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[–]dnb1111 171 points172 points173 points 12 years ago* (29 children) | Copy Link
When you're in a group of people, it's likely that the only person thinking about you is you. No one cares about what you do, what you look like, what you say. When you walk into a room filled with people and trip in a stair or something, whoever saw you might laugh for like 1 second and then totally forget about you. YOU are the one that keeps thinking and re-living this embarrassing situation and you think everyone else is also doing it.
Fuck it. It might sound hostile but no one (other than you) really cares about what you do or say. Don't let the negative train of thoughts take control of your mind; practice on noticing the moment your mind starts to ramble negative thoughts and, once you notice where those thoughts are heading to, stop and realize how those thoughts are responsible for your actions.
edit: grammar
[–]petermtoneill1 23 points24 points25 points 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It still however won't stop me when lying in bed at night from making a a scrunchy face of pure cringe when I recall vividly memories from my teenage years
[–]got2change 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm a teenager and I am living your thoughts.
[–]dunSHATmySelf 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember those days, they really held me back
[–]dopest_dope 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This may be crazy but somebody once told me after about 25 you stop getting this feeling when remembering events from your past
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure, we all do that. But at least in the moment, you can try to rethink it and take a different approach.
I'm clumsy sometimes. Back when I was a kid/teen, any time I tripped on the sidewalk I always thought it was a huge deal that everyone saw and secretly mocked me for. Nowadays when I trip on the sidewalk, I either completely ignore it as if nothing happened, or I specifically look back at that part of the sidewalk and say something like "Fuck you!"
And sure enough, since my whole mentality is different, I don't get that feeling where everyone seems to be staring at me. And most people aren't anyway.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Meh for me i dont really think over emarrassments from that time. Just things i wish id said yes to
[–]PlayFair 28 points29 points30 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This exactly!
Think about the last time your were out? Do you actually remember what your friends (let alone a random passerby) was wearing, said, or did? No!
As selfish as it sounds, people typically only focus and remember their own actions, thoughts, and decisions.
This is why inner game is so incredibly important to proper seduction!
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
trust me, I remember every single tiny detail that has embarrassed the fuck out of me, It's like demons in my closet, only that they got out and follow me wherever I go.
[–]frogma 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, and that happens to everyone (though some people pay less attention to it than others). I've always been a more anxious, "shy" person (though now I'm a bit different). So yeah, I still lay in bed most nights remembering those bad experiences, and there's nothing wrong with that -- I mean, it's probably not too healthy for your mentality, but everyone does it to some extent.
All you need to do though is refocus your mentality when you're in that moment -- who cares how you might feel about it afterward? And if you can refocus it in the moment, you'll also be more likely to have a better experience, meaning you won't be thinking about it afterward (except in a good way).
That's all I do. I still remember 6th grade where we had a field day and I couldn't find any decent shorts to wear, so I wore some short-shorts to school. Everyone made fun of me that day. I obviously still think about it sometimes. But who gives a shit? And nowadays, most of the people who made fun of me are now good friends of mine, and shorter shorts are becoming the fashion again (though my shorts still looked fuckin ridiculous that day).
The only reason your demons still follow you is because you let them -- hell, on some level, I think you even embrace them, to an extent. You feel more qualified to denigrate yourself based on past failures, so you never have to push the limits and step out of your comfort zone. Even though those experiences sucked, they provide a sort of "ground" for you, as much as you hate to dwell on them.
Edit: It's like back in the day when I went to a summer football camp, but never tried out for the high school team, even though I did pretty well at the camp. I was able to tell myself "Hey, at least I went to the camp," but still too nervous to try out for the team. And somehow, that felt good to me. It felt comforting to me. I didn't have to experience the anxiety of try-outs, but at least I still went to a random camp event (which I was also really nervous about, until I actually started running plays). Later in high school, I went to some random "backyard" football games with a bunch of kids who were on the team, and I still did pretty good against them. And yet again, since the pressure was off, I just thought "Yeah, if I had played on the team, I would've been pretty good. Fuck yeah, I'm awesome!" Even though the main issue is that I never got up the courage to actually try out for the team. I was basically just trying to ignore that factor -- it felt much more comforting to just think "Yeah, I totally would've been a star if I had tried out."
