 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Sure. It can happen.
Hell, I even thought I had a pretty good chance a couple weeks ago. I thought wrong. Instead I just got laughed at and mocked for thinking that I had a chance with this girl. Did I mention this happened twice in three days with separate people?
Maybe I'm just pissed off and that's why I sound pissed off.
You can be intimate (emotionally) with your friends and family.
[–]octallettuce 40 points41 points42 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'd say only one of those applies to being nice. The rest are just fear based. nice != fearful.
[–]puaCurveBall 18 points19 points20 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When people say "soandso sure is a nice guy" they aren't really saying he is nice. They are saying he is scared to make a move, not attractive, not exciting, not assertive, all that.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True, if the best thing people can come up with when they describe you is "nice", you are well and truly fucked.
Everyone seems nice, except a few people who are assholes. Nice isn't a positive attribute. It should go without saying. If it doesn't it just means you are a blank slate.
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Wow those are some terrible boobs.
[–]Horny_Troll 77 points78 points79 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
dont worry ill fuck her so you dont have to
[–]edubation 25 points26 points27 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wingman Jesus
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the mouth looks like the outline of a ballsack.
[–]calis 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't cried like this since I watched Old Yeller.
[–]wowzuzz 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just go for it man. If you get shot down...who gives a fuck. Onto the next one bud!
story of my life... ;(
[–]Ledatru 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My friend is like this. It is incredibly frustrating trying to get through to him.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Ledatru 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've tried. It seems like he is trying to find a perfect girl to marry. Ugh, I know. He is naive and has absolutely zero experience. His standards are incredibly high (all of his crushes are way out of his league) and he makes 101 excuses. He nods and agrees with my statements but then next time I see him, it's back to square one.
"Why didn't you do what I told you?"
"Oh yeah, blah blah blah. I'll do it next week, I promise!"
[–]luke_c 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
;___; Forever alone
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Fuck! I didn't approach this cute blonde in the gym because I was worried about what the other people in the gym would think!
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What they would think? Oh hey look at this guy he likes girls! What is this second grade?
[–]Jigsus 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gyms are like gradeschools
[–]afcafcafcafcFUCK 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know this all too well
[–]barbadosslim 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
he'd be so much better off if he treated interpersonal relationships like a test where you're supposed to remember the exact right response to everything she could say in order to trick her into liking him
[–]Atheizt -5 points-4 points-3 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
A day in the life of a foreveralone beta
FTFY.
Seriously, it is possible to be a nice guy and talk to women you know?
[–]Atheizt -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I figured as much. They seem to think that confident socially capable = asshole.
[+]This_IS_MyGameFace -6 points-5 points-4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A day in the life of a socially awkward pussy?
[–]kanji_sasahara -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Just wanted to say that you're beautiful. Have a nice day." Sprinkling that throughout the day makes for interesting conversation. Takes you farther than you might expect. Of course with confidence and good posture, also helps looking like you're going to something important.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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