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You feel more qualified to denigrate yourself based on past failures, so you never have to push the limits and step out of your comfort zone. Even though those experiences sucked, they provide a sort of "ground" for you, as much as you hate to dwell on them.
frogma you just told me what a psychologist hasn't been able to tell me in the past few years, thank you. I actually do catch myself almost enjoying being the victim, it really is easier that way, it just takes to much effort to change, especially when you don't find anything to do that's worth the change. I had a similar experience to yours, this summer I met a ton of people volunteering in Asia, was the life of the place the entire time I was there, had beautiful women falling for me all over the place, and guys I loved to hang out with. This was right after a failed semester in college due to depression, which made it all the more unbelievable. One of the guys I was really good friends with just put his profile pic of me and him on FB, and this is the guy with a lot of social proof that is into design and knows a lot of pretty interesting people, so why would he, why would all those beautiful German girls be interested in some geek with self-esteem issues? I realized that it's because I give a different, better perception of what I am to people. I could do more, but it's just easier to wallow in my own shit. Now that I'm back I'm reverting to being that piece of shit, but even if I don't give two cents about what I am, I'll do it for the people around me, the people that really hurting because of me, and it's inconsiderate of me torturing them like that after all they've done for me. Yea that got pretty intimate but your response just hit me, thanks again.
No problem. I feel like for most people, it's simply much easier to judge ourselves based on our perceived limitations. Like, sometimes, depending on the situation, we might try really hard to achieve certain things -- but for the most part, most of us are content with the thought of "Yeah, I once tried that, and it sucked, so here I am. I don't have to try it again or anything." Everything's "safer" that way.
Like for public speaking (and I'm a shitty public speaker, so don't think I'm saying this with any sort of authority) -- the best public speakers are the people who've spoke in public thousands of times. For like 95% of them, that's not how they started out. And for a lot of them even now, they still get nervous. I forget who it was, but some really famous guy said "Yeah, I still get nervous before going up on stage, and I throw up sometimes." And up until he admitted that, I never would've thought he got nervous about it. But he still does, every time.
And I still do too, but out of the 100-or-so speeches I've given throughout my high school/college career, I can legitimately say that the last 2 speeches I gave went much more smoothly than the other 98. In the last speech I gave (which was basically a blow-off speech for a blow-off class, so granted, there wasn't much pressure in the first place), I wasn't even nervous. I didn't fumble any words, and I even talked for longer than I was supposed to, which I've never done before.
But that's just how life works (unless you're one of those lucky motherfuckers who was born to be on-stage, or who looks like Brad Pitt, or whatever). It's like at the pool. We all started off with those fuckin floaty things, as our mom picked us up and held us as she went in the water. Then we eventually learned how to swim on our own. Then some of us (or I guess, one of us) became Michael Phelps. Granted, his body was basically made for swimming, so he's probably not the best example, but still... that's life.
[–]accountNo14 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
practice on noticing the moment your mind starts to ramble negative thoughts and, once you notice where those thoughts are heading to, stop and realize how those thoughts are responsible for your actions.
Anyone trying to overcome negative self talk should definitely try meditating. I used to get very anxious in social settings for this exact reason and meditation has given me much more control over my thought patterns. As /u/dnb1111 suggested you need to 'practice' noticing these thoughts, and controlling your thoughts is basically the essence of meditation.
[–]dnb1111 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YES! meditation is perhaps the best tool there is to help you control your mind and body. I've been doing this for 2 years now and my whole life has improved tremendously. Like Bender said on the episode 'Obsoletely Fabulous':
"Well, I guess reality is what you make of it."
Learn to control your mind and you'll learn to control reality.
[–]blaowppow2 points 12 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
I am yet to find some structured meditation advice. Got any?
[–]accountNo14 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you mean on how to meditate? The usual starting point for people is to sit in a dark, quiet place for about 10 minutes. In this time try focusing only on your breathing, or the sensations in your hands or stomach etc (from my experience it doesn't matter as long as your thoughts are in the present moment). Your thoughts will wander, you might start thinking about the assignment due next week or that time you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone, observe and recognize these thoughts and simply draw you focus back to your breathing. (Was this what you were after?).
Also check out /r/Meditation, they have a bunch of useful resources in the sidebar and its a very helpful community for beginners.
Yeah, that's the basic idea. You got 2 downvotes for no reason, which is stupid.
[–]dnb1111 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Google 'mindfulness meditation'. It's all about practice, you have to make it a habit like jogging or reading. The essence of this type of meditation is to give yourself the opportunity to experience your mind without any thoughts or worries about the past and the future. Concentrate on what you are experiencing in the moment: your heart beat, breathing, the energy flowing in your body. It's kind of difficult at first but after a while you'll be able to do it anytime.
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My therapist told me to practice it where my a anxiety and negative thoughts arise, that is in a place full of people, he said I should do it at like a mall or something. How does meditating in a comfortable environment translate into you applying the same concept when under pressure?
[–]dnb1111 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you meditate on a regular basis, you start to slowly gain more control over your mind. It's like going to the gym, you go to this specialized place were you practice as much as possible so your body is in a better condition. Once you go back to your regular routine and suddenly you need to use your physical strength, you're body has already improved and can handle it better. It's the same principle: practice, practice, practice...
[–]Heizenbrg 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that's very interesting. If I understood that right, by meditating I am able to keep control even in an unfamiliar setting, meaning that what I have learned can be applied everywhere.
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't meditate, but the idea is that you focus on the present, and the self, in any situation. It'd be hard to do that shit in the middle of a mall -- which might be why your therapist suggested it -- but doing it at home can at least introduce you to the concept (so once you're comfortable with it, you can then go do it at a mall).
It's the same with pretty much everything -- if you don't really know how to flirt with girls, you can start by making small-talk with the cashier at the store. From there, you can hopefully develop your conversation skills a bit -- or at least become less anxious in those situations.
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes I guess it really does apply to everything, being able to keep your frame in any kind of situation. There was a TIL about an astronaut that managed to manually re-enter Earth in a desperate attempt to get back, by writing down calculations all over the shuttle and timing the re-entry with his fucking wristwatch. It's amazing what us humans can do when we delve into our potential, truly amazing creatures If I might say so.
[–]shm00pi3 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my experience it doesn't even have to be formal meditation. Personally I just sit down with my bass or hop on the drums for an hour or so and it helps me stay in the moment, along with upping my confidence due to hours of practice every day.
[–]Captain-Magic 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a psychological phenomenon known as "projection". When we live an intense emotion (embarassment in the case where you trip in front of a lot of people) we tend to think that the people who witnessed our trip are experiencing the same level of intensity in their emotion, which is utterly false.
So while you'll be thinking about this for several minutes to come (and thinking how everyone must see you as an idiot), in reality the others around you will have already forgotten about it long ago. You should too.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is some if's here though.
While its true that no one really cares about you, how you act makes you either an individual or part of the background.
If you are going to be insecure, you are going to be invisible to girls. They won't think of you as a creep, but you essentially will be part of the background to them. You don't just go to a bar and sit at the very end, ordering a few drinks and starting up small talk with the dude next to you and then expect to attract girls.
On the other hand, if you confident, outgoing, smiling, e.t.c, you become visible, you stand out from the crowd. The big thing is also how you handle the mistakes you make - you can sink back and become invisible or you can project your confidence even further, showing that its very hard to break you out of your frame.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
as my dad would always say, "if you're worried about what people are thinking about you, they're not"
[–]Rubba-D 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks I really needed this
[–]reverselookup 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great comment! Awesome life lesson.
[–]soad0918 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I wish I could give you gold.
[–]greyestofblue 27 points28 points29 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
About half way through high school I was finally told that the reason people acted iffy towards me wasn't because they didn't like, but because they were intimidated by me. Completely blew my mind. When I finally got to college and found class mates from middle school who I thought disliked me, they admitted that they thought I was cute but I was just too serious and didn't smile enough.
Completely switched my view from thinking people outright disliked me. If moved me towards being a more 'friendly' fellow. Things have looked up since.
[–]whale_snail 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I concur. I'm tall with a large frame, smart, calm and introverted. I can intimidate people just by standing there not saying much. First step with anyone is big smile, friendly banter, light kino even. Just make them relax a bit.
[–]goetz_von_cyborg 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You guys described a problem I didn't even know I had for years! We tall fellows have that special problem- without a smile we can be very intimidating.
I think of myself as a normal size (what other size would I be?) but to others I'm kind of a giant. Add in years of weightlifting... yeah I make a point to smile. It puts people at ease amazingly well and generally improves every interaction!
BUT, it's also nice to know that if I want to put on my "fuckoff" face, that option is there.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hmm yeah i rememeber being in a party and this gilr trying to talk to me and her saying things like 'im annoying you, aren't i?'
[–]whale_snail 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some of them are just really annoying.
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Add to this the fact that the only time you really think about another person anywhere close to the amount you think of yourself is when you are romantically interested in that person. If you happen to lose interest in this person or they rub you the wrong way then you immediately think about them a lot less.
So then we can deduce that at any given time the only people likely to be thinking about you, besides yourself, are thinking about you in a very positive way. It is likely that (on average) the only person thinking negative thoughts about you on a regular basis is yourself, and everyone else is thinking generally positive things.
I like this comment
[–]kyote42 19 points20 points21 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
[–]PhedreRachelle 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I'll never forget when my coworker told me he had wanted to hang out with me for years but I was incredibly intimidating. I was floored. I was always terrified in social situations and had a terrible time making friends. Here this guy was telling me that I was oozing so much confidence that I was unapproachable.
It fixed everything. I realized everyone else was just as afraid of initiating contact as I was, and someone has to take the initiative. So I started reaching out to people. Now I am one of those people who walks down the street and knows 5 people they walk by well enough to stop and chat. I show up to any bar or event and I have people come up to me just stoked to see me. Turns out I am an awesome person, I just never gave myself credit.
I think this is true for most people. And if it isn't true for you, you either need to re-evaluate your assessment or stop being a dick.
PS: learn to laugh at yourself. That alone sheds half the social anxiety.
[–]RealPharaoh5 points 12 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Just curious. Did you ever figure out what made you so intimidating? Was it that you never smiled or glared a lot or what?
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
From what I get from people it is a combination of the fact that I was attractive (I really believed that I wasn't, and I still really believe 90% of attractiveness is related to your cleanliness and style), and that I was really friendly while not seeming attached to anyone.
Hilarious really, considering I was actually very desperate for friends or any sort of support group (at the time, things are better now)
But really, if you don't want to be intimidating, I think you just have to reach out to others. Be the one to call and make plans every now and then
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would probably tell myself "You are not as independent as you think you are, and still need to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. You will never be comfortable around others if you are not comfortable with yourself."
Also "Just talk to people! If someone looks interesting go up to them and bring up the topic that made them look interesting. Like, talk about the game last night if they were wearing a jersey. To keep a conversation running, ask questions related to what was just discussed. Keep the focus on the other person. Be present and be genuinely interested. Don't ever take anything personally."
But for you, with this anxiety, keep it up with the therapist. If they haven't suggested it yet, bring up the CBT method where you branch out in small bits at a time. Say, just go up to someone once a day to ask for the time. Then sit with someone on a break and talk for just 5 minutes. It sounds like you need to build some new paradigms!
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'd wish you luck, but this is all up to you. Instead I will say happy travels :) This is a great journey to undertake
[–]Johnny-ba-Johnny 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't come across as a confident guy I was told I just looked like a "conceited dick". why? because I never talked to anyone and just sat on a table by myself. This was how three people that became my friends perceived my shyness.
[–]kabhaz 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I've had people be incredibly surprised when I explain how shy and hesitant I can be. As a consequence, nobody really believes me and often take my hesitance as a sign of disinterest.
[–]Kiwispam84 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I've never understood the connection some people make between body type and introversion/extroversion... I'm a bigger and stronger guy, and am not socially outgoing at all.
[–]petriomelony -3 points-2 points-1 points 12 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Bigger + Stronger = Alpha
Socially outgoing = Alpha
They were probably synonymous at some stage in our evolution, so the connection people make may be subconscious.
[–]Jake_STi-RA 7 points8 points9 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Can we stop with the use of the word 'Alpha'? People on here overuse and misuse it so much that the word and original meaning has no meaning anymore.
[–]gutenwho 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And not every single girl/guy wants an "alpha" type person anyways, people seem to think it's all about being this tough strong and top guy, it's not. It's about being comfortable and confident in what you have and being okay with that, that's when you seem strong. Regardless if you're the top alpha wolf or whatever
[–]yamehameha 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To most alpha means being a leader and taking charge of people. To me alpha means being your own leader and being in control of yourself.
[–]Jake_STi-RA -2 points-1 points0 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Alpha is like confidence to me. It's a mindset that comes in all forms and sizes.
All the n00bs on here perceive alpha as the loudmouthed bro with spiked hair, bowling ball biceps, and a polo t-shirt 1 size too small.
Even the most literal quiet and sleeper type people out there are "alpha."
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
We are not wolves.
[–]blaowppow2 points 12 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
The presumed alpha behaviour amongst wolves has actually been disproven. Can get back with a link later on if needed.
[–]Lovefish 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
please do
[–]twoww 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's true. I learned about this in my public speaking class. My professor said you generally feel like you look way more nervous than you are. For my first speech I definitely was pretty nervous, dry mouth, a little shaky, generally knotted feeling stomach. We did a little post speech discussion and she (and the class) said I didn't look it at all.
When you are wondering how everyone else is perceiving you, everyone else is doing the same thing about themselves.
[–]occupykony 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So true. I have some social anxiety that I've only told a few of my friends about, and almost all of them have been surprised.
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
nobody saw me as insecure with high social anxiety....until i developed a blushing problem. it's not a problem when your anxiety/insecurity is well-hidden but when your face is screaming red with embarrassment, then it's a little hard for other people to not see how insecure you are.
[–]KserDnB -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
it's pretty easy to turn blushing into something to use to your advantage.
[–]nocturnalbird 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
care to elaborate?
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Well if you're blushing because say you like a girl and she sees you're blushing, you can
walk away and do nothing
look at her smile and go up to her
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
May I ask if you blushing problem yourself?
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No, but incase you haven't realised, this entire subreddit is about making the best out of any situation.
You might want me to say, yea man i totally get where you're coming from, and just leave it at that but that isn't going to help you out at all.
You have a blushing problem and it isn't going to just dissapear, so the only positive thing you can do is turn it into a tool that you can use for yourself.
Or you could just never go outside because you're afraid of blushing.
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry but if you don't actually have a blushing problem, you have no idea how debilitating it can actually be. This isn't about you agreeing with me, but you realizing how ignorant and self-righteous you are being by simply telling a person with a problem to "fix" it. It's just like saying to a depressed person "just be more positive", or saying to a person with social anxiety "just be more social". If you had a an actual, realistic, and helpful suggestion I would've recognized it and appreciated it. Also, blushing actually can be eliminated through medication, cognitive behavioral therapy and in extreme cases, surgery.
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well like i said before you original post was.
So everybody here can either help you to feel sorry for yourself, or try to give you advice, however unhelpful you deem it to be, in order to help yourself. I didn't suffer from a blushing problem but i do know that there's always a way out, and if you just want every response to your original post to be!
"that sucks or yea me too, it ruined my teenage years" then you're not going to get anywhere. I'm not a psychologist or medical expert, i'm just trying to tell you that if you blush in public no matter how bad you think it is that it isn't the end of the world and as the title of the post suggests, people really don't care as much as you think they do.
And even after some reading on the internet i've found that the blushing problems don't always stem from insecurities and it can just "happen". You said you were always anxious before so it's like anything changed, you were still insecure it's just that now your cheeks went red.
I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything and it's not that i have no sympathy for you, it's just that you have to find a way around it or else you're just going to be a slave to your cheeks.
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. But I actually wasn't asking for pity or help; there's no actual comment of me madly complaining about blushing. If there is an opinion on reddit, then the format of the forum allows for discussion and opposing opinions. The point of this person's original post is that how you appear on the outside does not necessarily match how you feel on the inside. An opposing opinion to this statement is blushing, which was the point I've made. When you blush, your face screams red, and your inner emotions are exposed, which makes people see how insecure you are. Opposing point made. I didn't say that nobody can overcome blushing, or that can't have a social life without blushing. But blushing is problematic for people, but I never said it was the end of the world. Again, I appreciate what you're trying to do but I already am aware of everything you're telling me.
[–]sexlearner1 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm the same way
[–]azooee 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A good thing to remember is how often do you think about other people being insecure? I personally barely think about other people because I'm on the golden path to self-improvement and couldn't give a shit what people think about me. I think that most good/happy people are focusing on themselves also, not thinking about you. So if you are being insecure, no one else is really thinking about others insecurity. I know this is a rant but it's just what I think and thanks for reading.
[–]oh84s 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm heavily introverted and fairly insecure and people see me as absurdly confident and extraverted. I have no idea why that is. Maybe I just fake it very well.
It doesnt really change my internal feeling.
[–]yamehameha 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A good movie that reveals the fallacy of this thinking is "revolver". Your perceived enemy is external but your actual enemy is internal.
Once again there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, people really do not know what the term means anymore and associate it with all the negative connotations, such as insecurity, shyness and all of that. Apart from that I totally agree with you, I was flabbergasted by the fact that most people thought I was this social animal, the coolest guy around, while all I was thinking In my head 24/7 was what to say, how to act, and all of that shit that drives me nuts.
[–]King_Awkward_IV 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The - equally important - flip side of this is that the people around you are much more insecure than you see them as.
[–]zach84 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is just a theory but perhaps you aren't insecure anymore? Maybe you're just holding onto that identity by claiming its who you are because of who you were?
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[–]dnb1111 171 points172 points173 points (29 children) | Copy Link
[–]petermtoneill1 23 points24 points25 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]got2change 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dunSHATmySelf 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dopest_dope 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PlayFair 28 points29 points30 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]accountNo14 6 points7 points8 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]dnb1111 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blaowppow2 points [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]accountNo14 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dnb1111 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]dnb1111 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shm00pi3 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Captain-Magic 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rubba-D 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]reverselookup 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]soad0918 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]greyestofblue 27 points28 points29 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]whale_snail 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]goetz_von_cyborg 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]whale_snail 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kyote42 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhedreRachelle 8 points9 points10 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]RealPharaoh5 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PhedreRachelle 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Johnny-ba-Johnny 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kabhaz 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kiwispam84 4 points5 points6 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]petriomelony -3 points-2 points-1 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jake_STi-RA 7 points8 points9 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]gutenwho 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]yamehameha 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jake_STi-RA -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]blaowppow2 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lovefish 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]twoww 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]occupykony 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]KserDnB -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]nocturnalbird 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]KserDnB 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nocturnalbird 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sexlearner1 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]azooee 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oh84s 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yamehameha 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]King_Awkward_IV 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zach84 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link